As I understand it DCNH is, primarily, based on group interactions and how you express yourself in different groups? That is how I have been looking at it and why I thought I might be harmonizing by some descriptions. I read a couple different interpretations that people linked me and at the time I could see both dominant and harmonizing tendencies in myself. I could also see a bit of myself in the other two but normalizing was the one I least related to. I am not that organized in my thoughts or behavior and have never been. I have my own system of thoughts that I don't need to organize as much. My brain is pretty good at finding the right "file" when needed. If I am stressed already it gets pretty chaotic in here. I can be very ambitious when I want something and I can also get tunnel vision when it comes to what I want.
I want to mention that I am primarily talking about me in some very specific, special interest groups. Unfamiliar groups take a little more time to sort out and decide if I can even relate enough to bother. If you put me in a room full of sports fans I am probably going to disappear pretty quick with the first person who hates sports and seems ok to talk to, about things that interest me. This is usually mutual and they also get something out of it. If not I would rather listen to music and maybe some small talk with whoever walks in the room. I am not going to put myself in the center of that kind of sports fanatic action.
If it is a light hearted atmosphere of playing and joking I can get into that. The teasing and jokes are fun and that is when my creative function gets the most exercise. If it is horrible but I have to stay for some reason, it's like an obligation to whoever invited me. I just sort of bear it until I can escape. I don't really like going into unfamiliar territory so much these days, unarmed.
I am pretty balanced between planning and spontaneity, I think. I want to know what I am talking about. I can be a bit calculating when I have to be. It is not malicious though. I feel like I am on the border of giving out some "trade secrets" here. I do like to keep some mystery in my interactions but for the sake of psychology, and understanding, I will continue.
Oh and I don't even drink now so it is most likely I will not accept invitations to anything I do not feel comfortable with. I don't have the energy for it and I no longer want to push myself to do things I really don't want to do.
Yes, people have commented on my "presence" quite a bit. People listen to me with great interest or amusement, often both. I can tell when they think I am some flake or even schizo. If they roll their eyes, when they think I am not looking, I will ask them about it. I didn't always. I used to be afraid to with some people or I just didn't care enough to acknowledge it. Now I will absolutely tell them, "say it if you think it because I hate to be talked about behind my back later". I will often tell them what they are thinking before they even get a chance to say it and make a joke of it after. Like, "now that we all agree I am schizo, let's get on with.. where was I?" I feel oppressed when someone is listening and thinking these things and it is not out in the open. They are still projecting that energy even if they think they are keeping it in. It throws me off until it is resolved.
I used to care, that they thought I was delusional but now, not so much. As a child I was quite a storyteller according to family and family friends. I would make everyone sit in the living room so I could tell them stories of my past adventures that were way above my age level of experience. How I ended up on earth and what I was meant to do in this lifetime, since it was my last. I also started hosting seances in my home when my mom was out. I scared quite a few children and upset their parents to.
I felt I was here for a purpose and it was to share a message with whoever would listen.I kind of still think I am but not in the same way I did then. It is not my job to change the world only to observe it and share my experience, if applicable. It is my choice to influence it in some way that makes things a little bit better, for whoever enters my atmosphere. I tend to get absorbed in my interests and the "person" who is my interest (in a given timeframe), and forget about others, including family. I am paying more attention when I do this.
I also wrote and directed plays, as a child, and made the younger kids in my family perform them. I was a bit of a little dictator and still can be in the right situation. Then some really "bad" stuff happened and I went a different direction for many years. I got depression on and off for years. I used substances to turn it all off. I just wanted to silence that "voice", get rid of the images/colors in my head, tame my inner emotional states, that made me different. I tried to be more "normal" and I wanted to party and be like other teens my age. I spent a good part of my teens and early 20s in a stupor. I had huge gaps of "blank" years in my childhood all the way up to a few years ago. I just disappeared and let other aspects of my personality have control. At the same time I was an observer but it was somewhere "outside" my physical body. I was watching all this but sometimes from the perspective of being "far away" and it was all very symbolic and energetic. This might be the hardest thing to explain to people and why I have been typed a core E9 by some here. I shared a lot of this when I first joined the forum and then I stopped because it was leading to wrong conclusions, about me, on the part of others. I had all those memories but they were repressed. I have them now. I just had to wait for the right time to remember. I am still "remembering". There was a lot of early trauma and shock and it had nothing to do with being a 9.If anything it pushed me deeper into a 4 hellish nightmare. Just want to put that out there while I am at it. I feel I am back in control now. I have synthesized and integrated broken parts of me. It is an ongoing process. I am still integrating but I am now in control.
