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Thread: SEI Feeling burnt out?

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    Default SEI Feeling burnt out?

    Does anyone else just get tired of helping other people?

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindyLouWho View Post
    Does anyone else just get tired of helping other people?
    yes.
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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    i'm sort of incompetent so i'm not really the one people go to lol
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    Jazz, Kisses, & Cigarettes Pink's Avatar
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    Yes. The "happy" and "sweet" facade gets extremely boring and tiring.

    B e a u t i f u l S i l e n c e ・ 。☆・

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    I hate helping people and I don't really like helping people unless they're dying or dying.

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    Quote Originally Posted by McBain View Post
    Depends on what you mean by helping people. If someone is going through an emergency or a crisis, like they've just been hit by a car or had an accident -- then of course I'll help. Grunt work? Fuck no unless there's benefit for me or you're like a close friend and it's reciprocal -- like I'll help you move or whatever. I sometimes see SEIs getting caught up in being other people's slaves and/or juggling too many responsibilities that have been foisted onto them at once.
    I think I'm suffering from this now. My current job combines secretary and IT help desk duties, plus I'm in my last term of college/university, PLUS I have a kid. I also have a coworker who I suspect is an ESTp that acts like a helpless kid sometimes which is aggravating.

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    You sound overextended. It's fine to help people as long as it doesn't lead to a state of constant stress and chronic fatigue. The only exception is in a time of crisis. If it's not an emergency, then let them wait for help.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    The ability to say "no" is an incredibly useful life skill. At some cosmic level, it is impossible to please everyone. Te-PoLR sometimes manifests in not understanding the true division of responsibilities and labor and who is assigned to do what.

    At your job, what are your specific job responsibilities? What is the bare minimum you need to do to stay employed? What is required to do each day to say you successfully completed the job they're paying you to do? When you say your job involves 'IT help desk duties', is there a definition on who must be helped and any timelines given around how soon you should help them? (You don't need to answer these if you don't want, but just think about them. Perhaps some of these questions will help you from running around all day trying to help everyone like a chicken with its head cut off )

    I normally like to go above and beyond and have been known as an 'overachiever', so it feels weird to recommend cutting back trying to 'help' others, but one thing I've learned is that society can run more efficiently if each of us stays within the realms of our specific strengths. Making sure you're not overextended, especially where someone else more suited can pick up the slack, is important.

    Also, regarding the kid part - do you know anyone who could help babysit? Or help watch the kid for a few hours, and take some pressure off you?

    Big picture - remember it's your last semester of college, so burnout is extremely common. Keep the big picture in mind - things will slow down for you when you graduate. No more exams, papers due, etc. You can do it. You can get through it if you've made it to your last semester already. Professors are usually extremely understanding to talk to as well.
    I've struggled a lot with this kind of thing. A lot of *my* overachieving is related to me going above and beyond to make sure my bases are covered just because i'm not sure how little i can get away with. Once i ingratiate myself with people though, i do end up slacking some, just because that kind of effort usually is not sustainable, and being relaxed is my default.
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    I think if you want the take of someone in same quadra but different distribution of IE, my tendency is to make people define why it is I have something to offer, and 99% of time, it has to be a kind of knowledge that might help. Or like, a new perspective on things. It's almost always a new perspective on things that I ultimately offer. (including in "typing" people...where my usual policy is: you've read the definitions, you've gotten lots of observations down -- now what must be the difficulty is how you're seeing them, not what is there)

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    LindyLouWho's Avatar
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    I'm multi-quoting! Hooray! Anyway....

    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmers View Post
    You sound overextended. It's fine to help people as long as it doesn't lead to a state of constant stress and chronic fatigue. The only exception is in a time of crisis. If it's not an emergency, then let them wait for help.
    I am overextended. Hopefully it's only temporary. My problem is everyone acts like their problem is a top-level emergency sometimes. I prioritize as much as I can but it can be difficult sometimes.

