EII-SLE Conflict Relations (INFj & ESTp)

[Sol]

So yeah, that's basically what EII/SLE relations are like from my experience. SLE scares EII, then the EII seeks help from authorities instead of addressing SLE directly which pisses off the SLE for the EII being such a god damn pussy.

As in any conflicting IR INFJ will get: no good support for 3rd block functions, as values are opposite - behavior of the opponent will be thought as inadequate and unacceptable, no trust, psychic exhaustion. ESTP gets same. Both understand clearly weak points of themselves and feel like shit. ESTP feels shame, anxiety, depressive mood, may run away in escapism and stay less at home, then ESTP just will find sex relations outside as there will be less moral responsibility and pressure.

[Satan]

Just wanting to hear some stories of conflict relations. What was it like in the beginning? How did you push each others buttons? Or if you are not an eii or sle but have seen these two in conflict, what did it look like to you?

Shit, don't overthink it. If it's a mine field, then stop haphazardly walking around, and get the fuck out of there.

[jaein]

Our conflict revolves around Fi and Fe. Fe makes conclusions about things based on their external society and Fi based on one's own personal feelings. One conflict that I get into with that is when Fe types say "that's what men are told now" not "he was told that" second conflict is around their lax leader like nature. They will want all the work done for them while my hard working duals work faster and will work at those menial routine jobs with pride. They both can overindulge on sweets and yummy foods, fine dining and sensory things. They are both strong and hardy individuals who joke and laugh and make silly gestures have hobbies. My duals are direct and harsh in communication and I'm accepting of that. SLE are different.

Sle want to go experience and have fun my duals want to hang out at home and talk. I would much rather provide emotional support than go collect experiences.

I thought the conflict revolved around our PoLR and base function. So like we're always shutting eachother down, not intentionally but thats just our natural mode of thinking. Or am I not understanting this correctly?

[jaein]

I was visiting my brother and his roommate one day. His roommate's girlfriend whom I suspect was EII there at the time. For whatever my reason my LSI/SLE father tried to get into the house but the door was locked so he started banging loudly on the windows to try to see if anyone was inside. The EII freaked out and called the cops on my father. Luckily for my father the cops didn't take it too seriously and he got away without any penalties. (My dad was constantly getting into trouble with law so I think at that point the cops just took this kind of stuff as him just being himself.)

So yeah, that's basically what EII/SLE relations are like from my experience. SLE scares EII, then the EII seeks help from authorities instead of addressing SLE directly which pisses off the SLE for the EII being such a god damn pussy.

An SLE I went to school with always intimidated me. He didnt mean to Im sure. Anyways I remember he used to tell me that my sister was better than me over and over again. I knew he was just trying to get a reaction so I just responded with "ok." He never did anything worth reporting to the authorities. That was just him ya know?

[jaein]

Shit, don't overthink it. If it's a mine field, then stop haphazardly walking around, and get the fuck out of there.

Lol im not in close contact with my conflcitors Im just trying to get a feel on all my intertype relations. Funny imagery btw

[Beautiful sky]

I thought the conflict revolved around our PoLR and base function. So like we're always shutting eachother down, not intentionally but thats just our natural mode of thinking. Or am I not understanting this correctly?

It does and I said why...because they seek experiences and ep temperament. My dual does things planned and is more predictable the

[jaein]

My husbands cousin (SLE) shot our dog for biting his girlfriend. I told my husband to take pictures for evidence and call the cops- you just can't go around and shoot animals like that. It's not the Wild West, but he acts like it is. The situation was handled compeletely wrong. Now he's mad at us for getting the cops involved. I'm pretty sure it was he who slit my husbands tires...

Wow. I cant even imagine how upset I would be. Was it heat of the moment or after the fact? Id be pretty pissed at anyone who shot my dog

[Beautiful sky]

An SLE I went to school with always intimidated me. He didnt mean to Im sure. Anyways I remember he used to tell me that my sister was better than me over and over again. I knew he was just trying to get a reaction so I just responded with "ok." He never did anything worth reporting to the authorities. That was just him ya know?

