This is my first post in this entire community. It wasn't until the last 18 months I became interested in personality typing because I was interested in figuring out how to be more satisfied along with taking an actual MBTI test, couple of them actually, at my workplace (I'm an engineer if it matters. Well I guess it ought to because as an ILE around no one close to my type, it became more and more of a bore)
K, back to the story: due to boredom, and my natural desire to fix inefficient processes with unconventional thinking, I became the president of a workplace group comprised of young people - ILE sidetrack moment hang on! - I'm 31, yes we were married young due to entirely unromantic reasons so she could escape her awful parents and become eligible for university grants, etc. we were together in high school mainly because she was drop dead gorgeous and sweet and I pursued her until I made her smile and knew then she "calms" me down which I loved...along with her 5'10" perfectly made human specimen self that didn't hurt either I'm sure but - sidetrack over: there were now people that were from all over the local government offices in which I work. They were looking to me and my ideas were golden so I was in ILE heaven. I'm not a natural leader because I have to actually want to fix something not just have power if that makes sense.
Here's where it begins. Adultery. The clerk was my dual type and we were having to coordinate on all kinds of stuff and it was like gravity that neither of us could understand - not sexually because she doesn't compare to wife physically but my dual type exude sexuality when they open up to us ILE's.
No less than three times my big wedding ring was noticed and I praised wife and noted two kids ages 5/7 girls. So neither is offering dates or whatever but the meetings between President/Secretary were speeding up because we were wrapping up my big idea. Two strikes... Duals "forced" to interact at an increasingly fast rate.
Work flirting via emails commences. Immediate gold conversationally. I begin rationalizations like "do I deserve to be happy? After all, we didn't love each other when we got married. I only have one life!
Take her out for a work lunch. Another. Now we've exchanged phone numbers. Now texting begins. Now we're each other's drug. Now we say nothing else matters. Now I go to her apartment. Now I'm pouring it on thick about leaving wife. Now I'm spending a lot of time over there. Now we're "together" - only three times and it wasn't good. Now I'm like, what the hell have I been doing and thinking? I have this angel at home who is still nice to me, loving me, not filing divorce paperwork against me, wanting me. Wake up you moron! Cut her off.
So to my ILE brain, hell yes we're back together. I want you, you want me, we're married... Back to normal.
Not to easy and I don't understand it. EII heart hurt boundary up big time. My ILE self can't comprehend what "I need time and you need to respect that" means. So, insert overt flirting and lots of great house husbanding stuff. Fixed, right babe? Makes it worse, she says. Says to just give her what she needs and I just need to respect that. Says we will be ok but doesn't know when.
What does a destroyed EII heart need? What does she mean? What do I do? Help if you're willing, please.