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Thread: My roommate (LII? maybe SLI) just called me condescending

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    Default My roommate (LII? maybe SLI) just called me condescending

    He is super passive. And I guess lately I've been kind of dominating everything just because he lets me kind of walk over him in terms of his relationships, his decisions, etc. He'll ask me for advice and I guess I'll act superior like I know the right answer and stuff. But we also get along really well or so I thought. But about a week ago he just stopped talking to me completely and I had no idea why. Today he just called me condescending and I started laughing like what... I said wow you hate me? Guess we're not friends. and he said no I just need a break and left back to his parents house... I guess it kinda sucks because I really thought he was a good friend for a while and I really don't know what I did besides kind of ribbing him about stupid stuff he is oblivious to regarding his relationships and things. But he always took it in good stride and he also would rib on me and it was all good natured so I never knew it was getting to him.

    I'll admit sometimes I view him kind of like a mannequin and I'll just dump out all these stories/annoyances/whatever is on my mind to him a lot of the time because I do feel he is extremely slow in terms of like... emotional IQ? (he's a super smart logical guy type). He's also really quiet so I just try to get a reaction sometimes. About 2 months ago he got a new girlfriend and I just saw red flags everywhere and I told him, so I think that was when he started to not like my advice beacuse they ended up still together. Then he would bring her over late and be like fucking her right next to me and it seemed like he was doing it on purpose to me (i know he was) so I sat him down and told him straight up, look she can't be over here this late I have work.

    And ever since then I could tell he just started to really hate me or something. I basically always joke around with him and he jokes around with me we're never serious with each other, but after that I was joking around with him one time and he just told my to really shut up like he was actually pissed and I just got all quiet cus I was super taken aback. I think I was talking about my taxes and he started a story and I told him like wait let me finish dude. And after that we've barely talked when we used to talk all the time. Today I came back and was just trying to be friendly and he was just being really quiet again so I just said dude do you hate me now or something what did I do, and that's when he told me I was condescending and left.

    How do I deal with this and make things better. I don't even know what I did really. To be clear, we were like really really good friends to begin with (like for 8 months) (so I thought), I instantly clicked with him but maybe the whole time he was just taking it and secretly hated me or something.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Everything seems to be on your terms if he's the "master" archetype he wants some superiority over the relationship and his opinions to count too. Also, I hope that you don't owe him money.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Everything seems to be on your terms if he's the "master" archetype he wants some superiority over the relationship and his opinions to count too. Also, I hope that you don't owe him money.
    Eh It's odd because he is very submissive in general. Maybe I'm just not good at being the dominant one diplomatically, like I don't do it with enough tact. It can seem mean spirited at times I suppose

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    try asking his girlfriend what it's about?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Satan View Post
    try asking his girlfriend what it's about?
    Eh that just creates more drama though. IDK if he's just steaming and will cool off soon.

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    I've been waiting for you Satan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ryoka14 View Post
    Eh that just creates more drama though. IDK if he's just steaming and will cool off soon.
    better out than in.

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    squirreltual's Avatar
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    All you can do is be honest: tell him you feel like you've pissed him off, but aren't exactly sure in what way and that you want things to be better because you value him as a friend. Be simple, sincere and succinct.

    If you know you've been overstepping boundaries, perhaps it's time to apologise. Equally he may need to learn to state those boundaries much sooner within friendships. Either way it's all a learning experience - don't beat yourself up about what was said or done too much - just be more aware going forwards.

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