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Thread: My Dad?

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    Limitless's Avatar
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    Last edited by Limitless; 03-19-2015 at 04:25 AM.

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    Cat Lady aixelsyd's Avatar
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    EIE?
    Life's a bitch and she's got me pussy whipped.

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    My mom is LSI and my biological dad is EIE. I kind of relate to what you are saying. I'm not sure what it is about my dad but he pushes for way more connection than I can give him. I often tell my mom I don't want to talk when he calls because he just overwhelms me with some kind of enthusiasm and joy over us speaking and I don't feel the same. My EII sister is way better with him. She tries to be open and talk to him even though he doesn't even speak English and knows very few words. It feels like too much work for me. I know I love him on some level but I did not grow up with him around. He lives in another country and he and my mom did not talk for like 20 years after they split. I feel like he is trying to make something up to me and he doesn't have to. His Fe can be too much for me because I want to hold him at a distance. Probably because of the way he left.

    Hope everything works out and you have fun on your retreat. You are not a terrible son.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Hope everything works out and you have fun on your retreat. You are not a terrible son.
    Also, thanks @Aylen. You're so great/encouraging!
    Last edited by Limitless; 02-14-2016 at 02:42 AM.

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    Cat Lady aixelsyd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limitless View Post
    Is there anything particular that makes him seem like EIE? (Facial features, expressions, etc.?) I've thought of that before, so it's interesting other people think it, too. I've also wondered if he's SEE, but I don't know enough to feel like it fits perfectly. The reason I thought SEE is because I originally thought he was an emotivist, since he comes across as really... emotive (gushy). lol. But maybe he is a constructivist. One reason I'm a little skeptical of EIE is I feel like he's not very understanding of other people's inner workings. Like, when I want to be left alone, he only gets hurt, which makes me feel bad so then I have to spend the next ten minuets pretending to be happy so he'll no longer feel hurt, and he makes me feel ashamed for being tempermental.

    It's really sad, because I know he feels happiness differently than me, so when he feels this happiness I want to be happy with him and am so glad he's happy. It's just, I'm usually in a bad mood. I feel bad, but it's true, so when he's in a good mood I just feel like, I don't know how to describe it. I feel sad and annoyed, I guess. And discouraged because I don't want to spend my life being irritable and lonely.

    I should probably add, I felt really misunderstood saying his happiness grosses me out. It's more like, wrong. I've always had this haunting feeling that, I'm weirded out by him because deep down we both have something wrong with us. The way we feel things. I don't know. I want for him to be happy so much, I just feel like we can't be happy together, because when I'm happy with him, it reminds me how I feel like there's something wrong about the way both of us process our feelings or something. Like, we both were exposed to too much estrogen when we were little or something. : P. I feel like I'll never get anywhere with anything, because I'm so unable to fix this.
    SEEs don't necessarily come off as gushy. I certainly don't (I used to think I could be Fe PoLR due to my flat moods and expressions when I can't be bothered to care) and the more expressive SEEs really don't come off as gushy (and if so, it's usually not for serious/has a tongue in cheek element). I'm like that but have no expectations that people match that or react to it. Also, our duals often want to be left alone and I don't see SEEs as likely to take that personally. We're usually pretty understanding of that sort of thing and defer to people's moods and internal emotional needs. I can totally understand needing space and alone time and would rather give someone that space than intrude. Fi tends to be more understanding and accommodating of that sort of thing.

    Yeah, something about his eyes, expressions, and face gives me the EIE impression. I feel more rationality than irrationality, for one, and ethical is obvious. I get some Bowie vibes from him, except without the gayness. He also gives Ben Stiller vibes but idk what type he is. Some say ILE, but I don't really agree there. I would guess Beta rational for him.

    A lot of EIEs I've known would be more likely to take the wanting to be alone thing more personally, I think. I had an EIE music teacher who I felt I had to always pretend to be happy to keep him happy and if I expressed my real emotions, it would do something bad for our relationship. I've never felt a need to do that with Fi creatives who, as I more or less said, seem more understanding of that sort of thing and less critical and controlling of people's emotions and emotional expressions.
    Life's a bitch and she's got me pussy whipped.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Your dad is xstx something. ...please provide a valid side profile like this. .. http://imgur.com/yFh4jZF That's my love

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    Quote Originally Posted by Limitless View Post
    @Maritsa I've actually suspected that. I think that, although he's friendly and kind and all, he has a lower feeling function and I get the feeling relationships, emotional atmospheres, etc.. more something he likes to accept than create. Here are a couple from the side. I wasn't able to get any "official shots", but hopefully they're alright.

