Does anyone else just get tired of helping other people?
Does anyone else just get tired of helping other people?
i'm sort of incompetent so i'm not really the one people go to lol
Yes. The "happy" and "sweet" facade gets extremely boring and tiring.
・☆ 。・B e a u t i f u l S i l e n c e ・ 。☆・
I hate helping people and I don't really like helping people unless they're dying or dying.
The mind a killing weapon
The heart an open wound
You sound overextended. It's fine to help people as long as it doesn't lead to a state of constant stress and chronic fatigue. The only exception is in a time of crisis. If it's not an emergency, then let them wait for help.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I think if you want the take of someone in same quadra but different distribution of IE, my tendency is to make people define why it is I have something to offer, and 99% of time, it has to be a kind of knowledge that might help. Or like, a new perspective on things. It's almost always a new perspective on things that I ultimately offer. (including in "typing" people...where my usual policy is: you've read the definitions, you've gotten lots of observations down -- now what must be the difficulty is how you're seeing them, not what is there)
I'm multi-quoting! Hooray! Anyway....
My job is to balance the budget, purchasing for our department, answer the main phone line, sort the ticket requests when they come in the system(project, reports, programming, software problems, etc), do paperwork like inventory forms and student employee hiring forms, and solve level 1 help desk issues. Lately I've done more though. It started when I needed an internship for my degree, so I put together a very intensely detailed internal audit/review of my department in SharePoint. Then my boss rewarded me with extra half-hour paid time off tokens(that I haven't used... It's almost like a collection now). Now he has me on another project using Adobe Connect which I find interesting, but again, time consuming. More time off tokens... Writing this has now convinced me to use one tomorrow.
As far as my job goes, I feel like I can handle it, but then my ESTp? (who also has ADD) coworker annoys me to no end. He's habitually late (which was improving but then he slept through his alarm today and was a half hour late), tries to make me involved with his decisions for anything from his dating life to on the job decisions, asks me several questions a day, tries to get me to do all the paperwork(whether or not I should be doing it), continually comes in my office suite that I share with my boss to ask my boss questions, but then asks me when my boss either isn't there or is busy, and fixates on conversation topics until they get annoying. We're the same age but he acts 5 years younger at least. I've tried talking to him about the issues that bother me. He'll fix them temporarily and then go back to acting the same way. My boss likes him because he does get his tickets done for the most part and his clients like him. I know I do resent the fact that he makes $10,000 more than me because he has his degree already and does slightly more technical tickets and I do not. Which is why I'll be looking for a new job when I graduate. I'm not going to get paid less than someone just to "babysit" him.
I don't have a babysitter at the moment but my husband does take care of her when he's not working so I can get a few things done. I need to find a good one considering the one I do know just had major surgery. I don't live near family.
^ there is no way you're SEI or E9, imo
have you tried something like, LSE 1w2 or 2w1
it's mostly the way you talk... very oriented on observable data/ things you can do. you seem to be very comfortable in the ST realm. i know that as an SEI, although I personally try to be hardworking and on top of things, I simply would be unable to handle the amount of things you described. it's not a question of wanting to do it.
dunno if that helps!! how are you w/ Fe/Fi?
edit: maybe ESE > SEI, if you resonate w/ alpha?
Last edited by lemontrees; 03-06-2015 at 03:31 AM.
SEI 9 is a combo with trouble with being assertive. Probably more so than other etype SEIs. I think advice given by @William in this thread is very good.
Take a step back and imagine what would happen if you all of a sudden got ill with a flu and simply couldn't get to work - would the company close? Unlikely. Would other people manage to cover for you for some time? Yup. (It gives perspective.)
SEIs do get overextended and stressed up when tasks pile up. Saying no is a valuable thing to learn. I've read you're getting better at it, continue then.
