Okay so I'm an ILE and have been dating an EII for 3 years. Recently there's been some issues where she has been compulsively lying to me due to her doing things and hanging out with people she shouldn't be that get her into trouble. She's 18 so she's still young and immature in a lot of ways. I suspect she lies to avoid confrontation and criticism. She admits she has a problem with lying when she's in a good mood, she will not however admit lies at first when I confront her unless I have absolute evidence or bluff about evidence correctly. I am quite good at gathering information from her and ruling out what I think is true or not, but honestly it's driving me nuts. I feel like I have to fact check everything she does, and it's turned me into this controlling boyfriend that I never was before the lies started. She tells me I annoy her and treat her like a possessive probation officer even lol. But our relationship is great except for the fact that she lies. She lies because she hangs out with people who party too often and she'll give in and make stupid mistakes.
How should I approach this better? Currently she says I am annoying her with my fact checking and not believing her. How should I deal with this? I suck at emotions and the fact that she's my supervisee makes it extra difficult to gain the other hand, because when I criticize her lying habits, she can easily discredit me with my pathetic Fi abilities.
I don't know what to do about this, we have a 2 year old daughter together and CPS took custody away and gave it to her mother because of her recklessness, so I can't just drop the relationship. I love this girl, and we're great. I want to move past this, regain trust, and motivate her to better and not push her away because that's exactly what I'm doing being controlling. But my mind races and it drives me crazy when I know she's lying and doing things she's not supposed to. I wish I wasn't so smart and were oblivious, that or just not caring about her at all. Because this is causing way too much anxiety for me. It's like every day there's another lie :/ how do I motivate her to do better? I just can't seem to say the right things.