Member Questionnaire 1 (Satan)What is beauty? What is love?
BEAUTY IS DEATH; LOVE IS WARWhat are your most important values?
LIFE IS A GAME; YOU WIN, YOU LOSE... DIFFERENT PEOPLE GO IN WITH DIFFERENT ATTITUDES WANTING TO GET SOMETHING OUT OF IT..
LIFE? I DUNNO. I LIKE DOING WHAT FEELS RIGHT TO ME, IN THE MOMENT.Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
NOT REALLY. I HOLD VARIOUS BELIEFS... BUT THEY ARE MINE... MOSTLY PEOPLE JUST GET SUCKED INTO A VORTEX OF "BELIEVING SOMEONE ELSE" WHEN THEY DO THE RELIGION THING. IT'S ALL BULLSHIT, AND IT'S LIKE THEY DON'T WANT TO SEE IT AND WAKE UP. WAKE UP! WAKE UP! SNAP OUT OF IT - FUCKING RELIGION. SCREWS WITH PEOPLES HEADS.Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
WAR IS KIND OF BORING, AND SADDENING... IT'S ABOUT YOUNG MEN KILLING EACH OTHER FOR SOMEONE ELSE'S GAIN...What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY QUESTION WHAT YOU ARE FIGHTING FOR. AND IS IT RIGHT. AND IF YOU DON'T, THEN YOU DESERVE TO DIE.
I DON'T REALLY LIKE HAVING LONG CONVERSATIONS UNLESS THEY'RE KIND OF TOWARDS SOMETHING... EVEN IF IT'S SOMETHING BENIGN.Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
NOT REALLY. I LIKE THE IDEA OF SMART DRUGS, AND BEING ABLE TO BE MORE CAPABLE, MORE ABLE, STRONGER, BETTER, FASTER, HARDER! MORE MORE MORE. BUT I REALLY HATE THE PILL-PUSHING SSRI BRAIN ZOMBIE THING THAT'S HAPPENING AROUND THE WORLD... AND THE WAY THAT DRUGS FOR AIDS AND SHIT ARE KEPT FROM POOR PEOPLE.What do you think of daily chores?
WHO THE FUCK WANTS TO THINK ABOUT DAILY CHORES. SOMETIMES DO SHIT, SOMETIMES DON'T. THE MORE YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT THE WORSE IT IS. IT'S EASIER TO DO THAN THINK? PUT SOME MUSIC ON. BUT I DON'T REALLY CARE IN GENERAL, TBH, UNLESS THERE'S A BAD SMELL, OR NOT ENOUGH SPACE, OR SOME OTHER REAL PROBLEM.Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
I HAVEN'T READ ANY BOOKS IN FOREVER. I WAS READING SOME WEIRD BOOK THAT I CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER THE NAME OF LAST TIME.. ON A PLANE... BUT I DON'T REALLY LIKE READING ON PLANES... THE NEXT TIME I JUST PLAYED FREECELL.. What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
FILMS I'VE LIKED... WELL I'VE WATCHED FIGHT CLUB AND WALK THE LINE A FEW TIMES EACH, SO I MUST LIKE THEM.
I CRIED AS A KID ONE TIME BECAUSE MY TEACHER WOULDN'T LET ME PARTICIPATE IN SOME OUT OF SCHOOL EVENT BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LIKE ME? I NEVER LIKED HIM FROM THE FIRST TIME I MET HIM, AND YOU DON'T GET TO CHOOSE YOUR TEACHERS.Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
ANYWAY - IT WASN'T BECAUSE I WASN'T ABLE, IT WAS BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LIKE MY BEHAVIOUR, ATTITUDE, ETC IN GENERAL.
I SMILED TODAY BECAUSE I GOT A COFFEE MACHINE, ON ONE DAY SALE, AFTER THE FIRST SHOP DIDN'T HAVE STOCK. (THEY STUCK IT ON HOLD FOR ME AT ANOTHER STORE)
WHEN I'M STANDING. WHEN I'M SITTING I NEVER REALLY FEEL COMFORTABLE... I HATE "COMFORTABLE" SITUATIONS. I LIKE DISAGREEMENT AND CONFLICT THAT WORKS TOWARDS SOMETHING BETTER. I LIKE RESOLVING THINGS.What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT I DON'T LISTEN, THAT I'M HARD TO GET THROUGH TO, THAT I MAKE RAPID JUDGEMENTS RATHER THAN CONSIDER THINGS FULLY, THAT I JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS, THAT I AM IMPATIENT, THAT I'M NOT "NICE" TOWARDS PEOPLE THAT I DON'T LIKE, THAT I DON'T GIVE, SHARE, CONCEDE, I DUNNO.. FUCK THIS SHIT. WHY ARE YOU ASKING?What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
I DISLIKE THAT I AM ... HITTING A BLANK... I DISLIKE THAT SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD TO REALLY GET INTO MYSELF AND PULL SHIT OUT. AND THAT SOMETIMES I'M UNCERTAIN, AND HAVE DOUBTS. AND THAT IF I EXPRESS SUCH DOUBTS THEN PEOPLE ALWAYS SEEM TO TWIST IT TO MEAN SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN WHAT'S EXPLICITALLY SAID.
LIKE - SAY - I SAY THAT I DON'T TRUST SOMEONE - PEOPLE WILL MAKE IT OUT TO MEAN THAT I DISTRUST THEM, OR DON'T LIKE THEM, ETC ETC.. WHEN REALLY IT JUST MEANS I DON'T TRUST, NOT THAT I DISTRUST. LIKE .. SUSPENDING JUDGEMENT ... AND NOT WANTING TO TAKE RISKS DOESN'T MEAN THAT I AM PARANOID OR DISTRUSTFUL OR ANYTHING, IT JUST MEANS THAT I WANT TO CREATE A SECURE PATH FORWARDS... AND WANT TO KEEP TOO MANY UNCERTAINTIES OR UNKNOWN ELEMENTS OUT...
