I don't want to be EIE-ENFj

[Kristiina]

I hate it. The thought of me being an ENFj is very depressing. It gives me the feeling of hopelessness. I'm somewhat overwhelmed with negative feelings and I KNOW now that I will feel like that for the rest of my life. OMG!

I need interaction, without it I feel like I'm going nuts. When I interact with someone, I speak too loud and too enthusiastically and I tend to draw attention of the entire group of people and then I feel like, "oh fuck, what do I do now?!". But I can't go back. If I started telling a story I gotta finish it. But I feel scared of the attention. And then later I remember that moment over and over again and I feel like I'm going nuts! I feel shitty when I spend time in solitude, I feel shitty when I try to hang out with others. lose-lose situation.

And there is no way out of it. I don't think like a feeler, but my body reacts like that. I sometimes get emotions that didn't come from my head. I know I sound really depressed, but that's ok because I am. And there is absolutely no reason for it. And I don't know the cure. I used to think that the more I succeed the better I feel, but I don't. Not really. I feel like I have cheated someone and soon people will find out that I don't know anything about anything.

And what's so good about emotions anyway. I want to shut them all down, but lately my Fe seems somehow more sensitive than ever before. I think when I typed myself ENFj, I opened a gate that can't be closed anymore. I have never been a particularly emotional person and I was working on being even less emotional. I did occasionally have very nasty rage, and I did like to exaggerate positive emotions when I was with other people, but I was still the serious and somewhat calculating person. Now I try to feel like and ENFj and I just can't handle it. It's making me insane. (a little bit dramatic, but still kind of true).

There is peace somewhere. There are 16 types and all of those types should theoretically enable a normal happy healthy life. But in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj. Especially when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. ALL of my goals have worked out and I'm not worried about the future goals. OH GOD! Being ENFj sucks so bad!

[Creepy-pokeball]

I hate it. The thought of me being an ENFj is very depressing. It gives me the feeling of hopelessness. I'm somewhat overwhelmed with negative feelings and I KNOW now that I will feel like that for the rest of my life. OMG!

You'll be fine.

I need interaction, without it I feel like I'm going nuts. When I interact with someone, I speak too loud and too enthusiastically and I tend to draw attention of the entire group of people and then I feel like, "oh fuck, what do I do now?!". But I can't go back. If I started telling a story I gotta finish it. But I feel scared of the attention. And then later I remember that moment over and over again and I feel like I'm going nuts! I feel shitty when I spend time in solitude, I feel shitty when I try to hang out with others. lose-lose situation.

This is far better a HA than any of that wealth bullshit Ive seen.

And there is no way out of it. I don't think like a feeler, but my body reacts like that. I sometimes get emotions that didn't come from my head. I know I sound really depressed, but that's ok because I am. And there is absolutely no reason for it. And I don't know the cure. I used to think that the more I succeed the better I feel, but I don't. Not really. I feel like I have cheated someone and soon people will find out that I don't know anything about anything.

This is a common feeling for those that have succeeded institutionally way past their expectation. In social patterns, those that feel this way often take lower posititions to feel more at ease. My advice: go on with your bad self. F them with a pogostick.

And what's so good about emotions anyway. I want to shut them all down, but lately my Fe seems somehow more sensitive than ever before. I think when I typed myself ENFj, I opened a gate that can't be closed anymore. I have never been a particularly emotional person and I was working on being even less emotional. I did occasionally have very nasty rage, and I did like to exaggerate positive emotions when I was with other people, but I was still the serious and somewhat calculating person. Now I try to feel like and ENFj and I just can't handle it. It's making me insane. (a little bit dramatic, but still kind of true).

Let it all go. isnt as fake as some of the idiots on the board perpetuate it to be.

There is peace somewhere. There are 16 types and all of those types should theoretically enable a normal happy healthy life. But in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj. Especially when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. ALL of my goals have worked out and I'm not worried about the future goals. OH GOD! Being ENFj sucks so bad!

Screw ego blocks and all that jazz. Live your life with your loved ones to best it can be.

[Animal]

That post was supposed to be a satire, right?

[XoX]

That post was supposed to be a satire, right?

It was?

[XoX]

But in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj.