SLE are not intimidating. You're just making a stereotypical remark so is Birdwhatever. SLE doesn't mean killer aggressive a hole. I'm more aggressive than any SLE I've ever known. Se is about taking in and experience of the senses...like going after a really tasty steak and lobster dinner because it appeased the senses. Any person can be mean and wrong because they came from circumstances that are not nurturing or etc.

[ghost of forum past]

Any type can be intimidating to any other type, but at times one's supervisor or conflictor may be perceived as especially intimidating.

What is most interpersonally intimidating to any given type is an unhealthy demonstration from someone else of one's PoLR.

Any type can be an aggressive asshole, though there are correlations between type and stereotypical unhealthy behaviors.

[jaein]

SLE are not intimidating. You're just making a stereotypical remark so is Birdwhatever. SLE doesn't mean killer aggressive a hole. I'm more aggressive than any SLE I've ever known. Se is about taking in and experience of the senses...like going after a really tasty steak and lobster dinner because it appeased the senses. Any person can be mean and wrong because they came from circumstances that are not nurturing or etc.

Lol sorry,precision of laguage. I was intimidated by him. He wasnt actively agressive towards me except in the one instance I mentioned. It was his dominant and extroverted nature that intimidated me. Never meant to come across as if I thought they were killer aggressive assholes.

[Beautiful sky]

I said he wasn't a good example for SLE.

he's a horrible example of an SLE. your reaction was direct to achieve your goals. I would have been sad but would have had my husband manage all the aggressive moves like you did. Every single EII dual description says they have their significant other make such direct forceful moves and here you are taking them into your hands. YOU are not EII.

[jaein]

Any type can be intimidating to any other type, but at times one's supervisor or conflictor may be perceived as especially intimidating.

What is most interpersonally intimidating to any given type is an unhealthy demonstration from someone else of one's PoLR.

Any type can be an aggressive asshole, though there are correlations between type and stereotypical unhealthy behaviors.

So an unhealthy demonstration of se would intimidate an eii

[Beautiful sky]

my duals don't handle stress like SLE because they are not merry type and because they are serious they take a lot personally. They like a relaxed mellow environment as a result with not a lot of intense sensory experience. I think because SLE have a higher stress tolerance level because they can't let things in personally just lack jackass LSI William they tend to put up a fight longer instead of backing off.

experience experience experience….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7D1K6vg7ODg

LSE hugh jackman he's my quick tasty delicious dual just like he admires the potato salad yummy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6Ia7HDPjLg

[poops magoops]

SLEs are impulsive and often make crude jokes. Proud and arrogant. Outwardly, they convey a sense of self assurance and prosperity. The SLE is often is uncompromising and vindictive, ready to make the lives of their opponents intolerable. The SLE does not hide the potential threat of force and will express latent threats with a glare or other minute changes in the facial expression.

The EII is accutely aware of these external expressions of force and willpower latent in the SLEs actions. The EII values of mutual understanding and forgiveness can be met only with doubt from the SLE. The EIIs idealism is trampled on in these relationships—feelings of calm and harmony are impossible.

The EII, an emotionally sensitive individual and easily afraid of or hurt by the SLE, will express their dissatisfaction with the SLEs behavior, addressing their unfair treatment of others (perhaps even their loved ones). The SLE, always filled with doubts over love in their relationships, is critically wounded by these remarks. There can be no understanding or justification for the other's actions from either interlocutors perspective.

[Beautiful sky]

SLEs are impulsive and often make crude jokes. Proud and arrogant. Outwardly, they convey a sense of self assurance and prosperity. The SLE is often is uncompromising and vindictive, ready to make the lives of their opponents intolerable. The SLE does not hide the potential threat of force and will express latent threats with a glare or other minute changes in the facial expression.

The EII is accutely aware of these external expressions of force and willpower latent in the SLEs actions. The EII values of mutual understanding and forgiveness can be met only with doubt from the SLE. The EIIs idealism is trampled on in these relationships—feelings of calm and harmony are impossible.