    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    The ability to say "no" is an incredibly useful life skill. At some cosmic level, it is impossible to please everyone. Te-PoLR sometimes manifests in not understanding the true division of responsibilities and labor and who is assigned to do what.

    At your job, what are your specific job responsibilities? What is the bare minimum you need to do to stay employed? What is required to do each day to say you successfully completed the job they're paying you to do? When you say your job involves 'IT help desk duties', is there a definition on who must be helped and any timelines given around how soon you should help them? (You don't need to answer these if you don't want, but just think about them. Perhaps some of these questions will help you from running around all day trying to help everyone like a chicken with its head cut off )

    I normally like to go above and beyond and have been known as an 'overachiever', so it feels weird to recommend cutting back trying to 'help' others, but one thing I've learned is that society can run more efficiently if each of us stays within the realms of our specific strengths. Making sure you're not overextended, especially where someone else more suited can pick up the slack, is important.

    Also, regarding the kid part - do you know anyone who could help babysit? Or help watch the kid for a few hours, and take some pressure off you?

    Big picture - remember it's your last semester of college, so burnout is extremely common. Keep the big picture in mind - things will slow down for you when you graduate. No more exams, papers due, etc. You can do it. You can get through it if you've made it to your last semester already. Professors are usually extremely understanding to talk to as well.
    I'm getting better at saying no. You should have seen me 10 years ago...it was almost physically painful to say no! LOL
    My job is to balance the budget, purchasing for our department, answer the main phone line, sort the ticket requests when they come in the system(project, reports, programming, software problems, etc), do paperwork like inventory forms and student employee hiring forms, and solve level 1 help desk issues. Lately I've done more though. It started when I needed an internship for my degree, so I put together a very intensely detailed internal audit/review of my department in SharePoint. Then my boss rewarded me with extra half-hour paid time off tokens(that I haven't used... It's almost like a collection now). Now he has me on another project using Adobe Connect which I find interesting, but again, time consuming. More time off tokens... Writing this has now convinced me to use one tomorrow.

    As far as my job goes, I feel like I can handle it, but then my ESTp? (who also has ADD) coworker annoys me to no end. He's habitually late (which was improving but then he slept through his alarm today and was a half hour late), tries to make me involved with his decisions for anything from his dating life to on the job decisions, asks me several questions a day, tries to get me to do all the paperwork(whether or not I should be doing it), continually comes in my office suite that I share with my boss to ask my boss questions, but then asks me when my boss either isn't there or is busy, and fixates on conversation topics until they get annoying. We're the same age but he acts 5 years younger at least. I've tried talking to him about the issues that bother me. He'll fix them temporarily and then go back to acting the same way. My boss likes him because he does get his tickets done for the most part and his clients like him. I know I do resent the fact that he makes $10,000 more than me because he has his degree already and does slightly more technical tickets and I do not. Which is why I'll be looking for a new job when I graduate. I'm not going to get paid less than someone just to "babysit" him.

    I don't have a babysitter at the moment but my husband does take care of her when he's not working so I can get a few things done. I need to find a good one considering the one I do know just had major surgery. I don't live near family.


    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    I've struggled a lot with this kind of thing. A lot of *my* overachieving is related to me going above and beyond to make sure my bases are covered just because i'm not sure how little i can get away with. Once i ingratiate myself with people though, i do end up slacking some, just because that kind of effort usually is not sustainable, and being relaxed is my default.
    Exactly. Plus I know I'm capable and intelligent so I put a lot of effort at least at first. I try to tell myself "Cs get degrees", but I get all As and Bs unless it's a math above Algebra. I'm just happy I passed Calculus. LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by chemical View Post
    I think if you want the take of someone in same quadra but different distribution of IE, my tendency is to make people define why it is I have something to offer, and 99% of time, it has to be a kind of knowledge that might help. Or like, a new perspective on things. It's almost always a new perspective on things that I ultimately offer. (including in "typing" people...where my usual policy is: you've read the definitions, you've gotten lots of observations down -- now what must be the difficulty is how you're seeing them, not what is there)
    That's a good way to put it. Unfortunately I think the worst offenders want me to do their thinking for them. So I can try that.