Just let the flow This is how Apple's Steve Jobs does it (from socionics.us):

"Highly animate, persuasive, charismatic, visionary, motivational, and dramatic. Likes attention and posing for the camera. Has a carefully crafted persona and frequently changes his appearance. Has an autocratic streak and foists his tastes and mindset on others. Here is an interesting quote about Jobs' visionary qualities:

Jobs is both admired and criticized for his consummate skills of persuasion and salesmanship, which has been dubbed the "reality distortion field" and is particularly evident during his keynote speeches at Macworld Expos.

This distortion effect comes from dishing out vision with a powerful emotional (even hypnotic) component. It causes people to have unwavering faith in what is "supposed" to happen and do whatever it takes to get there."

[Benny]

I hate it. The thought of me being an ENFj is very depressing. It gives me the feeling of hopelessness. I'm somewhat overwhelmed with negative feelings and I KNOW now that I will feel like that for the rest of my life. OMG!

And who will provide you with hope, if not for yourself, and the way you move situations towards .. inspired goals

I find it helps to go for runs, and to let go and so forth when things are like this .. sometimes I just need to sweat .. and I feel like all the old shit is disappearing.. my body feels less toxic, and my mind opens up ..

I need interaction, without it I feel like I'm going nuts. When I interact with someone, I speak too loud and too enthusiastically and I tend to draw attention of the entire group of people and then I feel like, "oh fuck, what do I do now?!". But I can't go back.

So do I actually. Sometimes I spin around or grin, or make random noises. . don't worry about it too much .. just do what feels right

If I started telling a story I gotta finish it. But I feel scared of the attention. And then later I remember that moment over and over again and I feel like I'm going nuts! I feel shitty when I spend time in solitude, I feel shitty when I try to hang out with others. lose-lose situation.

Agan and again and again. Hey, again and again and again. Hey! Again and again. It's like a rhythm, you can always change it if you so desire.

And there is no way out of it. I don't think like a feeler, but my body reacts like that. I sometimes get emotions that didn't come from my head. I know I sound really depressed, but that's ok

Emotions can come from the head? Wow. Mine don't! I find it hard to let them up so high ..

Like when I feeling strong emotions they can be controlled/managed around my gut .. or let as far as my arms. . or if I'm feeling extra secure .. all the way to my head ..

But like I can have emotional paths. . and do things centering around my gut .. for direction .. I see it as emotional constriction, and management

because I am. And there is absolutely no reason for it. And I don't know the cure. I used to think that the more I succeed the better I feel, but I don't. Not really. I feel like I have cheated someone and soon people will find out that I don't know anything about anything.

I used to think that too. I tried it. I couldn't get any satisfaction. I'd get extremely angry and irrate and go off on strange tirades about how nothing feels rewarding or satisfying, and the more I have the more I need ... "I don't want it .. I just need it .. To breathe .. to feel .. to know a light" (tool lyrics)

I used to get that feeling as well. . I can actually relate, it used to push me into overdrive. And I'd have to keep REMEMBERING ... LET GO LET GO LET GO LET GO

And then I'd start cursing, and spitting. And wanting to throw things around... then I'd play loud music )

And what's so good about emotions anyway. I want to shut them all down, but lately my Fe seems somehow more sensitive than ever before. I think when I typed myself ENFj, I opened a gate that can't be closed anymore. I have never been a particularly

Then go through! To the other end! Nyah nyah nyah. Who's going to stop you, if not for yourself?

emotional person and I was working on being even less emotional.

Yes you are. You're trying to be less emotional? Cool. Maybe you'll gain stability. More emotional control can help. It doesn't mean you lose the awareness of how to use emotions.

I did occasionally have very nasty rage, and I did like to exaggerate positive emotions when I was with other people, but I

Lots of people are like this. Like me! But other people are too.

was still the serious and somewhat calculating person. Now I try

Uh huh. Fuzzy logic. Uh huh. *shifts to the side* Yes, Krist..

to feel like and ENFj and I just can't handle it. It's making me insane. (a little bit dramatic, but still kind of true).

Oh dear .. the little girl .. she wants to handle it .. is she big enough to play with the adult toys .. or is she still too young .. she doesn't look too sure of herself. .. maybe we should take stuff away from her .. maybe we should steal all of her toys .. muahahahaa

Just get a sense of self-control, and inner direction. Everything will work out, in the end. But you can't just wait for things to fit into place always .. sometimes you have to negotiate and manuever things so that they really are going in the right direction..

