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Thread: Sx/So Obsession with 1:1 connection?

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Default Sx/So Obsession with 1:1 connection?

    So a question for all the sx/so people out there. Do you all experience that intensity of wanting to basically become one with another person? Doesn't even have to do with a relationship necessarily but of course that's the easiest example..

    I want to get under someone's skin when I like them.. I want to spend all my time with them. I don't feel a need to be alone.. Really I have issues with being alone which may be more attachment related but I notice that all sp strong individuals love their alone time. They want to be able to engage in their specific individual pursuits. Sometimes I don't even see a point in pursuing ANYTHING if there's no one around to pursue them with. Wow. That sounds pretty sad but that's genuinely how I am.

    How do I channel all this energy and desire and passion for others into something just for me? I feel so lost when I'm without others..


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    I'm not sx/so but in my experience they tend to be a very tribalistic stacking, meaning they value loyalty amongst people they know and can rather unwelcoming and unfriendly to people they don't know personally. I think sx/sp is the stacking most obsessed with "1:1 to connection", sx/so are more concerned with their inner social circle.

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    I'm not sx/so but in my experience they tend to be a very tribalistic stacking, meaning they value loyalty amongst people they know and can rather unwelcoming and unfriendly to people they don't know personally. I think sx/sp is the stacking most obsessed with "1:1 to connection", sx/so are more concerned with their inner social circle.
    Actually you know what, you're probably right. I am very, very group focused. And yes, I love to be welcoming but t takes a while to break through like you have to "prove yourself" to be part of the "Tribe" lol. But I would say my desire for 1:1 connection is different from sx/sp because I need that with multiple people, whereas I find so last will find that 1 person and just be happy.


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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    So a question for all the sx/so people out there. Do you all experience that intensity of wanting to basically become one with another person? Doesn't even have to do with a relationship necessarily but of course that's the easiest example..

    I want to get under someone's skin when I like them.. I want to spend all my time with them. I don't feel a need to be alone.. Really I have issues with being alone which may be more attachment related but I notice that all sp strong individuals love their alone time. They want to be able to engage in their specific individual pursuits. Sometimes I don't even see a point in pursuing ANYTHING if there's no one around to pursue them with. Wow. That sounds pretty sad but that's genuinely how I am.

    How do I channel all this energy and desire and passion for others into something just for me? I feel so lost when I'm without others..
    This might not be an sx/so issue. I'm sx/so, and I'm perfectly happy when I'm by myself, and have no trouble figuring out what to put energy into when no one is prodding me to do something with them.
    On the other hand, I got divorced about a year ago (after a separation) and since that time, I felt intensely uncomfortable. I felt as if something very important was missing, and I had to connect with someone, no matter what. I could not focus on work, and the guys I work with noticed this and even commented on it. I was clearly not thinking very well. I was just putting a lot of mental energy into looking for a new connection. I have since found an LSI, and while I have made it clear from the first that we are just friends and we are not meant for each other* and I am looking for an ESI, we do get along very well, and I feel mentally calm for the first time in many months. Years, maybe.

    I think the sx-first thing means that you need someone in your life whom you can count on for help, if and when you might need help. I think it has less to do with feeling self-motivated to do stuff on your own, or with needing to be with someone all the time. The latter does sound more like an Attachment Style issue. But that is just my guess.

    *If this relationship is Mirage, or a kind of semi-Duality, I think we are both in for a great time with our Duals.