PEOPLE HAVE SAID BEFORE THAT I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO? BUT THEY'VE SAID THAT EVEN WHEN I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK TO DO. SO I DON'T KNOW.In what areas of your life would you like help?
PEOPLE HAVE SAID THAT I'M GOOD AT TELLING PEOPLE THINGS THEY DON'T WANT TO HEAR. THAT I KNOW A LOT, THAT ...
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MYSELF.
WELL I KIND OF STRUGGLE TO MAINTAIN LARGE GROUPS OF PEOPLE...I'M OK ONE ON ONE... BUT AS GROUPS GET LARGER I CAN KIND OF STRUGGLE, AND NOT BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN GOOD INTERACTIONS WITH EVERYONE? I'M NOT ALWAYS GOOD AT SETTING PEOPLE AT EASE, OR REASSURING PEOPLE, AND I LIKE IT WHEN OTHER PEOPLE CAN DO THAT.Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I ALSO DON'T REALLY LIKE TO INCLUDE PEOPLE TOO MUCH, ... IT'S HARD TO DRAW THE LINE BETWEEN OVERCOMMITING AND UNDERCOMMITING... LIKE IF YOU TRY AND INCLUDE PEOPLE AND PAY THEM TOO MUCH ATTENTION THEN THEY MIGHT THINK THEY'RE MORE SPECIAL THAN THEY ARE.
ALL THE FUCKING TIME. OVER ANYTHING, AND EVERYTHING. IT ALL SEEMS ... What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
WELL SHIT, ANYTHING THAT GOES WRONG CAN THROW ME, AND EAT AT ME, UNTIL RESOLVED. SO LIKE EARLIER TODAY WHEN THE SHOP HAD NO FUCKING COFFEE MACHINES LEFT IN STOCK IT WAS GNAWING AT ME, SO I FOUND A PHONE NUMBER FOR THE CHAIN.. AND RUNG IT UP... WENT THROUGH A FUCKING IVR SYSTEM, AND GOT A HUMAN. WHO THEN WENT THROUGH AND RANG VARIOUS STORES FOR ME TO FIND ONE WITH STOCK. OF COURSE NONE OF THEM WERE CLOSE. BUT HEY, ..
THE THING IS I DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT RINGING EACH OF THE STORES. THAT SEEMED LIKE A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS. BUT THEY DID IT, SO HEY. AND I JUST HAD TO LEAVE PHONE ON SPEAKER MODE FOR WHEN THEY HAD DONE IT. ANYWAY, FOR ME... MY REACTIONS OFTEN ARE BLUNTED AT FIRST WHILE SHIT GNAWS AT ME, BUT IT EATS AT ME, AND SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO SEE CLEARLY A GOOD PATH FORWARDS AND MY THINKING CAN GET SHORTENED, CONSTRICTED, NARROWED, AND IT CAN MEAN I OVER APPLY PRESSURE IN ONE DIRECTION AND FIND IT HARD TO CHOOSE A GOOD DIRECTION BECAUSE OF CONSTRICTED THINKING... BUT DON'T WANT TO DEVIATE.. AND CAN OVER PRESSURE... SO I HAVE TO REDUCE PRESSURE AND BE EASY... AND THEN IT'S LIKE I'M FUCKING BLINDSIGHTED. AND SO IT'S LIKE SOMETIMES, I HAVE TO STEP AWAY AND DETACH.. BUT I CAN'T UNTIL I HAVE THE PROBLEM RESOLVED, AND SO I'M SPLIT BETWEEN WANTING TO DETACH, AND ATTACH, AND DO, AND THINK, AND WHATEVER WAY I LOOK AT IT, I CAN'T FUCKING LET GO. L
I LIKE TRUSTWORTHYNESS, NOT LYING, BEING ABLE, BEING MERRY, BEING CHEERFUL, BEING EASY GOING, BEING THOUGHTFUL, BEING IN THE MOMENT, IDK ...How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULDN'T DEFINE THIS SHIT. THERE'S NOTHING WORSE THAN PEOPLE WHO STOP BEING THEMSELVES TO TRY AND PLEASE OTHERS.If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I'D BE CONCERNED ABOUT SOCIETY, SCHOOLING, THE STATE OF THE WORLD, THEIR ABILITY TO BE THEMSELVES AND YET HAVE REASONABLE BOUNDARIES... NOT TOO TIGHT NOT TOO LOSE.. TO THINK/DO/ACT FOR THEMSELVES... TO HAVE CHARACTER, TO HAVE SOUL, TO BE HUMANA friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
IDK I DON'T THINK ABOUT THIS SHIT. PEOPLE CLASH ALL THE TIME. IT'S JUST LIFE.Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
RECENTLY I'VE SEEN THAT PEOPLE CAN BE KIND OF NICE. IT'S WEIRD, BECAUSE I'M USED TO PEOPLE BEING ASSHOLES.How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
SOCIAL PROBLEM OF THE DAY IS POLITICIANS. ALL THESE IGNORANT FUCKS FUCKING THE WORLD UP. I THINK IN SOME WAYS WE NEED TO REBUILD FROM THE GROUND UP. DESTROY AND REBUILD.
I DON'T REALLY CHOOSE FRIENDS, THEY CHOOSE ME. AT LEAST I THINK THAT'S HOW IT WORKS. I BEHAVE AS MYSELF.How do you behave around strangers?
AHH AROUND STRANGERS SOMETIMES I'M NICER BECAUSE I WANT TO AVOID COMPLICATIONS.