There is peace somewhere. There are 16 types and all of those

Definitely. Nature!

types should theoretically enable a normal happy healthy life. But
in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That

Theories.. Egoes.. Thinknig .. Conceptualisation. Move on. For a little bit. Hey, just go for a walk in nature... let your hair down.. listen to the birds .. play on the swings ..

also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There

Control is restricting, if you hadn't noticed. Can you have control and not have control at the same time. Try to expand your "realisation of control". Allow more into your awareness and allow your feelings to flow..

has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj. Especially when I'm

I'm not happy. I'm not happy. I'm not happy. Once you realise thaht your'e not happy. then you realise why you're not happy... then you realise that it's futile. Then you're fucked. So instead of relaising it's futile, try and allow yourself to have hope .. and to realise what's wrong .. and to do stuff about it. . with awareness.. of how it works .. how you want to do things.. how they'll go .. and set things in motion .. and in the rigth dircetion. . and lay back .. and gain that sense of self-worth back agian!

exactly where I'm supposed to be. ALL of my goals have worked

Well you've done that. Next! Keep having fun. Keep letting go.

out and I'm not worried about the future goals. OH GOD! Being ENFj sucks so bad!

No it doesn't. You're just stuck. These things happen sometimes ((:

[Animal]

That post was supposed to be a satire, right?

It was?

If it wasn't, I'm a terrible person. It's just that this post was hilarious.

[Benny]

That post was supposed to be a satire, right?

It was?

If it wasn't, I'm a terrible person. It's just that this post was hilarious.

It felt somewhat predictable to me.........

[science as magic]

then don't be

[FDG]

Dance...and sweat...and talk with some people...that's all you need!

[Joy]

then don't be

that's exactly what I was going to say

kristiina, what is the next most likely type?

[olduser]

u can dream big u no

[Creepy-aurora_faerie]

then don't be

that's exactly what I was going to say

kristiina, what is the next most likely type?

INFp

[meatburger]

Oh Kristiina i didn't notice this post hidden away in Beta's Depths. Sorry ;(

Trust me things aren't as bad as they seem. If you are indeed ENFj you will soon learn that is not a curse its a blessing. Using your EGO block functions properly you should feel happy and confident.

You have had a major change in your perception of self. Have you ever heard of the saying, "one step back two steps forward?". When i learnt about i tried to let it go loose and i got a splitting headache for 3 days straight. Dont push anything just be yourself.

Btw i am still not 100% convinced of your type, in fact i never was. But i trust you to work it out.

Just relax and let it flow, is powerful if you know how to use it. You should go get a massage, start doing some exercise, do things you enjoy

[XoX]

Kristiina, what type is your damn dual!?

[Kristiina]

Lots of posts.

Jadae, thanks for the effort, but it's a bit too similar to something I'd expect to find printed on a "get well soon" card.

Baby, sorry, lol. Not satire. A bit overly dramatic, but actually the post is a mild description of the feeling I had when I wrote it.

Xox, I wonder how that kind of person actually feels. I am developing a vision of how to be the best ENFj scientist that I could be. It's quite similar to the things you listed, but less of an attention-freak and more serious. I realized that being ENFj would make it a lot easier for me to get funding on different science projects. I can imagine the ENFj social image. I mainly have a problem with the mental side of being ENFj.

Benny, I apprechiate the long post, but I didn't really understand what you wanted to say with it. PS! I don't think it helps if I try to be less emotional. That would mean that I continue blocking out my ego-block.

Pedro, good advice, but it came too late. 22 years ago might have helped.

Starfall. It's not the type that matters. It's the self-perception and knowing how to be me. I made an en excellent INTj when I felt like an INTj. I truly acted the part of the stereotypical INTj. I had the INTj preferences and the INTj problems. But I was very grumpy and ended up very depressed.


I have had an annual depression since teenage. I can't keep myself happy for very long. I'm not having my annual depression now. I just have mystery-stress from doing something that is mentally unhealthy for me. I have to figure out what it is that I'm doing wrong, so I can avoid it in the future.

[Creepy-pokeball]

Well, FU too.

[WVBRY]

I sh*t on this thread.

[Kristiina]

Oh Kristiina i didn't notice this post hidden away in Beta's Depths. Sorry ;(

Trust me things aren't as bad as they seem. If you are indeed ENFj you will soon learn that is not a curse its a blessing. Using your EGO block functions properly you should feel happy and confident.

