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Thread: Do you ever feel like your identicals are too similar to you...that they cancel you out?

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    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
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    Default Do you ever feel like your identicals are too similar to you...that they cancel you out?

    I feel like myself and other identicals are different in obvious ways due to upbringing and experiences...but often... I feel and wonder if I'm replaceable...because honestly.. many are similar to myself in terms of sense of humor and life views. and rather than feeling cool about it... it makes me feel easily replaced especially by identicals in regards to dual relationships.

    This could be caused by my own low self-esteem and regret and I'm aware of that.




    Do you experience this as well or do you find that there are more differences than similiaries between you and your perceived identicals? Do you like it? Do you dislike it?

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    Usually I see more differences than similarities, but the ones who are very similar I wish there were more of them. There's just not enough of us to get shit done or to spread the awesomeness around. So when I come across SEEs who vibe the same, I'm thinking "Oh, thank fuck these people exist." I feel my version of SEE is a rare breed, as it is, so coming across those who are really similar is a validating thing and helps me feel less like an anomaly.
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    I love finding my identicals and have to be very careful not to come on too strong! I'm on them like bees to honey, and instead of just being with them, I'm watching their every move, making note of every similarity and difference. Smiling at every thing they say and do because I know exactly why they did it, what they were thinking when they said it, etc. And yes, I feel some envy when they are better at something than me or they are a healthier version, but it can also let me see my potential and how healthy I can be as well with some personal development and care. And I love seeing them success in life, it warms my heart.

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    Honestly, i think we're nothing alike. Levels of maturity are a huge factor, even with identicals. I've never actually interacted with my identical in real life, but there would probably be some sexual tension, both of us being aggressors. Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself. Sometimes things just don't work out and there's nothing that can be done about it.

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    Oh, yeah. If someone has the LSE position filled, I sort of feel out of a job. Though if they're LSE-Te and I'm LSE-Si, we both have our slots to fill and can be an LSE team.

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    If I meet someone with similar views and outlooks to me it's a time to rejoice as forming bonds with people is not common.

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    Most of my identicals feel kind of foreign ... it's usually differences that stand out faster and more ostentatiously ....it makes me wonder why we are supposed to be "identicals" in the first place. Ofc, technically speaking I could see how we may use the same functions to process info, but usually we have amazingly different background, experiences, core beliefs, and life philosophy.

    What I do sense more often than not is an undercurrent of competition. If I happen to be more successful (or appealing) than them one way or another, it's definitely there and it kind of undermines genuine communication. I wish it weren't so, but I got used to the idea. I'm talking mainly about online interaction ...other identicals I've met irl have no knowledge of socionics, so we kind of relate in a more authentic/pure way - from one person to another rather than as "identicals".
    Last edited by Amber; 03-01-2015 at 04:02 PM.

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    I also think it comes down to: the LIEs I've dated did find ESIs (or are actively seeking them), and honestly.... The new gfs are similiar to myself personality wise and just..... Yeah.... Makes me feel like shit. Not that there were not other reasons for relationship not working out ( 2 were just really shitty people), the other 2 were awesome and I.. Just couldnt make it work because of my...issues and life curcumstances.

    Thanks for the replies

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    haha yeah i suffer this anxiety

    the thing is, i find my duals sufficiently diff enough that i can map out in my head, "x identical would actually have a better friendship with x dual than i..." etc etc

    so i keep, not only looking for duals but for the right one. when either finding a dual or someone sufficiently similar in other ways can be difficult enough to begin w/. so i've given up, i'm just living now lol
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    I grew up with identicals and it is interesting how much we are alike and how much we are different. I do not feel like I am replaceable and I do not feel like the identicals in my life are replaceable either. They each add their own unique blend of fantastical to my experience. One is a tritype 479 and the other is 368 (more down to earth). It is interesting to see how we each interact differently with the token ( ) SLE in the family.

