Member Questionnaire 1 (Aubergine)
What is beauty? What is love? Beauty is anything that reminds you how lucky you are to get to exist. Love as a concept is when you can speak directly from your soul to somebody and they don't misunderstand you or glaze over from boredom. Love as a verb is when you decide to make sure that person never feels misunderstood or lonely ever again. You decide to make their comfort and happiness a priority, and hope they will do the same.
What are your most important values? My most important values go hand in hand, and depending on the time of day, I may list one value over the other. Which one I find slightly more important occasionally changes. But, right now, in order, my most important values are being as authentically yourself as possible, while also making sure that everyone else around you is comfortable and able to be authentically themselves as well. I try very hard to show as much of my own pure personality in every day life, and strive to be as much of an open book as possible, because how else would you know you truly connect with the friends you're making? But, I also keep a fervent eye out for how I can make every other person living alongside me feel like they are living the best life they can. We're all only here for a short while, so we should all work to make each other and ourselves happy.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place? I'm not particularly religious, never have been. I was raised Roman Catholic, and I firmly believe that you should only subscribe to a certain belief system if you truly believe everything being part of that community entails. There are lots of things Roman Catholics are meant to believe/do that I've realized I don't believe in/think are wrong, so I decided to stop going to church and being active in a religion I don't even believe in. I think I'm a bit more spiritual than I tend to let on. I don't believe in fate or anything like that, but I do believe that we all have a reason for being here. I believe we're all here to get in touch with who we truly are, and to connect with others and the world at large through that lens. We all need to find a way to help along humanity's great work in progress. Improving the state of living for future generations through whatever we have to offer is the best way to do that.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you? I believe war is a necessary evil. It will always be there, and I think most people that rally for world peace are wasting their time. The real thing we should be rallying around is protecting those caught up in conflicts who were only innocent bystanders. They didn't ask to be part of this war, and their lives have been uprooted because of it. I can't help but feel a bit saccharine talking about all of this "we're all in this together" sort of stuff, but having ruminated on it, I truly feel that way. What other reason should we have behind anything we do than bettering our world? As for power, power is having the means with which to change the course of humanity in some way, whether that be through money, influence, or anything else.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why? The longest conversations I've had have been about identity. Psychoanalyzing myself and others is basically my biggest hobby. What does this thing I did say about myself? What does this thing they did say about themselves? I can get pretty clinical about it, but I just find understanding the "why" surrounding everyone so fascinating. Oftentimes, people wish I would just shut up about it. Not everything/everyone needs to be analyzed. My parents think I'm a neurotic mess which, honestly, I'd completely agree with. As for just plain old interests, my biggest interests would probably be musical theater and everything associated with it (singing, dancing, and acting) and writing. I like to use both of those things to try and get out of my own head, with varying degrees of success.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body? Not particularly, no. When it comes to my body I either don't notice if something has changed, or I definitely notice but ignore it. I don't want to have to deal with it, plus, I can't help but feel a little guilty, like I should have been able to prevent it. I'm afraid of getting judged by the doctor/dentist/other medical professional for letting it happen. See? Neurotic. lol.
What do you think of daily chores? I think they're necessary, but have always been a hurdle for me. My room is habitually disastrous, and I often get stuck in a rut trying to force myself to clean it up. It either looks entirely insurmountable, because my forgetfulness and general lack of awareness regarding my surroundings has let it get to be a real problem, or I just can't bear to look at the mess at all. Again, guilty feelings abound. I love doing chores like vacuuming or dusting, though. There's something very relaxing about cleaning things that aren't specifically my fault. lol.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome. These questions tend to be kinds hard for me, because going back to the psychoanalysis thing, I tend to ruminate for too long on these sorts of questions. I have a couple of set answers if a random person I know asks me, but when it comes to something like this, like a personality test, I have trouble finding out if that movie/book is REALLY my favorite. Did I REALLY enjoy that movie? Or do I just THINK I did? Is it REALLY the greatest movie I've ever seen, or am I forgetting another movie I saw? Better sit here for twenty minutes and argue with myself back and forth on it. lol. I'll help myself by limiting it to things I've recently watched/read. I really love the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I LOVE comics. I think it has to do with the freedom from reality they have. They don't need to adhere to any of reality's laws, and can tell stories of such grandeur, involving archetypes and symbolism, which I also like. But, the symbolism is also very accessible, meaning you don't have to spend much time working it out. I think it's another thing I like because it can get me out of my own brain as I'm thinking about it. lol. I guess both the movies and the comics count as a book and a film?