You have had a major change in your perception of self. Have you ever heard of the saying, "one step back two steps forward?". When i learnt about i tried to let it go loose and i got a splitting headache for 3 days straight. Dont push anything just be yourself.

Btw i am still not 100% convinced of your type, in fact i never was. But i trust you to work it out.

Just relax and let it flow, is powerful if you know how to use it. You should go get a massage, start doing some exercise, do things you enjoy

It's good to hear that it's not abnormal to feel a backfire from trying to act ENFj. Some people have had years to practice, but I just started. I don't think I'm acting like an ENFj. I think I got something wrong and now I feel it.

I'm fairly certain that I'm ENxj and I guess ENFj makes more sense in so many ways.

How do ENFjs feel? They do seem sociable and emotionally in control, but are they really? I bet all other ENFjs act touchy-feely and value "true passionate love", and talk about spiritualism. I bet half the ENFjs have become a Wicca or joined some other cult (including Christianity). I bet all the other ENFjs think that when Rose from Titanic threw away the stone, she had the emotional right to throw it in the depths of the ocean. I bet I'm actually very different from other ENFjs.


PS! XoX, It's nice to talk with ISTjs, but I feel like they want more happy enthusiasm than I can give them. It don't remember it feeling emotionally healing in any way. I'll give it another try when I have the chance.

[FDG]

PS! XoX, It's nice to talk with ISTjs, but I feel like they want more happy enthusiasm than I can give them. It don't remember it feeling emotionally healing in any way. I'll give it another try when I have the chance.

This is kind of strange, actually.

[FDG]

Kristtina:

Basement Jaxx - Bingo Bango

[Creepy-pokeball]

PS! XoX, It's nice to talk with ISTjs, but I feel like they want more happy enthusiasm than I can give them. It don't remember it feeling emotionally healing in any way. I'll give it another try when I have the chance.

This is kind of strange, actually.

d e p r e s s i o n i s f u n 4 k i c k s !

If she actually had the ability to listen, she could fix it.

[Kristiina]

Well, FU too.

It sounded worse than what I was thinking. It might be a cultural difference, but the general approach to comfort someone who seems sad doesn't work on me at all.

"It will be ok, things will work out fine." = in Estonian culture, "I'm sorry you're not doing well, but I don't really want to be your psychologist. Let's talk about something else."

"Think happy thoughts and you'll feel better." = mocking.

Basically, imagine the worst parts of the most exaggerated Fe descriptions and you'll get an idea how your typical Estonian feels when watching an American on TV. One real-life example: We make compliments about 10 times less often than is customary in USA's English-speaking culture. No one fusses over Valentine's Day (although we do celebrate it), people rarely propose marriage in public, people rarely say the words "I love you". Some women joke that you have to date an Estonian man for 3-10 years before he says he loves you. Culturally speaking, your Fe tricks don't work on me. Nothing personal. I used to be surprised that people seriously say this kind of things in this kind of situations. Now I just wanted to be honest and to tell you that this kind of phrases don't make me feel any better, but I failed to express myself diplomatically.

[FDG]

What a shitty place to live. Come here in Italy!

[Kristiina]

PS! XoX, It's nice to talk with ISTjs, but I feel like they want more happy enthusiasm than I can give them. It don't remember it feeling emotionally healing in any way. I'll give it another try when I have the chance.

This is kind of strange, actually.

I'm tellin' you. I don't really act ENFj. Or at least I didn't act ENFj until very recently. I don't have the ENFj attitude but I think I might have been born with ENFj functions. I think I might ultimately find happiness and peace of mind if I start acting ENFj.

[Creepy-pokeball]

Culturally speaking, you base too much on American TV (also known as a form of hyper-reality and thus not completely real).

In future remarks, I will just note you as ungrateful. I would have rather not wasted my time on your personal monologues. They are, apparently, not meant for dialogue.

[Kristiina]

What a shitty place to live. Come here in Italy!

Do you promise to show me everything that's worth seeing if I come there? :wink:

sight-seeing. mhmh. That's what I meant.

[Kristiina]

I'm sorry, I can give you a full comment on your post.

I hate it. The thought of me being an ENFj is very depressing. It gives me the feeling of hopelessness. I'm somewhat overwhelmed with negative feelings and I KNOW now that I will feel like that for the rest of my life. OMG!

You'll be fine.