The EII, an emotionally sensitive individual and easily afraid of or hurt by the SLE, will express their dissatisfaction with the SLEs behavior, addressing their unfair treatment of others (perhaps even their loved ones). The SLE, always filled with doubts over love in their relationships, is critically wounded by these remarks. There can be no understanding or justification for the other's actions from either interlocutors perspective.

Yes that makes our relationship uncomfortable and because I'm expected to Jan back instead of apologize and please them as is my natural tendency

[Beautiful sky]

I was visiting my brother and his roommate one day. His roommate's girlfriend whom I suspect was EII there at the time. For whatever my reason my LSI/SLE father tried to get into the house but the door was locked so he started banging loudly on the windows to try to see if anyone was inside. The EII freaked out and called the cops on my father. Luckily for my father the cops didn't take it too seriously and he got away without any penalties. (My dad was constantly getting into trouble with law so I think at that point the cops just took this kind of stuff as him just being himself.)

So yeah, that's basically what EII/SLE relations are like from my experience. SLE scares EII, then the EII seeks help from authorities instead of addressing SLE directly which pisses off the SLE for the EII being such a god damn pussy.

I'm not a pussy. I would have been scared but no burgelar would knock on the window. Dughhhh common sense. I would approach it cautiously and let the person in. I'm far more relationship oriented than any examples here. Idk what type that person was but she lacks common sense.

[Beautiful sky]

I love my man to be humble. Demonstrate helpfulness and not tell everyone about what they have and how much money they are making out of what. SLE are nice too. The ones I know are great dad's who f ed their kids.

[jaein]

I'm not a pussy. I would have been scared but no burgelar would knock on the window. Dughhhh common sense. I would approach it cautiously and let the person in. I'm far more relationship oriented than any examples here. Idk what type that person was but she lacks common sense.

Lol yeah well if a man I didnt know was "banging loudly on the windows" Id be pretty freaked out.

[Beautiful sky]

Lol yeah well if a man I didnt know was "banging loudly on the windows" Id be pretty freaked out.

Approach the window and ask who is knocking. So and so's dad...wait I would like to call him and ask.

[Beautiful sky]

Burglar dialogue:

Knock knock
Lady: who's there?
Gentlemen: hi so glad you're up. Could you please open the window so I can get in? I'd like to rob you before the night is over
Lady: oh oh I'm in distress. I'm going to call the cops
Gentlemen: I asked nicely. Wtf!

[jaein]

Burglar dialogue:

Knock knock
Lady: who's there?
Gentlemen: hi so glad you're up. Could you please open the window so I can get in? I'd like to rob you before the night is over
Lady: oh oh I'm in distress. I'm going to call the cops
Gentlemen: I asked nicely. Wtf!

Ok so I dont have any common sense. Better safe than sorry?

[jaein]

SLEs are impulsive and often make crude jokes. Proud and arrogant. Outwardly, they convey a sense of self assurance and prosperity. The SLE is often is uncompromising and vindictive, ready to make the lives of their opponents intolerable. The SLE does not hide the potential threat of force and will express latent threats with a glare or other minute changes in the facial expression.

The EII is accutely aware of these external expressions of force and willpower latent in the SLEs actions. The EII values of mutual understanding and forgiveness can be met only with doubt from the SLE. The EIIs idealism is trampled on in these relationships—feelings of calm and harmony are impossible.

The EII, an emotionally sensitive individual and easily afraid of or hurt by the SLE, will express their dissatisfaction with the SLEs behavior, addressing their unfair treatment of others (perhaps even their loved ones). The SLE, always filled with doubts over love in their relationships, is critically wounded by these remarks. There can be no understanding or justification for the other's actions from either interlocutors perspective.

Is there ever an instance where you can address someones PoLR and not have it wound them? The main issue with conflicting types is they hate eachother or always feel scolded by eachother which leads to resentment?

