I hate it. The thought of me being an ENFj is very depressing. It gives me the feeling of hopelessness. I'm somewhat overwhelmed with negative feelings and I KNOW now that I will feel like that for the rest of my life. OMG!
I need interaction, without it I feel like I'm going nuts. When I interact with someone, I speak too loud and too enthusiastically and I tend to draw attention of the entire group of people and then I feel like, "oh fuck, what do I do now?!". But I can't go back. If I started telling a story I gotta finish it. But I feel scared of the attention. And then later I remember that moment over and over again and I feel like I'm going nuts! I feel shitty when I spend time in solitude, I feel shitty when I try to hang out with others. lose-lose situation.
And there is no way out of it. I don't think like a feeler, but my body reacts like that. I sometimes get emotions that didn't come from my head. I know I sound really depressed, but that's ok because I am. And there is absolutely no reason for it. And I don't know the cure. I used to think that the more I succeed the better I feel, but I don't. Not really. I feel like I have cheated someone and soon people will find out that I don't know anything about anything.
And what's so good about emotions anyway. I want to shut them all down, but lately my Fe seems somehow more sensitive than ever before. I think when I typed myself ENFj, I opened a gate that can't be closed anymore. I have never been a particularly emotional person and I was working on being even less emotional. I did occasionally have very nasty rage, and I did like to exaggerate positive emotions when I was with other people, but I was still the serious and somewhat calculating person. Now I try to feel like and ENFj and I just can't handle it. It's making me insane. (a little bit dramatic, but still kind of true).
There is peace somewhere. There are 16 types and all of those types should theoretically enable a normal happy healthy life. But in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj. Especially when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. ALL of my goals have worked out and I'm not worried about the future goals. OH GOD! Being ENFj sucks so bad!