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Thread: Cheering people up

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Default Cheering people up

    Dear Beta NF what do you say or do to cheer someone up?
    @Aylen
    @Starfall
    @darya
    @golden @SisOfNight @summerprincess
    Anyone else we have @silke
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 06-03-2016 at 09:03 PM.

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    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
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    I don't try to cheer people up, in the sense that if they're not "cheery," I don't want to make them feel like I expect them to be any different than they are.

    So depending on how big a deal it is, I do things like validate their feelings. Listen to what they have to say. Ask them what they need (do they want to talk, do they want some space?). Put myself in their shoes. Analyze what larger issues might be driving their problems. Consider what resources they might be lacking and whether they have the capacity and self-confidence to get the help they need, or whether they need support with that.

    I also tell dumb jokes and offer a lot of sympathy. By sympathy I mean I tend to get into or match their feeling state.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by golden View Post
    I don't try to cheer people up, in the sense that if they're not "cheery," I don't want to make them feel like I expect them to be any different than they are.

    So depending on how big a deal it is, I do things like validate their feelings. Listen to what they have to say. Ask them what they need (do they want to talk, do they want some space?). Put myself in their shoes. Analyze what larger issues might be driving their problems. Consider what resources they might be lacking and whether they have the capacity and self-confidence to get the help they need, or whether they need support with that.

    I also tell dumb jokes and offer a lot of sympathy. By sympathy I mean I tend to get into or match their feeling state.
    What are some of these dumb jokes? You can p.m.me if you want

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    I think I am similar to Golden and assess the situation. I follow my intuition irl. Online I usually "listen", sometimes I introject (someone I know can handle the situation better than me) or project something random that may seem inappropriate at the time but there is always a reason I do or say what I do. I try to be aware when I am projecting. Sometimes it is a positive projection but often projection does more harm than good. Whatever I do usually reveals the heart of the matter and not just what the person is consciously revealing. I can also make fun of myself or be silly with certain people. It depends on the person and what they are going through, then I can sort of lead them into a different state and they lighten up.

    Cheering people is a tricky thing because not all people respond to the same things. Intuition + empathy helps a lot.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    What are some of these dumb jokes? You can p.m.me if you want
    Mm, whatever comes up spontaneously in the moment. Like if a friend had been crying and her eyeliner had run down her face, at some point after she'd worked through some of her harder feelings I might say (gently), "Well, at least now you've got that smoky-eye look that's so popular." Just whatever is kinda silly and ridiculous at the time, so long as I think the person I'm talking to will take it the right way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by golden View Post
    Mm, whatever comes up spontaneously in the moment. Like if a friend had been crying and her eyeliner had run down her face, at some point after she'd worked through some of her harder feelings I might say (gently), "Well, at least now you've got that smoky-eye look that's so popular." Just whatever is kinda silly and ridiculous at the time, so long as I think the person I'm talking to will take it the right way.
    Lol, I love this. I am such a huge sucker for stuff like this.

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    Sing power ballad lyrics from the 80's.

    Tell really bad jokes, and then prod them to see if they get it. Poke and Ask, Poke and ask. DO YOU? Do you? Get it? Do you get it? Do you get it? Do you? *Stare* Get it? Do you get it?
    It wont make them feel better, maybe, but it'll be great for everyone else.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    I like to start with the "hard" statements at first about what they should do or the negative effects of how they handled something versus how they should have. Saving it for last like so many other people seem to do is just a "Wow, where did that come from?". Then I'll soften it up and say something I know they want to hear. Half the time I don't bother to cheer someone up and just think about it later. That usually means I'm going to actually do something about it. When my mom was at a breaking point today because of her money troubles, instead of saying anything I just listened to everything she had to say and cried after she did. And now I've decided to save up a lot of money to help her.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



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    Quote Originally Posted by Eris View Post
    I like to start with the "hard" statements at first about what they should do or the negative effects of how they handled something versus how they should have.
    As far as I know, this kind of behaviour is more common for Logical types.
    I don't know of any Ethical types who ever start with the "hard statements" when trying to cheer someone up or console someone.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    As far as I know, this kind of behaviour is more common for Logical types.
    I don't know of any Ethical types who ever start with the "hard statements" when trying to cheer someone up or console someone.
    Now you do.
    And I'm what you desire, like a siren in the night



    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Everyone, pls give Bled some likes. He craves the likes much like Suedehead craves the cock.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eris View Post
    Now you do.
    Heh, I doubt it at this point. But fair enough.
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    Quote Originally Posted by golden View Post
    Mm, whatever comes up spontaneously in the moment. Like if a friend had been crying and her eyeliner had run down her face, at some point after she'd worked through some of her harder feelings I might say (gently), "Well, at least now you've got that smoky-eye look that's so popular." Just whatever is kinda silly and ridiculous at the time, so long as I think the person I'm talking to will take it the right way.
    Same. other than that I'm not that great at cheering people up besides if it's someone I know well i will try to offer a solution or look on the bright side of things.

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    I hug and touch people a lot to make them feel better. Usually I combine it with (gentle) jokes and trying to show them how it isn't really that bad - I point out the ways in which it could be even worse, I think that always helps people to feel lucky in the end lol . It really depends on a person and situation, I personalize it for what I think a specific person would want to hear and would make him feel better, With some I just listen and don't interfere too much, if I feel that's what they need.

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    Most of the time I highlight the things that could help them (if there is something unlogical in what they say, or they are catastrophizing, etc.), and offer them solutions. Also, I try to accept whatever they feel, understand their perspective, and help them understanding why they feel what they feel, going deep and finding its source. If they cry, and I see they don't need constructive thoughts just emotional closeness, I will hug them, ask them if they want to do something fun (sit down with an enormous bowl of ice cream and watch a stupid comedy or whatever).
    Chopin was emotional, but not mawkish. Feeling is very far from sentimentality. The prelude tells of pain, not reverie. You have to be calm, clear and harsh.

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    It depends:

    - I can tell them why I feel like it's not a big deal in the end anyway

    - If it is a big deal I tell the them why I think it is in my own words and then try to show them the brighter side of the situation. It can hurt sometimes but because of that they often feel like I'm a "say it like you mean it" kind of guy and then don't doubt me when I show them the brighter side of things.

    - If I feel like the person really need space and time to suck it up I will let them do that while still keeping an eye on them and step in when I feel like it is the right time to do so.

    - I can make bad jokes, but I do it all the time anyway.

    - Depending on the situation I can outwardly show the person how affected I am by what they are going through or talk in a way that is more "passionate' and determined, kind of like if I was making a motivational speech the Shia Labeouf way.

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    Cheering up people, hmm . . .

    Well, if I'm feeling nice, I'll get them to talk about what's wrong and commiserate with them. If I really like them (which is rare), I'm verbally and physically affectionate. I avoid some people since it could cause me a bout of depression.
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    "From their lives, and not least from their greatest fault--their inability to communicate--we may understand one of the greatest errors of our civilization, that is, the superstitious belief in verbal statements, the boundless overestimation of instruction by means of words and methods."--C.G. Jung on the introverted irrational types

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