Hi, hatesyardwork.
To start:
How to get ESI:
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...acting-an-ISFj
In my very limited experience, this is pretty true.
So is your comment about them shutting down for days after you approach them. You just have to wait patiently for her to come back. Also, they can't be tied down in any way. You have to just let them be free, and accept your time together as a plus.
Real Life Examples of where you are going:
I know of two marriages between an ILI and an ESI.
In the first, my best male ESI friend from high school married an ILI. He is an astrophysicist and bikes, and she is a physical therapist, and they have been together for many years, have two kids. After he got married, he disappeared and I haven't spent enough time with him recently to know whether his marriage is good or not, but the ILI has put on a
lot of weight, which indicates frustration to me.
My other good friend, a male ILI, married an ESI-Se. They are coming up on eight years together, and they seem to get along best when they are planning and doing trips. Otherwise, there are some problems, mainly with him not showing much affection and her freely spending money that he is desperately trying to save, because he doesn't earn much. He recently told me he lives in fear of discovering another $10k of debt on a stealth credit card she took out without his knowledge. But they are pretty happy together most of the time, I think.
Why you, as an ILI-Te, might want to think twice about this, even while taking into consideration the above two examples:
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...ns-IILI-ESI%29
http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...Stratiyevskaya
Strat has been criticized on this forum for what has been claimed to be a misapplication of theory (?), but I like her articles, especially concerning Gammas (she is an ESI herself), for their conversational tone. She can go off the rails sometimes, but I really like most of her descriptions. I also find them to be very accurate, at least the parts near the beginning of her articles.
What your SEE dual looks like:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyFOfty5pmg
She's attractive enough for me, but a little too extroverted. Plus, an SEE would not admire and need my LIE rationality the way she would yours.