Though I was craving it, to me, there was just one rule that should not be broken. That rule was "do not masturbate." I swore to it on my heart.
I had great feelings of guilt over masturbation. After I did it, I would think "what the hell was I doing?" and then I would get attacked by a huge feeling of shame. I felt that I was worthless.
If I was in a relationship with someone, I would tell myself that I would act in a manner that would build up a mutual relationship with that person. When I wasn't in a relationship, if there was a way I could manage it, I would restrain myself.
So, there was no way I could be by myself. When I was thinking I wanted to masturbate, I would go out looking for a partner until I found one. Then I'd talk to myself to persuade myself.
"If you feel like masturbating, get up and go out!" I would say.