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Thread: Social Discomfort.

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    Default Social Discomfort.

    Hello everybody, so i recently got into socionics and i really like it so far, im still learning and getting to know about it. i used to be an MBTI addict like many others on here, but found socionics really delves deep into the details of personality and so on which I like.

    *********LOL, i just realised i made uncomfrortability a word. , in your mind replace it with discomfort.**********

    One quality that i feel is quite weird and Iím not sure if its type related but Iíve noticed that i strive and focus heavily on social comfortability. Social comfortability. What is it? I'll give an example. Friend Z decides to invite me out to dinner and an activity course next week with friends X and C (Who i know) but i donít know V and B. Once I hear about the get together my mind totally bypass' the dinner and activity course, and just fixates consciously and subconsciously on who V and B are, what are they like? Will i like them? Will they make me feel comfortable? Is it going to be awkward, am i going to enjoy the company? Those questions and many more will be my primary focus. When the event finally rolls around, and im 10 minutes away my main focus is on, when i first meet them will it be fine and flow smoothly? Will i embarrass myself? Am i going to hug, wave or shake hands? When i finally meet V and B my comfortability radar kicks in subconsciously and i judge the comfortability i get from the social atmosphere, if i feel comfortable with Z,X,C,V and B i'll be really chatty, make jokes that bring everyone in to the interaction and bounce of everyoneís energy, be a bit controversial, say things for a reaction and poke little jabs at Z,X and C, the friends i know. I know that will lighten the mood and bring about fun, but once i've established that Iím not comfortable i'll be uncharacteristically quiet, and not force any conversation and sit through the awkwardness with everyone else. However, whether I feel comfortable or not, Iíll jump right in and talk to them and try and be myself, its like i dont really think about what im doing, if anything comes to my mind i'll just say it (which i'll then regret), i'll make an effort to enjoy the day with them, I'll be "living in the moment" so to say, but itís like Iím not really thinking there and then and about all the previous questions i was thinking before because nerves would replace those thoughts, but then my chatty nature would in turn replace those nervous thoughts which comes across really natural,(i've become a pro at pretending not to be shy ).By this time i'll be thinking about the dreaded departure of all of us and all Iíll be wondering about is what that will be like ? the evening will follow with me departing with their numbers and leaving with the famous line " make sure you keep in contact have a nice journey home " or "make sure you call me so we can catch up " ,so i usually plan something off handed and weird to say to diffuse such silly clichťs statements. This is where the thinking kicks in, on the journey back home when Iím all by myself i'll just really process what happened, as i said before, itís like Iím here, but not really here, all the things right from the beginning will start playing on my mind, Was i funny? Were they laughing at me or the jokes? i noticed that expression on C's face, I wonder what that meant. Did i talk too much? Did i talk too little? Was i awkward? When i say i'll analyse every little detail, i really mean it. Was the handshake to long? Did i look uninterested when listening to Z story? I hope i didnít push passed C on the seat, i hope X didnít feel like i cut her off for to long. All of what was said will reply in my mind and Iíll say what did V really mean that? i will actually find answers to the questions. I donít think so and so likes me because when I started speaking he laughed, I hope they donít phone me, if they call me what will i say, make sure you donít sound rude, just pretend like you didn't see the call.

    So basically thatís what i mean my social comfortability, i thought this was normal until i realised it isnít because I'll ask my friends (real ones that i donít have this issue with ) ďdidnít you notice what he did, i think that means so and soĒ, they'll reply ďno, i didnít even see thatĒ. I've also noticed i'll revisit this again and talk about it over and over again, this always happens with new people i meet or, people Iím not well acquainted with. I've come to later find out this has really screwed with my typing and tests i take online, becasue the question my be "are you athletic and like sports ?" instantly i'll say Strongly Disagree, becasue im not thinking about the sports im thinking about the people i associate with sports in my past which make me hate that, which in reality i do really enjoy sports and competition, but becasue of what i've experienced in the past made me feel socially uncomfortable with the general people that play sports made me rule out sports all together. This has also made me feel really self concious becasue i pay so much attention to how i want to be perceived, so i can eliminate a certain amount of social uncomfortability on my part, i dont play sports so i don't embarrass myself or, really just be myself becasue of who im around. it takes a very particular person and being at home with my family to open up and be myself, but recently i've adopted a very "i dont care" attitude, but i cant really fool myself, i do care !

    Iím curious to see what you think about this, if its type or function related, what type this could be associated with and if others have ever felt like this and why, Iím really interested to see what others have to say on this matter.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    Hello everybody, so i recently got into socionics and i really like it so far, im still learning and getting to know about it. i used to be an MBTI addict like many others on here, but found socionics really delves deep into the details of personality and so on which I like.