Choose the little things first if it stresses you and see how people react. They might be surprised at first to hear a decline from you, but they'll get used to it, find a way to get their things done anyway and in the process start respecting you more and abusing your good will less. (They'll be less likely to come to you with things they know they should do themselves when they realise you're not a person that just says "yes" to everything they ask. That's because most people dislike being said "no" to. And in order not to hear it, they'll figure out a way of doing things differently - either themselves or they'll ask smn else who still hasn't learned to say "no" to them. )
SEI is a lovely type, chill, relaxed, funny and bringing joy and peace. All this dissolves when work piles up, there are too many obligations and stressors. It's as if a light went out in a person. @LindyLouWho be good to yourself, don't let it happen to you. I'd say more, but that's the gist.
I can relate to ESEs, but I'm not sure that I would be one because:
1. I am definitely introverted. The idea of being a hermit is definitely appealing when I'm overstimulated. At night I sit with my laptop and avoid talking to people other than online.
2. I hate being late. This might be more anecdotal, but I have noticed that ESEs tend to be habitually late.
3. Team sports make me gag.
I do have a face that looks very ESE when I smile.
One of the unrelenting criticisms I've gotten, in school and at work, is to BE MORE ASSERTIVE. It's definitely been a work in progress for me, and i've come a ways from what i used to be, but it definitely often feels like i'm going against my nature in doing so.
It's funny you mention the illness thing. When i take a step back and imagine what would happen, whenever i'm ill with a virus (my colleagues scrambling to get my work covered, my patients getting a less optimal visit since i know them better, my colleagues getting burdened with all these patients they dont know on top of their already heavy burden), I just cant let that happen. If it's a complicated situation like that, that would cause undue burden on everyone involved, I go to work whether i'm sick or not, and I wear a mask to not get other people sick.
I also definitely resonate with being a different person when i'm overextended. My friends and family have commented on that, and i see it myself.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I get tense and snappy when I'm stressed. Definitely not chill or happy like usual.
yeah, well, what can I say, my husband is on a sick leave (last day mind you) and he went to work today "cause people were calling him and asking for him, they need him". Seriously, they could wait till Monday. I know his boss and he just uses people.It's funny you mention the illness thing. When i take a step back and imagine what would happen, whenever i'm ill with a virus (my colleagues scrambling to get my work covered, my patients getting a less optimal visit since i know them better, my colleagues getting burdened with all these patients they dont know on top of their already heavy burden), I just cant let that happen. If it's a complicated situation like that, that would cause undue burden on everyone involved, I go to work whether i'm sick or not, and I wear a mask to not get other people sick.
Still, it's a progress, some years ago he would've gone there earlier for reasons similar to the ones you mentioned (though he doesn't work in health services). I can only imagine how this kind of thing weighs on you - it's like the ultimate SEI assertiveness test that you undergo every time you feel like you need to take care of yourself. This would likely be easier if you worked in a different sector.
yeah, unfortunately - maybe think about this when you feel like pushing yourself "just this one time" cause smn needs you. They need "you", the real you, not the shadow you become when you sell yourself short trying to help absolutely everyone and neglecting yourself. (If it sounds harsh, it's not meant to, I hope you get what I'm trying to say...)I also definitely resonate with being a different person when i'm overextended. My friends and family have commented on that, and i see it myself.
have sadistic sex with an LIE businessman to balance it out.
I think all people are two faced like this. In public we are all 'I protect and inspire the underdog!' and in private when the doors are shut and we are with our lovers we are all 'fuck. spit on the underdog's face. that shit gets me so hard.'
I think it's human nature and I think we're all guilty of it and anybody who tries to act like they are above this is a faux-Mary Sue idiot trying to manipulate you for some secret agenda.
SEI could use exercise as to ward off stress
Dual type (as per tcaudilllg)
Enneagram 2w1sw(1w9) helps others to live up to their own standards of what a good person is and is very behind the scenes in the process.