[Kill4Me]

Don't listen to Maritsa. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

In a nutshell, when EII seeks Te they act soft and cuddly...they play dumb in ways that requires somebody to step in and give them an explanation...that provokes Te (LSE) to step in and coach. Because the soft and cuddly EII seemingly puts up no resistance Te is totally activated for LSE, and LSE-EII dual. Ideally. That's basically what the essence of LSE is....the coach. Where LSE will step in to coach a blunt SLE will step in to tell the EII they're a simple-minded idiot, a whore, liar, and a weakling, and to toughen up. Realistically, SLE makes EII uncomfortable seeking Te...and a wise EII intuitively knows that SLE stands in the way of their ability to dualize.

[Beautiful sky]

Don't listen to Maritsa. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

In a nutshell, when EII seeks Te they act soft and cuddly...they play dumb in ways that requires somebody to step in and give them an explanation...that provokes Te (LSE) to step in and coach. Because the soft and cuddly EII seemingly puts up no resistance Te is totally activated for LSE, and LSE-EII dual. Ideally. That's basically what the essence of LSE is....the coach. Where LSE will step in to coach a blunt SLE will step in to tell the EII they're a simple-minded idiot, a whore, liar, and a weakling, and to toughen up. Realistically, SLE makes EII uncomfortable seeking Te...and a wise EII intuitively knows that SLE stands in the way of their ability to dualize.

None of my SLE friends called me that. Those things are a matter of maturity... what SLE do say that is upsetting they will call their wives"my dumb wife" I guess it's the same thing. why would you say such things to people anyway. I guess they don't think about it as hurting people's feelings.

But that's just part of a rude joke right?

I don't like resistance. I like discussion.

[jaein]

Don't listen to Maritsa. She doesn't know what she's talking about.

In a nutshell, when EII seeks Te they act soft and cuddly...they play dumb in ways that requires somebody to step in and give them an explanation...that provokes Te (LSE) to step in and coach. Because the soft and cuddly EII seemingly puts up no resistance Te is totally activated for LSE, and LSE-EII dual. Ideally. That's basically what the essence of LSE is....the coach. Where LSE will step in to coach a blunt SLE will step in to tell the EII they're a simple-minded idiot, a whore, liar, and a weakling, and to toughen up. Realistically, SLE makes EII uncomfortable seeking Te...and a wise EII intuitively knows that SLE stands in the way of their ability to dualize.

Ive never played dumb(Im really just dumb lol). But yeah I can totally see that happening. Ill try this out with a few people who I suspect to be lse and sle. See how they react.Thank you for your input!

[Emmym]

Relations with SLEs seem great until I see the Fi-polr in them. I generally get along with them really well, both of us being accepting, laid back, optimistic types, but they can get fixated on their relations with other people in an unhealthy way and start demanding that their loved ones "prove" their worth by living up to a vision that might be incredibly childish--something their IEI duals probably wouldn't even let go unchecked in the first place, but I feel helpless to say anything. Example: An SLE who was staying with is, who I genuinely get along with most of the time, decided he wanted to blow his entire $10K tax return on a rave. Because it had always been "his dream" to host a rave and he thought he wouldn't be able to live with himself if it never happened. He has two kids and a girlfriend he supports (girlfriend seems IEE). The girlfriend expressed reluctance to help him plan this big party, whereas I really didn't feel like it was my business try and dissuade him, but I definitely wanted to. Then, since his gf was busy with the kids and not into organizing this rave, he started lambasting her as the worst partner ever, saying she didn't really care about him, and then expanding that to comment on her CHARACTER, saying all these things that just weren't true. I don't think for a second that an IEI would put up with that shit. If his girlfriend had been EII, she might have let him say it and then left, feeling that there was no common perception to grab onto, to save the rapidly sinking ship.

As for them triggering my Se-polr, this doesn't usually happen that much because SLEs tend to be very positive. Whereas SEEs tend to get annoyed when I offer my services and then don't know exactly what I'm doing, SLEs just seem glad that I'm willing to pitch in, figure it out and help them. Though I could see how it could turn sour if they had strict, unrealistic expectations of me going in and I failed to meet those, but this can happen even with LSEs.

