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Thread: Ask an SLE woman

  1. #201

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    Quote Originally Posted by sindri View Post
    @niffer, If you are married or want to be married some day, how do you see the traditional gender roles playing out in your relationship? Do you want your husband to provide the majority of the income and how hands on do you want to be raising your children? Also what combined income would you be happy with?
    Finally, a good question from someone. I'm not exactly married now, but it's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I can tell you that I had an upbringing that was very turbulent, and so I've thought about what I want for my future very strategically, and what I want is an open, productive, warm, loving family of my own. Children aren't an absolute necessity, but it's hard for me to see me getting married with somebody who will never want to have any (I mean from their perspective, what would be the point of it?)

    In regards to gender roles in a relationship, I would ideally have them be fairly traditional in terms of raising kids from an emotional standpoint, although certainly with augmentation based on the individual strengths and weaknesses of my husband and I. That is to say, I expect the father to be around sometimes at least to help bond with, teach and discipline the children, and I look forward to having an IEI husband who would be able to provide a lot of emotional warmth and steadiness. Whereas, all domestic things are very natural for me and so I expect to take the brunt of this. Kind of ironic how as an ST woman I normally wouldn't fit gender norms otherwise, but in the context of a family I can see how I would be a very effective, essentially ideal housewife. Ideally I would want to have a stable nuclear family where my children are strong and capable, have a happy future and are good people who contribute to society. I will almost certainly be working a lot of the time so daycare may be a possibility, but I have worked before in childcare and early childhood education in Japan and I would want to keep the quality of care for my kids to as high a standard as possible similar to that, if need be, raising my children singlehandedly. I don't see myself as being smothering or overprotective, but especially in the early years I will always be looking to my own head to have the final say for what I deem appropriate for them. After that I would want them to be independent and capable as soon as possible.

    Finance-wise, although I've never "expected" to have a partnership where my husband would provide the majority of the income, obviously, I would welcome this lol. I was raised by a "strong" LSE mom who wanted me to grow up to never have to rely on a man to support myself, and I have always seen obvious benefit to this track as well (like not being homeless when not partnered... just as an example). I have dated people who were (or were set out to be) less income-generating than I (i.e. literally near-starving artists still living with their parents), expecting that I would turn out to be the primary breadwinner, and love has always been the only real motivation in who I've looked for. I myself am ok with a spartan lifestyle (I prefer minimalism actually), and I expect to be able to support my children fully singlehandedly. Realistically speaking though, in order to live a good life and provide that experience for my husband and children, it would of course be better if my husband helped out and pooled income to reach long term financial goals to be as supportive as possible. If my husband were wealthy and for some reason it seemed like a good option, I would also be completely fine with being a housewife (contrary to what Beskova's description for the ESTp female mentions), although I imagine that at some point I would want to return to doing something income-generating due to having nothing else to do.

    I hope that answers your questions well enough. Thank you for asking.

  2. #202
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    Finally, a good question from someone. I'm not exactly married now, but it's something that I've been thinking about a lot lately. I can tell you that I had an upbringing that was very turbulent, and so I've thought about what I want for my future very strategically, and what I want is an open, productive, warm, loving family of my own. Children aren't an absolute necessity, but it's hard for me to see me getting married with somebody who will never want to have any (I mean from their perspective, what would be the point of it?)

    In regards to gender roles in a relationship, I would ideally have them be fairly traditional in terms of raising kids from an emotional standpoint, although certainly with augmentation based on the individual strengths and weaknesses of my husband and I. That is to say, I expect the father to be around sometimes at least to help bond with, teach and discipline the children, and I look forward to having an IEI husband who would be able to provide a lot of emotional warmth and steadiness. Whereas, all domestic things are very natural for me and so I expect to take the brunt of this. Kind of ironic how as an ST woman I normally wouldn't fit gender norms otherwise, but in the context of a family I can see how I would be a very effective, essentially ideal housewife. Ideally I would want to have a stable nuclear family where my children are strong and capable, have a happy future and are good people who contribute to society. I will almost certainly be working a lot of the time so daycare may be a possibility, but I have worked before in childcare and early childhood education in Japan and I would want to keep the quality of care for my kids to as high a standard as possible similar to that, if need be, raising my children singlehandedly. I don't see myself as being smothering or overprotective, but especially in the early years I will always be looking to my own head to have the final say for what I deem appropriate for them. After that I would want them to be independent and capable as soon as possible.