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    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...=1#post1015269

    I was reading this thread and it seems 1-1 connection and "wanting to become one with another person" is actually more sp related then it is sx. Wanting to spend all your time with one person goes along with the sp theme of nesting. Sx on the other hand is more about show- partying, being slutty, engaging in reckless activites for the thrill is the name of the game for Sx. Passion is characteristic of all the instincts in their own unique ways and is not sx-exclusive

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...=1#post1015269

    I was reading this thread and it seems 1-1 connection and "wanting to become one with another person" is actually more sp related then it is sx. Wanting to spend all your time with one person goes along with the sp theme of nesting. Sx on the other hand is more about show- partying, being slutty, engaging in reckless activites for the thrill is the name of the game for Sx. Passion is characteristic of all the instincts in their own unique ways and is not sx-exclusive
    Nope, sp is about self preservation, nothing to do with being another person on its own. What you are talking about is more contrasting sx paired with sp vs sx paired with so and some of it just sx in general.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...=1#post1015269

    I was reading this thread and it seems 1-1 connection and "wanting to become one with another person" is actually more sp related then it is sx. Wanting to spend all your time with one person goes along with the sp theme of nesting. Sx on the other hand is more about show- partying, being slutty, engaging in reckless activites for the thrill is the name of the game for Sx. Passion is characteristic of all the instincts in their own unique ways and is not sx-exclusive
    I could see sp being related to having someone to come home to, domesticity, long term trust. But not about spending every second with one person or "being one with them" *shudder*

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    Nope, sp is about self preservation, nothing to do with being another person on its own. What you are talking about is more contrasting sx paired with sp vs sx paired with so and some of it just sx in general.
    Quote directly from that link:

    "One-on-One is SP: Domestic, stable, trust, nesting, co-habiting, coming home together, sharing, long and deep, comfort, trust, being here with your partner, creating something together, marriage vows, sustaining something."

    Think about how it works in nature. The peacock is probably the obvious representation of the Sx instinct. Its colorful and extravagant tail makes it more visible, and by being more visible you increase you chances mating. Another way the Sx instinct can manifest is through aggressiveness and territorial domination. The allows certain individuals to gain an reproductive edge over the competition. This can seen most clearly with elephant seals.

    This is Sx:

    peacock.jpg

    Frigate bird.jpg

    SG_EleSealFight1.jpg


    This is Sp:


    Beautiful-Dove-in-Nest (1).jpg

    bird_nest_nestling_beak_59748_3840x2400.jpg

    Soc:

    Ant-architects.jpg

    Beehive.jpg
    Attached Images Attached Images
    Last edited by Muddy; 01-26-2016 at 11:16 PM.

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    Also from the link you quoted re: sx

    3) Immersion/Fusion - completely absorbed, immersion, not just in others but in passions. without the heart center it becomes spiraling, self-absorption, tends to mix with narcissistic issues, tries to resolve left over childhood b.s. Male mantis being eaten by females, male spiders being eaten by females. The question is what do I fusing with? You don't fuse with just anything (there's a picky-ness here... hunter waits for prey... finding the right game, the perfect mate, the right spark. It's not connection. There is a specific intelligence to the attraction, see my example below of plagues and arranged marriages), the nature of the attraction-immersion is that there is a specific something that draws attraction and immersion is sought in.
    So while sx is not the comfort and nesting and so forth, it IS immersion and fusion in someone or something.

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    I think it's really hard to see your last instinct as an end-goal.

    For instance, I enjoy the idea of being self-reliant and having extra financial cushioning (of which I currently have...scant) so that if a piece of my world topples I still have the opportunity to pursue my creative goals. I think it's important to be competent so that you have something to bring to a relationship or friendship. But I have a lower limit for being able to enjoy... consuming things, than sp people seem to. After a while, I start losing focus on myself if I'm too lonely.

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    Also from the link you quoted re: sx



    So while sx is not the comfort and nesting and so forth, it IS immersion and fusion in someone or something.
    Hmmm yeah I should of thought more about that one lol. So I guess the angler fish would be the best representation of that manifestation of Sx. I think I might go more in depth with a separate thread for visualizations of the instincts in nature later.

    ang.jpg

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    add:

    if i'm freaking out b/c I'm lonely, you can give me 1,000,000 dollars and I could still be panic attacking. that's how it is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Muddytextures View Post
    Quote directly from that link:

    "One-on-One is SP: Domestic, stable, trust, nesting, co-habiting, coming home together, sharing, long and deep, comfort, trust, being here with your partner, creating something together, marriage vows, sustaining something."