    We each have a distinctive way of relating to them but the SLE has a way of moving each of us forward in the directions we want to go. We are treated in as individuals and not approached with the same methods to motivate and inspire us. Sometimes I need a more demanding approach, whereas the 479 needs a gentler touch. The 368 responds better to reasoning and fairness.

    irl I only know male IEI. I guess it could be different with a female.

    Edit: Regardless of type, I noticed my exes would find girls very similar to me in looks and personality (somewhat), after we broke up. I always found that interesting but I know they were different socionics types than me. There was always that feeling that maybe the guy was looking to replace me with someone similar but never found the same overall vibe as me. I kind of figured that was because they had an overall preference in a certain look and initial presentation when choosing relationships.

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    Well, if you're a negativist dichotomy you will look at differences more than similarities. Those things are cultural and not type related. Information producing regardless of object orientation is type related. I've met EII who comb their hair or brush their teeth differently than myself, or who are less aware of how they come off so are seemingly more aggressive and even more reactive, they love different things. What makes us the same is how our feelings about things introvert and how we experience them in the inside. Our general me melancholy look...we are hopeful and happy people though but heavier matters weigh on our hearts and we reflect too long and too seriously about them

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Well, if you're a negativist dichotomy you will look at differences more than similarities. Those things are cultural and not type related. Information producing regardless of object orientation is type related. I've met EII who comb their hair or brush their teeth differently than myself, or who are less aware of how they come off so are seemingly more aggressive and even more reactive, they love different things. What makes us the same is how our feelings about things introvert and how we experience them in the inside. Our general me melancholy look...we are hopeful and happy people though but heavier matters weigh on our hearts and we reflect too long and too seriously about them
    I'd say that if the similarities are perceived as a problem they'll be glaring. And with Ne polr it would be like, oh god, this is a problem, what do i do to fix it, i can do nothing etc etc. I suffer feelings of this nature. extreme possessiveness and territorial behavior. Its not fun. but I know its within me. If i deal with my insecurities, it'll lessen. Also it helps me when I place the welfare of others above my own. then it will be easier to accept: "so and so will be much more emotionally fulfilled when their needs are met, it isn't just about me." etc. But really, filling that gap that feels empty without an ex with other friends, a support group, or someone else you like allot can help too.
    that random explanation aside, I stay single to avoid it but still have jealousy and self esteem issues. Thats when I really have to be honest with myself about my motivations. Selflessness should be the answer. If you don't choose selflessness, that means then maybe it isn't about love at all, maybe its about being emotionally dependent on others and addicted to the high of having someone need you. "the grass is always greener on the other side."

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    Quote Originally Posted by carrina View Post
    I'd say that if the similarities are perceived as a problem they'll be glaring. And with Ne polr it would be like, oh god, this is a problem, what do i do to fix it, i can do nothing etc etc. I suffer feelings of this nature. extreme possessiveness and territorial behavior. Its not fun. but I know its within me. If i deal with my insecurities, it'll lessen. Also it helps me when I place the welfare of others above my own. then it will be easier to accept: "so and so will be much more emotionally fulfilled when their needs are met, it isn't just about me." etc. But really, filling that gap that feels empty without an ex with other friends, a support group, or someone else you like allot can help too.
    that random explanation aside, I stay single to avoid it but still have jealousy and self esteem issues. Thats when I really have to be honest with myself about my motivations. Selflessness should be the answer. If you don't choose selflessness, that means then maybe it isn't about love at all, maybe its about being emotionally dependent on others and addicted to the high of having someone need you. "the grass is always greener on the other side."
    Fi is managing relationship and I can see how you might take the load off of other things if you concentrate on meeting the needs of others. I do something similar to this. I just don't get as possessive and territorial. I can't feel those things well. Often times people come into my space as if it's their own and it doesn't affect me much. I just say "oh well, it wasn't meant to be" and move on. Maybe if you think grass is greener on your side you'll feel better?

    I'm not saying things with a condescending note, to be more clear. I do genuinely feel for you.

