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Thread: this guy (for sexual abuse survivors)

  1. #1
    Creepy-bg

    Default this guy (for sexual abuse survivors)

    I don't agree with all the points he hits in his rant, but in general i really like his attitude. especially what he talks about around 5:00, his attitude about revenge rape.

    also, *Joe Rogan trigger warning*
    Last edited by bg; 08-13-2015 at 04:07 PM.

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    I like his attitude, too.
    I'm torn on the revenge rape thing. Part of me internally demands that the perpetrator be able to understand just what they've done and how they've affected someone else. But another part of me wouldn't wish that much invasiveness on ANYone.
    I'll have to check out the movie some time, if I remember.
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    I like his attitude, too.
    I'm torn on the revenge rape thing. Part of me internally demands that the perpetrator be able to understand just what they've done and how they've affected someone else. But another part of me wouldn't wish that much invasiveness on ANYone.
    I'll have to check out the movie some time, if I remember.
    bobcat makes some really interesting movies imo, i want to watch it too.

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    Wow, I like him. Years ago I went to groups for drug abuse and there were a lot of rape victims in it. I rarely found someone who who would admit to being against revenge rape in front of everyone but people told me privately that it was a disgusting idea to them after I opened my mouth. I just couldn't sit there and listen to them advocating raping someone and being so self righteous about it. I asked one guy if he was volunteering to rape the rapist. He got all flustered and said no, leave it to the inmates kind of thing. I speak up against it whenever I am in a situation where it comes up and it makes some people all indignant like I am saying something wrong.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Chains's Avatar
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    I'm not sure how there could ever be justice for toddlers and infants raped by adults. It's just awful beyond belief.

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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    I like his attitude, too.
    I'm torn on the revenge rape thing. Part of me internally demands that the perpetrator be able to understand just what they've done and how they've affected someone else. But another part of me wouldn't wish that much invasiveness on ANYone.
    I can understand why you feel torn, btw but let me put it in another context and then tell me if you feel as torn. A man or woman has killed your neighbors children. You and the neighbor are close. Would you feel that someone would then have to go and kill the killers children so they could understand what it felt like?

    I think some people will never understand how their choices had a detrimental impact on another even if they were raped in revenge. Maybe it shows a lack of empathy for others, They might even feel themselves like a victim after they're own rape and not see the connection. I am not sure what the solution is but being ashamed of being raped is part of the problem. There are so many variables to what causes someone to rape and also what causes the victim to keep their mouth shut. Sometimes the victim will never admit it also happened to them but they use it to help others in little ways every day.

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TJay View Post
    I'm not sure how there could ever be justice for toddlers and infants raped by adults. It's just awful beyond belief.
    Justice comes when the child does not allow that act against them to define them as a victim and destroy their life. Ideally there will be someone in their life who will help them through it but if not hopefully they eventually find their own way.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    I'm torn on the revenge rape thing. Part of me internally demands that the perpetrator be able to understand just what they've done and how they've affected someone else. But another part of me wouldn't wish that much invasiveness on ANYone.
    I HATE the whole molestors molest because they were molested thing because of how it can install a sense of corruption and lifelong anxiety in childhood abuse survivors, but the sad part is that it is true much of the time (perhaps not in a prison setting where it's can be about other things, but in the wild as it were). But the notion that you are doomed to repeat and spread the poison is complete bullshit (of course we know that). What I'm getting at is that although it isn't any sort of relief, I think you can safely assume that someone abusing like that has experienced it themselves in some way, and not gotten whatever it is we who don't pass it on have gotten. I don't think more rape is going to make them get it.

    its a tricky thing, because i also dont wish to deny justice to those who need it...


    just, for me, i don't want more brutality (thankfully what i went through wasn't brutal, but it wasn't something i understood or wanted) carried out in order to balance some scale or something, let's just end it here at me.
    Last edited by bg; 08-13-2015 at 07:55 PM.

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    It makes sense. Someone gets raped and they know how awful it is; why would they want to perpetuate that?

    ...but how do you repair their sense of violation, of being a living being with certain rights, with self-autonomy and enough strength to make their own choices? Maybe they don't need to rape the rapist, but perhaps some kind of retribution is necessary to heal or to take back themselves from the rapist.

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    rob timidly hacim's Avatar
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    Why would you want to sink to the level of the perpetrator? That's sinking to the level of Hammurabi's Code (e.g. an eye for an eye). We as a species need to move on from such barbarian concepts. It's not thinking for this century.

    Don't take on the uncivilized "eye for an eye" attitude. They have plenty of punishment coming their way in prison. Nobody should sink to the level of the savage.

    I'm not saying this would be easy to do, but it would be best to get over it. Seek comfort in those you know and be proactive in avoiding situations where things like this could happen. If the victim can put the situation (again, however difficult) behind them, the aggressor loses. Simple as that.