    *********LOL, i just realised i made uncomfrortability a word. , in your mind replace it with discomfort.**********
    It sounds stressful to have that kind of internal dialogue before and after an interaction. I have had some level of social anxiety but I don't dialogue with myself like that. If I can't change what I did or said I see no reason worrying about what people I have no connection to think. If it is a friend I will bring it up so that it is out in the open and they can scold me or tell me it's fine. Either way I don't dwell on something like that long, after the fact. What are some types you have considered for yourself?.

    Sometimes I do have strong second thoughts about saying some things while it is happening. It isn't like I can delete my words in person but if I feel uncomfortable enough, because someone didn't show what I feel would be an emotionally or visually appropriate response, I will self correct. Usually I laugh and say something like, "well, on second thought that just sounded stupid" and laugh at myself which usually puts the interaction right back on track.

    It is harder to self correct while texting for me, than in person, because I might wait for a response and if I don't get one, I wonder if I offended them but it is more like a vague discomfort. Then they come back and say they got busy and all is right again. This doesn't happen much once I get to know someone though. It is with new people or with people I really want to like me.

    I don't care much about what people who I don't care to get close to think except, maybe if I think I might have inadvertently hurt their feelings, or was misunderstood, because they don't get my sense of humor. I like to be understood.

    "Uncomfortability" is fine to use informally since most people understand what you mean. If it is in urban dictionary many people under a certain age might not even notice the difference.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    I experience a good deal of social discomfort myself as well. High School in particular was an utterly cringeworthy time for me. I was the guy who always sat in the corner in the back in the room and didn't talk to anyone or do anything with anyone after school. Luckily I'm faring much better in the work place where I'm actually able to talk to my co-workers instead of getting snuffed out in a crowded building full of asshole kids.

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    Hi @Danali,

    As a LII, I used to think about my social interactions a lot, replaying events, analyzing, simulating events in my head, etc. It was not a constant activity, it was rather like a few hours each week devoted to this activity, but I used to put a lot of energy into it. Maybe more like a research subject. I think it was needed because my Fi is weak and clueless (it is my role function) that I tried to analyze social interactions with my Ti (base function). Now, well, I am still rather blunt in relationships, but having analyzed it a lot, I can take some distance to it, so I accept it because I know what to expect from myself. Also, knowing that it is natural to be weak there (thanks to socionics) helps, though it took me a long time to really reach that point, even after knowing. I still do the social interactions thinking from time to time, when i need it, but it is more rare.

    But I think you and me don't view the world from the same perspective. From what you said, it seems that you view everything as to how it relates to a relationship (even your perception of sport is highly correlated to your relationships), which is something I have difficulty even just trying to imagine. I am very different is this regard, as I rather tend to dismiss relationship contexts and informations, trying to view everything in a logical objective way without feelings or preferences toward things. And I even do this with people: it is not natural for me to consider the relation I have (or haven't) with someone, when thinking about him or her. I use my role function (Fi) only when it is socially needed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    I’m curious to see what you think about this, if its type or function related
    There are many things on wich a type may have an impact. But besides type there are many other things that may have an impact too.
    Anyway, without knowing your type correctly (what is doubtful without your typing videointerview), it's impossible to interpret something from type's point of view with a confidence.
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    i don't think it's socionics related, but it seems to me like an instinctual variant thing with an overfocus on the social instinct.

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    I also fret before going to events. I think: Will I be awkward?

    After the event, I normally assume it went fine but not amazingly. I have no idea if the other person really had a good time. I'd love it for the other person to reach out, but they normally don't because we're all so busy so I sometimes do.

    For me, this feels like weak Fi?

    Unlike you, I have a more broad approach to it. As you pointed out, you tend to be able to recall very specific details about what happened. Perhaps this is strong Fi/Fe (you can pick up on details which are useful for your Fi to make decisions)? Or perhaps this is being super sensitive to it because of anxiety.
    Warm Regards,



    Clowns & Entropy

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    You're in touch with your instincts and how other people are making other people feel which is typical of middle class goyim empathy. You don't just act like a businessy unfeeling whore.... which has both its pros and cons.

    Success requires 'turning this ability off' so you can rise above what is comfortable and take more risks for improvement, kind of like how nothing gets cooked without fire. I don't like the sacrifice of what you have to give up to do this though- that's why I try to be happy as a minimum wage goyim.

    You have a good psychic sense of danger... just remember though that if it's bad, it's bad. But if it's good- it's bad too, and a lot worse than you think. Frankly, everything is shit besides your own shit-detector and that just makes you really wise. You are a lot like me I think.

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    There is no "I". Once you realize that you can travel lighter.

    Travel lighter happens when you let go of your racing monkey mind.

