This was translated from socionik.com forum where it was posted by in-spector who self-typed as LSI. Further reading this, I got an impression that his subtype was LSI-Ti sx/sp.
++added: see also Duality observations
- gamma quadra
- delta quadra
- beta quadra (postponed)
written by in-spector: Ever since childhood, I was concerned with one simple question: why in some families parents often quarrel, and in others understanding prevails? I tried finding the answer in psychology, looked through many books by different authors - classical and modern - but have only found explanations for certain moments; the overall picture was not there. Then, one day in 1999, I came across a simple test on socionics. At first it seemed that this is some kind of rather ineffective sub-topic of psychology, but later I developed a deeper interest in it - and so it started …
It turned out that many of my qualities (low sociability, low stress tolerance, etc.), which at the time to me seemed almost pathological and which I've tried to “fix” in myself, are actually related to my psychological type, and that there are people out there who don’t view them as flaws. According to the results of extensive research done by Talanov, type logical-sensory introvert (LSI) shows one of the highest factors in protervity and instability in the entire socion; and this, to a varying degree, is a kind of "curse" of our type. This became especially evident when in my life when I began meeting my type “identicals” who have married & divorced 3 times or more, and many did lose faith in the possibility of having good relationships ...
What did socionics give me? It provided me with understanding, with some kind of a logical explanation for how people relate, an explanation for an area of my life that I've understood even less than I thought prior to encountering socionics. Logical schemes provide for some clarity within such difficult questions for a logical introvert.
And now lets move on to the very topic. In an effort to check the truthfulness of the theory of intertype relations, I have tried testing them "on my own skin", so to say ; and, as I've uncovered later, most of the socion I have "tested out" even prior to getting acquainted with socionics.
Many interesting moments became evident, such as the fact that a sexually attractive partner is encoded in our subconscious, and this partner is close, in their external and behavioral features, to our dual type in socionics. The most "appropriate", the most receptive, and the best behavior, it seems, belongs only to the dual type - however, the vast majority of people aren't aware of this. I will state right away that I do not intend to idealize dual relations. Moreover, my experience + long-term observations and application of socionics in practice have led me to some unexpected, for me, conclusions. About these - later.
Let's walk through the intertype relationships that I've had the experience to "try" with the representatives of fairer sex, before and after socionics. If I knew of socionics earlier, I could have avoided making many mistakes; however, even such experiences are still useful in my opinion.
I will briefly outline some of the main features and moments of personal and intimate appeal of various intertype relations.
Don Kihotki (ILEs)
Girls and women of this type tend to be of a slender physique, which to me being of a "sensing" type, is unconsciously attractive (within reason, of course). Sociable, proactive, take initiative, can be emotional — 2-dimensional Fe that is periodically used as a self-assessment function creates an illusion for the suggestive Fe of an LSI. Respond positively to care. Cons: Alpha-values. Conversations on topics of comfort-pleasure-food strain me. Scattered - irresponsible - sometimes rude - which they themselves don’t notice and are often proud of it is because - they have told "the truth." The flow of wild ideas overloads my painful function, while manipulations with logic unpleasantly tinkers with my base. Supervision/"revision" as it is. These relations are more or less ok if the subtypes are well matched. But in strategic terms, this relationship is a complete wreck. There's almost no support, yet a constant and on-going underestimation of almost all actions of the LSI. This relationship lacks in emotional warmth - both have to strain themselves in order to "warm" each other. Over time, there comes a sense of fatigue, as well as alienation, and a loss meaning of what's happening.
This relation is more pleasant. SEIs are usually soft, charming, and caring. With them one feels "warm" and comfortable. This is an ideal option for inundation and degradation of LSI's mind – the LSI in such relations becomes too immersed in in everyday life, he drowns in it, and this greatly undercuts his or her horizons.
Sexual behavior of SEIs is puzzling to me - they are so fond of preludes that I stop wanting anything else. Manifestation of my aggressive nature are halted by them and the "correct" responses don't follow. As a result, I would get tired more often than necessary and get a sense of psychological dissatisfaction. Communication is languid. LSIs appeals to SEIs with their logical rationalizations, but gradually it becomes obvious to the SEI that the LSI's logic explains not some original innovative ideas, but something else - not what is wanted on SEI’s suggestive function.
Both LSI and SEI are “Declaring” types, which means that communication over time (when there is no longer necessity to ask questions) turns into an exchange of monologues, which are not particularly interesting to either of them. SEIs like to gossip very much, and this is straining for the LSI.