Yes, I know. But I need to know how. This is not only about my current unexplained stress. I know it will pass. It's just that I keep having the exact same problems and I just learned that I was born with everything that makes me have those problems. I might have the same problems until I die.

I need interaction, without it I feel like I'm going nuts. When I interact with someone, I speak too loud and too enthusiastically and I tend to draw attention of the entire group of people and then I feel like, "oh fuck, what do I do now?!". But I can't go back. If I started telling a story I gotta finish it. But I feel scared of the attention. And then later I remember that moment over and over again and I feel like I'm going nuts! I feel shitty when I spend time in solitude, I feel shitty when I try to hang out with others. lose-lose situation.

This is far better a HA than any of that wealth bullshit Ive seen.

lol, but I still want to be rich. :wink:

And there is no way out of it. I don't think like a feeler, but my body reacts like that. I sometimes get emotions that didn't come from my head. I know I sound really depressed, but that's ok because I am. And there is absolutely no reason for it. And I don't know the cure. I used to think that the more I succeed the better I feel, but I don't. Not really. I feel like I have cheated someone and soon people will find out that I don't know anything about anything.

This is a common feeling for those that have succeeded institutionally way past their expectation. In social patterns, those that feel this way often take lower posititions to feel more at ease. My advice: go on with your bad self. F them with a pogostick.

yeah, you are partly right. I am one of the people who get intimidated by success. I have accomplished the goals I was supposed to finish at my current age. But I still have a very long way until I run out of goals. And I have no intention of lowering my self-expectations, because I get stressed/depressed no matter whether I succeed or not.

And what's so good about emotions anyway. I want to shut them all down, but lately my Fe seems somehow more sensitive than ever before. I think when I typed myself ENFj, I opened a gate that can't be closed anymore. I have never been a particularly emotional person and I was working on being even less emotional. I did occasionally have very nasty rage, and I did like to exaggerate positive emotions when I was with other people, but I was still the serious and somewhat calculating person. Now I try to feel like and ENFj and I just can't handle it. It's making me insane. (a little bit dramatic, but still kind of true).

Let it all go. isnt as fake as some of the idiots on the board perpetuate it to be.

I totally agree. I'll write a topic about Fe some day. I think it will be about a week from now (unless I have sudden inspiration or growing confusion).

There is peace somewhere. There are 16 types and all of those types should theoretically enable a normal happy healthy life. But in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj. Especially when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. ALL of my goals have worked out and I'm not worried about the future goals. OH GOD! Being ENFj sucks so bad!

Screw ego blocks and all that jazz. Live your life with your loved ones to best it can be.

Just living my life, being with loves ones, etc, doesn't give me what I need to be happy. I need to take extra measures. I need to make an effort to act like I'm supposed to act.

[XoX]

Kristiina do you relate to these kind of ENFj features:

"One potential problems almost all ENFjs face is a general lack of the expression of their own identity; they can get so caught up in understanding the needs of others that they often times fail to do the things that would naturally define them as individuals. In result, some could adapt 'fake-it-to-make-it' approaches or mold to societies like a chameleons."

[Creepy-aurora_faerie]

What a shitty place to live. Come here in Italy!

I second this, I'd be depressed in Estonia too with that lack of romance.

Italy sounds perfect, especially for a single girl I think.


If I weren't in a happy relationship, I'd try to get to Italy, and live in an apartment or something cheap (whever is cheap over there) and get a small job really close by and go everywhere, but never talk to anyone so the people who see me everyday are like, "Who is that weird American tall girl???" And then some really good looking man will see me working (because I'd probably be a waitress) and stare at me (in the non-creepy way) for a long time before ever saying anything to me. And I'll notice the staring and stare back and it would be a game....


Okay I'm done >_<

[raisonpure]

Benny, I apprechiate the long post, but I didn't really understand what you wanted to say with it. PS! I don't think it helps if I try to be less emotional. That would mean that I continue blocking out my ego-block.