    The mind steals your attention, shuts off your energy and hoards it to itself.

    The sense of self is tightly bound, and so it asks a thousand questions in order to keep itself alive within you.

    We decide which is right, and which an illusion.

    Relax.

    Try not to think so much about the "me".

    The "me" only wants to created a hundred scenarios, your "x", "y" snd "z".

    It doesn't want to travel lightly.

    It wants tomorrow to be like today and so puts on a performance in your mind.

    And this creates your fears.

    You have seen this movie before, a thousand times.

    Are you not bored of it yet? The same pattern over and over again. The "what ifs?"

    Just do it anyway. Just go, your mind wont let you go until you do, anyway.

    It wants to obsess over it then let it obsess. Its going to anyway.

    But this time something is different.

    This time you notice it. You notice the "me" stealing your attention for itself, which doesn"t exsist anyway...only in your head.

    Conscious contact is the antidote for the made up thing that isn't real anyway.

    And theres your chance, do go out and do the thing that you eant to do before your sense of "me" stole it.

    Its your chance to travel lighter, without the heavy "self-conciousness" on your back.

    It may have served its purpose, of course it did, it brought to the person you are now.

    Its so much better to let "him" "her" go, because its not you anyway.

    Self conciousness has its place. Realize though, that it is a mental habit that robs your energy.

    Once you start recognizing the habit for what it is, it starts to let you go as well.

    So you can travel lighter through your life.

    Just go out, NO MATTER what your mind tells you.

    Keep putting yourself out there, in the thick of it, no matter what the "me" says in your minds "I".

    and it will get easier.

    I promise.
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    It sounds stressful to have that kind of internal dialogue before and after an interaction. I have had some level of social anxiety but I don't dialogue with myself like that. If I can't change what I did or said I see no reason worrying about what people I have no connection to think. If it is a friend I will bring it up so that it is out in the open and they can scold me or tell me it's fine. Either way I don't dwell on something like that long, after the fact. What are some types you have considered for yourself?.
    I guess it can be stressful. but it can also be good, becasue say for example the interaction went well, i can replay it again and remind myself of those feelings.

    I was considering EIE, IEI, IEE & ILE.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    Sometimes I do have strong second thoughts about saying some things while it is happening. It isn't like I can delete my words in person but if I feel uncomfortable enough, because someone didn't show what I feel would be an emotionally or visually appropriate response, I will self correct. Usually I laugh and say something like, "well, on second thought that just sounded stupid" and laugh at myself which usually puts the interaction right back on track.

    It is harder to self correct while texting for me, than in person, because I might wait for a response and if I don't get one, I wonder if I offended them but it is more like a vague discomfort. Then they come back and say they got busy and all is right again. This doesn't happen much once I get to know someone though. It is with new people or with people I really want to like me.

    I don't care much about what people who I don't care to get close to think except, maybe if I think I might have inadvertently hurt their feelings, or was misunderstood, because they don't get my sense of humor. I like to be understood.
    I do correct myself when i realise i said something stupid, i generally say "actually i was thinking...".You talk of vague discomfort ... that is me ! LOL, its like the comfort and discomfort of social interactions varies, the intensity changes in certain situations.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    I experience a good deal of social discomfort myself as well. High School in particular was an utterly cringeworthy time for me. I was the guy who always sat in the corner in the back in the room and didn't talk to anyone or do anything with anyone after school. Luckily I'm faring much better in the work place where I'm actually able to talk to my co-workers instead of getting snuffed out in a crowded building full of asshole kids.
    Hm, that seems rather different from mine, i've always been able to make friends, i've always had a large amount of acquaintances, i was the popular kid in school, its just that i pick up so much information when it comes to social interaction, that it plays on my mind way to much.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ClownsandEntropy View Post
    I also fret before going to events. I think: Will I be awkward?

    After the event, I normally assume it went fine but not amazingly. I have no idea if the other person really had a good time. I'd love it for the other person to reach out, but they normally don't because we're all so busy so I sometimes do.

    For me, this feels like weak Fi?

    Unlike you, I have a more broad approach to it. As you pointed out, you tend to be able to recall very specific details about what happened. Perhaps this is strong Fi/Fe (you can pick up on details which are useful for your Fi to make decisions)? Or perhaps this is being super sensitive to it because of anxiety.

    Yh, i agree with what you said, i can usually tell when im talking to much, if they're listening, how they receive what i'm saying and so forth, that why i thought i was some sort of ethics type, but i really thought about it and concluded it may just be a front i put up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    Hello everybody, so i recently got into socionics and i really like it so far, im still learning and getting to know about it. i used to be an MBTI addict like many others on here, but found socionics really delves deep into the details of personality and so on which I like.

