heyo! i cut off the first part of the video because of extraneous info. my name's kim, i'm 16 and in the US.
any VI ideas?
one of the main things i was getting at in the video is that i have a desire to feel a strong inward passion. i'm a writer, i write a lot of poems and strive to write short stories. i guess the feeling i'm trying to describe is "inspired". that's what the percocet use is all about, i just want to feel that love but for some reason i don't have the passion or joy naturally..? i don't know if that's some kind of thing about maybe seeking Fe, Fi, or being too much of an Fe user, i really have no idea.
my outward impressions are very changeable depending on my inward mood. i can be quite a people person if i'm happy and come off as bubbly and flirtatious, or i can be quite flat. i actually don't have the energy to talk to people most of the time. i moreso enjoy the aspect of relationships that has to do with that feeling of love and trust you get by just knowing that that person is your friend or family.
what are you most important values?
i value trust that never ever ever fades (even though it inevitably does) and out of life would truly value a trustworthy partner/true love but above that i have a strict egalitarian moral code and value living somewhat minimalistically in order to give out to better causes. i'm an athiest so 'doing good' is my religion. i'm a vegan and stuff. for myself i value feeling healthy and getting pleasurable experiences, and the true love i mentioned earlier.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
yeah i think i get what this question is getting at. i like giving people advice on what to do when they're feeling sick and know a pretty lot. actually, a strong need for me is to feel needed and helpful, in the most practical and important matters. as for focused on my body, i take a real strong interest in health and how to maintain it but try to keep it minimal. i basically try not to get fat (lol sorry i respect fat people), do cardio to maintain a good level of energy , and eat food that doesn't make me feel like crap. extraneous stuff like facial masks, body creams, exfoliating, i looooove doing as recreational activities but the daily routines for self care, i keep to a minimum. but yeah i like talking about new ideas like yoga for feeling less tension in the body and home remedies, organic food and superfoods.
What do you think of daily chores?
i like to clean! "tidying up" is the phrase i always use, which is just you know making sure everything is neat. i'll scrub shit off toilets too. but for some reason i cannot tolerate doing dishes. i think my biggest irk of all time is wet/mashed up/mixed around food. it's fukn gross.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
Favorite movie is probably "There Will Be Blood". the cinematics are so beautiful and take you to a place where you forget you're even watching a movie. i also love american history and want to have been born in a past generation at times. i like the deeply psychological aspects and statement on religion the movie makes. i dislike mindless movies and most popular movies.
but i also love The Royal Tenenbaums. it's not "deep" but it's very fun and nice to look at. i like the family aspect in it and how it's all about coming together for a family to like idk trust each other and everything. i love the part when ben stiller finally comes out and says "it's been a hard year dad" and then his dad gives him a hug.
i feel like i could go on about this one but i won't.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
i try to make myself cry at music because i like that really intense happy feeling i was talking about. i used to cry at least twice a day until i got treated for my depression and i remember people saying they only cry like twice a year. i would seriously think "wtf?????" so loud in my head. i still do. intense anger (occurs in me often due to my life circumstance right now and family. eh.) makes me have a strong, strong urge to hit something but i end up crying hella hard.
attractive boys make me smile hard af. cats. animal antics. kicking back and relaxing brings a soft smile on my face. i have that soft smile often in the classroom or something because i just sit back.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
usually when i'm alone listening to music. i don't think i fully trust anyone. not even my closer family members, because inwardly i feel like i'll disappoint them. i strongly wish i could just connect to people and never have to worry about them getting tired of me.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
i think i'm boring when i first talk to people. actually, i think i'm too black-and-white when i talk to new people. i can be hype as hell and bouncing off the walls or just grunting and making dull statements. i just don't like my dealings with people.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
i'm smart and don't mind saying that. people who don't know me almost always say they get an impression that i'm smart or at least am good at school or something. that actually surprises me because i don't feel like i come off that way.
i've written some kick-ass poems and my teachers have confirmed that. it's a talent. i know how to interpret my emotions and transmit them through metaphor.
i'm pretty kinesthetic as well but that takes the back-burner due to how invested i am in writing. i'm not lazy physically, i like physical exercise and am pretty good at basketball, but most people don't even know that . i pick up on new talents easily.
How do you behave around strangers?
my medicine for social anxiety (klonopin every day) makes me more uninhibited than i am naturally. around strangers i don't think i'll have a closer relationship with, i normally mess with them and joke around. it works better with boys because they think i'm flirting. it's hard to describe. basically if i don't particularly like any of those people, i don't care if they like me. if i'm talking to people i have an interest in being friends with, the interest shows and i ask questions about their lives and find common interests to talk about.
around strangers that i'm intimidated by, which this may be what the question is getting at, i just talk really boring and pretend to be sort of... blase blase toward them and life.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
i want to find the love of my life eventually lol. humans have spoke of "true love"/unconditional love for ages and a lot of people say it doesn't exist. the way i see it, some people have that capability to care for people at that level, and some people just don't feel that deeply. i think i have that capability. i've felt intense affection toward a few people but that's what i leave it as-- intense affection. and i would have a romantic relationship with them for the physical aspect, the fun, and the experience. but i want to find true love- trust, honesty, and unconditional care
anddd here's a picture of me
i'll be here waiting