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why? I'm actually not a big crier, but usually anything involving feeling understood by others can make me tear up a bit. I didn't have the best teenage experience, and I've always felt a bit separate from everyone else. In fact, I had my parents tell me as I cried that I most likely would never find anyone like me, and will need to make a lot of compromises in order to find someone to be with. Of course, I don't want to be with someone exactly like me, but I get tired of feeling like no one gets me, or that no one even wants to try. It always seems like I reach a point when I talk to most people where they start to look at me weird, or think I talk too much, or just have no idea what I'm talking about. So, I tend to get weirdly emotional when I find someone who just gets it and wants to try and keep up with me, and I try to do just as much for them in return. Things that make me smile are anything where I feel like I can just let go of my anxiety and just be myself, as introspective and analytical as I am.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? I always feel really at home whenever I'm on the stage. I love entering someone else's world and getting to explore their mind. Most importantly, singing and dancing is just plain fun! I tend to forget mentioning the pure "fun" aspect, since I have to explain exactly why something is "fun" to me. It's nice to have somewhere to go where I can put on someone else's skin and enjoy myself.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? Too anxious. Too sarcastic. Too talkative. Too sensitive. Not sensitive enough. Easily crumbles under pressure. Too analytical. Can't get out of own head. Too pessimistic. Appearing unapproachable before you get to know me. Too intense. Too unorganized in the outside world. Too obsessed with organizing the inside world. Too strange.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? Gives great, objective advice. Very loyal. Very funny. Very intelligent. Always has something interesting to say. Very responsible. Great conversationalist. Very creative. Willing to drop everything and help at any time. Very quirky/interesting.
In what areas of your life would you like help? Oraganization, definitely. It's not that I don't know how to organize things. I could actually explain to someone exactly how I would organize my room/any of my other stuff. Implementation is my problem. I'm so forgetful and unaware of my surroundings that keeping anything organized is almost impossible. I constantly have "awareness blackouts", where I'll be holding something, suddenly realize I'm not holding it anymore, and having absolutely NO idea where it went. It's very obnoxious. The other area would be school. The work itself isn't the problem, I got all A's in high school. This is an area where my anxiety acts up to ridiculous, especially since I've been in college. This is where the "easily crumbles under pressure" comes from. If I feel like I messed up, i get very avoidant, and have trouble going back to class. Sometimes, I have no reason I'm anxious about school at all. I just need some tools to help make it through so I can finally get out!
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it. Lately, I've been basically living in a rut. Usually, my life has been a rut, with random bursts of new, interesting experiences. Before, my life would have been comfortable, with random bursts of new, interesting experiences. I definitely don't want non-stop adventure and action. I just miss that feeling of just being comfortable in where my life is. This rut I feel comes from a feeling of failure and not moving towards my goals. Of course, it would help to be able to figure out exactly what my goals are. My constant need to psychoanalyze and wonder if I "really" want to do that thing, or if I'm just deciding on it without thinking enough about it first is actually debilitating in this case. I only really flip back and forth between two main careers, which are psychology and writing, but the amount of times I flip back and forth are nauseatingly often. From minute to minute I become sure, get caught up in analyzing my choice just ONE more time, become unsure again, and then end up with the opposite choice. Lather, rinse, repeat. I guess that's how I react when I'm in a rut. Self-analysis that usually does more harm than good.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with? I like people with a more biting sense of humor. I know I listed "too sensitive" as a bad quality of mine, but joking is an entirely different territory. My sense of humor tends to be very sarcastic, and I love having someone that I won't accidentally offend through it. I also like people who are able to speak deeply on subjects, and don't want to leave all of our conversations just on the surface. I also like people who are good conversationalists and can keep a conversation going (since I love listening to myself talk). Things I dislike in people are anyone that is outright cruel in their sense of humor. They like to try and "shock" you by saying just plain horrible things. I think that's incredibly infantile and insensitive. I also dislike people that are only interested in small talk. These people tend to leave me with very little to say, and if I can't hold a good conversation with someone, we won't be great friends. I also dislike people that appear "fake", or are very obviously putting on a polite facade. I can always tell when a person isn't being real with me.