    *********LOL, i just realised i made uncomfrortability a word. , in your mind replace it with discomfort.**********

    One quality that i feel is quite weird and Iím not sure if its type related but Iíve noticed that i strive and focus heavily on social comfortability. Social comfortability. What is it? I'll give an example. Friend Z decides to invite me out to dinner and an activity course next week with friends X and C (Who i know) but i donít know V and B. Once I hear
    I can relate to this. I may ask Z about V and B. But it's more if V and B and Z ar ethere that I'd be concerned, depending on how well I get along with X and C.

    about the get together my mind totally bypass' the dinner and activity course, and just fixates consciously and subconsciously on who V and B are, what are they like? Will i like them? Will they make me feel comfortable? Is it going to be awkward, am i going to enjoy the company? Those questions and many more will be my primary focus. When the event finally rolls around, and im 10 minutes away my main focus is on, when i first meet them will it be fine and flow smoothly? Will i embarrass myself? Am i going to hug, wave or shake hands? When i finally meet V and
    Meeting people is always awkward until it's not

    B my comfortability radar kicks in subconsciously and i judge the comfortability i get from the social atmosphere, if i feel comfortable with Z,X,C,V and B i'll be really chatty, make jokes that bring everyone in to the interaction and bounce of everyoneís energy, be a bit controversial, say things for a reaction and poke little jabs at Z,X and C, the friends i know. I know that will lighten the mood and bring about fun, but once i've established that Iím not
    Sometimes that can look like trying too hard. If you're nervous sometimes it's better to be less socially active.

    comfortable i'll be uncharacteristically quiet, and not force any conversation and sit through the awkwardness with everyone else. However, whether I feel comfortable or not, Iíll jump right in and talk to them and try and be myself, its like i dont really think about what im doing, if anything comes to my mind i'll just say it (which i'll then regret), i'll make an effort to enjoy the day with them, I'll be "living in the moment" so to say, but itís like Iím not really thinking there and then and about all the previous questions i was thinking before because nerves would replace those
    thoughts, but then my chatty nature would in turn replace those nervous thoughts which comes across really natural,
    Somewhere around here you need to start using paragraphs.

    [quotes]
    (i've become a pro at pretending not to be shy ).By this time i'll be thinking about the dreaded departure of all of us and all Iíll be wondering about is what that will be like ? the evening will follow with me departing with their numbers and leaving with the famous line " make sure you keep in contact have a nice journey home " or "make sure you call me so we can catch up " ,so i usually plan something off handed and weird to say to diffuse such silly clichťs statements. This is where the thinking kicks in, on the journey back home when Iím all by myself i'll just really
    [/quote]

    Maybe try an anti-anxiety drug.

    process what happened, as i said before, itís like Iím here, but not really here, all the things right from the beginning will start playing on my mind, Was i funny? Were they laughing at me or the jokes? i noticed that expression on C's face, I wonder what that meant. Did i talk too much? Did i talk too little? Was i awkward? When i say i'll analyse every
    Too much..

    Shit I can't take anymore. I'm sorry.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    Yh, i agree with what you said, i can usually tell when im talking to much, if they're listening, how they receive what i'm saying and so forth, that why i thought i was some sort of ethics type, but i really thought about it and concluded it may just be a front i put up.
    Just be yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    Hm, that seems rather different from mine, i've always been able to make friends, i've always had a large amount of acquaintances, i was the popular kid in school, its just that i pick up so much information when it comes to social interaction, that it plays on my mind way to much.
    Take up music, or drugs, or something.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    I guess it can be stressful. but it can also be good, becasue say for example the interaction went well, i can replay it again and remind myself of those feelings.

    I was considering EIE, IEI, IEE & ILE.

    I do correct myself when i realise i said something stupid, i generally say "actually i was thinking...".You talk of vague discomfort ... that is me ! LOL, its like the comfort and discomfort of social interactions varies, the intensity changes in certain situations.
    I find most interactions are pretty dead. And so it's interesting when there are "live" interactions. But sometimes I myself am the dead one, and afterwards I can feel like I didn't really match the other person or people. It can take me a while to warm up in social situations.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    Hm, that seems rather different from mine, i've always been able to make friends, i've always had a large amount of acquaintances, i was the popular kid in school, its just that i pick up so much information when it comes to social interaction, that it plays on my mind way to much.
    Same case here except forgoing unnecessary social interaction altogether was precisely the method I used for avoiding stress like this. Plenty of other ways to achieve satisfaction in life then wasting time trying to please random assholes.

