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Thread: Quasi-identical relations can really suck, huh?

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    Default Quasi-identical relations can really suck, huh?

    In the last several months I seem to have met and/or been forced by circumstance to interact w a few EIE women who, while probably not actually horrible people, seemed awful to me and who, fwiw, seemed not to like me either, lacking cause the same way my dislike for them seemed to. (Also, interestingly, I am perplexed by their popularity w other people, as I'm sure they are by mine.)

    With one in particular, a woman about my age (early 30s), I had to interact and sometimes closely collaborate, and while I believe we were both genuinely trying to be friends, and I think we both respect certain things about each other, we just silently despise each other (at least, tbh, I really don't like her...I am judging based on her repeated actions that she dislikes me, though it has not been stated to my face). It's weird because I don't usually outright dislike people, but with her I get an almost visceral reaction.

    I'm just posting this here to sort of marvel at how bad this relationship can be. It just came to me out of the blue that a woman I met a few weeks ago and had instant below-the-surface friction with was EIE, and I came here to make this thread.

    Maybe it's partly because we are extroverted types, or NF types that it is so rough, but yikes.


    (Oh, and I do have one EIE friend, but we are not super close and probably won't ever be, though I really like her and believe she likes me...we can talk about experiences we have in common, but it's not a super deep friendship.)
    "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." - Yogi Berra

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    In the Filatova portrait series most IEEs, and only them, inspire visceral irritation in me.
    Reason is a whore.

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    Quasi's instill the feeling to become the Conflictor. For IEE/EIE, this means either becoming focused on logically processing stuff or becoming focused on physical interactions. Generally speaking, IEE doesn't want to have to make sense, and the EIE doesn't want to have sensual sex. IEE wants to just do stuff without thinking it through, and EIE just wants to have stature without bothering to please people.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremy8419 View Post
    Quasi's instill the feeling to become the Conflictor. For IEE/EIE, this means either becoming focused on logically processing stuff or becoming focused on physical interactions. Generally speaking, IEE doesn't want to have to make sense, and the EIE doesn't want to have sensual sex. IEE wants to just do stuff without thinking it through, and EIE just wants to have stature without bothering to please people.
    Interesting. I'll have to ponder how true this might be for me....

    @GuavaDrunk, does the above apply to you? And do you know of any IEEs you do get along well with?
    "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." - Yogi Berra

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    Quote Originally Posted by sapphire View Post
    Interesting. I'll have to ponder how true this might be for me....

    @GuavaDrunk, does the above apply to you? And do you know of any IEEs you do get along well with?
    It's the nature of man to want to get along. When with a Quasi enough, you will unconsciously feel the need to be Conflictor to get along and co-exist best.

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    Yeah I agree quasis can be very irritating at times. At work there is an ILI (I'm most likely LII) who is in the same department as me and he is always trying to provoke these aggressive SEE-esque reactions from me by rudely pointing out every little thing I do wrong. He in return also gets irritated when I ignore him instead of playing along. One thing that makes quasis even worse then conflictors is how your favorite activities are usually infested with your quasis due to sharing of the same club, unlike your conflictor whom you are unlikely to meet very often.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    Yeah I agree quasis can be very irritating at times. At work there is an ILI (I'm most likely LII) who is in the same department as me and he is always trying to provoke these aggressive SEE-esque reactions from me by rudely pointing out every little thing I do wrong. He in return also gets irritated when I ignore him instead of playing along. One thing that makes quasis even worse then conflictors is how your favorite activities are usually infested with your quasis due to sharing of the same club, unlike your conflictor whom you are unlikely to meet very often.
    One-on-one, in short amounts of time, I can deal well with IEI's. Basically just "shut off" mental hesitations and Dom the hell out of them. Reason it only works short-term is that their need for me to Se in public 24/7 and resist their narcissistic ways, just doesn't work well for me. If I tried to balance out my personality to be relatively "universal type" (as we all should), then it probably wouldn't be too bad. Boss is LSI and dad is LSI, and although they both know I basically run everyone behind-the-scenes, both have my "training plans" as learning to Se more and do it well.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    One thing that makes quasis even worse then conflictors is how your favorite activities are usually infested with your quasis due to sharing of the same club, unlike your conflictor whom you are unlikely to meet very often.
    This is so true. -_-

    My classes are full of EIIs. All the teachers and lecturers are EII, even.
    It's not always bad, but often I get bored or irritated by them bringing forth topics that are obviously Si HA and/or Delta ST-seeking.
    (In return, they find my Ti HA irritating, for the most part.)