    Finance-wise, although I've never "expected" to have a partnership where my husband would provide the majority of the income, obviously, I would welcome this lol. I was raised by a "strong" LSE mom who wanted me to grow up to never have to rely on a man to support myself, and I have always seen obvious benefit to this track as well (like not being homeless when not partnered... just as an example). I have dated people who were (or were set out to be) less income-generating than I (i.e. literally near-starving artists still living with their parents), expecting that I would turn out to be the primary breadwinner, and love has always been the only real motivation in who I've looked for. I myself am ok with a spartan lifestyle (I prefer minimalism actually), and I expect to be able to support my children fully singlehandedly. Realistically speaking though, in order to live a good life and provide that experience for my husband and children, it would of course be better if my husband helped out and pooled income to reach long term financial goals to be as supportive as possible. If my husband were wealthy and for some reason it seemed like a good option, I would also be completely fine with being a housewife (contrary to what Beskova's description for the ESTp female mentions), although I imagine that at some point I would want to return to doing something income-generating due to having nothing else to do.

    I hope that answers your questions well enough. Thank you for asking.
    Wow, niffer. Talk about values aligning. Based solely on the above, I'd marry you. In my humble opinion, you have your head screwed on straight.

    Some IEI is going to be a very lucky guy.

    P.S.
    You said you'd want to return to doing something income generating due to having nothing else to do (as a housewife). I've stayed home to raise a kid myself (the ex preferred to work) and let me just say, raising kids is much, much harder than managing an engineering team. But it is also much, much more rewarding. I love to work, but none of the things I've done while working can touch the value of my kid.

  3. #203

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    Quote Originally Posted by Adam Strange View Post
    Wow, niffer. Talk about values aligning. Based solely on the above, I'd marry you. In my humble opinion, you have your head screwed on straight.

    Some IEI is going to be a very lucky guy.
    lol if you put me in your will and let me have a boyfriend Adam, it's a done deal.

  4. #204
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    lol if you put me in your will and let me have a boyfriend Adam, it's a done deal.
    Then it's never gonna work, niffer. As an sx/so with sp-last, I don't really care about material stuff, but I care very much about creating more of (my) offspring. Which is kind of 180 degrees from what you suggested.

    You still have your head screwed on straight, IMHO, and your values are the first ones that I've seen clearly expressed on this forum which align with mine. Too bad we are a mis-match on most of the rest of the items.
    Oh, well. The search goes on....

  5. #205

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    cheers

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerfadder View Post
    what make you think you are SLE over LSE?
    bamp
    if you wish to see the truth then hold no opinion for or against

    * Tigerfadder
    has reached 500 posts!* 04:52 PM




  7. #207

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    "bamp" yourself out of here @Tigerfadder

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tigerfadder View Post
    what make you think you are SLE over LSE? bamp
    SEE is more likely than either of those. imo

  9. #209

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    @squark just ask next time if you need help extracting the 10 foot stick from up your ass

  10. #210
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    Q: I'm very interested in the ways that ignoring plays out. How (if at all or partly) does a SLE girl completely relax, take care of herself and others, seek and determine what comfort is to her?
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

    .

  11. #211

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    Q: I'm very interested in the ways that ignoring plays out. How (if at all or partly) does a SLE girl completely relax, take care of herself and others, seek and determine what comfort is to her?
    That's a good question Chae. I'm not sure if I'll be able to give you the answer you were looking for but I'll do my best. And it's funny that you ask this since I just got back home from walking for nearly an hour in the rain without an umbrella.

    From what I can tell from myself and other SLE women I've encountered, what Si ignoring comes down to is a sense of minimalism/spartanism when it comes to physical matters. That is to say, our approach to relaxation and pampering is a little bit coarse, and we really don't think about these kinds of things all that much at all naturally, though of course through standards for women from society we are encouraged to try to take better care of our Si than we probably would if left to our own devices. For me, taking care of Si things and my body is more important as a function of contingency planning for the future (Ni). I more or less accepted the idea long ago that as a female, to get through life my appearance would be my greatest asset, so I should try to take advantage of that as much as I can.