    You originally wrote about "wanting to become one with another person". Not the same thing as this.


    Think about how it works in nature. The peacock is probably the obvious representation of the Sx instinct. Its colorful and extravagant tail makes it more visible, and by being more visible you increase you chances mating. Another way the Sx instinct can manifest is through aggressiveness and territorial domination. The allows certain individuals to gain an reproductive edge over the competition. This can seen most clearly with elephant seals.


    I said nothing that was in contradiction with this.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post


    You originally wrote about "wanting to become one with another person". Not the same thing as this.
    Yeah I jumped the gun again again haha. I see how it works now.

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    There's so much misunderstanding amidst some good understanding on enneagram here.
    SX is the drive to intimacy. Not necessarily sexual related, but intimacy.
    SO is the drive to grouping.
    SP is the drive to self-preserve (this includes eating, being healthy, and having enough money for that. It also includes sex since sex is self-preservation of one's genes and etc. and thus sometimes SP leads are mistaken for SX leads and vice-versa).

    IME in these almost 20 years of Enneagram study and observation, SP first tends to value WORK a lot, or better said MONEY a lot, but not for the sake of showing off like an SO, or attracting someone like an SX lead, simply for being secure in knowing that if anything happens to his/her health there's going to be enough money to fix it and so to keep oneself alive.

    SO leads are somewhat drawn to groups and work too, but for them the STATUS is much more important then the security and comfort that money can provide. They can be very showing-off of their wealth if their second instinct is SX. The place in society one occupies is here of central importance for them. If they cannot be rich at least having a job that they will try their best is of great importance since it is their link with Society in general.

    SX leads are drawn to money basically to attract a partner. If SX/SO they can be somewhat unmotivated towards working unless they are highly recognized (which would satisfy their SO instinct) or they can, through their job, become intimate with some people (not necessarily for sexual relations, more often not, but the SX first is obviously much more motivated to work if he's got a job partner whom he may flirt with or at least to some extent 'feel' the person they're attracted to (like when someone bends over another person's desk and the perfume and pheromones and overall field of energy of the person is close to the SX lead).

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    @ Muddytextures IDK what happens but lately I kill threads. It's puzzling to me. Perhaps my observations are found to be so accurate that most people think they have nothing left to say after I post. lol. Now seriously. Americans often act strange. They're many times "creepy" as they like to say (btw "creepy" is a faggy expression imo unless used by a female).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Airman View Post
    @ Muddytextures IDK what happens but lately I kill threads. It's puzzling to me. Perhaps my observations are found to be so accurate that most people think they have nothing left to say after I post. lol. Now seriously. Americans often act strange. They're many times "creepy" as they like to say (btw "creepy" is a faggy expression imo unless used by a female).
    Lmao I kill threads too! I stab them thirty seven times in the chest. No really though, Ive been wanting to time myself to see how fast I can kill chatbox.

    P.s. Yes Im stalking your posts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jaein View Post

    P.s. Yes Im stalking your posts.
    Oh my god you're so 'CREEPY' lol
    and chatbox is already dead. for good or bad.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Airman View Post

    IME in these almost 20 years of Enneagram study and observation, SP first tends to value WORK a lot, or better said MONEY a lot, but not for the sake of showing off like an SO, or attracting someone like an SX lead, simply for being secure in knowing that if anything happens to his/her health there's going to be enough money to fix it and so to keep oneself alive.

    SO leads are somewhat drawn to groups and work too, but for them the STATUS is much more important then the security and comfort that money can provide. They can be very showing-off of their wealth if their second instinct is SX. The place in society one occupies is here of central importance for them. If they cannot be rich at least having a job that they will try their best is of great importance since it is their link with Society in general.

