ESFj's Romantic/Erotic Behaviour

[Soupman]

What is it like to be honest? How are these caregivers like in reality?

[Deer Woman]

I was with an ESE guy for years. He's more of a "white knight" than a typical Caregiver. His Caregiving is more Fe directed...which basically means he finds people who are emotionally damaged/hurt/afraid/repressed and "repair damages". He wants others to express themselves more and feel freer. I think that's part of the draw for him. He's happiest when he finds a project that demands Fe and over time he can eventually help them.
Day to day, he likes setting up plans and constantly wooing. He'll give compliments, find fun activities to do and then push them for you and others (not necessarily dogmatic, but he can move lazy/inert people and get them excited/participating). He prefers people who are more reticent. If someone mirrors back Fe too much at him (aka tries to compliment him a lot, expresses on their own frequently and without restraint, excitable, etc), then he withdraws and becomes more aloof. Not as interested.
So it's a funny game. Basically he wants to pull you out of your shell, get you to express things you've never been able to express before and constantly win you over with fun/compliments, but if he succeeds too often, the pull/challenge is lost for him and he fades off a bit.
There are ESE dark sides, but those are talked about far too often. Concentrate on these roots instead and infer problem areas.

[Beautiful sky]

My sister is ESE. She saw this guy she liked physically when she was 15 and chased him around when he came around the apartment complex like a cat after a mouse. She was so persistent to think she was acting like an SEE focused after the object of her desire. Poor guy never had a chance. She called him and occupied all his time and attention. She was sexually active very young and charmed men into giving her gifts and such. Total opposite of me. I kept telling her that she was putting these men in a very compromising situations because she was playing with fire and she was only 15. A couple of times she fell for boys who liked me and she would tell me "I think he's cute but he only pays attention to you." I would tell her that I didn't notice and that I would tell these guys to go for you. Which I did but some she wasn't too fond of so she would move on. She did like this one guy though because she said "he does it all in bed." I really didn't need to hear this...but can't stop her when she talks. Anyway persistent sexually, very sexual, flirty, very affectionate with lover, almost naggingly carousing them into sexual like connected contact (I just say that because it's unlikely me).

[Suz]

I was with an ESE guy for years. He's more of a "white knight" than a typical Caregiver. His Caregiving is more Fe directed...which basically means he finds people who are emotionally damaged/hurt/afraid/repressed and "repair damages". He wants others to express themselves more and feel freer. I think that's part of the draw for him. He's happiest when he finds a project that demands Fe and over time he can eventually help them.
Day to day, he likes setting up plans and constantly wooing. He'll give compliments, find fun activities to do and then push them for you and others (not necessarily dogmatic, but he can move lazy/inert people and get them excited/participating). He prefers people who are more reticent. If someone mirrors back Fe too much at him (aka tries to compliment him a lot, expresses on their own frequently and without restraint, excitable, etc), then he withdraws and becomes more aloof. Not as interested.
So it's a funny game. Basically he wants to pull you out of your shell, get you to express things you've never been able to express before and constantly win you over with fun/compliments, but if he succeeds too often, the pull/challenge is lost for him and he fades off a bit.
There are ESE dark sides, but those are talked about far too often. Concentrate on these roots instead and infer problem areas.

Yeah...i can relate to this actually... When ppl are reticent i can really feel myself getting revved up trying to fix that. If they respond, it kind of like "yay!!"

Regarding emotional ppl, it really depends. I can keenly tell when ppl are being genuine (for the most part). If its not genuine, yes i scoff and A-V-O-I-D!

[blue hummingbird]

I had an ESE friend when I was in college. She had a brief affair with an ILE guy; sadly, it was one-sided. She told me that she was very sure he liked her, but I felt like she was toying him around. I was a bit annoyed at her because that guy was clearly smitten, but she kept this flirting, coquettish behavior around him, at least that is how it was to me. I still don't understand what was her main motivation, but I think it's one of ESE's quirk; they may tease and entertain romantic overtures and opportunity. I know that guy; he and I had an animation project together, and I was acting as his supervisor; my impression on him was naïve, clever, erratic and quick to help, but his cleverness clearly didn't (or doesn't) extend to understanding basic psychology of human behaviors. The affair was quickly ended, and that guy was also moved on. Another ESE; she doesn't have a boyfriend, but she loves to collect gifts, free foods, clothes, etc. from various single guys, although she has no intention to pick one of them.

All of ESEs I have known are very erotic and they have something in common about the ideal man; quiet, reserved, resourceful, and like a broken, wounded bird; the description shares a great deal of similarity with Will Graham character from Hannibal NBC. Their presence commands attention, they consciously or not craves for it, and I'm not exaggerating that many single guys chased them, desired them. Most of men like a woman with ceaseless devotion, intense and attentive lover, altruistic and courteous, tasteful and take a great care of her appearance, etc. ESEs know this. Their love is awfully passionate; they can love someone persistently, they give it all, but not without great jealousy and possessive streaks. Their emotional self is like a fire, but a fire burns as long as there are logs; may hurt their beloved ones, may end many relations, may be the source of many regrets. Sometimes, it's too exhausting to stand their emotional intensity; if you are an explosive ESE then it's time to control your outward reactions. There is something very inviting and alluring about how they act, speak, and walk; whether it's all intentional and tactics or not. They are also very interested in their physical attraction, are very conscious and sensitive about their appearances. They can take a great length to improve and entice their sexual attractiveness, but most of them often not too flashy, just this side of sensuous. One ESE I know regularly visits a dermatologist, buy expensive, doctor-recommended skin care products, maintains her weight, etc.

