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Thread: Beta Types and Compulsive/Mushy/Lovey-Dovey Affection

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    Default Beta Types and Compulsive/Mushy/Lovey-Dovey Affection

    I've noticed this tendency in myself to really want to show affection in a way that puts a lot of people off - like, being hyper-aware of my need to hug someone, or put my arm around them, or possibly even lend them a kiss. I'm not as good with sharing warm feelings by talking - it's never enough to say "I love you." You have to say "I love you" a hundred times, while wrapping yourself around the person you love, in between an endless succession of kissing and petting and laughing and laying my head down on them. Trouble is, to most people, this is pure mush. With the less explicit shows of affection (arm around shoulder, etc.) it's at least an invasion of personal space, and/or just plain innapropriate and "weird."

    This gets awkward when with someone in another Quadra. They're not as touchy-feely, and so I either have to tone it way down, or else make them feel dirty. Very dirty. (Teehee! )
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    This made me laugh because it reminded me of my husband when we first met. I eventually had to tell him to lay off.
    My sister still does this to me when the mood strikes her.
    Its just hard for others to understand lol.

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    lol, my apologies on behalf of Beta. It's especially hard to get out of a tussle with an ESTp (and without at least a few bruises/scrapes/hickies).
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    ISFps are the same way, though they are sensative about who touches them.
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Umm... is this rooted from a lack of confidence or something else?
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Probably rooted in being Fp. Probably EFps, as they can be more outgoing. But ISFps can seem like E types sometime, too, and of course there's INFps like this one here.

    !!!! I thought I edited that out the first time !!!
    Pre-2013 post are written with incomplete understanding.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Umm... is this rooted from a lack of confidence or something else?
    Lack of confidence tends to make me feel less affectionate.

    and yeah I think its an FP thing like UDP II said.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    lol, my apologies on behalf of Beta. It's especially hard to get out of a tussle with an ESTp (and without at least a few bruises/scrapes/hickies).


    Shocking but true lulz.
    , Se-sub
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    Quote Originally Posted by Herzy
    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    lol, my apologies on behalf of Beta. It's especially hard to get out of a tussle with an ESTp (and without at least a few bruises/scrapes/hickies).


    Shocking but true lulz.

    Quote Originally Posted by oyburger
    This made me laugh because it reminded me of my husband when we first met. I eventually had to tell him to lay off.
    So true! lol. ouchies.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Umm... is this rooted from a lack of confidence or something else?
    Personally, it's like Starfall says.

    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall
    Lack of confidence tends to make me feel less affectionate.
    Wanting to show my affection comes out because I am are really really really really really really appreciative of the person in front of me. Weather it was because they made a funny or enlightened a situation or provided support etc. etc. I just wanna express to them how much their presence is valued.

    When I'm not feeling confident with certain areas of my life, I tend to loose my zing. I seclude myself and don't engage others. I feel crushed and incapable of showing my warmth for others and even start to imagine that they do not desire/want anything to do with me. When I'm feeling confident, I am better able to show the affection I have for others. For example, if my brother comes to visit, and I'm feeling down and out, I stay away from him because I cannot imagine that he would want to spend any of his time next to someone who is sulking. When my spirits are up, I am freer to go up to him and punch him and smile at him and sit up close to him.
    Couldn’t have said it better myself...
    Unfortunately I’ve been feeling down on myself lately, so I’ve been terribly antisocial. My friends and family have also noticed this

    Anyway... don’t worry about the way you show that you care for someone Baby.

    A healthy & happy INFp is an affectionate INFp.

    <3
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Well I like it, so keep doing it.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I knew this INFp girl in my theatre class who would squeeze me tight in her arms whenever we said goodbye after class was over. She would be really shy, distant from me, then suddenly jump up and hug me as we said goodbye.

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    My dad is like this and I think it's annoying. But kids eat it up. My daughter, my niece, and my nephew radiate toward him and love all the hugs and kisses.

    With adults - not so great. But kids adore all that attention.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    For example, if my brother comes to visit, and I'm feeling down and out, I stay away from him because I cannot imagine that he would want to spend any of his time next to someone who is sulking. When my spirits are up, I am freer to go up to him and punch him and smile at him and sit up close to him.
    I've noticed this in ISFP too.
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall

    Anyway... don’t worry about the way you show that you care for someone Baby.

    A healthy & happy INFp is an affectionate INFp.

    <3


    I agree with maize on this. I think the Ni/Fe combination tends to make me prone to second-guessing people, and I get this vague expectation that people will forever remain at a safe distance from me. When someone pulls in and bridges the gap, I can freely express my appreciation. I can't do this if the person remains aloof.