Tritype 1-2-6 stacking sp/sx
I'm constantly looking to align the real with the ideal.I've been more oriented toward being overly idealistic by expecting the real to match the ideal. My thinking side is dominent. The result is that sometimes I can be overly impersonal or self-centered in my approach, not being understanding of others in the process and simply thinking "you should do this" or "everyone should follor this rule"..."regardless of how they feel or where they're coming from"which just isn't a good attitude to have. It is a way, though, to give oneself an artificial sense of self-justification. LSE
Best description of functions:
I wanted, btw, to apologize for the tone of my second post, which was a bit bitchy
I think I was feeling a bit insecure when I read your post b/c when you mention the things on your plate, and the ways in which your coworker is incompetent, I felt like these were things that I would never feel confident calling someone else out for- as I feel like they are in my own weak spot. However that was totally immature, *none* of that has anything to do with you, I totally understand that you're overwhelmed, and trying to juggle a ton of things at once, and I applaud you for it! Hope things get better soon
I also wanted to mention that when I type I'm pretty much *never* trying to push on others how I think they should see themselves, but rather my own understanding of socionics. by my understanding, you, and Suz, don't fit my mental profile of an SEI. this doesn't mean that I don't believe you can feel vulnerable, take a while to get comfortable with your jobs, or be "feeling" oriented people, etc, etc. but since socionics is a personality typology system I can see why trying to push a typing on another person, esp on low information, is actually naturally a way of pushing a self-interpretation onto someone, and why that could be really uncomfortable. all of which is my roundabout way of trying to apologize to @Suz while trying to explain myself at the same time lol
also Suz if you are asking for differences b/t us I think the very fact that we were miscommunicating so much in chat (or you were seemingly asking me for an explanation i was unable to provide) should suggest we are not the same type, even if it doesn't prove which "type" either of us is.
Last edited by lemontrees; 03-06-2015 at 08:14 PM. Reason: second post. not first. lol
EII - INTj - Dostoyevsky -
No, it's not a typo!
I do think, however, that we are quite similar in our weak ability to type others (socionically, that is--you seem better at enneagram). The difference being that i am unconfident enough about it and have enough insight into my weakness at this point that i will really mostly abstain from opining on types (other than my own, and even that was verrry cautiously decided and checked a million times before i went public with it). When i was newer to socionics i spoke much more confidently, as you are doing (but i was wrong about many things, and to be honest, i do think its the case with you as well).
I mean this in the nicest possible way, and i resonate with it myself. I didnt think u were bitchy at all, for the record. Just unconvincing and unduly confident.
Last edited by Suz; 03-06-2015 at 09:18 PM.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
I also want to point out that in my personal growth, I've discovered that sometimes more peace can be achieved through being assertive than being passive. Ultimately I just want all the peace and love. So I might not be an E1 because I'm more assertive than the stereotypical E9, it's more that I've found that my old methods did not work.
And i am absolutely a believer in learning to compensate and/or strengthen weaknesses. Thats what maturation involves, and most successful people are successful because they are open and able to do so well. One of my gripes about taking socionics too seriously is people can start using it to explain away their weaknesses and thereby become slaves to those weaknesses, lamenting the absence of some magical "dual" who will fix all their problems. I think a better use of this kind of activity is to pinpoint areas of weakness and then target them for improvement! A well rounded person is a healthier person, is a better person, is a person who can give and receive love better.
Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx
If I were you I would "deactivate" slightly from work for the period you feel you need to do this in. Once some major responsibilities fall off of your shoulders-like school, increase the load you're taking on at work. It isn't exactly ethical, but sometimes in order to keep going you have to lighten your load in places while still receiving the same pay.
Fire back with complex questions of your own and this guy will stop coming.
A revolution is not a dinner party, or writing an essay, or painting a picture, or doing embroidery; It cannot be so refined, so leisurely and gentle, so temperate, kind, courteous, restrained and magnanimous. A revolution is an insurrection, an act of violence by which one class overthrows the other. Mao Tse Tung