    I also think that Se program with Ne role has a penchant for being open to new experiences and sensations while not taking too seriously the idea of things that are "supposed to" feel good or be good for us or pleasurable as prescribed by common understanding in society (e.g. me walking in the rain with no umbrella -- I do it because to me it feels GOOD). I would often rather try some physical thing that is new and promising instead of repeating something I've already done before... although, this depends on my mood a lot.

    Relaxation doesn't come often or easy because I often feel like I have a lot more I need to do or have a lot on my mind. I usually have to deal with Ni related things to achieve relaxation, but quiet, calming, rhythmic/repetitive pleasant environments can aid in the process a lot. I like environments that are calm and stable, close to nature or with natural elements, and with people in it that I like and am comfortable with.

    Taking care of myself or others and determining what's comfortable just happens naturally/automatically. I tend to ignore my comfort until discomfort invades my mind and detracts from my ability to focus on what I'm doing, and I try to plan in advance to avoid this happening. I would say that when I'm stable I naturally have a handle on it though, and not having a handle on it would indicate some kind of serious imbalance in my life; like last year I was in a really bad situation in my life and I lost a handle on my "Sp" stuff and I got really fat and neurotic and turned into a Chinese Donald Trump, but luckily things turned up for me and that got dealt with. When it comes to the physical needs of others I can get pretty nanny or E.M.T.-like. I read some description for the type "ESTP" and it said that they are like nature's paramedics, and I think that does apply for me. I have a very innate sense of peoples physical/medical needs and how to handle them. Determining what's comfortable is self-evident and automatic to me. I feel pleasure or disgust/discomfort pretty strongly and instantaneously. It requires no extra thought or focus.

    Thanks again for making this thread productive Chae as you always do (*cough* at some of the other posts from people...) and let me know if you want me to clarify anything for you.

  12. #212
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    @niffer Ahh question answered, thanks! The only small thing I didn't know about was the E.M.T. reference, what's that about?
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Chae View Post
    @niffer Ahh question answered, thanks! The only small thing I didn't know about was the E.M.T. reference, what's that about?
    Oh, sorry I should've considered that being from Germany you might not be aware. The acronym E.M.T. stands for "Emergency Medical Technician" or "Emergency Medical Team". A paramedic, essentially. I can't seem to find the original article I read that from, but it was an MBTI one on the ESTP type.

  14. #214

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    Do SLE's like keeping their duals as pets?

    (IEI's are basically useless faggy pets)
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    Do SLE's like keeping their duals as pets?
    Yeah.

    Well it's illegal to have sex with your dog/cat so, we appreciate the fact that IEIs exist.

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    Oh, sorry I should've considered that being from Germany you might not be aware. The acronym E.M.T. stands for "Emergency Medical Technician" or "Emergency Medical Team". A paramedic, essentially. I can't seem to find the original article I read that from, but it was an MBTI one on the ESTP type.
    Don't worry! Learned something again. Hmu when you find it anyway
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    Yeah.

    Well it's illegal to have sex with your dog/cat so, we appreciate the fact that IEIs exist.
    This is great. I've got nothing to add to this post, I'm just quoting it so it can be preserved for posterity.

    *edit*
    This impulse might be sx-first and not related to IEI's, because (TMI ahead)

    in the heat of hot and crazy sex, I've wondered if my GF could bark like a dog.

    To be honest, @niffer probably prefers the "feels" of pet affection to whatever it is that is going though my own mind.

    Last edited by Adam Strange; 03-28-2017 at 07:16 PM.

  18. #218

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    Was not referring to pet play
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    @niffer is SLE fine. I see a lot stronger emphasis on Ti than on Fi. Stereotypical Fe HA.

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    I noticed you put "God" on your top 5 values on another thread. If you don't mind answering on a public forum, can you explain what you mean?