In conclusion, I dare to say that ESE is one of the most wanted lovers due to aforementioned reasons above. If you love an ESE, then you will fight a good competition with other guys/girls.

I apologize in advance for any grammatical mistakes, since I'm not a native speaker and I didn't get enough sleep last night. Feel free to point it out! Also, it's never in my intention to hurt all of ESEs (or ILEs) out there. Clearly, my description is not always fit for all of ESEs in the world.

[Sol]

I dare to say that ESE is one of the most wanted lovers

depends on IR. different people need different things

[Eliza Thomason]

That they are the MOST attractive lovers is in the eye of the beholder. Certainly types are going to fall hook line and sinker of course. But yes, ESE girls can have real strong charm. I think probably particularly the Fe subtypes. My college ESE-Fe friend used to go to a party and end up with a gaggle of smitten guys. She drew them in on purpose. Which is not so nice when its someone else's husband. I frowned on that. You don't turn on your charming self to a guy with a wife who does not exude the same charm. At the same party I would have one or two that had my complete attention as I got to know them deeply, and she would be all over like a butterfly extroverting charm with everyone. We noticed that about us at parties - we were both socially extroverted and animated - she just had a wider scope. Your post, @crushedapple, reminded me of her because it seemed she could "take" any guy she wanted. Twice she hooked up and become the Miss Sunshine, Everything-girl to a more reticent guy who felt like he'd won the lottery with her. The guy would just "turn on" like he discovered life for the first time, AND he would give her things. Nice gym membership, great dates at nice restaurants, nice presents, which she always received gratefully and gleefully. Both of these were guys out of school with jobs, not poor college students - and share an apartment, but I KNEW it wouldn't last and the poor guy would be devastated when she moved on. And she DID. I was really disapproving of this. When she picked yet another shy but accomplished guy, this time to marry, I wondered if she could stick with him. But she did, through thick and thin.

It seems like an ESE girl with her charm can pick the guy she wants. But she goes all-in before she is sure. So you cannot count on her to stay til she is ready to. And she doesn't always pick right. My ESE friend stuck with the guy she married, but he turned out to be bi-polar, and after a long bumpy ride, some years, trying to hold a family together with him, it had to end. So I think ESEs can get who they want but don't always pick right.

[blue hummingbird]

depends on IR. different people need different things

Like I said, "one of the most wanted", not "the most wanted". I think we socionics amateurs know that already, people do search different things.

[Sol]

Like I said, "one of the most wanted"

not more than other types. what's good for LII will be as a lover so-so or weird for other types. it's basics of socionics

[blue hummingbird]

not more than other types. what's good for LII will be as a lover so-so or weird for other types. it's basics of socionics

My dear Sol, I assure you that my judgment is not clouded. I have been around many ESEs since years ago, and I’m very familiar with their negative and positive traits.

First, I want to ask you about something practical. How many people in this world that is aware of Socionics? Please take a look at @Eliza Thomason ’s post, did those guys know about Socionics when they chased her? They didn’t, actually most of humanity don’t. We perceive someone by their outward behavior and appearance, correct? It’s just the same for dating business. They see this girl, with a good fashion sense, pretty face with light makeup, charming, talk and listen to you with rapt attention, quick to smile, etc. those guys don’t know about Socionics, and they don’t know about intertype relations, but they know that they are attracted to this girl. It’s that simple.

This “a good fashion sense, pretty face with light makeup, charming, talk and listen to you with rapt attention, quick to smile” description above, is the most basic traits of general attractiveness. SEE can be like this, so are EIE and IEE. ESE is blending in the crowd of extraverts; most people can’t tell differences the first time; that’s why I said that ESE is one of the most wanted lovers, due to this reason—most of human population don’t know what is Socionics, and intertype relations. It’s an unspoken agreement that extraverts have a significant advantage when it comes to dating and popularity. In dating business, men like availability, and those extraverts do look available, approachable, easier to engage.

Anyway, I was talking about the first impression, not in long-term relationship. If it’s long term, then it will be weariness, frustration and depression for their previously charming partner; no wonder the divorce percentage is so high these days! Your statement above is how it should be, not what things are in real life. I wasn’t talking in ideal sense—most of us act based on what we want, we don’t always know what is the best for us, and people do what they shouldn’t do. Socionics is just one explanation among many about human nature. The world is out there, we should place the theory side by side with reality, my dear friend. Otherwise, it’s just unexplainable, unproven stuffs.

In conclusion, people are attracted by outward behaviors, how you talk, facial expressions, and how you treat the others, in the most basic sense not based in Socionics—because, let’s be honest, this theory isn’t popular out there. However, I would like to apologize for being so concise about my statement earlier, clearly we have a misunderstanding here. That was rude, and less tactful of me; I hope my inadequate explanation will clear the fog. And feel free to nitpick my writing styles, yeah? English is not my expertise, I’m afraid.

[Beautiful sky]

My.sister is flirtatious and will often waste a lot of time hanging around the person she wants to try to talk to them and touch them or whatever. She's persistent and very flirtatious

[Jeremy8419]

ESE's, for me at least, are simply Si. Lots of food, tasties, rest, and will lay around with you all day having sex. Is nothing but a malaise though.