Well, Benny gave some practical advice that has proved quite useful for myself, though he did sound somewhat different from usual. Actually, my favourite psychologist suggested going out into nature, though I had initially underestimated the effectiveness of that. I'm too lazy to go jogging, but I've been able to forget myself just by sitting on a bench near a river with my eyes closed, doing nothing but feeling the wind for an entire hour. Once I'm so relaxed that I'm no longer in the mood for thinking, let alone worrying, I open my eyes to observe my surroundings while I idly reflect on my life -- not as a character in a game, but as a strategist with full control over the character. A moment allocated not on Being, but on How to Be. Of course, this could just be me, but the psychologist did say that when he spends time with nature, he realises how insignificant his problems and worries are in comparison to the universe. Compared to drugs, it is a safer and healthier way see things from a different perspective: I would recommend that as a way to "Let goooooooo", because some emotions just aren't productive -- perhaps even for the fulfillment of your ego block. Plus I disagree that less emotions = less -- I am actually reminded more of

As for fulfilling your ego block... While I am no authority on the matter, my intellectual function is such a natural part of me that I was barely aware of it because I spend so much more time acting on it than thinking about it. There is not so much "should" as "want" or "need". Eradicating it would be tantamount to denying my entire identity, though I do suppress it quite often in the light of self-improvement. But I will use it to my advantage if I know that there is a need for it; suppressing it in that case would probably result in disappointment and regret. I see the fulfillment of the ego block as a deceptively simple matter of being yourself by doing what's natural to you, instead of being what you are expected to be by doing what you're supposed to do -- or, in your words, "act like I'm supposed to act". So perhaps Ashton has a point.

Forgive me (crosses out for lameness) Go ahead and dispatch me for heresy if what I wrote = bunch of unneeded pop psych BS. I must admit that I waste a lot of time on self-help books

[FDG]

What a shitty place to live. Come here in Italy!

I second this, I'd be depressed in Estonia too with that lack of romance.

Italy sounds perfect, especially for a single girl I think.


If I weren't in a happy relationship, I'd try to get to Italy, and live in an apartment or something cheap (whever is cheap over there) and get a small job really close by and go everywhere, but never talk to anyone so the people who see me everyday are like, "Who is that weird American tall girl???" And then some really good looking man will see me working (because I'd probably be a waitress) and stare at me (in the non-creepy way) for a long time before ever saying anything to me. And I'll notice the staring and stare back and it would be a game....


Okay I'm done >_<

ahahahha!! this is a really really realistic scenario!!

[Expat]

I bet all other ENFjs act touchy-feely and value "true passionate love", and talk about spiritualism. I bet half the ENFjs have become a Wicca or joined some other cult (including Christianity). I bet all the other ENFjs think that when Rose from Titanic threw away the stone, she had the emotional right to throw it in the depths of the ocean.

I'm not sure that any of the above is correct even for ENFjs as a type.

Perhaps part of your irritation is precisely due to Estonia being an -unfriendly society.

[Kristiina]

Diana, <3 the post. Lots of very insightful things.

It wasn't exactly that I really wanted to be ENTj. I really identified with ENTj the most. (and mostly still do). I see all the potential of ENFj type, so now ENTj seems almost handicapped compared to that. All the potential that I didn't know about before. I just hate knowing that I'm supposed to have REALLY strong emotions and I can't change that no matter how much I try.
There are a lot of things that I have to find out about ENFj before I can actually decide how similar I am to them.

Can anyone please describe the emotions and coping mechanisms of some ENFj Ni-subtypes?

After reading Diana's post I contemplated a little and I realized - maybe I'm not supposed to let my emotions become more free. Maybe I have to try really hard not to react physically when I'm having one of those emotional flashbacks. Maybe I'm supposed to get ready (all stiff and still) and then absorb the entire emotion that I feel. Feel it all without showing any of it. Maybe eventually I will have full control over it. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do! Right now I just get really tense and I breathe heavily. A true ENFj would look like a sculpture. No one would know that she's feeling fireworks inside her head.

[Kristiina]

I bet all other ENFjs act touchy-feely and value "true passionate love", and talk about spiritualism. I bet half the ENFjs have become a Wicca or joined some other cult (including Christianity). I bet all the other ENFjs think that when Rose from Titanic threw away the stone, she had the emotional right to throw it in the depths of the ocean.

I'm not sure that any of the above is correct even for ENFjs as a type.

Perhaps part of your irritation is precisely due to Estonia being an -unfriendly society.

I think Fe is just different in Estonia. Less in-your-face. USA being polite (average friendly) is about equal to the Fe-dominant behavior in Estonia. Fe just makes Estonian people more sociable. In theory, Fe-people should know how energetic they can be before they become obnoxious by our standards. Even laughing loudly for more than a few seconds is considered impolite. Fe develops according to the society. But I still have to mention that I am very Te/Ti compared to my Fe sisters. They all say, "computers, blah, I can't do anything with it!", I say, "computer... mmm... math...mmmm". And I am visibly different from them.