[Emmym]

soft and cuddly

I think what you're describing is more accurate for Fi-EIIs. The way Ne-EIIs call for Te is generally by complaining about how everything is being done shittily, which hopefully spurs an LSE into stepping in and imposing order on their "disorderly" co-workers or teammates while optimizing everything. I think this would piss an SLE off just as much, though, like, "Why can't you just have the balls to confront everybody about what you want?" Or, "Why can't you organize everything yourself? Are you too lazy to enforce your own changes?" I guess it depends on the SLE, though. I actually have more ILEs call me out on this than SLEs. I think some SLEs are just glad something is being done in the first place, sometimes. Like "well this bitch doesn't know what she's doing but at least she told that ESE to stop being lazy af "

Eta: I don't think most Se-leads would approve of my lifestyle, which is pretty much the same day-to-day and includes reading books, writing, lazing around on the internet and chatting with people, and going to work. Sorry, but I don't need to have bad sex and then go to a hockey game to feel pumped and stuff.

[Beautiful sky]

I think what you're describing is more accurate for Fi-EIIs. The way Ne-EIIs call for Te is generally by complaining about how everything is being done shittily, which hopefully spurs an LSE into stepping in and imposing order on their "disorderly" co-workers or teammates while optimizing everything. I think this would piss an SLE off just as much, though, like, "Why can't you just have the balls to confront everybody about what you want?" Or, "Why can't you organize everything yourself? Are you too lazy to enforce your own changes?"

they notice that I don't manage my time and activities efficiently and step in to say "today do x and plan on doing that tomorrow" organize actions. Most LSE in my life take over all activities around me and do them. I become the queen of the home. Oh but I'm extremely diligent and responsible worker. If stuff goes to chaos around me because of other people who are not doing their job then LSE step in to manage.

I hate being criticized Emmym. I hate it so much and it makes me pressured into anger leaving.

[Emmym]

they notice that I don't manage my time and activities efficiently and step in to say "today do x and plan on doing that tomorrow" organize actions. Most LSE in my life take over all activities around me and do them. I become the queen of the home. Oh but I'm extremely diligent and responsible worker. If stuff goes to chaos around me because of other people who are not doing their job then LSE step in to manage.

I'm not great at organizing actions either, but I think my anxiety makes it look like I am. I'm usually too anxious/impatient about things to leave them sit, and if I do leave them sit, it's because I've already decided not to do them or I have a later date I'm planning to do them on. If I find out that someone's putting something off, my instinct is to goad them into doing it before it's too late. That might be Ni-demonstrative.

[Beautiful sky]

I'm not great at organizing actions either, but I think my anxiety makes it look like I am. I'm usually too anxious/impatient about things to leave them sit, and if I do leave them sit, it's because I've already decided not to do them or I have a later date I'm planning to do them on. If I find out that someone's putting something off, my instinct is to goad them into doing it before it's too late. That might be Ni-demonstrative.

It's interesting how that works because I agree with you. When it comes to managing other people's time I do it well.

I just had and activities reminder for my bf that's coming up due and I sent a text saying"don't forget that you need to order x"

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

how does it feel like for both parties?

[niffer]

The way that I experience it, I just find out sooner later when I meet them that there are little idiosyncrasies of ours that I know will make it difficult to make things work between us long term in a deep relationship of any sort. At first I inevitably always feel really charmed and it feels very promising, and sometimes I do get along with some of them well for a long time when things are kept superficial/distant enough. Sometimes I feel a lot of hope about being able to make it work and us becoming good friends, but I let go of it again eventually. The letting go of expectations happens when I make the realization about the personality idiosyncrasies having enough influence to create any potential for friction. It turns into indifference and returns to square one where there's a sort of mild distant pleasantness and vague fascination or admiration (I tend to feel this more towards female EIIs I've noticed) or more or less total indifference with some sense that I should avoid them (usually more towards EII males, though with some exceptions). I can like them as a person, it's just that I know things won't work between us. The distance keeping is almost exclusively to do with it being a practical issue for me. I'm skittish towards the idea of a lack of ease or lack of full mutual understanding during communication.

Once in a while things have gotten bad with a couple of them I've known, but by and large it's been like the above with most of my interactions with EIIs.