    Thanks so much to everyone for helping me find his type. It'll be really helpful!
    Nice observation. I'm typing. ...will get back to you in a few

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    @Limitless. I think your dad is SLE. Se-leading types have a tendency as they get older to have puffiness around their eyes, for always scanning the environment, and this can be more pronounced with SLEs than SEEs. Your dad visually reminds me a bit of Jim Carrey, whom many type as a very expressive (Fe-seeking) SLE (the last picture showing the eye puffiness seems closest to your dad):








    I also think this makes sense for everything you've described of him. ie. he likes to seek an emotional atmosphere with others but isn't necessarily able to create it himself.

    Also, I get the impression, Limitless, that you're some type of Fi-ego. You seem to voice your feelings a lot: sad, annoyed, happy, moody, etc. that I tend to notice many of the Fi-types do, that their feelings are so strong they feel the need to voice them.

    So ultimately, I suspect your relationship difficulties revolve somewhat around your dad's Fi-PoLR. He seems to like the idea of 'doing a fun activity' like going away for a weekend retreat (doing activities together for interaction is more Fe. Fe tends to focus on the activity over the relationship, whereas Fi tends to focus on the relationship over the activity), when you don't think this will change your inner feelings long-term.

    Both ILE and SLE in my opinion can occasionally have sentimental moments flare up. They can also be more expressive and downright annoying at times to Fi-egos. Is there anything besides your dad's "sappiness" that annoys you?

    You said he hasn't really done much bad specifically, but it might just be the relationship itself that causes difficulties? It seems good that he wants to do a weekend retreat with you. That shows he's at least trying to improve his relationship with you. (my relationship with my dad personally has been very strained at times also, so I can relate to what you write)

    Anyway, long story short, I would consider SLE for him, and maybe some of your intertype struggles come with you being an Fi-ego, and interaction strain related to the Fe-valuing and Fi-ego difference. I'm not sure of your mom's type by only two pictures.
    except I think Jim Carry is SEE

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limitless View Post
    You guys are probably going to see a shocking side of me in this post here, but that’s alright… I need to be honest, or else this problem will never be solved. And, anyways, I know it’s alright to be honest here, because people will work to understand me and won’t really care if it seems bad at first, as long as you’re able to label it with a particular type related feature…

    I need your help in typing my dad, or at least figuring out a way to mend our uncomfortable relationship (possibly, through pinpointing our intertype relationship?)… And I need to know soon, like before noon today, or else it’ll be reallllyyy bad. Well, not really bad. But it’d probably be discouraging for him, and I’d feel really bad about that, so it’d probably ruin my winter vacation, knowing he felt so horrible about this.

    We’re leaving for a father-son retreat later this afternoon, and my dad sort of seems to have this idea in his mind that he’ll be able to rebuild his relationship with his irritable teenage son (the type of person I promised myself I’d never be.) upon my realizing that we’re able to reconnect in the majesty and glory of nature, while the leaves are rustling, and wind is blowing in our hair, and we’re playing cards in a cabin together, late at night… Oh, man… I feel so horrible for saying this. I’m such a terrible son. It’s just a weird situation and I’ve tried to work it out before, it’s just really difficult . Please try to relate to me and understand me for where I’m at right now and help me and reply, if you’re able to help, since this really needs to change.

    Anyways, I sort of feel like writing this will help temporarily. But, not for long. I’ve realized this a while ago. What always ends up happening, is, we start out together feeling like we’re off to a healthy start, and then I’ll get really moody and miserable and grossed out by his sappiness, and he’ll get offended and hurt and try to fix this problem, which I feel really bad about. I just hate being pretending that I like being around him when I’m in these harsh moods. Sometimes I do like being around him, so I feel like it could probably get better, it’s just really hard because I feel like I’m the cruel one in this relationship, which makes me feel like I’m evil, which makes me scared I’m predestined for Hell, etc… (Yes, I’m a Christian… Please don’t comment on religion. I’ve already got enough things to work through and I sort of feel like it’s irrelevant for this thread.)

    The reason I get grossed out by his sappiness, is, to me, it’s not enjoyable. I know he’s a lot older and so to him they’re probably genuinely great moods. But to me they feel like a forced euphoria, which I hate, because I do it myself (I guess everyone probably does) and it’s silly. I don’t know how else to describe it, but it’s like pretending you’re happy, when, in reality, you’re miserable, so to you it feels terrible seeing other people who are happy, because it’s hard to relate to at the moment, although you still know it’s real for them. I can clarify if someone misunderstands this… It’s probably complicated and not very relatable to understand for most people. But I’m sure some of the people who have already gone through relational problems here probably already understand it. Ahaha.

