Member Questionnaire 1 (leakingdreams)What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is a synergy of our ideals with that which is observed, whether that observed entity is an idea itself or an entity in the scope of our sight etc. Love is what is felt when we have found something supremely beautiful in a way.What are your most important values?
My values are a bit dynamic and depend on my milieu. I truly don't have any static views; they are adaptable to the situation as well.Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I'm an agnostic theist; I believe in a 'centrality' of religion--an admixture of them, I suppose. I believe that there is a high likelihood that the deity (ies) that govern our universe understand our human inability to grasp infinite love, power, etc and appreciate our attempts at praising them in terms of religion. As such all religions have the same goal--to show praise and to create order within social structure. However, the division that causes 'holy wars' (not just jihad...looking at you Crusades) are asinine and are either meant to Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
A) Judge us before we enter eternal peace
B) enact the greatest of trolling by the dieties imaginable. That perhaps we are toys to them, and genetics are the greatest example of science fiction they could muster--watching their stories unfold simply for the joy that a child watches his goldfish live and die, proddding it occasionally.
C) B and in addition, we return to nothing but a halted chemical process.
I've always held these beliefs. I found idolizing jesus quite silly in Catholic school--for why must he be different than buddah, etc? It's idolatry to me.
I HATE them. My favorite song by Pink Floyd is 'Us and Them', which I think summarizes the futility of war quite well. I see these young, YOUNG (sub 25) year old men engaging in what could end their lives, their brainstems being severed by gunshots, all over something as stupid as religion, which has no basis other than to, as stated before, bestow social order. The only time it is necessary is during genocides, when the number of lives saved is greater than those lost, although such estimates are not always predictable.What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
Usually anything the interlocutor deems fascinating, from cars, to trucks, to physics, to metaphysics. I am in my own head quite a lot and have many interests, and I become excited by noting the excitement of others, though I may seem placid and stoic on the surface.Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
My interests seem to wax and wane a bit. As a result, I have many interests, all of which I consider in their infancy--but--if I am alive for as long as we apparently can be--I intend to hone them throughout life as oppose to expect to learn them all before 30 etc. I am interested in social dynamics, physics, metaphysics, martial arts, writing, singing, chemistry, math, etc. I'm a science (soft and hard) whore.
I do have to be careful because strong arguments can make me take on the values of the interlocutor temporarily. I see everything in their view for a second, and have to ensure to 'purge' and reinstate my actual values after.
My relationship with my body is poor. I sometimes do not eat until I notice my mental faculties fading. Brushing my teeth is a chore, and I hate the way it feels. I like to shower because it's one of those times where the warmth is nice but I can be mentally elsewhere without having to worry about not hitting a car bah! lol. I tend to have a hyperfocus of not at all. I sometimes think that I will have a heart attack from some of the meds I take when I do realize how statistically unlikely it is. I have to work on my diet and exercise, which is hard for me. What do you think of daily chores?
At the same time, I hate the film on my teeth after prolonged not brushing (like 2 days). And I hate the must of uncleanliness after around 2-3 days, especially in summer.
I am interested in medicine, yes. Understanding the self in any metric is important to successful survival.
:/. They have to get done I suppose, but I can delay them indefinitely if left to my own devices.. I don't enjoy them. Who does? But they have to get done.Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I read mainly technical books, quite honestly. I tend to like films that are 'mind bending' with a lot of symbolism or characters under serious physiological duress or psychosis.What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
I don't cry very often. I worry a lot. I smile in order to make those around me feel better. It isn't a natural smile; it isn't forced either. It's to make those seconds that humans hold dear more bearable. I've been surprised by how much a warm smile and hand wave can be so disarming to people, even if I don't particularly feel like being so to them or in good spiritsWhere do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
when it is quiet and peaceful with little disturbance (silence) and minimal lighting, if any. I feel like I am at one with my thoughts and can analyze myself. I don't like loud noises, heavy lighting, or lots of color.What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I am all over the place with my interests and career goals. I tend to think I suck at something (almost everything) only to find I don't (most of the time). Friends have said "You're already good at everything; how can I help you?" The truth is that I am frequently lonely, but it's an aloneness that I've grown accustomed to and major deviations from it (being at parties per se) is really draining (anyone that thinks I'm an extromim will be shot). What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I don't like myself very much. I don't feel like I have a self. I take a quote from Mothman 'It depends on who's watching'. I feel like I sort of dial up or down qualities of myself for the other person's liking. I don't if I'm tired; then I come off scared or easily startled/shy.
A lot. I hate praising myself for things so I'm leaving this out.In what areas of your life would you like help?
Connecting with people without wanting to leave them.Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yes, I have a mood disorder so I have to be leery of overexertion, but even then I can have problems.What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I like people who are able to get stuff done. Not just imagine it. Not just create an ideal flow of events. Not just forecast it. Realize it. I dislike those who constantly prod me for my own emotions. Sometimes I feel like I have none, although I come across as having a myriad of emotions and often revel in those of others as though they were my own, which is an offset from my emotional coldness that I feel inside, at least.How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
Ugh. I used to be a gay little whore in my early 20s. I hated it. I don't really like empty sex. It feels mechanical and odd. And I don't like sharing my body. I don't always know what to do with it, so I can be as fun with having sex with as a log. I look for partners with a bit more dominance, who can make a log something >:-)If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
Independence, emotional and intellectual growth at nearly all times in some form. I see parents raise their children to be strong without intellectual growth; they at times become brutish and mean. I see children with more intellectual growth than emotional, and they can become secluded and shy. Independence of thought and emotion are central to being a functional human being.A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
I probably have changed to their perspective temporarily, despite however illogical and silly I may consider it later. I it really, really is over the top, we may just not be friends anymore by lack of association (slowly drift away).Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
. I won't go into it further because this is personal and very direct w/ me. Feel free to ask if we develop a personal relationship here.How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
They choose me. I like people who don't consider my oddness to be a deterrent and don't mind a bit of a chase.How do you behave around strangers?
I adapt my SPP, socially palpable persona. It's friendly, filled with manners, and politely curious. This will meld into a real self if I become interested in the person and drop the walls a bit and become more myself as the situation progresses.