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Thread: ILI suffering due to ESI girlfriend's absurd Ne polr suspicions

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    Default ILI suffering due to ESI girlfriend's absurd Ne polr suspicions

    .
    Last edited by Dionysius; 02-21-2015 at 10:47 PM.

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    may's Avatar
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    hahahaha oh man
    That was entertaining to read. Sorry Dio man?

    Yes what the fuck should you do

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    If you think you love her, and she's your girlfriend already, than what more would you need to do? You know, if can but up with those unsavoury parts and you are all right with that, then why not just stay with her? Like her for who she is.
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    It is in all of us to at times act crazy, jealous or have absurd suspicions. It's not Ne PoLR it's called being human.
    Often it's something to do with early life encounters, typical life experiences whether this be emotional or sexual eg and cultural or religious beliefs which of course include morals.
    So off that high horse but thumbs up for sharing a good story.

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    rofl at this thread.

    You should at least give her good reasons to be suspicious and not blame it on her polr (or E6). Let her see facts via her 5 senses.
    Last edited by Amber; 02-06-2015 at 08:50 AM.

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    Do you really think it's a socionics related issue?...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dionysius View Post
    I'm pretty sure I'm ILI and after reading the ESI-Se description I'm 99% sure that my girlfriend is this type. She is extremely moralist, ironic and has absurd suspicions about my character. She can't see who I really am. She projects (enneagram 6) her ex-boyfriends who cheated on her in myself. Weeks ago she entered in a convenience store, and I stayed out waiting for her, when appeared a likely SEE bitch. I looked at her, but I honestly didn't become attracted. My girlfriend came back and started to accuse me of liking the woman. I was like: WTF?! And she asked the woman if she wanted to go out with me. (she answered she had a boyfriend...) I became pissed off and broke up with her. But later we reconciliated.

    We're dating and living together for 6 months, and now she is traveling. A friend of mine (LSI) who picks up some women came to my house today but my girlfriend hates him, cause she thinks he will take me out to parties and women - but I'm ILI, I don't get out of the house !!! (Lol) So when she knew he was here, she thought we we're already preparing some naughty stuff with a lot of women and alcohol. She is crazy!!! Now she is mad at me and doesn't answer my phonecalls...

    My best friends (EII and LSI) both say that I should break up with her cause she is completely crazy and jealous, with absurd suspicions (Ne polr). But I think I love her. She has so many complexes but she is the only woman I know that I can have a deep conversation. (And she is hot!)

    What the fuck should I do???

    I think a healthy ESI is the best match for an ILI. SEEs - at least in youth - are not reliable at all.
    done.

    btw r u sure u'r ILI with so much pathos and language flaws. if yeah, what Ennea do you type (+stack).

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    Sounds like she has huge trust issues, and you know this but are trying to find reason to overlook it. Pretty sure you already know what you have to do.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

    http://forum.socionix.com/
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    I'm sorry that you're going through this. Yeah I don't understand suspicious bf stalking blackmailing crazy story weiving behavior. It's insecurity and maybe she's very insecure. I feel for her too though. She much be batteling with this and not really seeing what's going on with it. I guess what would help is stern and confident reassurance. The saying that one can't be in a happy relationship without being happy by themselves is really true and it seems like she's waiting on you to make her happy or provide confidence and reassurance. She needs to have this stuff all by herself otherwise every person will be conspiring against her. That is what's happening. Objects like you are conspiring against her...this is the Se out of control. Idk tough call. Maybe focus on Te and see what happens?

    I think healthy SEE are best match for ILI and I have a lot of dual friends of that dyad to boot. And most met through religious or spiritual things in common

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    Hello. It's my guess that her actions are a result of the fears that come hand-in-hand with love...especially if it's a stronger love than she's ever dealt with before. The realization that loving someone can mean the surrendering of control to fully protect our own heart. The more deeply we love, the more we are at risk to be hurt. Her fear of being made a fool of if you decide to cheat on her...the realization that she can't really do anything to stop you. Fear to not be able to enjoy herself when apart, since it feels as if a part of herself is missing...and the resentment that comes with that.