    Oddly enough, I tend to remain aloof until I get the greenlight from the person I'm dealing with, so...
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    IEI subtype

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    Ah yes. EMS (English Major Syndrome). I know a friend in linguistics who basically told me not to worry about grammar and such and so forth in non-formal communication, so long as you get your point across. It's going against the grain of the evolution of language! Contemporize, man!
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Thanks for this thread. Now, whenever someone displays their enthusiasm in that manner, I'll go "right... Beta." Before I sort of went "AAAAK!!" and jumped up the nearest lamppost. I'm a little tense, sometimes.

    EDITED TO ADD: But when I see a couple who is being Beta, I don't mind a bit. I find it rather cute.

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    Mmm, I think I must be the most less affectionate INFp ever... that or there’s just something wrong with me

    People have always complained because I rarely hug them, and when I do it’s a small hug and they’re always like “omg you call that a hug?!”

    The truth is, I really don’t feel comfortable hugging just anyone... it has to be someone I truly have deep affection for. I’m definitely not a clingy person, and the minuet I feel that someone wants their space; I’ll back off as soon as possible.

    On the rare occasions when I truly have that caring feeling for somebody, I’m always touching them in some way or another... be it groping, playing, snuggling, ect...
    only if they want me to though... I wont do it if I think they’re uncomfortable with it.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Yeah, I can't hug someone unless I know they'll react to it well. Or... if it's just someone I don't care to hug, lol. I can't hug anyone in my family... even my parents.
    "How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses? Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love."
    -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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    Quote Originally Posted by Baby
    Yeah, I can't hug someone unless I know they'll react to it well. Or... if it's just someone I don't care to hug, lol. I can't hug anyone in my family... even my parents.
    I can relate! I have no problem giving big cuddly hugs to my mom, but it just feels kind of weird hugging my dad or sister...
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    That's so weird to me because giving hugs is compulsory in my family and they're the only group of people in which I feel comfortable complying.

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    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Try to give him a hug and he'll react in a similar way as Rocky--Is something wrong with you? =p


    I was just about to say how I don't like hugging my family member either, oh well...

    As for the thread topic, are you sure this is all Beta? Because... can't ENFPs be emotional and bubbly and kissy and huggy and so on and so forth and et cetera? And are ISTJs into that kind of stuff? It seems like the opposite, ehh...
    MAYBE I'LL BREAK DOWN!!!


    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Rocky's posts are as enjoyable as having wisdom teeth removed.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Quote Originally Posted by maizemedley
    For example, if my brother comes to visit, and I'm feeling down and out, I stay away from him because I cannot imagine that he would want to spend any of his time next to someone who is sulking. When my spirits are up, I am freer to go up to him and punch him and smile at him and sit up close to him.
    I've noticed this in ISFP too.
    yeah, so have i.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Rocky
    Quote Originally Posted by vague
    Try to give him a hug and he'll react in a similar way as Rocky--Is something wrong with you? =p


    I was just about to say how I don't like hugging my family member either, oh well...

    As for the thread topic, are you sure this is all Beta? Because... can't ENFPs be emotional and bubbly and kissy and huggy and so on and so forth and et cetera? And are ISTJs into that kind of stuff? It seems like the opposite, ehh...
    Well actually yeah, I have observed ENFps being uber bubbly with friends. But again, they're not so much into doing all that stuff with their bf/gf in public.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    I don't think my husband and I get particularly affectionate in public. We seem to specifically hold back from showing a lot of affection in front of other people. But I'm a bit touchy so there's some. Still, it's more like a casual touch than anything really intense.
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Same here, but only if the "other people" are people we know. If we're in a city where we're sure no one knows us, we can go OTT. Often it's a bit of fun, though, like "oh, let's be one of those nauseating couples. Let's lovey-dove a little."

    Plus, we've got a little daughter. You'd all be surprised how that can diminish the time that's available for hugging and kissing. She either feels annoyed because she wants to play with us, and here we are kissing, yuck... or she'll feel left out of the hug and elbow her way in. (Literally.)

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    Quote Originally Posted by schrödinger's cat
    Plus, we've got a little daughter. You'd all be surprised how that can diminish the time that's available for hugging and kissing. She either feels annoyed because she wants to play with us, and here we are kissing, yuck... or she'll feel left out of the hug and elbow her way in. (Literally.)
    LOL yep we've got that too! "I want hugs and kisses too! Let me in!!"
    It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
    -Mark Twain


    You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

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    Yeah. When I feel confident, I feel this urge to show my affection. I like to pat or like stroke my ESFJ friend sometimes but she'd give me this look and tell me not to do that again which makes me laugh. But only when I feel comfortable. I don't hug strangers nor do I like them to hug me or touch me in any way. I'm better at showing than telling how I feel toward a person.
    INFP

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    I might have posted here, but I don't feel like looking back right now. I have something new to add.

    I am really really affectionate towards boyfriends and all, but more often than not, my affection is sexually geared. For instance, it's hardly ever "Lalala" type-feeling geared. It's more like, "Grawr c'mere I love you sexy person!" geared. If I can't get that feeling with a lover, then they normally arn't right for me.


    Yeah...I get the "Lala" feeling too occasionally

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