    Anyways, I’d like for people to V.I. him and let me know what type he might be. Apparently, V.I. is a lot more accurate than I originally realized, so I figured I’d give it a shot and possibly people will be able to help. I originally thought EXXp, but now I have absolutely no idea. It’s weird, how hard it is to type him! I don’t know what all the different types look like, so hopefully some seasoned typologists will be able to help me with figuring out a particular type.

    I sort of feel like he could be suffering from some sort of mental disorder, but hopefully not, because (although it probably doesn’t seem like this.) I’d really hate for him to have such a tough type of disease. I figure I should probably put that out there, in case it makes it a lot more complicated for people to figure out possible types, and plus it’s still related to our relationship.

    The pictures are already attached to the file below, since I couldn't upload them all without it taking too long. So let me know if there is any particular type that stands out!

    Also, my mom's in several of the pictures, so feel free to V.I. her as well lol.
    I'm very certain that he's xSTx; what about that are you not certain about?
    Secondly, I am having a hard time deciding for certain E/I or P/J because your father seems to be kind of buff which eludes my vision or criteria a bit. I want to say ISTp and final.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Limitless View Post
    Yes! I agree he's xSTx because I think he has a lower feeling function, so I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. The lower feeling function idea has really clicked for me, and I think it's a big part of the problem. Introversion is plausible because he's mentioned to me several times he likes to be alone, and I could also see Delta for him, with the lower Fi.

    Could my mom be EII or IEE (since they're also Delta types)?
    Your mom is esfp. How is their communication? Is your dad a planner? How good is he with time?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Limitless View Post
    Yes! I agree he's xSTx because I think he has a lower feeling function, so I didn't mean to suggest otherwise. The lower feeling function idea has really clicked for me, and I think it's a big part of the problem. Introversion is plausible because he's mentioned to me several times he likes to be alone, and I could also see Delta for him, with the lower Fi.

    Could my mom be EII or IEE (since they're also Delta types)?
    Can I please see images of their current MRIs? I don't think it is fair to type them on a few still images of their outside without seeing the inside of their brains too.

    You are intuitive and I think that it will all just come to you in a huge insight once you have a good overview of the functions and how they manifest in different types. You're doing great! Just keep up what you are doing. Ask for insight but in the end rely on your own insights/intuition.

    What I am saying is stay open so you don't inadvertently lock yourselves into a certain intertype relation that might be wrong. I think you are clever so you will have doubts about things, that feel off, and that will push you to dig deeper. <3

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Quote Originally Posted by Limitless View Post
    Their communication seems very natural. I feel like my mom will notice things to worry about, especially about the family, and he'll do things that will help. He'll get tired after work and she'll make dinner for him. She'll think about where we could go for vacation and he'll make the phone calls. Then, he'll drive us and she'll make sure we all feel happy, and will try to fix things if we don't. Like, if someone's not feeling well, she'll list possibilities to feel better, like eating something. She'll notice if we need help with a school subject (although sometimes she doesn't realize I'd rather learn it on my own...) and he'll make arrangements with us, expect us to follow through with those plans, and help us find a solution. He will "integrate upgrades to our procedures" as he sees fit. If he doesn't see a point in something he'll discard it. Thankfully, I'm very lucky they have such a healthy relationship! Iím not sure if theyíre dual. Maybe, but it doesnít really feel like it anymore. Also, I've realized my mom's probably not IEI. Thanks for the V.I!

    I suppose he plans things alright. I don't really know... I don't think he's Ni ego because it's not particularly apparent in him... He'll make plans with us and stuff, and always follows through, but doesn't worry a lot if things don't meet his plan, as long as theres a reasonable cause. If thereís not a reasonable cause and itís related to one of us kids being lazy or something like that, he will talk with us and maybe get upset, and feel like we donít care about him, when in reality we DO, we were just being lazy kids .