  21. #221

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    Quote Originally Posted by sindri View Post
    I noticed you put "God" on your top 5 values on another thread. If you don't mind answering on a public forum, can you explain what you mean?
    Some amalgamation of my conscious and unconscious will, intuition, and forces beyond me and higher than myself which connect me to the rest of the world and others.

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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    Some amalgamation of my conscious and unconscious will, intuition, and forces beyond me and higher than myself which connect me to the rest of the world and others.
    Do you follow a religion or are you agnostic?

    If you believe that God is reflected in people, or that "man was made in the image of God", have you ever considered that socionics could be a path toward understand God better?

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    Quote Originally Posted by sindri View Post
    Do you follow a religion or are you agnostic?
    I'm not particularly religious, but I don't think I would call myself agnostic anymore at this point, although I was a pure agnostic for most of my life.

    If you believe that God is reflected in people, or that "man was made in the image of God", have you ever considered that socionics could be a path toward understand God better?
    Yes.

  24. #224
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    I don't eat meat
    You're a vegetarian? I thought better of you

  25. #225
    glue-like mass unsuccessfull Alphamale's Avatar
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    Time management.
    How do you handle time?
    You can create a system for it. Is it enough to be kicking you back of your mind. (I'm just wondering whether is just the mechanical Ti that can make you tick like a clock. Some LIIs are like clockwork machine watches on their hands and so on. As a child I usually played a game to tell time without watching and waiting for certain amount. I got pretty good at it.)
    From me one can not demand and expect:
    • practicality of ideas;
    • punctuality and diligence;
    • consistency and completeness;
    • constant order in the home and in the workplace;
    • quality of routine work;
    • soft skills to adapt to the interlocutor.


    Anal Expulsive personality (no hyphens for you)

    So called false dual logic that actually reveals some remote potentials:
    "sure crocodiles can fly, but very, very close to the ground"
    Just think about it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Viktor View Post
    You're a vegetarian? I thought better of you
    I'm not lol. But at the time I wrote that I was doing a no-meat fast.

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    Quote Originally Posted by unsuccessfull Alphamale View Post
    Time management.
    How do you handle time?
    You can create a system for it. Is it enough to be kicking you back of your mind. (I'm just wondering whether is just the mechanical Ti that can make you tick like a clock. Some LIIs are like clockwork machine watches on their hands and so on. As a child I usually played a game to tell time without watching and waiting for certain amount. I got pretty good at it.)
    I just try to let myself be aware of it. If I have things that I need or want to do, right away I think about all the actions I'll need to take to accomplish them and all the actions I'll need to take to accomplish those and then keep going till everything's covered, and include how much time I'll need to complete them all. I start with the most crucial things that need to get done in this hierarchy of actions and prioritize and plan accordingly. I pretty much have always had a sort of running timeline going in my head for all of the things relevant to my life, at least since I was in my late teens.

    I make lists and create schedules to help me as needed.

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    Many SLE seem to be Arthurian in nature - out fighting the good fight such as do the police, paramedics, firemen, etc. and they make excellent role models. However, one comment that I've heard more than a few times from spouses is something to the effect that "even when SLEs are at home, they're not really at home". Would this be a fair comment for you? Explain?

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    I also have another question - How does an SLE do their "energy management"?
    Wut /squints/ Need to metabolize this.

    .

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rebelondeck View Post
    Many SLE seem to be Arthurian in nature - out fighting the good fight such as do the police, paramedics, firemen, etc. and they make excellent role models. However, one comment that I've heard more than a few times from spouses is something to the effect that "even when SLEs are at home, they're not really at home". Would this be a fair comment for you? Explain?
    That's a really interesting question. I think I agree. I was told once or twice that I "seem like I have no home". I never felt at home in my family of origin. Home is inside my head. Or inside the hearts of a few select persons in the world.

  31. #231
    both sides, now wacey's Avatar
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    Have you ever been in love?
    "If you are lost and alone, or you are sinking like a stone, carry on. May the past be the sound of your feet upon the ground. Carry on. Carry on, carry on."

  32. #232

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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Have you ever been in love?
    Yes.

  33. #233
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    Quote Originally Posted by niffer View Post
    Yes.
    Why do you find me annoying? lol Probably gonna be a long list. You're supposed to crave me.

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