    However, I believe she is expressing these fears in a very unhealthy way. The feelings themselves are positive indicators of the depth of her caring. However they are becoming destructive to the very relationship itself.


    I would suggest leaving a voicemail or text: "I see you have made the choice to not answer or return my calls. I am sorry you are hurt and upset. But I am not going to continue making these calls to try and apologize for something that I haven't even done. I love you with my whole heart, but if you want to push me away because you THINK I might do something, that is your right. But I can no longer participate in or support this pattern. I want our relationship to be real and honest and trusting, and I am willing to talk with you how we can go about making it more so. I care too much about creating & solidifying a good relationship with you to support the development of this kind of negative and destructive pattern."


    You may also want to ask her how she would feel & respond if you accused her of cheating while she was travelling; if you wouldn't even answer her calls, in order to punish her "just in case she had!" Perhaps she would then see the absurdity and realize that talking with you about her fears may be a better option. It is likely a "growing pains" period of adjustment. Once couples get over this insecure phase, they generally reach a point of encouraging more freedom and independent experiences in their partner.


    Give her the chance to outgrow and/or work through this together; just so you can live without regrets from your end. You don't want her to be your "one who got away". If she continues with these destructive habits after trying your best, then she will just be "the one who I'm so glad is gone away".

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    I agree w/enjoyment^ re: jealousy. I think ESIs can be somewhat of a jealous type. On my side I actually came to appreciate that a bit.

    I've read that ESI-ILI pairs have a pattern of never-ending back and forth - heron and the crane or whatev.

    http://www.the16types.info/vbulletin...Stratiyevskaya

    Sigh Di, I'd like to have a neat answer for you. If there's real mutual love, then content and circumstances never really matter, right?
    But then again, we live in the world, and even if love itself is straightforward, it might not always/ever play out in a straightforward way. It's up to you.
    ~nod like good sage~

    So re: my advice: if you are going to get her back in the next curtain of this cyclical-play my concrete suggestions are at this point only regarding your stage entrance ♫♬

    When she gets back from traveling, go to her place with a nice boombox and do this say anything style.



    Optionally: then climb through her window, DiRomeo. Maybe also climb a wall trellis or something. Think about how double-suicide sounds like a pretty fresch answer to you right now.

    Eventually, when you make your way back to your room, decide that even though you're dropping SEEs, you'll keep one of the Caesars with you by printing out pictures of the grand Ara Pacis. Dip into your 5 wing man. You think: true, its just an overt political iconography of peace through history, but also, it's an affirmation of the cyclical nature of time itself. Where the answer is to, through repeated artistic ritual, transition from the cyclical to the immortal. And thereby remain with an optimistic interpretation of time. I guess suicide is too too old school. You grab a beer or glass of wine or carton of figs or whatever, dionysus-mann, and mull this over.


    Out of lack of concrete answer, I guess I'm jus spitballin here dude. Maybe that was too literal ;)
    Last edited by may; 02-06-2015 at 09:26 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Velvet View Post
    Do you really think it's a socionics related issue?...
    Well, the idea is that if the framework fits, we can use it.

    As a note, I am unsure of my type again. Eneagram is 6w5, 5w6, 9w1, or 1w9.

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    I would just keep having sex for a little while longer and see if it resolves itself.


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    hahaha

    .....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jimmers View Post
    I would just keep having sex for a little while longer and see if it resolves itself.
    Probably the best answer. Logically, as an ILI, you should know the actions of the person, and thus be able to find a satisfactory answer that also makes you very, very melancholy. Idea is that this person I know. I know well. You cannot win with said person.

    I change my answer to ABORT. Abort Now. Not yesterday. NOW. NOW AS IN NOW.

    Idea is twofold. One, you will hate yourself. Two, you will hate yourself less.