[anndelise]

Diana, <3 the post. Lots of very insightful things.

It wasn't exactly that I really wanted to be ENTj. I really identified with ENTj the most. (and mostly still do). I see all the potential of ENFj type, so now ENTj seems almost handicapped compared to that. All the potential that I didn't know about before. I just hate knowing that I'm supposed to have REALLY strong emotions and I can't change that no matter how much I try.
There are a lot of things that I have to find out about ENFj before I can actually decide how similar I am to them.

Can anyone please describe the emotions and coping mechanisms of some ENFj Ni-subtypes?

After reading Diana's post I contemplated a little and I realized - maybe I'm not supposed to let my emotions become more free. Maybe I have to try really hard not to react physically when I'm having one of those emotional flashbacks. Maybe I'm supposed to get ready (all stiff and still) and then absorb the entire emotion that I feel. Feel it all without showing any of it. Maybe eventually I will have full control over it. Maybe that's what I'm supposed to do! Right now I just get really tense and I breathe heavily. A true ENFj would look like a sculpture. No one would know that she's feeling fireworks inside her head.

Wow, this whole thread...I can't help but feel as if something(s) are being inadvertently twisted, and I haven't a clue where to begin figuring it out.....thus my words will be thoughts that happen to come out, in no particular order...

probably the first step to any changework is self awareness....at least recognition that you currently or previously had certain aspects to your behavior/thoughts/moods/whatever. Not all of these have to be bad...many of them are good. For each aspect, figuring out the pros and cons alone can do a world of good. Then, if so choosing, acknowledging the benefits gained from the behavior/thought/mood/whatever. And if there are consequences as well which are pushing you to want to change, then focus not on eliminating a behavior/thought/mood/whatever...but on building up options. For example...crying one's eye's out at the slightest provocation has the pro/benefit of releasing pent up energy/negativity.... If you choose to eliminate shedding tears, what then will you use to release the pent up energy/negativity/emotions? Some people turn to sex, some to drugs, some to socialness, some to exercise, some to studies....it varies. Practice other options for gaining that benefit. Anger too is a means of releasing energy. If you don't want to fly into a rage at the drop of a pin, find ways of releasing that energy elsewise. (It does take practice.....but at least each time you choose an alternative, you are creating stronger links towards choosing that behavior again....even despite backslides.)

As for thinking FeNi is a negative thing......you yourself have stated that there are advantages to having Fe over Te. Throughout your day..or during intermittent times, deliberately acknowledge a benefit one of your functions has given you. Perhaps even make deliberate attempts to utilize a function towards benefiting your purpose (whatever it may be).

Ugh, I don't know why I'm even writing this....perhaps because of the last part of the quotes post......about stiffling the show of your emotions and becoming a statue. All I can see is how unhealthy that would be...in so many ways. I guess....whatever you do, please keep in mind that Fe and Fi correct each other....Fe and Te suppress each other..... and Fe and Ti support each other. You can use this to your advantage..or to your detriment.

(btw, Ni and Ne correct each other, Ni and Si suppress each other, and Ni and Se support each other....these too can be used as you see fit.)

[Creepy-aurora_faerie]

What a shitty place to live. Come here in Italy!

I second this, I'd be depressed in Estonia too with that lack of romance.

Italy sounds perfect, especially for a single girl I think.


If I weren't in a happy relationship, I'd try to get to Italy, and live in an apartment or something cheap (whever is cheap over there) and get a small job really close by and go everywhere, but never talk to anyone so the people who see me everyday are like, "Who is that weird American tall girl???" And then some really good looking man will see me working (because I'd probably be a waitress) and stare at me (in the non-creepy way) for a long time before ever saying anything to me. And I'll notice the staring and stare back and it would be a game....


Okay I'm done >_<

ahahahha!! this is a really really realistic scenario!!

Oh I got more >_>

[JuJu]

I'm sorry that I discovered this topic so late!

I did not realize that I was ENFj until June, after Dio suggested it. Earlier I considered myself ENTp or ENFp; however, these did not seem to encapsulate it entirely... When I began to read the ENFj descriptions, it felt like (as the old song goes,) someone "found my letters and read each one out loud," etc.