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    That's focus on an introverted element. It would be paired with one of the extroverted elements. You sound dialetic. Probably SEI.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Satan View Post
    I find most interactions are pretty dead. And so it's interesting when there are "live" interactions. But sometimes I myself am the dead one, and afterwards I can feel like I didn't really match the other person or people. It can take me a while to warm up in social situations.
    Mhm, yep I can resonate with that as well, but that's when I've found the situation uncomfortable and didn't feel like I'm saying anything useful or funny.
    To call yourself 'plus size' is simply a euphemism for being fat, and who wants to be fat ? ~ Katie Hopkins

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    the truth is most people don't like social interaction or being engaged too much. (i must assume) they prefer staring in their cups of tea or if the chatter around them gets too much, withdraw to smoke a cigarette. it's probably less draining to just embrace the silence and not overdo social interaction and wait for these rare moments where someone's detached mask gets a crack and then slowly infiltrate to dig out whatever meaningful interaction you can find to cherish that and then back to silence!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lim View Post
    the truth is most people don't like social interaction or being engaged too much. (i must assume) they prefer staring in their cups of tea or if the chatter around them gets too much, withdraw to smoke a cigarette. it's probably less draining to just embrace the silence and not overdo social interaction and wait for these rare moments where someone's detached mask gets a crack and then slowly infiltrate to dig out whatever meaningful interaction you can find to cherish that and then back to silence!
    Sounds good.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Danali View Post
    ...I guess it can be stressful. but it can also be good, because say for example the interaction went well, i can replay it again and remind myself of those feelings.

    I was considering EIE, IEI, IEE & ILE.
    I am not a perfect typer but the impression I got when I read was EIE or IEI. Definitely not IEE. For anticipating social interactions I just take care of all the things that might interfere with my comfort level beforehand, so I can just "be" in the moment. Like look my best, and feel my best by being clean and freshly dressed with clothes that look good on me. The ritual of that fussing calms me. And being rested and not stressed -not running around over-involved in something else beforehand.

    I do think over interactions afterwards - just not before, like you. I also don't plan out a thing I am going to say before I say it. I like to say things out of inspiration in the moment.

    Yesterday afternoon we attended a family celebration party and afterwards I gave much, much thought on a situation and I am STILL thinking it. (One family member offended another and it was inappropriate and I am going over and over in my mind if there was something fair or right I could have said to smooth this over...and now, afterward, do I speak to the offending member about my thoughts and the questions in my mind about her motive, in order to understand - I want to understand what makes her do this, as she has done it before - and can I do this without offending her or making her defensive? That's what I am thinking since we got back yesterday evening. Its the sort of thinking I often have after a social interaction - mulling over something I saw, realized, want to understand better...

    See, its a different kind of social mulling than what you described, which is why I feel sure we are different types.

    I am pretty much totally and completely sure that you are not ILE. I don't see ILE doing this at all. They will do that mulling over how a thing or a system works, more likely.

    So if your are one of the four you are guessing, it also happens to be the same two that came to me immediately when I read your post - IEI or EIE. And very frequently that which "comes to me" is right. Not 100%, though.

    So it woudl help if an IEI or an EIE were to say, "I see myself doing this sort of thing, in some sense." Or another type, if in fact you are some other type. Also, looking at Reinin Dichtonomies is useful when you are between two types....

    _____
    editing to add, I wonder if SEE does this? I don't know what their thought processes are before a social outing but they do put thought into it. I wonder if a SEE would tell us if this is anything like they might possibly think before, during, and after a social event.
    Last edited by Eliza Thomason; 04-11-2016 at 08:20 PM.
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    ,
    So it woudl help if an IEI or an EIE were to say, "I see myself doing this sort of thing, in some sense." Or another type, if in fact you are some other type. Also, looking at Reinin Dichtonomies is useful when you are between two types....

    _____
    editing to add, I wonder if SEE does this? I don't know what their thought processes are before a social outing but they do put thought into it. I wonder if a SEE would tell us if this is anything like they might possibly think before, during, and after a social event.
    I personally can't relate to what she speaks about or at least I do it to a much much smaller extent - more like a passing thought or if something stands out as really peculiar/awkward about the situation.

    I think I could see some sort of maaaybe 6w7 Fi-creative (?) possibly obssess about such things as well, at least I've seen this sort of overanalyzing and "neuroticism" in some of them. It sounds like some sort of social anxiety. With these people it's like a slight borderline neurotical over-thinking anxiety that's going on and on in their head. One SEE 6w7 friend and the other IEE 6w7 both described their internal dialogue to me actually, how they worry and get anxious about everything, from if they looked me in the eye "correctly", if they smiled at the right time, what the others are thinking about them when they speak. They also look on edge, nervous and fidgety all the time. I've no idea if this is how the OP looks though. It may be just NTR social anxiety.
    Last edited by darya; 04-12-2016 at 01:14 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    And very frequently that which "comes to me" is right.