    Reasoning is that person is irrational like myself. But instead of self awareness and correction of said irrationality, there is ignorance in one or two areas. Unpredictability results. Unpredictability manifests itself in manner of bipolar type actions. Bipolar type actions lead to times of intense ingratiation, which will attract you, and times of intense hatred, which will make you unhealthy over prolonged exposure.

    Instead, person who is ILI should search for a person who is not rational, like self, but also is aware, and compensates for it. Such as forum here.

    Take words of wisdom as grain of salt. I am irrational. Reason, I follow these rules irrationally. You should understand.
    Last edited by Alomoes; 02-07-2015 at 02:44 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ENJoymENT View Post
    Hello. It's my guess that her actions are a result of the fears that come hand-in-hand with love...especially if it's a stronger love than she's ever dealt with before. The realization that loving someone can mean the surrendering of control to fully protect our own heart. The more deeply we love, the more we are at risk to be hurt. Her fear of being made a fool of if you decide to cheat on her...the realization that she can't really do anything to stop you. Fear to not be able to enjoy herself when apart, since it feels as if a part of herself is missing...and the resentment that comes with that.

    However, I believe she is expressing these fears in a very unhealthy way. The feelings themselves are positive indicators of the depth of her caring. However they are becoming destructive to the very relationship itself.


    I would suggest leaving a voicemail or text: "I see you have made the choice to not answer or return my calls. I am sorry you are hurt and upset. But I am not going to continue making these calls to try and apologize for something that I haven't even done. I love you with my whole heart, but if you want to push me away because you THINK I might do something, that is your right. But I can no longer participate in or support this pattern. I want our relationship to be real and honest and trusting, and I am willing to talk with you how we can go about making it more so. I care too much about creating & solidifying a good relationship with you to support the development of this kind of negative and destructive pattern."


    You may also want to ask her how she would feel & respond if you accused her of cheating while she was travelling; if you wouldn't even answer her calls, in order to punish her "just in case she had!" Perhaps she would then see the absurdity and realize that talking with you about her fears may be a better option. It is likely a "growing pains" period of adjustment. Once couples get over this insecure phase, they generally reach a point of encouraging more freedom and independent experiences in their partner.


    Give her the chance to outgrow and/or work through this together; just so you can live without regrets from your end. You don't want her to be your "one who got away". If she continues with these destructive habits after trying your best, then she will just be "the one who I'm so glad is gone away".
    Mirror types give the best advice because they are in the same quadra and share valued functions

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sienna View Post
    done.

    btw r u sure u'r ILI with so much pathos and language flaws. if yeah, what Ennea do you type (+stack).


    I lived with a girl who was exactly as OP described. She could be a nightmare. I typed her ESI E6, months ago, but have not read anyone describe an ESI like this before. She was so jealous of me around her boyfriends that she would try to get me to hook up with them. She was only 16 when we met and lived in a bad situation. I let her move in with me. We actually met through a guy we were both seeing. lol After we both broke up with him she thought I still wanted him, because she did. She would invite him over to see if we would get back together. It was the most stressful roommate situation I have ever been in. She thought all her boyfriends wanted me and vice versa, even when we assured her we didn't.

    It took an ILI to show me how unhealthy it was for me to be friends with her and I finally let her go. I only see her now when she, her child, and her husband visit my sister, when I am there. I still care about her but she has not changed much.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post

    I lived with a girl who was exactly as OP described. She could be a nightmare. I typed her ESI E6, months ago, but have not read anyone describe an ESI like this before. She was so jealous of me around her boyfriends that she would try to get me to hook up with them. She was only 16 when we met and lived in a bad situation. I let her move in with me. We actually met through a guy we were both seeing. lol After we both broke up with him she thought I still wanted him, because she did. She would invite him over to see if we would get back together. It was the most stressful roommate situation I have ever been in. She thought all her boyfriends wanted me and vice versa, even when we assured her we didn't.

    It took an ILI to show me how unhealthy it was for me to be friends with her and I finally let her go. I only see her now when she, her child, and her husband visit my sister, when I am there. I still care about her but she has not changed much.