[Chae]

SLE --> feels judged and not responded to, their default forceful systematic efforts in whatever it is are futile which is frustrating.
EII --> feels attacked by SLE's natural energy, their values + ideas aren't being accepted/needed, no comfort for them is available.

The demo functions can change this a bit but I left them out so far. I mean they can meet halfway with EII's sense of time "background noise" (that's how I call the demonstrative) and SLE's business logic but it's not inherent to them.

[niffer]

SLE --> feels judged and not responded to, their default forceful systematic efforts in whatever it is are futile which is frustrating.
EII --> feels attacked by SLE's natural energy, their values + ideas aren't being accepted/needed, no comfort for them is available.

The demo functions can change this a bit but I left them out so far. I mean they can meet halfway with EII's sense of time "background noise" (that's how I call the demonstrative) and SLE's business logic but it's not inherent to them.

Whoa. This is it, everything in a nutshell. How did you know?

I dated an EII for two years actually. But summarizing it and wording it in an easy to understand way like this wasn't inherent to me lol ... and "background noise" with demonstrative, totally agree with that idea.

If I had to add anything I would say the differences in P vs. J temperament were noticeable and difficult. But that was implied already in what you said about the energy and response differences.

[Chae]

Whoa. This is it, everything in a nutshell. How did you know?

I'm a fortune teller, at least according to my ladies @Wyrd and @Pink. Just kidding, that's all ethics. I'm glad it helped you understand your relationship. And that played out for two years! That's just absolutely incredible.

I dated an EII for two years actually. But summarizing it and wording it in an easy to understand way like this wasn't inherent to me lol ... and "background noise" with demonstrative, totally agree with that idea.

If I had to add anything I would say the differences in P vs. J temperament were noticeable and difficult. But that was implied already in what you said about the energy and response differences.

The background noise for SLE, I thought about that in reverse. I think it's a sense of knowing how to get something done that EII can appreciate, but on top makes it too aggressive for them. And covers the demonstrative so logic prevails over implementation knowledge.

Very true, that's an important thing to mention as well. How did you experience your interplay on the level of the PoLR?

[niffer]

How did you experience your interplay on the level of the PoLR?

It was exactly the way you described it. Nothing I say could really add more to it, other than I think the different values and perhaps slightly mismatched dimensionalities (for e.g. my Se is built to handle the Ip intermittent unconscious Se of IEI, not the complete polr near-absence of Se from EII, and it moreover being released in an Ij format), exacerbated difficulties and misunderstandings and then eventually a lack of common ground which was a blessing in disguise because upon realizing I was such a different person from him all along in a fundamentally problematic way made it like nothing to let go. I'd rather not get into too much detail about things actually on a very public forum such as this one.

[Chae]

It was exactly the way you described it. Nothing I say could really add more to it, other than I think the different values and perhaps slightly mismatched dimensionalities (for e.g. my Se is built to handle the Ip intermittent unconscious Se of IEI, not the complete polr near-absence of Se from EII, and it moreover being released in an Ij format), exacerbated difficulties and misunderstandings and then eventually a lack of common ground which was a blessing in disguise because upon realizing I was such a different person from him all along in a fundamentally problematic way made it like nothing to let go. I'd rather not get into too much detail about things actually on a very public forum such as this one.

Yeah, misunderstanding and difference sums up conflictor relationships fairly well. You don't have to, the OP's aim is already met.

[Saoirse]

I respect healthy SLEs a lot, as I greatly admire ambition, and I appreciate awareness of the efficacy/necessity of social strategizing to accomplish one's goals. I can appreciate them from afar, but interacting with them is difficult. I don't feel like they can see any of my strengths at all/any value in me, so they are pretty dismissive of me, and it bums me out. I've never been close to one, so I'm not 100% sure that the examples I'm thinking of are SLEs. But I think they are SLEs based on the interactions henceforth described, as well as the types of people I know who actually liked them (mostly ILIs/LSIs).