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    ^ there is no way you're SEI or E9, imo

    have you tried something like, LSE 1w2 or 2w1
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    ^ there is no way you're SEI or E9, imo

    have you tried something like, LSE 1w2 or 2w1
    Why do you say that?
    I don't really see myself as an LSE but it's possible. I just don't think Te is my strongest area since I got myself in this position in the first place. My boss is most likely LSE and we get along great.

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindyLouWho View Post
    Why do you say that?
    I don't really see myself as an LSE but it's possible. I just don't think Te is my strongest area since I got myself in this position in the first place. My boss is most likely LSE and we get along great.
    not sure! I could also def see beta ST.

    it's mostly the way you talk... very oriented on observable data/ things you can do. you seem to be very comfortable in the ST realm. i know that as an SEI, although I personally try to be hardworking and on top of things, I simply would be unable to handle the amount of things you described. it's not a question of wanting to do it.

    dunno if that helps!! how are you w/ Fe/Fi?

    edit: maybe ESE > SEI, if you resonate w/ alpha?
    Last edited by lemontrees; 03-06-2015 at 04:31 AM.
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindyLouWho View Post

    Exactly. Plus I know I'm capable and intelligent so I put a lot of effort at least at first. I try to tell myself "Cs get degrees", but I get all As and Bs unless it's a math above Algebra. I'm just happy I passed Calculus. LOL
    .
    lol, story of my life.
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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindyLouWho View Post
    Why do you say that?
    I don't really see myself as an LSE but it's possible. I just don't think Te is my strongest area since I got myself in this position in the first place. My boss is most likely LSE and we get along great.
    Lemontrees types me and another likely SEI on the forum as STs as well, fwiw. Go with what YOU resonate with most. You know yourself best, better than any of us do.
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    SEI 9 is a combo with trouble with being assertive. Probably more so than other etype SEIs. I think advice given by @William in this thread is very good.
    Take a step back and imagine what would happen if you all of a sudden got ill with a flu and simply couldn't get to work - would the company close? Unlikely. Would other people manage to cover for you for some time? Yup. (It gives perspective.)

    SEIs do get overextended and stressed up when tasks pile up. Saying no is a valuable thing to learn. I've read you're getting better at it, continue then.
    Choose the little things first if it stresses you and see how people react. They might be surprised at first to hear a decline from you, but they'll get used to it, find a way to get their things done anyway and in the process start respecting you more and abusing your good will less. (They'll be less likely to come to you with things they know they should do themselves when they realise you're not a person that just says "yes" to everything they ask. That's because most people dislike being said "no" to. And in order not to hear it, they'll figure out a way of doing things differently - either themselves or they'll ask smn else who still hasn't learned to say "no" to them. )

    SEI is a lovely type, chill, relaxed, funny and bringing joy and peace. All this dissolves when work piles up, there are too many obligations and stressors. It's as if a light went out in a person. @LindyLouWho be good to yourself, don't let it happen to you. I'd say more, but that's the gist.
    Good luck.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    not sure! I could also def see beta ST.

    it's mostly the way you talk... very oriented on observable data/ things you can do. you seem to be very comfortable in the ST realm. i know that as an SEI, although I personally try to be hardworking and on top of things, I simply would be unable to handle the amount of things you described. it's not a question of wanting to do it.

    dunno if that helps!! how are you w/ Fe/Fi?

    edit: maybe ESE > SEI, if you resonate w/ alpha?
    I'm definitely more Fe. I'm emotional, but I'm more in touch with other's feelings than my own occasionally. As far as being comfortable with data and details, I've had a good bit of practice and learning in this from my parents(who I suspect are INTj and ESTj) and working in heavily detail-oriented jobs. You don't last long working in retail if you can't balance your till. It's not totally natural, it's learned. For instance, I have an ESFj friend who is better at fixing things around the home (like the water pump) than her ESXp husband because she learned those skills from her father.