    You get possessive and I stay stuck on things and think about them for too long. This is where my dual helps a lot, he says "you can't do anything about it now, so don't worry about it."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Fi is managing relationship and I can see how you might take the load off of other things if you concentrate on meeting the needs of others. I do something similar to this. I just don't get as possessive and territorial. I can't feel those things well. Often times people come into my space as if it's their own and it doesn't affect me much. I just say "oh well, it wasn't meant to be" and move on. Maybe if you think grass is greener on your side you'll feel better?

    I'm not saying things with a condescending note, to be more clear. I do genuinely feel for you.

    You get possessive and I stay stuck on things and think about them for too long. This is where my dual helps a lot, he says "you can't do anything about it now, so don't worry about it."
    Maritsa, I like your duals. I think my dual would say something like "don't worry >insert actual solution<. yes I am possesive as hell. I like it that way sometimes. but sometimes its just emotionally unhealthy.

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    You are irreplaceable, blackburry. You are unique. You are one of a kind. There is no way that over 7 billion people can be summed up in 16 tiny little categories. This is the problem with socionics and personality theories. There are many nuances and exceptions. If you think along the lines of socionics, then yes, you are replaceable. But that would be completely ignoring your uniqueness and everything special about you. It's a tragedy if you don't see this within yourself.

    What are YOU doing for social change?

    Seriously?

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    Yes. William. I knew what you were referring to...which is why I said, "Seriously?"

    As it is totally irrelevant to this thread. I think that might have been an attempt to be clever? I'm viewing it as obnoxious unfortunately.

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    I'm not really one of those people who think opposites attract or balance you out, I just think it's something that creates a temporary fire that people mistake for long-term compatibility. My own sister has this problem, she thinks that just because she's really soft and feminine that a really hard macho man will "complete her." But it never works that way and she's always heartbroken because of that. =/ She would actually be happier if she pulled her head out of the ass of heteronormativity. But she thinks a guy truly loving her is too gay, because love = feminine, gay, weak. And so she brings on the abuse herself. She also says things like 'nice girls always fall for bad boys.' But she isn't a nice girl. She's a bitch, that falls for assholes. So it's like attracts like.

    I do seem to get along better with male identicals than female ones. Very roughly speaking of course, I don't mean to hate on the IEI females on the forum that I like or anything lol. (/rubs Starfall)

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    I don't feel similar to anybody, which comes with a whole other host of issues but this is certainly not one of them.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Well, if you're a negativist dichotomy you will look at differences more than similarities. Those things are cultural and not type related. Information producing regardless of object orientation is type related. I've met EII who comb their hair or brush their teeth differently than myself, or who are less aware of how they come off so are seemingly more aggressive and even more reactive, they love different things. What makes us the same is how our feelings about things introvert and how we experience them in the inside. Our general me melancholy look...we are hopeful and happy people though but heavier matters weigh on our hearts and we reflect too long and too seriously about them
    Lmao. The irony.
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    I feel like myself and other identicals are different in obvious ways due to upbringing and experiences...but often... I feel and wonder if I'm replaceable...because honestly.. many are similar to myself in terms of sense of humor and life views. and rather than feeling cool about it... it makes me feel easily replaced especially by identicals in regards to dual relationships.

    This could be caused by my own low self-esteem and regret and I'm aware of that.




    Do you experience this as well or do you find that there are more differences than similiaries between you and your perceived identicals? Do you like it? Do you dislike it?
    Feeling "cancelled out" seems more like an extinguishment thing.

    I like being around people whom i resonate with, but IDK. Identity is supposed to be a great intertype though. Maybe whether it is, might be relative to type. e.g. the types prone to competitiveness or power plays in general might be more catty to each other. But on the other hand, that might precipitate a mutual respect and bonding eventually, so...never know.

    Intertypes need time and proximity to play out. And also, as repeated ad nauseum throughout the forum, there are many NTR influences out there, and they do matter.
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