Anyway, I usually don't have strong feelings (either positive or negative) toward anyone except people I'm really close to, but two people stick out as exceptions in my memory. The nature of why I feel so negatively toward them suggests to me that they are SLE, but feel free to state your opinion otherwise. (Keep in mind I'm not saying all SLEs would do these things; just that these conflicts seem more likely to have happened between an EII and an SLE than an EII and another type.)

 

- We knew each other in a professional context, and I thought he would be great to have around. He seemed smart, ambitious, sociable, and collaborative. I was as nice to him as I was to anyone else, but he seemed to be straight up constantly antagonizing me since the moment we met, for no reason other than he thinks I'm a loser.
- Once he asked our colleagues if anyone wanted to work with him on something. I volunteered, we set up a time to meet, and he didn't show up without even telling me. So he clearly just didn't want to work with me/didn't think I could provide anything valuable. Which is fine, not everyone needs to think everyone else is amazing, but the way he conveyed that message was really rude. Why did he even agree to meet up in the first place? Why didn't he just make up an excuse beforehand? Or at least why didn't he let me know he wasn't coming (easy excuse: accidentally woke up late or something)?
- He once said to me, in a very judgmental/condescending tone, "You're living in one of the most dynamic cities in the world, and you played board games on a Friday night?"
- Our colleagues were all out for drinks one time, and I stopped by with a friend on our way to a nightclub, and he looked me up and down, seemed to laugh, and said, "You... are dressed up." Like, he couldn't bear to say a simple "You look nice" even if he didn't think it, and he couldn't have just not said anything. Instead, he HAD to basically insult how I looked.
- A group of colleagues, including him and me, were all talking about some political problem, and I said it would be an interesting research project to work on, and he immediately said, "It's MY idea." Like, first of all, I didn't say I wanted to do it. Second of all, the idea was broad enough that loads of other people have definitely thought of it; he can't call dibs on an entire field of study. He didn't even have a specific hypothesis about the problem yet.
- To my tremendous relief, he left our mutual professional context pretty quickly.

 

- I first met this guy in freshman year of undergrad. It was a time when everyone was making friends with everyone, and he seemed like a smart, sociable guy, so I was friendly to him and he said we should hang out. He asked for my number, which I gave to him, but he never texted me so that I would have his number. Fine, whatever, people forget. Later, we run into each other again as we're on our separate ways to different locations, and he again says we should hang out, and I was like, "Oh sure, but I don't have your number." And he checks his phone and is like, "No, I have yours. Gotta go!" And of course, he never texts. Hey man, I don't care if you don't want to hang out. Just don't suggest it in the first place then!
- What really pissed me off was that he thought I had a crush on him, so he flirted with me whenever we bumped into each other, and would try to get me to do things for him like attend his stupid shows. I did not find him physically attractive in the slightest, so this offended me deeply. And it's just gross that his instinct is to use a girl, if he thinks she has a crush on him but he doesn't like her back.
- He said a lot of offensive things to some of my friends and me. To me, a Chinese American, he said, "American-born Chinese are rotten." To an EII history major friend, he said, "The humanities are useless." To an SEI/SLI Taiwanese American friend, he said something about China owning Taiwan.

Phew! That ranting was pretty cathartic. I hadn't expressed these grievances before. I hope that was useful/interesting to read, or at least not a waste of time or offensive. I liked these people at first and would've liked to be friends with them, but they seemed to disdain me and repeatedly showed it, so I couldn't keep trying to be their friend while having an ounce of self-respect.

To balance out the negativity a bit, a lot of people think Emma Stone and Whitney Cummings are SLE, and I like both of them a lot. But again, I just like them from afar--I don't know if we would get along in person. I really think SLEs are badasses and valuable to the world, but I cannot seem to close the psychological distance between us.

[Minde]

SLEs are kinda like aliens.

Aliens that drive cars and fly their ships, so we obviously inhabit the same universe. But they think really, really differently, and they like blue goop for breakfast and enjoy really unexpected things.

Aliens are cool and do cool things. Sometimes I wish I could do some of the things they do. But if I want snuggles and understanding, my dog is a better option.

[silke]

SLE being interviewed by an EII - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K4qi5sP48OE