I've been obsessively reading about different Enneagram types and trying to get my core type. I strongly relate to the descriptions of 1 and 5, including the core fear ("Of being corrupt/evil, defective" vs "Being useless, helpless, or incapable"). I am way too perfectionist for a 5, particularly about my health / physique and career, however, I am also extremely knowledge hunger and always reading things (at times again and again) without taking much action. I also have problems with nihilism, skepticism, isolation, etc. but I don't show it to other people (very stoic) and pretend nothing is happening inside (when I have strong disappointment about the outside world), thus I conceal my emotions a lot. I have strong underlying anger, but I rationalize it knowing that it won't affect anything positively, and only negatively in a long-run, though occasionally I lash out in anger. I know (intuitively) I have either strong 1 or 5 in my tritype, but I can't decide my core type, especially since (according to few resources I've read) self-preserving ones look like fives and sixes to the outside world (since they engage less to the outside world), and that might be true, as I am way too anxious (when thinking about the future, making plans, etc.) for a 1 (aren't 1w9 supposed be 'calm' and 'peaceful'?). I can relate to the fear of being worthless of 5, so I try to study every subject / topic from every angle / resources... sometimes obsessively, believing that I will need the information in the future (in case something goes wrong, as I don't rely on people less). My third tritype is most likely 4, as I get into bouts of depression, sometimes oversharing my personal life (only to confidants), and feel unique deep inside, though I don't actively try to be special or unique nor do I actively share my feeling through creative work.