    I can relate to ESEs, but I'm not sure that I would be one because:
    1. I am definitely introverted. The idea of being a hermit is definitely appealing when I'm overstimulated. At night I sit with my laptop and avoid talking to people other than online.
    2. I hate being late. This might be more anecdotal, but I have noticed that ESEs tend to be habitually late.
    3. Team sports make me gag.

    I do have a face that looks very ESE when I smile.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    Lemontrees types me and another likely SEI on the forum as STs as well, fwiw. Go with what YOU resonate with most. You know yourself best, better than any of us do.
    I hope so. I can type anyone if I spend enough time with them, but I relate to so many different people that it's harder for me to type myself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    SEI 9 is a combo with trouble with being assertive. Probably more so than other etype SEIs. I think advice given by @William in this thread is very good.
    Take a step back and imagine what would happen if you all of a sudden got ill with a flu and simply couldn't get to work - would the company close? Unlikely. Would other people manage to cover for you for some time? Yup. (It gives perspective.)

    SEIs do get overextended and stressed up when tasks pile up. Saying no is a valuable thing to learn. I've read you're getting better at it, continue then.
    Choose the little things first if it stresses you and see how people react. They might be surprised at first to hear a decline from you, but they'll get used to it, find a way to get their things done anyway and in the process start respecting you more and abusing your good will less. (They'll be less likely to come to you with things they know they should do themselves when they realise you're not a person that just says "yes" to everything they ask. That's because most people dislike being said "no" to. And in order not to hear it, they'll figure out a way of doing things differently - either themselves or they'll ask smn else who still hasn't learned to say "no" to them. )

    SEI is a lovely type, chill, relaxed, funny and bringing joy and peace. All this dissolves when work piles up, there are too many obligations and stressors. It's as if a light went out in a person. @LindyLouWho be good to yourself, don't let it happen to you. I'd say more, but that's the gist.
    Good luck.
    That's good advice, thank you. I'll have to try that.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by aisa View Post
    SEI 9 is a combo with trouble with being assertive. Probably more so than other etype SEIs. I think advice given by @William in this thread is very good.
    Take a step back and imagine what would happen if you all of a sudden got ill with a flu and simply couldn't get to work - would the company close? Unlikely. Would other people manage to cover for you for some time? Yup. (It gives perspective.)
    LOL this is also the story of my life.

    One of the unrelenting criticisms I've gotten, in school and at work, is to BE MORE ASSERTIVE. It's definitely been a work in progress for me, and i've come a ways from what i used to be, but it definitely often feels like i'm going against my nature in doing so.

    It's funny you mention the illness thing. When i take a step back and imagine what would happen, whenever i'm ill with a virus (my colleagues scrambling to get my work covered, my patients getting a less optimal visit since i know them better, my colleagues getting burdened with all these patients they dont know on top of their already heavy burden), I just cant let that happen. If it's a complicated situation like that, that would cause undue burden on everyone involved, I go to work whether i'm sick or not, and I wear a mask to not get other people sick.

    I also definitely resonate with being a different person when i'm overextended. My friends and family have commented on that, and i see it myself.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    LOL this is also the story of my life.

    One of the unrelenting criticisms I've gotten, in school and at work, is to BE MORE ASSERTIVE. It's definitely been a work in progress for me, and i've come a ways from what i used to be, but it definitely often feels like i'm going against my nature in doing so.

    It's funny you mention the illness thing. When i take a step back and imagine what would happen, whenever i'm ill with a virus (my colleagues scrambling to get my work covered, my patients getting a less optimal visit since i know them better, my colleagues getting burdened with all these patients they dont know on top of their already heavy burden), I just cant let that happen. If it's a complicated situation like that, that would cause undue burden on everyone involved, I go to work whether i'm sick or not, and I wear a mask to not get other people sick.