    Actually, one of the main reasons why I do not wish to become a consistent teacher at my university someday boils down to the fact all the teachers (in my course of study) are EII, and I'd feel out of place with them.

    There has been one lecturer from another university who was Ep temperament (either IEE or SEE), and this was the most enjoyable lecture for me by far.
    He was much more energetic than all the Ij (EII...) lecturers before him. Engaging the audience, making jokes, and so forth. I've actually listened attentively from beginning to the end, without ever feeling bored or irritated.

    So yeah... I am not surprised there are no SLEs in my courses, given they are "dominated" (I use the term loosely here ) by EIIs...
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremy8419 View Post
    and the EIE doesn't want to have sensual sex.
    Since when are SLIs all about sensual sex, hahaha.
    As if that was their dominant character trait.... not.

    (Unless they are SX first, then yeah. But they usually aren't. A lot of them are SX blindspot.)
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Since when are SLIs all about sensual sex, hahaha.
    As if that was their dominant character trait.... not.

    (Unless they are SX first, then yeah. But they usually aren't. A lot of them are SX blindspot.)
    When they have it, that's how they are. EIE is terribad in bed from a sensual perspective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jeremy8419 View Post
    When they have it, that's how they are. EIE is terribad in bed from a sensual perspective.
    Was this your personal experience?
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Was this your personal experience?
    Yes. Terrrrrrrriiiiiiibbbbaaaaaaaddddddd.

    Don't worry. IEI's are good at it LOL. Just make you wait on them hand and foot like a servant afterwards, is all lol

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    yeh that's one of the interesting things about socionics.

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    Quote Originally Posted by sapphire View Post
    Interesting. I'll have to ponder how true this might be for me....

    @GuavaDrunk, does the above apply to you? And do you know of any IEEs you do get along well with?
    What primarily annoys me about the IEE portraits is the impression of scatteredness. Not sure if this is solely type-related, but I usually want to have A Goal and then to Execute The Plan (or whatever adjustments/complete changes needed) until I Get To The Goal. The IEEs give the impression that they would change the goal far too often for my liking and we'd never get anywhere at all (from my perspective.) So my prevailing annoyance is more likely linked to Ne valuing with Ep/Irrational-temperament.

    That being said, one acquaintance of mine is Ne-ego and one thing that may be type-related is their asking little 'technical questions' ('Is this still good to eat?', 'How do you do [some administrative procedure]?', 'Will X taste good with Y?', etc.) which low-key irritates me fairly fast. Similar questions (but less frequent) from a good friend of mine (provisionally Beta, EIE) are not irritating, just not my strength. Those questions feel Si-related, especially when related to food. Obviously I wouldn't want to have Si sought from me.
    ETA: Ne-ego is e6 and Beta friend is e4, as I am e9 on second thought it seems more enneagram-related than Socionics-related.

    Don't know re: IEEs I get along with. It's difficult to tell whether I get annoyed in that specific way because someone is [some typological quality], or whether I type them so-and-so because I get annoyed.
    Last edited by GuavaDrunk; 04-18-2016 at 05:45 PM.
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    Yesterday I had to attend a short meeting (speaking exercise) with an EII teacher.
    I have a cold, so I have figured it would be beneficial to excuse myself for that. Not only because my performance might suffer, but also because it most likely would appeal to their Si HA, and build rapport.
    (I have heard several other EII lecturers excuse themselves for their cold before. Personally, I prefer not to mention it, but with an EII it should work, so my thoughts.)

    Just as I have expected, it did work.

    Me, apologetically: "Sorry, I have a cold, so I might not speak so well today."
    *EII brightens up immediately*: "Oh, you don't have to excuse yourself for that! Unless you stood in the cold with bare feet, it is not your fault."

    After that, our interaction ran smoothly overall.
    At this point I'd like to mention I have had a negative confrontation with that EII before, so it was cool how my little Si-focused comment earned me positive points so easily.
    It is interesting how appealing to one's Quasi-Identical's HA can make such a positive difference.
    It is superficial in some ways, but I rather have a positive superficial interaction than any bad one.
    Last edited by Olimpia; 02-05-2016 at 11:38 AM.
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    Every time I have to talk to my ESE ex, I want to cut my arm off.

    Seriously. Irritating. Grating. Everything I say gets put through his retarded filter and taken the wrong way. I used to think I hated Fe. Nope. I just hate ESFJs.