In a group setting they will let me talk to the point I have nothing left to say or I am just inwardly begging for someone to change the subject, when I get tired. At that point I will look to the most dominant personality in the room for help and they happily step in and take the pressure of me when it gets to that point. The ex I mentioned above said I was mesmerizing to listen to and sometimes he didn't even want to interupt me. Granted he was biased and completely lovesick at the time. I was not aware that was how some people saw me. I am very sure I annoyed some people very much but in the metaphysical circles I used to be in most were probably too polite to say it directly to me. I did hear through the grapevine though and there was conflict. Quite a bit, at one point, and I instigated some of it by not shrinking away (like the thought I would) and confronting it directly. I like closure on an issue, one way or another. I feel empty without it. If it is established someone hates me, in a group, I can deal with that but tbh not many people have actually said they hated me and some who said they did, often change their minds after talking to me one on one. Misunderstandings, jealousy and expectations are the root of most of this, or so it seems. I am also guilty of these things.
I tend to speak my "imagery" and free associations. It is whatever imagery is floating in my head real time. I am doing it now. I am pretty dynamic in interactions but I usually have an idea where I am going and do not lose focus on my intent or goal. I do not get distracted by Ne meanderings but I can follow them when I have to. It is not my prefered style and can knock me off course, sts, until I refocus. I can speak in metaphors, symbolically and there can be an easy flow to it but only once I have clarity myself. It is sort of a double edged sword since I am not always in the state of mind or mood to be asked questions or speak on subjects, yet some people have come to expect it from me. Sometimes I find it hard to pay full attention to someone else speaking because as they speak I might get this sort of tunnel vision in regards to something they are saying and I have to speak it outloud. I get an impulse to share whatever thought comes to mind and I will ask my own questions which often lead to me sharing a lot of my own information in the process. My brain seems to always be subconsciously searching it's filing system and I have enough experience to have a pretty big databank. When I was a teen it took me way longer to respond than it does now. I used to get more frustrated then because I didn't have much to speak on other than my own interests and a lot of adults just sort of dismissed me. My stepdad (ILI) did not. He would answer my questions and also give me tips on how to speak to others without sounded like a, "babbling idiot". His words.
I think if I were to give him a DCNH subtype it would have been definitely normalizing. He fit it better than any of the others.
People ask me a lot of questions in groups. I also end up in an, unwanted, leadership role in certain groups because people tend to think I always will just "know" what I am talking about, but I don't, and I lack confidence when I am in unfamiliar territory. I think it shows in frustration or completely withdrawing my energy. I just pull it all into myself and build a wall. A lot of this is related to my enneagram tritype and if I get into that I will be writing all day. Now when this happens I depend on my previous experiences to sort of guide me in the interactions so it can lead to sharing experiences of the past and how they apply to the present and will continue to manifest in the future. I got a bit of a reputation of being psychic in some groups I used to belong to and that put some pressure on me to perform, and always be on, I guess. I think I was somewhat convinced that I was psychic as well so when things did not come to me immediately I would get a frustrated at myself. "Why don't I fucking know this???!" If asked question by people that I thought were just looking for answers that I didn't have and weren't even willing to give me some feedback. They thought I had the solution to their problem but I didn't have enough information to know where to start. So frustrating when people are not aware how Ni works. Heck half the time I don't even know so how can I blame them. I blamed myself for not knowing the right answer. Some people were a bit pushy too and didn't understand I had to be in a certain flow to speak on some things. That is when I would shift to my creative function or sometimes role and use it rather heavily or just hide from them until the answers came to me. Sometimes the answer was there all along, "I just don't know". I am not a machine that cranks out some magical woo woo. I need time to process to. Sleeping and dreaming is my solution when I am burnt out.