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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    I personally can't relate to what she speaks about or at least I do it to a much much smaller extent - more like a passing thought or if something stands out as really peculiar/awkward about the situation.

    I think I could see some sort of maaaybe 6w7 Fi-creative (?) possibly obssess about such things as well, at least I've seen this sort of overanalyzing and "neuroticism" in some of them. It sounds like some sort of social anxiety. With these people it's like a slight borderline neurotical over-thinking anxiety that's going on and on in their head. One SEE 6w7 friend and the other IEE 6w7 both described their internal dialogue to me actually, how they worry and get anxious about everything, from if they looked me in the eye "correctly", if they smiled at the right time, what the others are thinking about them when they speak. They also look on edge, nervous and fidgety all the time. I've no idea if this is how the OP looks though. It may be just NTR social anxiety.
    I already responded to op but I can't relate to that type of inner dialogue and over-analyzing social situations. I can over analyze some things but mostly about myself and why I do the things I do, why I can't bite my tongue, when I am offended, for myself or others, as often as I would like, not specifically related to other people.

    I can get into a flow in social situations and just know what to say and do to keep things smooth. When I say the wrong thing I can usually fix it in the moment, because I sense it, unless alcohol is involved. This is why I don't like to drink. It distorts interactions and people get a wrong impression of me. Instead of analyzing what happened I will just feel sick about it until I can talk to the person (who I care about) again and make sure I didn't say things that crossed a line. I have had to make apologies just because of alcohol. I lose inhibitions and say things that I may or may not really feel to get a reaction, because I am projecting my issues or I am just being silly. Depends how much I drank.

    I have social discomfort but the feeling as to why is vague and I can get nervous but not like that. I am more likely to just flake if I can't get over it. I think my friends are used to my tentative (maybe) plans. If I cannot get in the mood I have to cancel. It is for my own stability and I hate to spoil a good time for others.

    She did relate to my vague discomfort though. I am more uncomfortable with people looking at me when I don't want to be looked at so I have this thing were I make myself "disappear". It works and I can also make myself "seen" when I want to. It is like turning my light off and on. A matter of expanding and contracting my energy field. I am not always aware when someone is looking at me until it is pointed out. I went through a period a couple of years ago where I noticed it so much I felt really weird so I would wink and smile when people did it to let them know I noticed. Usually made them look away out of embarrassment.

    If I were op I wouldn't dismiss any of the NFs due to social anxiety. It can happen to anyone.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    I am not a perfect typer but the impression I got when I read was EIE or IEI. Definitely not IEE. For anticipating social interactions I just take care of all the things that might interfere with my comfort level beforehand, so I can just "be" in the moment. Like look my best, and feel my best by being clean and freshly dressed with clothes that look good on me. The ritual of that fussing calms me. And being rested and not stressed -not running around over-involved in something else beforehand.

    I do think over interactions afterwards - just not before, like you. I also don't plan out a thing I am going to say before I say it. I like to say things out of inspiration in the moment.
    LOL, when i prepare for any sort of interaction, i always make on effort, becasue like you that's one less thing to worry about, but for some reason, 9/10 something is usually off about the 'look' i either forgot to brush my hair, or polish my shoes, or didn't notice that little stain on my jeans, then that really throws me of balance, but of recent, I've been able to shrug it off. Also, i don't usually plan what i want to say, unless i have something specific to tell someone, then i'll obsess over that to the point i forget about it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    Yesterday afternoon we attended a family celebration party and afterwards I gave much, much thought on a situation and I am STILL thinking it. (One family member offended another and it was inappropriate and I am going over and over in my mind if there was something fair or right I could have said to smooth this over...and now, afterward, do I speak to the offending member about my thoughts and the questions in my mind about her motive, in order to understand - I want to understand what makes her do this, as she has done it before - and can I do this without offending her or making her defensive? That's what I am thinking since we got back yesterday evening. Its the sort of thinking I often have after a social interaction - mulling over something I saw, realized, want to understand better...

    See, its a different kind of social mulling than what you described, which is why I feel sure we are different types.
    Yeah, you're right, in that situation the awkwardness would have been eating me alive, i wouldn't be thinking about what i could have said to stand up for either person, i would solely be thinking i need to speak to each family member after to understand their point of view and advise them privately as to what to do to resolve the situation. I wouldn't tell family member A what family member B said and vice versa, rather i'll be a silent mediator and act like i don't know what's going on.

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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    I personally can't relate to what she speaks about or at least I do it to a much much smaller extent - more like a passing thought or if something stands out as really peculiar/awkward about the situation.
    This example was probably the worst case scenario, or if i felt something was really awkward with someone who wasn't a stranger or necessarily a friend, they're kind of in that "im talking to you becasue i have a friend that knows you" position. if that makes sense.