    He always says Iím making a big drama (Well, I probably do seem like it from that first postÖ ) out of everything and believes everything in life is simple, when in reality itís not and he doesnít realize that I need to consider all the things that I do for a good reason. (Not always, and I realize this, but generally I feel like I need to, at least for myself and my peace of mindÖ) He always says Iím really lazy and irresponsible (donít worry, generally heís very nice. Itís just when he gets upset he says these things, but I donít mind. As long as heís alright with it. Haha.) and need to work out a deliberate schedule, ect. But, heís come to realize over time that we just work differently, but heís always ready to help me figure out a particular system or improve things if Iíd like for him to help me. Thatís another reason why Iím becoming more and more certain heís ST. He says I believe everythingís really complicated and wishes I could come to realize that itís all simple in reality. (For HIS reality it is. But for my reality it isnít. And thatís alright. Just different views. And Iíve already explained this, but he still feels ďsorryĒ for me. Which Iím alright with, because Iíve learned about personality theories, ect. and realize weíre just differentÖ)

    Anyways, getting back to time, I donít really notice him being particularly interested in it. He doesnít really daydream or like history, as far as I can tell... BUT, he has several times volunteered himself to help generate church vision plans and has started several church related projects on his own. I get the feeling this sort of thing is really fun for him. He once considered himself prophetic on a spiritual gifting test, and said he and I are similar in that way, when Iíve already taken the test and gotten a different result. (I should add I donít mean this as an insult or anything like that. I still love him and am fine he sees me this way.) Either way, I do get the feeling he likes to believe he is a visionary advisor, a sage, or something like that. He likes to feel like things are actually making progress and people are in a happier place. (Although I guess most people probably do.)

    Heís friendly with us children and our friends, and wants to help them and will insist of prayer and Bible readings whenever theyíre sleeping over or something, because he believes it will be helpful for them, and itís important to stay grounded on whatís really truth. He wants to feel like heís involved with all our friends, but is alright with not being involved. He wants them to feel like they can ask for advice from him. Sometimes heíll worry about me because he feels like I donít do enough with other people and will actually invite my friends over to my house to spend time with me, without me even realizing it until after heís done talking on the phone with them. Itís hilarious, in reality.

    I'll describe some more things off the top of my head. Part of the reason I originally wondered if they were SLE-IEI is that my dad is generally very enthusiastic about helping people create systems or solve problems in life. He gets genuinely enthusiastic about those things, and seems like he enjoys marveling at the wonderfulness of life sometimes... (I don't know how else I'd put it .) He believes everything should be simple, and will get really frustrated when I fail to preform a particular task according to his rules. He likes it when he's able to find a more effective way to get things done. He generally gives advice a lot, but they both do so I suppose parents are just naturally like that. I actually really like it, when he's able to help explain things more thoroughly (But only toan extent.)He sometimes enjoys talking about theoretical things, but not all the time, it sort of like every once in a while is enough. But when he does, he seems to inherently become enthusiastic and has this vibe like he's in awe of it. He likes helping me with schoolwork and particularly math, which he loves. He also likes science. He goes running every single morning, and will always suggest to other people to go running when theyíre not feeling well, because he believes itís a cure all. (Hence why I no longer talk to him when Iím sick or down.) Like I said already, he actually gets hurt very easily over some subjects. Others, he doesnít really care about, as long as weíre able to find a solution.

    Also, when we go to a movie or a play or something together, we like talking about symbolism, overall themes, motifs, etc. Thatís one thing thatís really fun for both of us a nd itís generally the kind of thing we like to talk about when weíre together.We usually have different views of whatever weíre talking about, so thatís stressful, but I just avoid that and agree with him when he tells me he interprets it a particular way.





    I agree, heís actually a very good dad!
    I should probably add, I think the sappiness is just something that generally Iím very hypersensitive to, and like you said, Iím wondering if it actually could be FiÖ Iíd like to look into that. Itís not just him, though, so I donít want it to seem like Iím being hard on him. Iíve noticed it in almost everyone, which means itís actually my own subjective perception at those particular moments. Iím wondering if itís actually and a problem with me neurologically/something like that. There are times when I love him! Itís just, I figure itíd probably be helpful to look for some thoughts on here.


    Thereís nothing in particular wrong with the relationship with me and my dad, actually. I sort of feel like all the problems come from us seeing things differently. Particularly, Iím very touchy about things and he doesnít always realize this. Then, Iíll need to have some space or else Iíll feel badly for hurting him, but if I donít get space, heíll get really hurt because to him, it feels like Iím mad at him in particular, when in reality Iím just really difficult at times. But I realize this, and weíve talked it over several times, and I think heís starting to feel alright with it. The retreat went very well and we were able to talk about it actually! I told him Iím just very touchy and not to take it personally, but explained it a lot more in depth, too.
    Your father is 100% ISTp because he does not perceive reality of people's conditions well hence ignoring Se and favoring Ne the idea tbat what makes him geel good and strong should be propegated or inforced on others despite their lack of good perceivable health. In any case I'm very happy that your parents get along well.