     
    On a darker justice-related note, sometimes I wish I were Light from Death Note (pun intended, sorry). It's 100% not fair to have one judge of good and evil, but if it were so easy to rid the planet of evil it would be very tempting to act as the lone seeker of justice.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bg View Post
    I HATE the whole molestors molest because they were molested thing because of how it can install a sense of corruption and lifelong anxiety in childhood abuse survivors, but the sad part is that it is true much of the time (perhaps not in a prison setting where it's can be about other things, but in the wild as it were). But the notion that you are doomed to repeat and spread the poison is complete bullshit (of course we know that). What I'm getting at is that although it isn't any sort of relief, I think you can safely assume that someone abusing like that has experienced it themselves in some way, and not gotten whatever it is we who don't pass it on have gotten. I don't think more rape is going to make them get it.

    its a tricky thing, because i also dont wish to deny justice to those who need it...


    just, for me, i don't want more brutality (thankfully what i went through wasn't brutal, but it wasn't something i understood or wanted) carried out in order to balance some scale or something, let's just end it here at me.
    I agree, one of the problems with "he molested children because he was molested as a child" thing is that that also puts into the mind of the child that they are doomed to become molester. I feel FAR more strongly about that phrase being said to/around the child than I do the revenge rape thing.


    To everyone else,
    I know that revenge rape isn't an actual justifiable option. All i was saying was that when rape of children is brought up, a tiny part of me immediately imagines the molester being 'trained' in prison as retribution. It's just as immediately squashed by the horror I mentioned in the second part of my previous comment that ya'll ignored. It's just an instantaneous thought that is just as quickly replaced by another thought. I certainly wouldn't advocate for it. I'm a brainstormer by nature. Lots of things come to my mind as possible possibilities, and then get tossed away just as quickly. I don't feel guilty/shamed by such momentary thoughts.
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    To everyone else,
    I know that revenge rape isn't an actual justifiable option. All i was saying was that when rape of children is brought up, a tiny part of me immediately imagines the molester being 'trained' in prison as retribution. It's just as immediately squashed by the horror I mentioned in the second part of my previous comment that ya'll ignored. It's just an instantaneous thought that is just as quickly replaced by another thought. I certainly wouldn't advocate for it. I'm a brainstormer by nature. Lots of things come to my mind as possible possibilities, and then get tossed away just as quickly. I don't feel guilty/shamed by such momentary thoughts.
    I didn't ignore it. I just used it as a platform to express my thoughts. Didn't mean to use you that way but I have strong feelings on some things. I have a vengeful heart at times. I use logic and empathy to control my vengeance. Sometimes it takes me more than a moment to release those kinds of thoughts and feelings. My mind will wander off to scheming revenge of all sorts but I never thought of rape specifically as revenge (might hit too close to home or something) including return to sender spells and dark magic (lol I do not do it dark magic) when I feel hurt. I sometimes do feel guilty for having them though. :/

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    star stuff April's Avatar
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    I've never shared this on the forum before, but I confronted my abuser on the stand several times over the course of two years. He was a pathetic creature, and I really felt such pity, rather than rage or thirst for revenge. He never looked me in the eyes, and stared at the ground like a guilty dog that pissed the carpet. He and his wife aged so much over those two years. I could only imagine what a warped, miserable place his mind must have been that his actions could have ever seemed like a good idea. I'll never know if he was abused too, but it doesn't matter. His wretched existence arguably inspired expansion and elevation in me.

  14. #14
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    I've had the thought a few times to look up mine on facebook, but his family was/is rich and he's probably living the golden life and bla, i don't need to see that (my mom still does talk to his parents, or his mom, but i've avoided hearing how this son of theirs has done in life). i feel conflicted about it because in retrospect he was just a kid too, although years older than me at the time. while i do feel a dull seething towards when i think about him, mostly i just hope and worry that he didn't continue that shit into life and maybe now has kids.

    and i never thought of it quite that directly before but now i'm feeling a little guilty somehow if nobody else ever stopped it.
    Last edited by bg; 08-14-2015 at 10:06 AM.

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    @bg , it wouldn't be your fault anyways. But I understand.
    When I heard that my dad had moved out of the town he'd lived most his life, and noone knew where he was, I panicked. Knowing what he's capable of doing sexually and physically to girls/women, how could they not keep track of him? I hired a private investigator to find him. (I was afraid he would travel to my state and hurt me or my daughter.) And a couple of times a year I scour the internet to try to find him.

    I was/am sickened to think of what a guy like him, living in a motorhome, traveling around, could do if the thought struck him. Initially I was filled with shoulds. But, the reality is that I wasn't in a position to push anything when the timing could have had influence. And those who _were_ in a position to do some preventative work, chose not to.

    Please, though, don't further victimize yourself with guilt over something you weren't in a position to stop. (Easier said than done.)
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    Glorious Member mu4's Avatar
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    I think often people who have been abused in some way, reform their memories of events in a way to cope with trauma. Sometimes this narrative turns the victim into the agent of the abuse with the memories and narrative of this individual, this is done in order to attain some conscious control and ward off the anxiety, this can turn the victim into an abuser. This sort of transmission of pathology I think is quite common, many fetishes develop from this as well as other issues and for very young victims these can be very deeply ingrained, I wouldn't be suprised if many abusers of all sorts were themselves victims of abuse when very young.

    I think revenge rape fantasies can fall into this sort of agency acquiring defense mechanisms as well.

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