Because you're an ENFj does not mean that you cannot "think." When thought mingles with feeling, both of them strengthen--in art, science, and in every venture. The theoretical becomes practical, and thus immediately useful to others. "Thought for thought's sake" becomes "thought for people's sake." Discernible returns--work and ye shall receive--because ENFj traits endow you with an ability to (so to speak) "stir mens' souls," and thus attract support. A unique and extraordinary gift.

How to cope as ENFj NI subtype? Know that to restrain your feelings poisons you, (metaphorically speaking, of course,) and deprives others. Share what you feel; however, attempt to let thought mold it... If later you regret the comments that you made, attempt to make amends for them--but only apologize for what that you regret, and not the truth that you told... Leave situations when your intuition advises you to do so.

A Bob Dylan lyric comforts me--maybe it will you too: "If you cannot overlook my faults, forget me/take me as I am or let me go."

[Creepy-pokeball]

I'm sorry, I can give you a full comment on your post.

Thank you for an earnest reply.

I hate it. The thought of me being an ENFj is very depressing. It gives me the feeling of hopelessness. I'm somewhat overwhelmed with negative feelings and I KNOW now that I will feel like that for the rest of my life. OMG!

You'll be fine.

Yes, I know. But I need to know how. This is not only about my current unexplained stress. I know it will pass. It's just that I keep having the exact same problems and I just learned that I was born with everything that makes me have those problems. I might have the same problems until I die.

Yes. This wasnt patronizing. It was just me telling you that you will get through this.

I need interaction, without it I feel like I'm going nuts. When I interact with someone, I speak too loud and too enthusiastically and I tend to draw attention of the entire group of people and then I feel like, "oh fuck, what do I do now?!". But I can't go back. If I started telling a story I gotta finish it. But I feel scared of the attention. And then later I remember that moment over and over again and I feel like I'm going nuts! I feel shitty when I spend time in solitude, I feel shitty when I try to hang out with others. lose-lose situation.

This is far better a HA than any of that wealth bullshit Ive seen.

lol, but I still want to be rich. :wink:

Im not so interested in being wealthy as I am in being secure for this future and the next generation of my family (ie. something worthwhile to pass on). I feel that the HA means that comfort is created from physical security rather than the crude form of physical wealth which has not always existed and could *possibly* provide security. I imagined an ENFj/ISTj dual as hunter/gathers in either role or in the same exact role. And I could see how an ENFj received their HA via this ISTj via the security it brought in terms of knowing they'd survive well. In return, the ENFj brings forewarnings to the ISTj.

And there is no way out of it. I don't think like a feeler, but my body reacts like that. I sometimes get emotions that didn't come from my head. I know I sound really depressed, but that's ok because I am. And there is absolutely no reason for it. And I don't know the cure. I used to think that the more I succeed the better I feel, but I don't. Not really. I feel like I have cheated someone and soon people will find out that I don't know anything about anything.

This is a common feeling for those that have succeeded institutionally way past their expectation. In social patterns, those that feel this way often take lower posititions to feel more at ease. My advice: go on with your bad self. F them with a pogostick.

yeah, you are partly right. I am one of the people who get intimidated by success. I have accomplished the goals I was supposed to finish at my current age. But I still have a very long way until I run out of goals. And I have no intention of lowering my self-expectations, because I get stressed/depressed no matter whether I succeed or not.

Diana said it perfectly. My main warning to you was to learn to destress, too, because, if you dont learn, then it could potentiate and get in your way.

There is peace somewhere. There are 16 types and all of those types should theoretically enable a normal happy healthy life. But in order to be healthy, I should use my ego block functions. That also means that I have to give even more control to Fe. But the more control I give to Fe, the crazier I feel. I'm not happy. There has to be a way to be happy being an ENFj. Especially when I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. ALL of my goals have worked out and I'm not worried about the future goals. OH GOD! Being ENFj sucks so bad!

Screw ego blocks and all that jazz. Live your life with your loved ones to best it can be.

Just living my life, being with loves ones, etc, doesn't give me what I need to be happy. I need to take extra measures. I need to make an effort to act like I'm supposed to act.

Whether primary or not, it is good to learn how to control it. Just keep in mind that there is a reason that those that know how to adequately interpersonalize in a relaxed manner live longer for multiple reasons such as lessened suicide, understanding multiple paths from others, releasing depressions and lowered liklihood of dying from pride-induced deaths (I can do this alone mentality).

[Creepy-Diana]

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