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    what is essential is invisible to the eye fox's Avatar
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    Your dad looks IEE.

    From the way you describe him with the sappy aspect, I'd also say IEE over EIE. Beta ethicals tend to be the more moody cynical types. We often act like we're on our periods, even when we're not.

    ESE would be my second guess.
    Last edited by fox; 03-04-2015 at 03:10 AM.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
    betas should be kept in zoos for children to stare and throw pop corn at.

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    Here are some descriptions of types offered for you dad. If you get a chance, read through them, see how they feel. The way you describe him comes off leaning toward some kind of ethical and intuitive type, to me.

    http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=SLI

    http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=SLE

    http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=EIE

    Edit: I didn't see SF's post so here are the types she offered.

    http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=IEE

    http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=ESE

    Connecting through symbolism actually sounds like something you could cultivate and instead of disagreeing or agreeing with him you could just try to understand that you see things from different perspectives and symbolism can be a very personal thing. Then you can tell him how you see it without stressing. If you genuinely appreciate his point of view let him know. It really does makes things less stressful and you won't have to hold back your translation of symbolism and meaning.

    Also, when we go to a movie or a play or something together, we like talking about symbolism, overall themes, motifs, etc. That’s one thing that’s really fun for both of us a nd it’s generally the kind of thing we like to talk about when we’re together.We usually have different views of whatever we’re talking about, so that’s stressful, but I just avoid that and agree with him when he tells me he interprets it a particular way.
    Edit2: You seem to have landed in the perfect family for your particular needs. Your parents sound like wonderful people.
    Last edited by Aylen; 03-04-2015 at 03:25 AM.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    He's trying hard to be a good dad. Sappiness is corny but it's better than what a lot of dads do and not be there for their kids at all.

    I don't see why you couldn't just cut him some slack while at the same time just tell him out right that you can't force special heartwarming moments. They gotta come naturally.

    My dad was really sweet and empathetic too. Like I said to everybody before, he was like an older @zap. He was INTj Se polr, Fe dual seeking male and he liked when I just was all nice and warm.

    We could still be assholes to each other. I was probably the bigger asshole. I trolled/mocked him sometimes because he was so damn sensitive and I feel guilty about that because now, he's not in my life anymore. He's dead of cancer.

    Honestly, this problem is kind of petty- a lot of people don't like the Nickelodeon sappiness of their parents. But did you know that most parents just want their kids to be kind. They want them to be successful too, but the kindness is more important. Being worldly and hardened is overrated. Have a heart. Be sappy occasionally. Meet halfway. Be a little sappy if he bes a little more realistic.

    Also give up the idea of Hell. It's stupid. I don't care if you are a naturally cruel person, the idea that you will be punished naturally for that for all of eternity is silly. It's more harsh than being a bad person yourself so get over that. When we're dead, we're dead. I think either we all go to heaven no matter what or we just die and that's it, or we go back into another body and start life all over again. (Honestly this is my favorite) But there is no hell. Only if we create it.

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    lol its okay. <3

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    Basically, what I've realized is although I should always try to be honest it's gonna have a bad impact on other people if I'm not careful, so I'll try not to make silly posts like this anymore.
    @Limitless

    Your thread is not silly. Your threads are thought provoking. You don't have to take those comments to heart and let them limit how you express yourself. That is just someone else's subjective opinion.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    I felt so terrible realizing how you must have felt after reading through all this.
    eh don't be. I didn't mean to be like 'well some people don't even have a dad anymore you asshole!' that wasn't really my intention. You didn't offend me. It's just like yeah, cherish your dad and try to forgive all the petty shit cause you may not know how much time u have w/him.


  19. #19
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
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    I'm sorry about the back n forth but now im leaning back to LSE for him

  20. #20
    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    He's caring but authoritarian, his way and his rules, wants closeness of bond/relationship. He is LSE and final

  21. #21
    Suomea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
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    Your dad is an exclamation point. I had considered comma, question mark, and semicolon, but based on VI exclamation point fits much better.
    Suomea

  22. #22
    Haikus
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    His dad must have discovered he was playing and fishing and grumbling online. He didn't wanna tell me open-heartedly why he deleted all his pics and removed his smirky avi.

    So Ej for Dad. ES_j closer to heaven.

    (m'didn't read the entire thread.)

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