    I also definitely resonate with being a different person when i'm overextended. My friends and family have commented on that, and i see it myself.
    Exactly!! I was sick with a bad bout of acute bronchitis last year that took me a month to be 100% recovered from. I took two days off because I was just too sick to even fake it. I even lost my voice for a week. They did manage without me, but my paperwork piles up and it gets annoying. If I have just a cold, I'll work.

    I get tense and snappy when I'm stressed. Definitely not chill or happy like usual.

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    Quote Originally Posted by LindyLouWho View Post
    That's good advice, thank you. I'll have to try that.
    yeah, it's the advice I (continuously) give to my husband.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    LOL this is also the story of my life.

    One of the unrelenting criticisms I've gotten, in school and at work, is to BE MORE ASSERTIVE. It's definitely been a work in progress for me, and i've come a ways from what i used to be, but it definitely often feels like i'm going against my nature in doing so.
    well if being helpful is a part of who you are and makes you happy, there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think everyone should be bulldozers and SEI's interpersonal skills and warmth are not to be underestimated. However the moment it starts weighing on you too strongly is the moment when sth needs to change. Otherwise things will spiral downwards.

    It's funny you mention the illness thing. When i take a step back and imagine what would happen, whenever i'm ill with a virus (my colleagues scrambling to get my work covered, my patients getting a less optimal visit since i know them better, my colleagues getting burdened with all these patients they dont know on top of their already heavy burden), I just cant let that happen. If it's a complicated situation like that, that would cause undue burden on everyone involved, I go to work whether i'm sick or not, and I wear a mask to not get other people sick.
    yeah, well, what can I say, my husband is on a sick leave (last day mind you) and he went to work today "cause people were calling him and asking for him, they need him". Seriously, they could wait till Monday. I know his boss and he just uses people.
    Still, it's a progress, some years ago he would've gone there earlier for reasons similar to the ones you mentioned (though he doesn't work in health services). I can only imagine how this kind of thing weighs on you - it's like the ultimate SEI assertiveness test that you undergo every time you feel like you need to take care of yourself. This would likely be easier if you worked in a different sector.

    I also definitely resonate with being a different person when i'm overextended. My friends and family have commented on that, and i see it myself.
    yeah, unfortunately - maybe think about this when you feel like pushing yourself "just this one time" cause smn needs you. They need "you", the real you, not the shadow you become when you sell yourself short trying to help absolutely everyone and neglecting yourself. (If it sounds harsh, it's not meant to, I hope you get what I'm trying to say...)

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    have sadistic sex with an LIE businessman to balance it out.

    I think all people are two faced like this. In public we are all 'I protect and inspire the underdog!' and in private when the doors are shut and we are with our lovers we are all 'fuck. spit on the underdog's face. that shit gets me so hard.'

    I think it's human nature and I think we're all guilty of it and anybody who tries to act like they are above this is a faux-Mary Sue idiot trying to manipulate you for some secret agenda.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BulletsAndDoves View Post
    have sadistic sex with an LIE businessman to balance it out.

    I think all people are two faced like this. In public we are all 'I protect and inspire the underdog!' and in private when the doors are shut and we are with our lovers we are all 'fuck. spit on the underdog's face. that shit gets me so hard.'

    I think it's human nature and I think we're all guilty of it and anybody who tries to act like they are above this is a faux-Mary Sue idiot trying to manipulate you for some secret agenda.
    I understand what you're saying, but I would rather fix the actual issue than just coping with pleasure.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    SEI could use exercise as to ward off stress

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    SEI could use exercise as to ward off stress
    I think thats a great stress coping mechanism for any type, fwiw.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    I wanted, btw, to apologize for the tone of my second post, which was a bit bitchy

    I think I was feeling a bit insecure when I read your post b/c when you mention the things on your plate, and the ways in which your coworker is incompetent, I felt like these were things that I would never feel confident calling someone else out for- as I feel like they are in my own weak spot. However that was totally immature, *none* of that has anything to do with you, I totally understand that you're overwhelmed, and trying to juggle a ton of things at once, and I applaud you for it! Hope things get better soon