    *only 8 more years or co-parenting to go*
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    Yes

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    Yeah I agree quasis can be very irritating at times. At work there is an ILI (I'm most likely LII) who is in the same department as me and he is always trying to provoke these aggressive SEE-esque reactions from me by rudely pointing out every little thing I do wrong. He in return also gets irritated when I ignore him instead of playing along. One thing that makes quasis even worse then conflictors is how your favorite activities are usually infested with your quasis due to sharing of the same club, unlike your conflictor whom you are unlikely to meet very often.
    That sounds like extinguishment when both of you are extroverting competing for influence. ILI and LII have smooth relations at a distance rather its the rationale that they find confusing in each other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Soupman View Post
    That sounds like extinguishment when both of you are extroverting competing for influence. ILI and LII have smooth relations at a distance rather its the rationale that they find confusing in each other.
    Agreed. In the context of a non-romantic relationship, quasi-identity isn't outright unpleasant, especially for IxTx types because they are both thick-skinned and not overbearing. Now, a romantic quasi-identical relationship would most likely be very unpleasant.

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    because of different values
    Types examples: video bloggers, actors

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    Most of the time, IEIs get on my nerves like no other, primarily with their mannerism which I find unbelievable and sometimes can't quite wrap my mind around the fact that they are being serious when like that. Also, their infinite arsenal of superstitions which they try to support logically in the most ridiculous of ways (No, IEI, the oscillation of particles combined with resonance phenomenon by no means imply that someone can harm you with their thoughts. And while we're at it, why must you always rely on "Mysterious World" and "Fay" magazines as your go to source of sound knowledge). I also don't appreciate their constant visions of how all the global processes lead us to a total catastrophe (everything from GMO to bankers and politicians works its own way to the apocalypse) or how unwittingly IEIs poison everything I'm passionate about (me: "IEI, just look at another fun fact I found out about Japanese language!" IEI: "That may be, but I can't forget this movie I've seen about Japan where [insert any cruel yet culturally approved custom]. Horrifying. Seismic."
    And actually I don't feel like talking any more about it because even that's annoying.

    In a nutshell, I despise how IEIs tend to break my Qi flow. ;d

    That being said. there are several IEIs that I truly like and respect, although I'm close with only one and that's bc family.
    Last edited by malna; 03-10-2016 at 12:32 PM.
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    I'm surprised that you guys feel so strongly about your quasi-identical in situations that seem like they are light social gatherings. I would say this relation works best when both of you are just "light acquaintances" to each other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol View Post
    because of different values
    Yes I agree

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    Quasi-relations are probably worse than conflictors IMO because quasis are evenly matched, neither one will submit to the other, but neither can dominate over the other because they have the same strengths and weaknesses. It ends up being this awful stalemate. These relations work best when contact is brief and superficial. The longer you spend with your quasi the more tense you'll become.
    Last edited by ConcreteButterfly; 03-19-2016 at 10:46 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ConcreteButterfly View Post
    That's an interesting way of putting it, I agree. Quasi-relations are probably worse than conflictors IMO because quasis are evenly matched, neither one will submit to the other, but neither can dominate over the other because they have the same strengths and weaknesses. It ends up being this awful stalemate. These relations work best when contact is brief and superficial. The longer you spend with your quasi the more tense you'll become.
    I think this is a good way of putting it. My experience has been that there's not a good resolution and at the same time no one really comes out on top in the event of conflict bt quasi-identicals, and it's not easy to maintain smooth sailing for long periods bc you both accidtally say or do the wrong thing at the wrong time even when trying to be friendly.
    "In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." - Yogi Berra

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    but sometimes they're really great O___O

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    You ethical types are too sensitive.

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    I get along great with most Quasi Identicals, personally.

    But I also have thick skin, and devastating charm.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    My sister is; we share several hobbies together, and we often argue but it's in good fun. There is always an unresolved argument with quasi-identical. Always a persistent unsatisfying feeling when you are talking to them since they are very dismissive to your perspective just like you don't really value theirs. We see our quasi-identical always doing everything wrong and strange, just plain bizarre to our logics.

    However, me and my sister can talk about something we love for hours, just laughing and hooting at each other's quips and jokes. We view everything differently, thus enriching the discussion. I can only recall one serious debate in our lifetime, the rest just all good-natured.

    I'm sorry, I don't really know grammar. I dishonour my family and my cow.

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    Pookie wins this thread. (All the rest of you suck.)
    “Whether we fall by ambition, blood, or lust, like diamonds we are cut with our own dust.”

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    You've done yourself a huge favor developmentally by mustering the balls to do something really fucking scary... in about the most vulnerable situation possible.

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    Quasi-identical bromance.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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