I keep having this feeling that until I allow myself, to slip, to buy into the dominant ideology(which is not something I can list off for you, just notice by the friction I feel with most things), that I will not be successful, because that is the only time I will really allow myself to enjoy myself without the grass is greener syndrome. This is baseless and I call it a feeling because when I put these thoughts next to each other in a chain, I get a warm feeling in my stomach lol. But I want some opinions on this. Do you understand this, and what are your thoughts on this?
It seems like every time I see a successful person, they are acting in the capacity of Keeper of the Flame, that is, being someone who has melded with the world so successfully that they "become" it and are rewarded for it. These people at first, buy into the ideology and become a slave to it(happily), then they are able to define it because of the positions they reach.
Now, what I don't get is if this happens for everyone who is mildly successful. I buy into some parts of the ideology tacitly...mostly out of familiarity. But its this acceptance of the new that I lack. People "in the know", "in the new," are the successful ones. I wonder how to wrangle in what the new is, and if having skills that make you successful is more a bit of luck than anything(meaning you are lucky that you actually enjoy those things). I don't know. I'm confused.