Also – and this applies to all Alpha types – there is complete democracy in communication and in how relationships are created. From my point of view this looks like questionable friends-slackers whom the SEI has met 5 minutes ago, whom they immediately associate with, and then call on others to join them to go somewhere fun. In general, the pair ILE-SEI is perceived as straining with their constant craving for entertainment and their waste of time. What comes out of this? The LSI's reliability, sensibility, and work diligence are completely extraneous and "not in demand" by the SEI; so, dear brothers in type, if you want to be fully and truly appreciated for who you are, it is better not to get too involved with SEIs. Although these relations are usually ranked as "average degree of comfort", in my opinion – this is a ticking time bomb. Despite all the relative surface-level idyll, within the beneficiary (i.e. LSI) there grows and matures a subconscious desire for a scandal.
By virtue of irrationality and introverted sensing values, often SEIs are ideal partners for short-term non-binding relations. One SEI has told me once: "All and everything gets boring. If you are with someone else, try to make it such that your girl or guy knows nothing about it." This perception is the essence of relationships within the 1st quadra. Or, briefly: "If you really want it, you can have it." These are not the most flattering things that I’m writing about Alpha quadra, nevertheless, within my long-term and extensive observations of the first quadra I must say that there's generally a poor understanding of what "loyalty" means in a relationship, and neither do they prefer to dwell on such topics in particular.
Our charming semi-dual. Relationships and marriages of the types Hugo + Maxim looks quite decent, but they are still birds of quite a different feather: ESEs gravitate towards social gatherings and parties – towards an enormous amount of indiscriminate communication, with everyone, and all too closely and immediately.
There's mutual support coming from base functions, but these partners are not able to resolve each other’s internal problems. The ESE doesn’t know how to analyze the soulful harmony of the LSI, doesn't know how to plan or predict emerging trends. Therefore, with internal conflicts the LSI will have to deal on his or her own. In the moments of emotional confusion and turmoil of the LSI, the ESE will offer inappropriate positives and various pleasantries, that are further enraging than they are helping. And vice versa: in ESE’s life and in their heads reigns chaos that the LSI doesn't know how to harmonize and order - Se only helps with soundness of explanations, and not with fine workings of Ti. As a result, the ESE listens to LSI’s careful explanations but still does something blatantly stupid that goes against all common sense.
The combination of introverted and extroverted sensing makes this couple very practical and socially well-adapted. Max earns money, while Hugo creates comfort in their home and takes case of their social standing. ESEs are often very good cooks, but personally, with my repressed introverted sensing I never chase after the "delicacies": I suffice with simple common products like fresh black bread and cheap tea. I like good food, but I absolutely do not care how it was cooked, while the ESE wants to converse about it. For me such information is noise that clogs and overloads my mind.
This is to say that the material sphere in a pair LSI + ESE is within a very solid grasp. However, there's this one, at times, unpleasant nuance: partial, or sometimes full extinguishment of the creative functions. Both are sensing types – both "put claims" to the material part of the world – and both are confident in their actions. As a result, in joint activities (for example, going to the store) a certain amount of nerves and energy is expanded on either taking initiative or waiting to be told, as it is impossible to divide responsibilities for all occasions of life. Often I would do some shopping, arrange things in the house, and the ESE will rearrange them or moves to another place, or does something a bit differently - in a word: corrects all my actions. This occurs with almost every step I take, even when it’s not needed. At first, this is ok, but later this becomes vexing. In this situation LSI's creative function is constantly spinning in different directions «to do / not to do», and, as a result, its activity and effectiveness are greatly diminished.
In bed ESEs are creative and demanding. They are inclined to teach – which is a subconscious waiting wish of a modest LII. Still they are "caregivers", not "victims". Not it. Too many preludes, reluctant acceptance of the need to take initiative, rejection of any strong grasps and squeezes. All ESEs are «mothers» in sexual sense and they need a "child-like" type and not an "aggressor".
In principle, LSI + ESE is a good match. But, dear LSIs, be prepared for the fact that your exertion of control in a pairing with ESE will seem very relevant and needed, but ESE, over time, will begin to run away from it. From the entirety of Alpha quadra, ESE is the best option for a serious relationship for an LSI.
A funny observation from automatic operation of the psyche: when hugging a SEI or an ESE the feeling is that you're hugging a pillow, soft and warm; if you try to squeeze it in your arms, then ... nothing happens. Nothing at all. Or: "Aiai, let go!” And the LSI is so eager for the reaction of a "victim" - with burning eyes that tell you "more!”.
LIIs of both genders I perceive solely as cousins, brothers-sisters. They are friends and colleagues, good and pleasant acquaintances, but I have never considered them as relationship partners. Even seeing a LII woman with a beautiful figure nothing awakens in me, it's a complete calm. They are cold herrings – practically same as I am. Ice + Ice = rubbish.
...to be continued...