    I also wanted to mention that when I type I'm pretty much *never* trying to push on others how I think they should see themselves, but rather my own understanding of socionics. by my understanding, you, and Suz, don't fit my mental profile of an SEI. this doesn't mean that I don't believe you can feel vulnerable, take a while to get comfortable with your jobs, or be "feeling" oriented people, etc, etc. but since socionics is a personality typology system I can see why trying to push a typing on another person, esp on low information, is actually naturally a way of pushing a self-interpretation onto someone, and why that could be really uncomfortable. all of which is my roundabout way of trying to apologize to @Suz while trying to explain myself at the same time lol

    also Suz if you are asking for differences b/t us I think the very fact that we were miscommunicating so much in chat (or you were seemingly asking me for an explanation i was unable to provide) should suggest we are not the same type, even if it doesn't prove which "type" either of us is.
    Last edited by lemontrees; 03-06-2015 at 09:14 PM. Reason: second post. not first. lol
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mu4 View Post
    I hate helping people and I don't really like helping people unless they're dying or dying.
    I don't mind helping people but I have to genuinely want to do it. I don't enjoy helping people if it's just out of a sense of obligation or that I feel I should. Then it just feels like an imposition on my time. I want my time to be my own for the most part.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    I wanted, btw, to apologize for the tone of my second post, which was a bit bitchy

    I think I was feeling a bit insecure when I read your post b/c when you mention the things on your plate, and the ways in which your coworker is incompetent, I felt like these were things that I would never feel confident calling someone else out for- as I feel like they are in my own weak spot. However that was totally immature, *none* of that has anything to do with you, I totally understand that you're overwhelmed, and trying to juggle a ton of things at once, and I applaud you for it! Hope things get better soon

    I also wanted to mention that when I type I'm pretty much *never* trying to push on others how I think they should see themselves, but rather my own understanding of socionics. by my understanding, you, and Suz, don't fit my mental profile of an SEI. this doesn't mean that I don't believe you can feel vulnerable, take a while to get comfortable with your jobs, or be "feeling" oriented people, etc, etc. but since socionics is a personality typology system I can see why trying to push a typing on another person, esp on low information, is actually naturally a way of pushing a self-interpretation onto someone, and why that could be really uncomfortable. all of which is my roundabout way of trying to apologize to @Suz while trying to explain myself at the same time lol

    also Suz if you are asking for differences b/t us I think the very fact that we were miscommunicating so much in chat (or you were seemingly asking me for an explanation i was unable to provide) should suggest we are not the same type, even if it doesn't prove which "type" either of us is.
    The miscommunication (i wouldnt call it a miscoomunication though bc i understood you perfectly) imo is more related to a lower intellectual rigor in what you were asserting versus what i consider to be compelling enough reason to accept your opinion. I dont think it's type related but rather a difference in intellectual standards. Maybe enneagram related as i have a pronounced E1-ness to me. I am a critical thinker who does not just buy everything l'm told, and I request the same high standards from my own self as what my expectation was from the conversation we had.

    I do think, however, that we are quite similar in our weak ability to type others (socionically, that is--you seem better at enneagram). The difference being that i am unconfident enough about it and have enough insight into my weakness at this point that i will really mostly abstain from opining on types (other than my own, and even that was verrry cautiously decided and checked a million times before i went public with it). When i was newer to socionics i spoke much more confidently, as you are doing (but i was wrong about many things, and to be honest, i do think its the case with you as well).

    I mean this in the nicest possible way, and i resonate with it myself. I didnt think u were bitchy at all, for the record. Just unconvincing and unduly confident.
    Last edited by Suz; 03-06-2015 at 10:18 PM.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    SEI could use exercise as to ward off stress
    Yep, I've been lacking in that area other than taking daily walks because I'm switching gyms. Good idea.