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner? I've been a serial monogamist for the past four years of my life. Of those four years, the longest I was single was about three weeks. I'm currently single, and have been single for about six months now. I'm finally starting to become okay with the idea of being single, and not looking so fervently for any old boyfriend. So, I guess I'm beginning to have a more healthy view of relationships, and becoming able to stand on my own as person. Sex is also great. lol. All of the qualities I listed above are the things I look for in a boyfriend, like a sense of humor that meshes with mine, ability to talk deeply about topics, and a great conversationalist. I'd also like someone that had their head screwed on a bit tighter than mine. Someone more earthbound, who doesn't get so stuck in their own thoughts. Although, I never seem to date those sorts of guys. I always date guys that are maybe a little too similar to me on the disorganized front.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why? My absolute main concern would be to make sure that my child feels like whatever their saying is being heard. Whether or not I disagree with what they're saying, I heard what they said and I believe that they meant it. But, I would still be a stern parent. I take my belief that we should treat everyone with basic respect very seriously, and any transgressions involving disrespect would be severely punished. I don't agree with corporal punishment, though. When it was used on me, it was used very sporadically and only really bred fear of my parents in me. It made it difficult to feel comfortable sharing my emotions with my parents and I had a hard time viewing them as people I could trust. I've actually thought about this a lot, and have come up with some alternative forms of punishment that will hopefully place more emphasis on the transgression, and less on fear of the parent. Of course, I won't know exactly how I should approach my children discipline wise until I have them, but it's nice to go in with some sort of plan.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction? Inwardly, I let these sorts of things affect me far more than I think they should. If it was a claim that I feel is inherently bad, like claiming that murder is actually okay, I would become enraged inside. If it was a claim that I felt was more subjective, I would feel more personally isolated and be unwillingly tossed into more self-analysis. Is something wrong with me? Why is this affecting me so much? They're allowed to have their own opinion. It doesn't have anything to do with me. I shouldn't be so affected by this. A good example would be if my friend claims that I should start drinking/doing drugs. I decided to not partake a long time ago for many completely valid reasons. And, being told I should, especially after I opened up and explained why I don't, makes me feel misunderstood and like they don't think I can make my own logical decisions. Outwardly, for the murder statement, I would confront them about it and make my opinion very well-known. Outwardly for the second statement, I would try to keep my hurt hidden from everyone else because they're allowed to have their own opinion, and it's illogical for me to get angry or anxious about things I shouldn't be.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one. I see people as a whole as a huge group of individuals all working towards bettering our existence as a species. A prevalent social problem I see is people focusing too much on things that aren't important, such as social status or popularity, instead of on things that are important, such as self-betterment, building other people up, and trying to affect the world in a way that only you could.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them? I usually choose my friends based upon how well they can tolerate my inability to shut up. If they are at least mildly interested in what I have to say, we'll probably end up being friends. I behave a bit differently depending on which friend group I'm with. If I'm with my theater friends, I focus more on the quirky, talkative side of my personality, with plenty of sarcastic humor thrown in. Around my work friends I'm a bit more withdrawn, leaning more on my dry humor and leaving out more of my quirky side. But, with my best friends I tend to be a cocktail of both. Depending on the day I might be a bit more wry, a bit more talky, a bit more quirky, or a bit more withdrawn. It's taken me a while to come to terms with it, but I think all of these personas are a piece of myself. I used to obsess over it and try to find out which pieces were only an act and which were real, but I think I'm finally starting to accept they're all me. The only part of my personality I only show my best friends is my more serious, introspective side. Luckily, they're interested in hearing about my latest "revelation" or "interesting thing I read". Everyday it's hey, I think I figured out why I reacted the way I did on Tuesday, or I think I figured out why this other person reacted the way they did last Tuesday, or I think I figured out why some people might lean towards being cat people rather than dog people and vice versa, or I read this really interesting article about why some people bite their nails....
How do you behave around strangers? Around strangers, if it's a slightly more professional environment, I'll usually start out basically polite, showing basically no parts of my personality so as to not "scare them away". If it's a more social environment, I'll usually show a bit of my quirky and talkative side, to see how they react to me. If they react positively, good! If not, I'll completely withdraw and switch over to blandly polite.
Member Questionnaire (Aubergine)
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Originally Posted by Aubergine