    SX leads are drawn to money basically to attract a partner. If SX/SO they can be somewhat unmotivated towards working unless they are highly recognized (which would satisfy their SO instinct) or they can, through their job, become intimate with some people (not necessarily for sexual relations, more often not, but the SX first is obviously much more motivated to work if he's got a job partner whom he may flirt with or at least to some extent 'feel' the person they're attracted to (like when someone bends over another person's desk and the perfume and pheromones and overall field of energy of the person is close to the SX lead).
    ^ This is SPOT ON.


    My SP/SO father is a workaholic (being E3 probably strengthens that tendency)...

    Personally, I have recently been thinking about social class, where my family fits into; researched what cross-class marriages are like; how I can achieve the status that I desire without having to be a workaholic... >_<
    (Being PoLR and SP blindspot, I naturally refrain from focusing on productivity and making money through that. The opposite to my LSE father, who basically chose a job with which he thought he could make the most amount of money with.)

    So yes, as an SO lead I am concerned with Status – money itself is rather meaningless to me, but it can help with status stuff...

    I find showing off status is more related to the Aristocracy of a type. Even though I am an Aristocratic type and value "not looking cheap", I've learned to play down my good living standards to some degree through the influence of my Democratic ESE mother, who was never a big "show-off" in that regard, even though she is also SO/SX. (She's had her moments, but they were short-lived.)

    I am going way off-topic here...
    But I have been wondering lately whether I should "show off" my status more, because I am tired of befriending people who are significantly lower in status, with whom I am not on the same wave-length because of that. I do not like to embarrass people; I feel like I would make certain people feel ashamed of their own status level, if they saw how I lived. So, I am prone to not inviting said people over, for the most part. I have done in it the past, with a few, but... I am growing more and more disinterested of doing so.

    I have even thought about how I could meet more people who are on the same status level as myself, haha. Should I start wearing more prestige items, like certain pricey bags? Where should I go to meet those people?

    I bet all of this sounds rather unimportant to non-SO leads...
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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    My SP/SO father is a workaholic (being E3 probably strengthens that tendency)...

    Personally, I have recently been thinking about social class, where my family fits into; researched what cross-class marriages are like; how I can achieve the status that I desire without having to be a workaholic... >_<
    (Being PoLR and SP blindspot, I naturally refrain from focusing on productivity and making money through that. The opposite to my LSE father, who basically chose a job with which he thought he could make the most amount of money with.)

    So yes, as an SO lead I am concerned with Status – money itself is rather meaningless to me, but it can help with status stuff...

    I find showing off status is more related to the Aristocracy of a type. Even though I am an Aristocratic type and value "not looking cheap", I've learned to play down my good living standards to some degree through the influence of my Democratic ESE mother, who was never a big "show-off" in that regard, even though she is also SO/SX. (She's had her moments, but they were short-lived.)

    I am going way off-topic here...
    But I have been wondering lately whether I should "show off" my status more, because I am tired of befriending people who are significantly lower in status, with whom I am not on the same wave-length because of that. I do not like to embarrass people; I feel like I would make certain people feel ashamed of their own status level, if they saw how I lived. So, I am prone to not inviting said people over, for the most part. I have done in it the past, with a few, but... I am growing more and more disinterested of doing so.

    I have even thought about how I could meet more people who are on the same status level as myself, haha. Should I start wearing more prestige items, like certain pricey bags? Where should I go to meet those people?

    I bet all of this sounds rather unimportant to non-SO leads... [/spoiler]
    No it doesn't sound inumportant at least to me because this is real life experience you're sharing.
    For one thing, I am myself unmotivated for working even being LSE if it doesn't pay very well and I'm always trying new enterprises and changing jobs because of that. Basically what sucks in being LSE is that one is kind of obsessed with money, and concerned about it all the time. Being Aristocratic also increases this tendency but in Delta and Beta money means different things. I find SO leads very interesting in many ways, but their obsession with status in society is somewhat foolish for an SX lead who prefers not so much glamour but intensity when spending money, preferably in a romantic trip.
    And the LSI typing below my avatar is a joke btw.

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