Also, tell me your work style, when you were writing the post, did you feel that the time is running out and you just need to push yourself as forcefully as possible, making you quite tensed and restless (that you can feel in your body), or you remained kind of internally self-controlled and externally immobilized in your energy spending, like you just read my post, dissected its parts and casually made the response? When you were writing the post, and for some reasons you felt that you are not going to finish the post, did you start pushing yourself more and more, ignoring the body sensations completely till you get exactly what you wanted? When you are working on something, how the other people perceive your movement / energy? Do you appear kind of rushed, tensed and pushy, or very self-controlled in your energy manifestation?
Just in relation to me writing, I was in the flow writing that post. Also this one. Some people make me feel pressured to respond quickly and get things done but they are, in the moment people. I know why they do that now. People I call my friends, or potential friends, usually do not, once they get to know me. But, I didn't feel any pressure to respond to the op or to answer your response. I am pretty relaxed at the moment listening to some chakras music and just typing thoughts as they come.
I do feel pressure to write my dreams or my thoughts down quickly sometimes. It is because I might lose it and I am not sure if it will ever come back to me in the same perfect form. I have had writers block for some time and when I would sit to write, my mind went blank and I did feel internal pressure to finish what I started a long time ago. I decided I am in a different phase right now so I have to let it go. It will return some day, then I will continue where I left off. Talking to my friends helps me keep my mind off it. I have a couple in particular who I talk to often on this forum. Sometimes just simple concrete stuff like focusing on getting myself physically healing helps. I have been sick for months (I just didn't talk about it much until I started feeling better) but I am getting much better every day.
As far as general work style, I am not sure how to put that into words. A lot of this is very situational. I am giving you a general idea of how I operate in this whole post. I am pretty quick to notice energetic changes but my Se works at a very subconscious level. If I am responding quickly it is not because I had a conscious awareness of the changes as much as I felt the energy shift. I hope at least half of this post makes sense.
Regarding the comments on food, I didn't say Ni ego has an interest in food, but they might comment on why someone bought the food or what the owner of food is thinking. It was just an example of Ni ego reacting to the small changes in the environment, it could be anything, not just food, like if someone comes across as deceiving, then they may comment on it bluntly, unless there is a tactical reason not to do so.
I knew what you meant.
I think I said that more for others than I did for you, lest they start typing us all as sensors. I can imagine people retyping me as they read this.
Thanks for responding to my post. I get a bit torn between sharing information and protecting my privates parts (my inner world).
If you asked me all this another day, I might have responded in a very different way by sharing completely different situations. I had read your response before I went to sleep and when I woke up I felt I knew how to respond. Last night I was too cranky and tired. I don't think most people get a good read on me from my posts and that is why I was impressed by @Deer Woman
. Even she didn't get a fuller picture until she actually talked to me one on one. She is very easy to talk to. I get a bit lost in time with her because a couple of hours can pass so quickly. That is being in the flow for me.
Oh and I do tell people, "wait", "give me a half hour" or answer them as quickly as I can, if I can do it without losing my train of thought, if it is something minor, all the time. I think it is best to inform someone when you can rather than completely ignoring them like they aren't even there. I HATE to be ignored myself. I will either pout about it, until I know what to do, or make myself heard immediately. Depending on who is ignoring me and why. I can cut people off for minor offenses sometimes without remorse but other people I do not want to cut off. I just have to sort out my own chaotic, jumbled up feelings and then I can let them back in. Believe it or not, I find it hard to share deep personal feelings even in relationships. I can do intimacy but I hold a part of myself back because I fear driving people away once they see all of me. If I am invested in someone I sort of express myself in measured doses to them. Testing how far I should go. I could write a novel on this if I keep going. lol
I have shared a lot of this stuff already in various posts, maybe giving a slightly different take on it depending on context but it is sort of surreal to see it all written out in one post. I guess I really did come close to writing you a short book. I hope this is cohesive enough that most people can read it without...