    Quote Originally Posted by LIIbrarian View Post
    I don't mind helping people but I have to genuinely want to do it. I don't enjoy helping people if it's just out of a sense of obligation or that I feel I should. Then it just feels like an imposition on my time. I want my time to be my own for the most part.
    I help for all of those reasons. LOL

    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    I wanted, btw, to apologize for the tone of my second post, which was a bit bitchy

    I think I was feeling a bit insecure when I read your post b/c when you mention the things on your plate, and the ways in which your coworker is incompetent, I felt like these were things that I would never feel confident calling someone else out for- as I feel like they are in my own weak spot. However that was totally immature, *none* of that has anything to do with you, I totally understand that you're overwhelmed, and trying to juggle a ton of things at once, and I applaud you for it! Hope things get better soon

    I also wanted to mention that when I type I'm pretty much *never* trying to push on others how I think they should see themselves, but rather my own understanding of socionics. by my understanding, you, and Suz, don't fit my mental profile of an SEI. this doesn't mean that I don't believe you can feel vulnerable, take a while to get comfortable with your jobs, or be "feeling" oriented people, etc, etc. but since socionics is a personality typology system I can see why trying to push a typing on another person, esp on low information, is actually naturally a way of pushing a self-interpretation onto someone, and why that could be really uncomfortable. all of which is my roundabout way of trying to apologize to @Suz while trying to explain myself at the same time lol

    also Suz if you are asking for differences b/t us I think the very fact that we were miscommunicating so much in chat (or you were seemingly asking me for an explanation i was unable to provide) should suggest we are not the same type, even if it doesn't prove which "type" either of us is.
    It's okay, I wasn't offended. We all have our own interpretations of type.

    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    The miscommunication (i wouldnt call it a miscoomunication though bc i understood you perfectly) imo is more related to a lower intellectual rigor in what you were asserting versus what i consider to be compelling enough reason to accept your opinion. I dont think it's type related but rather a difference in intellectual standards. Maybe enneagram related as i have a pronounced E1-ness to me. I am a critical thinker who does not just buy everything l'm told, and I request the same high standards from my own self as what my expectation was from the conversation we had.

    I do think, however, that we are quite similar in our weak ability to type others (socionically, that is--you seem better at enneagram). The difference being that i am unconfident enough about it and have enough insight into my weakness at this point that i will really mostly abstain from opining on types (other than my own, and even that was verrry cautiously decided and checked a million times before i went public with it). When i was newer to socionics i spoke much more confidently, as you are doing (but i was wrong about many things, and to be honest, i do think its the case with you as well).

    I mean this in the nicest possible way, and i resonate with it myself. I didnt think u were bitchy at all, for the record. Just unconvincing and unduly confident.
    Yes. We're all at different places in our life and our personality growth. I wouldn't be surprised if I had an E1 wing as well.

  30. #30
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    I also want to point out that in my personal growth, I've discovered that sometimes more peace can be achieved through being assertive than being passive. Ultimately I just want all the peace and love. So I might not be an E1 because I'm more assertive than the stereotypical E9, it's more that I've found that my old methods did not work.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindyLouWho View Post
    I also want to point out that in my personal growth, I've discovered that sometimes more peace can be achieved through being assertive than being passive. Ultimately I just want all the peace and love. So I might not be an E1 because I'm more assertive than the stereotypical E9, it's more that I've found that my old methods did not work.
    Truth.

    And i am absolutely a believer in learning to compensate and/or strengthen weaknesses. Thats what maturation involves, and most successful people are successful because they are open and able to do so well. One of my gripes about taking socionics too seriously is people can start using it to explain away their weaknesses and thereby become slaves to those weaknesses, lamenting the absence of some magical "dual" who will fix all their problems. I think a better use of this kind of activity is to pinpoint areas of weakness and then target them for improvement! A well rounded person is a healthier person, is a better person, is a person who can give and receive love better.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    If I were you I would "deactivate" slightly from work for the period you feel you need to do this in. Once some major responsibilities fall off of your shoulders-like school, increase the load you're taking on at work. It isn't exactly ethical, but sometimes in order to keep going you have to lighten your load in places while still receiving the same pay.

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    Fire back with complex questions of your own and this guy will stop coming.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

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