    This over-analysing is kind of a feeling too, which is a good thing, because if something went really well and i enjoyed the interaction, when I think about it all the feelings come back and remind me how good it went.

    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    I think I could see some sort of maaaybe 6w7 Fi-creative (?) possibly obssess about such things as well, at least I've seen this sort of overanalyzing and "neuroticism" in some of them. It sounds like some sort of social anxiety. With these people it's like a slight borderline neurotical over-thinking anxiety that's going on and on in their head. One SEE 6w7 friend and the other IEE 6w7 both described their internal dialogue to me actually, how they worry and get anxious about everything, from if they looked me in the eye "correctly", if they smiled at the right time, what the others are thinking about them when they speak. They also look on edge, nervous and fidgety all the time. I've no idea if this is how the OP looks though. It may be just NTR social anxiety.
    Mhm Mhm, what you described about you xEE friends noticing the little details happens to me when i'm extremely uncomfortable, then my hyper-awareness is blown out of the roof which is the worst, but once that person moves out of the "im talking to you becasue i have a friend that knows you" stage to "oh hi you again " then i notice stuff like that less.
    Last edited by Danali; 04-13-2016 at 12:45 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    I already responded to op but I can't relate to that type of inner dialogue and over-analyzing social situations. I can over analyze some things but mostly about myself and why I do the things I do, why I can't bite my tongue, when I am offended, for myself or others, as often as I would like, not specifically related to other people.
    Interesting, I had a self discovery moment while reading this, I don't generally analyse why I do things, it may pass my mind , but I'll just conclude "that's just me" I don't really come to a conclusive answer as to 'why'.

    I can get into a flow in social situations and just know what to say and do to keep things smooth. When I say the wrong thing I can usually fix it in the moment, because I sense it, unless alcohol is involved. This is why I don't like to drink. It distorts interactions and people get a wrong impression of me. Instead of analyzing what happened I will just feel sick about it until I can talk to the person (who I care about) again and make sure I didn't say things that crossed a line. I have had to make apologies just because of alcohol. I lose inhibitions and say things that I may or may not really feel to get a reaction, because I am projecting my issues or I am just being silly. Depends how much I drank.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    I have social discomfort but the feeling as to why is vague and I can get nervous but not like that. I am more likely to just flake if I can't get over it. I think my friends are used to my tentative (maybe) plans. If I cannot get in the mood I have to cancel. It is for my own stability and I hate to spoil a good time for others.
    Although this mulling over social situations takes place before, I can reassure myself its going to be fine with the help of some close friends and push those thoughts to the back of my head ,but still go through with the situation despite having those nervous feelings. I just feel that's wrong for me to not go and disappoint everyone because I was expected to be their, whereas you feels its wrong to and and ruin it for everyone

    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    She did relate to my vague discomfort though. I am more uncomfortable with people looking at me when I don't want to be looked at so I have this thing were I make myself "disappear". It works and I can also make myself "seen" when I want to. It is like turning my light off and on. A matter of expanding and contracting my energy field. I am not always aware when someone is looking at me until it is pointed out. I went through a period a couple of years ago where I noticed it so much I felt really weird so I would wink and smile when people did it to let them know I noticed. Usually made them look away out of embarrassment.
    I can always tell if somebody is watching me, wherever I go I create a mental imagine of the surroundings and know where everyone is, which tells me who glanced,stared and so on, sometimes I tune into and pay attention, other times I'm still aware, but don't care and continue doing what I'm doing.

    If someone i know is looking at me, I'll just call it out right in public and make it know. If it makes me feel uncomfortable my natural reaction is to say in a very dismissive tone "why are you looking at me, could you stop looking at me and get on with your life." If it was a stranger however I'll just stare right back at them and make them feel uncomfortable.
    Last edited by Danali; 04-13-2016 at 01:16 AM.
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    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    I'm not saying that things come to me all the time. Its random and i don't "ask" for it. But the idea of things "just coming" to you must be foreign to some, maybe especially ST's? As to that, Stratiyevskaya's first two sentences describing IEE are:

    "Exceptional insight is characteristic of [IEE's]... They can determine practically the nature of man from one view, moreover it is so accurate that it is almost immediately capable of giving to it [detailed and specific]...characteristic."


    I do get that "nature of a person" sometimes (not anything like constantly) on first glance. An example is, I experienced this with my now SLI husband, when I first saw him, walking from afar. We had been writing for a long time as friends and never met, then our lives took turns and we stopped writing. But I was in his part of the world, and assuming I never would be again, and I thought it would be fun to meet. But before we met, I saw him walking, away from me, and thought, "That must be him". And the immediate impression came to mind as I watched, my impression of his person: "beleaguered, determined". And that really turned out to be true, particularly for what he was experiencing at the time, which I knew nothing of. That's just one example I am sharing of that sort of insight that Stratiyevskaya seems to be talking about, above. In that case, not even seeing his face; just his presence.
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    I'm not saying that things come to me all the time. Its random and i don't "ask" for it. But the idea of things "just coming" to you must be foreign to some, maybe especially ST's? As to that, Stratiyevskaya's first two sentences describing IEE are:

    "Exceptional insight is characteristic of [IEE's]... They can determine practically the nature of man from one view, moreover it is so accurate that it is almost immediately capable of giving to it [detailed and specific]...characteristic."


    I do get that "nature of a person" sometimes (not anything like constantly) on first glance. An example is, I experienced this with my now SLI husband, when I first saw him, walking from afar. We had been writing for a long time as friends and never met, then our lives took turns and we stopped writing. But I was in his part of the world, and assuming I never would be again, and I thought it would be fun to meet. But before we met, I saw him walking, away from me, and thought, "That must be him". And the immediate impression came to mind as I watched, my impression of his person: "beleaguered, determined". And that really turned out to be true, particularly for what he was experiencing at the time, which I knew nothing of. That's just one example I am sharing of that sort of insight that Stratiyevskaya seems to be talking about, above. In that case, not even seeing his face; just his presence.
    Things do just "come to me" all the time. More than I want them to. I can also ignore it in order to have a dynamic interaction (not saying dynamic in a socionics sense). I don't want things to be predictable even though they often are. I kind of like it when someone proves me wrong. I am not quick to type others because I like to see if my impressions are correct after a period of observation. In general I would say my first impressions are more accurate than not. If I give someone my opinion and they are not open it may feel like an attack to them so I can hold back until it is the right time, if ever, to tell them what my first impressions were. I am talking about irl primarily.

    I don't want to know what is going to happen so I can push it out of my mind and let things evolve without me interfering to change the other person. A lot of people don't want others to pick up very personal info about them and even worse is when they share it with you and you didn't ask for input. I try to keep my mouth shut in those situations unless asked. If they irritate me though I might tell them exactly who I believe they are and sometimes it goes over well, other times not so good.

    I don't like it when people do it to me so I am more sensitive to what may bother others and I am more likely to discuss things in private if I do get a strong impression so that the person does not feel put on the spot. I think that is why people here get defensive about their type sometimes. Having someone who doesn't know you at all tell you who you are, or are not, feels intrusive.

    I don't think it is just NFs that get these impressions either since I know SLE who do as well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eliza Thomason View Post
    But the idea of things "just coming" to you must be foreign to some, maybe especially ST's?
    No. But feelings or senses are not evidence, and people have a tendency to remember more the times that they were right than when they were wrong, which strengthens the belief in the pattern. Sometimes a person may see something that makes a connection and they are not all that aware of how they arrived there, so they say that something "just came to them" when there really is underlying evidence for something, but other times they've decided something ahead of time, and then see "evidence" everywhere, which is just confirmation bias in a nutshell.

    Anyway, don't mind me, sometimes things just amuse me. In this case I just was tickled by how you made it sound like a mysterious force was guiding you, in concert with your religious beliefs it made a funny impression, like you were proclaiming yourself a prophetess.

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    Seriously Judicious Emotivist Eliza Thomason's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    No. But feelings or senses are not evidence, and people have a tendency to remember more the times that they were right than when they were wrong, which strengthens the belief in the pattern.
    Well this is probably true.

    Sometimes a person may see something that makes a connection and they are not all that aware of how they arrived there, so they say that something "just came to them" when there really is underlying evidence for something, but other times they've decided something ahead of time, and then see "evidence" everywhere, which is just confirmation bias in a nutshell.[/QUOTE] Yes, this happens to me.

    Anyway, don't mind me, sometimes things just amuse me. In this case I just was tickled by how you made it sound like a mysterious force was guiding you, in concert with your religious beliefs it made a funny impression, like you were proclaiming yourself a prophetess.[/QUOTE] Ah, I see. Naw, I do not have the gift of prophecy. I do feel some heavenly help with discernment concerning prophets, at times. But I never saw myself as having that gift.
    "A man with a definite belief always appears bizarre, because he does not change with the world; he has climbed into a fixed star, and the earth whizzes below him like a zoetrope."
    ........ G. ........... K. ............... C ........ H ........ E ...... S ........ T ...... E ........ R ........ T ........ O ........ N ........


    "Having a clear faith, based on the creed of the Church, is often labeled today as fundamentalism... Whereas relativism, which is letting oneself be tossed and swept along
    by every wind of teaching, looks like the only
    attitude acceptable to today's standards."
    - Pope Benedict the XVI, "The Dictatorship of Relativism"

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