ESE/ESFj friend needs serious help
I have an ESE friend who needs help getting over a bad relationship. She was married to an SLI and they did not work out, then they got a divorce years ago. He's moved on (I don't know her type), while my ESE friend can't stop talking about him. What do I do. What do I say. I need to find a way to help her so that she can get over him and find someone awesome.
-
Dual type(as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
People hold onto relationships for different reasons. She needs to find out what her reasons are for holding on before she can let go. He gave her something that she is now missing - what is it?
Sex.Originally Posted by squark
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Well, I suppose she just needs to get laid then.
Si. That particular kind is what sunk in for her and she has tried to with others that was not as satisfying and as a result of all that keeps referring back to blaming him for leaving her.
The contact is dead set in her head like a drug.
Maybe she can benefit from drug counseling
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
I don't really know what to tell you. :/ I think it just needs to run it's course. It is not easy, at least for me, to get with someone else when I am not over another person. That saying, "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new" that doesn't work for me. I have tried it and I just end up feeling gross after and more miserable. It is hard to replace people if you care about them. I can't believe it is just the sex she is missing since it is this hard for her.
I guess it is good she talks about it. I think a therapist might be helpful though. I know you want to be a good friend but eventually it is going to take a toll on you if you are always having to listen but can't help.
“My typology is . . . not in any sense to stick labels on people at first sight. It is not a physiognomy and not an anthropological system, but a critical psychology dealing with the organization and delimitation of psychic processes that can be shown to be typical.” —C.G. Jung
If it was just sex, then getting laid would solve it. Even if it wasn't Si sex or whatever. Kind of like if you're hungry, most foods are good.
If you're looking for the perfect strawberry cake made just the right way exactly like your grandmother's recipe or something - it's not hunger that's driving you. And I don't think it's sex that's driving her. Know what I mean?
Pre-emptive disclaimer: I'm no expert
I think you need to be clear to her continuing to think and talk about her ex isn't in her best interests. If she's not ready to completely let go of him, that's her choice. By letting her know what you actually think, you're telling her you're there if she wants to try to get over him. Meanwhile, you can be a friend and support her. That doesn't mean endorsing her decision, it just means being there as a friend to hear her.
If she is ready to let go of him, I think par for the course is distraction. Your brain gets fixed into habits, and so unless she does different things, her brain will keep strengthening the pattern of thinking about her ex.
Warm Regards,
Clowns & Entropy
@Rebelondeck what do you think?
@Megane
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Maritsa,
ESTjs have to find the logical rationale as to why. Once they truly get the logic, they can easily move on. But first, they have to talk and talk and talk and talk about it. It's the emotion that they're trying to quantify. I would suggest group discussions (the more the merrier) which includes at least one NT friend. Let the ESTj take charge - as if you could stop that......
a.k.a. I/O
She's ESFj
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Maritsa,
Sorry about that, sometimes INTjs can't see while looking. The situation is easier she needs an INTj friend because she has become an INTj for the while.....
a.k.a. I/O
Yes. I know. It's the same with me. It's called Ne rather than Se.
How am I going to find her an INTj friend?
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
Maritsa,
I am cryptic today. Usually, ESFjs become withdrawn and reflective under stress like an INTj so she has to be talked to as if she is one. She is searching for something that is quantifiable, a logic to things.....
a.k.a. I/O
Maritsa,
It's not Ne versus Se, it's out rationalization taking precedence - open-loop thinkers
Any friend that can easily produce intuitive logic will do.
a.k.a. I/O
I meant "our" not "out"
He lost his job, got lazy around the house but what broke the camels back was her loud and expressive Fe nature. She would scream at him and belittle him for not contributing in every day house work.
Dual type
Enneagram 5 (wings either 4 or 6)?
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
http://socionicsstudy.blogspot.com/2...functions.html
The fact that he lost his job would likely take the wind out of his sails; the belittlement would sink the SLI, especially if he were depressed and thought he deserved the screaming. If he didn't, it would enrage him. Either way, gasoline won't put out a fire.
a.k.a. I/O
Maybe going out and making friends would help her move on. She may use her charm and get into another relationship.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote