Hello everybody, so i recently got into socionics and i really like it so far, im still learning and getting to know about it. i used to be an MBTI addict like many others on here, but found socionics really delves deep into the details of personality and so on which I like.
*********LOL, i just realised i made uncomfrortability a word. , in your mind replace it with discomfort.**********
One quality that i feel is quite weird and Iím not sure if its type related but Iíve noticed that i strive and focus heavily on social comfortability. Social comfortability. What is it? I'll give an example. Friend Z decides to invite me out to dinner and an activity course next week with friends X and C (Who i know) but i donít know V and B. Once I hear about the get together my mind totally bypass' the dinner and activity course, and just fixates consciously and subconsciously on who V and B are, what are they like? Will i like them? Will they make me feel comfortable? Is it going to be awkward, am i going to enjoy the company? Those questions and many more will be my primary focus. When the event finally rolls around, and im 10 minutes away my main focus is on, when i first meet them will it be fine and flow smoothly? Will i embarrass myself? Am i going to hug, wave or shake hands? When i finally meet V and B my comfortability radar kicks in subconsciously and i judge the comfortability i get from the social atmosphere, if i feel comfortable with Z,X,C,V and B i'll be really chatty, make jokes that bring everyone in to the interaction and bounce of everyoneís energy, be a bit controversial, say things for a reaction and poke little jabs at Z,X and C, the friends i know. I know that will lighten the mood and bring about fun, but once i've established that Iím not comfortable i'll be uncharacteristically quiet, and not force any conversation and sit through the awkwardness with everyone else. However, whether I feel comfortable or not, Iíll jump right in and talk to them and try and be myself, its like i dont really think about what im doing, if anything comes to my mind i'll just say it (which i'll then regret), i'll make an effort to enjoy the day with them, I'll be "living in the moment" so to say, but itís like Iím not really thinking there and then and about all the previous questions i was thinking before because nerves would replace those thoughts, but then my chatty nature would in turn replace those nervous thoughts which comes across really natural,(i've become a pro at pretending not to be shy ).By this time i'll be thinking about the dreaded departure of all of us and all Iíll be wondering about is what that will be like ? the evening will follow with me departing with their numbers and leaving with the famous line " make sure you keep in contact have a nice journey home " or "make sure you call me so we can catch up " ,so i usually plan something off handed and weird to say to diffuse such silly clichťs statements. This is where the thinking kicks in, on the journey back home when Iím all by myself i'll just really process what happened, as i said before, itís like Iím here, but not really here, all the things right from the beginning will start playing on my mind, Was i funny? Were they laughing at me or the jokes? i noticed that expression on C's face, I wonder what that meant. Did i talk too much? Did i talk too little? Was i awkward? When i say i'll analyse every little detail, i really mean it. Was the handshake to long? Did i look uninterested when listening to Z story? I hope i didnít push passed C on the seat, i hope X didnít feel like i cut her off for to long. All of what was said will reply in my mind and Iíll say what did V really mean that? i will actually find answers to the questions. I donít think so and so likes me because when I started speaking he laughed, I hope they donít phone me, if they call me what will i say, make sure you donít sound rude, just pretend like you didn't see the call.
So basically thatís what i mean my social comfortability, i thought this was normal until i realised it isnít because I'll ask my friends (real ones that i donít have this issue with ) ďdidnít you notice what he did, i think that means so and soĒ, they'll reply ďno, i didnít even see thatĒ. I've also noticed i'll revisit this again and talk about it over and over again, this always happens with new people i meet or, people Iím not well acquainted with. I've come to later find out this has really screwed with my typing and tests i take online, becasue the question my be "are you athletic and like sports ?" instantly i'll say Strongly Disagree, becasue im not thinking about the sports im thinking about the people i associate with sports in my past which make me hate that, which in reality i do really enjoy sports and competition, but becasue of what i've experienced in the past made me feel socially uncomfortable with the general people that play sports made me rule out sports all together. This has also made me feel really self concious becasue i pay so much attention to how i want to be perceived, so i can eliminate a certain amount of social uncomfortability on my part, i dont play sports so i don't embarrass myself or, really just be myself becasue of who im around. it takes a very particular person and being at home with my family to open up and be myself, but recently i've adopted a very "i dont care" attitude, but i cant really fool myself, i do care !
Iím curious to see what you think about this, if its type or function related, what type this could be associated with and if others have ever felt like this and why, Iím really interested to see what others have to say on this matter.