    Oh I was just showing him he may have had some slips of the tongue.

    I didn't have time to read all new details about the story, but I think Fi dominant can sense if a ILI is (even vaguely) attracted to someone else or not. The guy may well be a bit drawn to the ESFP-like chicks he keeps talking about, you know ..

    Anyway there are trust issues in the relationship and I didn't necessarily like how he presented the problem ..."my ESI gf has trust issues, because she's E6 and Ne - polr, while I'm just a lamby ILI E6".

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sienna View Post
    done.

    btw r u sure u'r ILI with so much pathos and language flaws. if yeah, what Ennea do you type (+stack).
    he's ILI

    He doesn't go out of his house lol

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    I have my perceptive functions emphasized, while she is a Judger, so she is kinda rigid and obsessive about order, putting pleasures in a secondary place. She could be ISTj, but I consider her logic (Ti) weak and she is too moralist (Fi). She also doesn't express her feelings (Fe) very often, so I think it's due to Fi base. She fits some LSI descriptions because of her organization, but ESI is also obsessed about order in Socionics. She is too critical of others (Fi), has long legs and broad shoulders - according to Gulenko ESI traits, and also has a piercing gaze, which frightens other people - except me.

    Sorry to talk so much about her, it's just that I'm kinda surprised that she is ESI. She is one of the only people that I engage in depth so it's nice for me to analyze our relationship, and how we complete each other. I always thought she was ILI/SLI cause in MBTI she is IxTJ, but Socionics is much more accurate. I always knew she had a weak Ti. Her rationalizations are horrible.

    Btw, my LSI friend yesterday said something funny. He said:"In relationships sometimes we need not someone similar to us, but opposite... maybe you need a more outgoing girl." SEE? With his Ti he spotted Socionics in the archetypical universe without reading it. Lmao
    1.) kinda rigid and obsessive about order, putting pleasures in a secondary place. She could be ISTj, but I consider her logic (Ti) weak and she is too moralist (Fi).
    ------>This could be the way an ESI handles, or copes with practical stuff, making sure that all the pieces are lined up in order to relax and things run smoothly, for instance an Te hidden agenda sure. It also sounds very much like an LSI ime. LSI are also very moralistic as they have Fi as a super-ego role function. Meaning they are often saying how people should and should not behave. Their sense of morality is pretty well developed. I seem to think, though, that being too moralist sounds like either one, you don't appreciate her for this quality and therefore are giving it a negative assessment, or two, she isn't an Fi base because her ethics are not 4D.

    2.)
    She also doesn't express her feelings (Fe) very often, so I think it's due to Fi base.
    -------->
    Hmmm, like she doesn't laugh, or become excited, or joke around, or cry, or show displeasure, or what? I think all the ethicals are pretty good at showing their emotions, especially in intimate relationships. You guys are very close? This might be due to her rationality, and an effort to remain collected.

    3.)
    ESI is also obsessed about order in Socionics.
    --------->
    Have you met an LIE? Things happen fast around those people and someone has got to clean up the mess. Obsession though isn't the right word here. ESFj, ISTj are types better described with the "phrase obsessed with order".

    4.)
    She is too critical of others (Fi).
    -------->
    Yes and no. Yes in one sense, no in another and I'm not really ambitious enough atm to go into both sides of this...... You see, ESI are deeply sensitive individuals and they might hide from confrontations. Instead they will stew and I'll add share their assessments with those close to them and this might come across as critical at face value, but its not at all. Its discussing the information that they most comprehend. Sometimes their feelings are easily hurt and they don't know how to verbalize their displeasure (especially when young) with-out making a big deal about it.

    5.)
    She is one of the only people that I engage in depth so it's nice for me to analyze our relationship, and how we complete each other. I always thought she was ILI/SLI cause in MBTI she is IxTJ, but Socionics is much more accurate. I always knew she had a weak Ti. Her rationalizations are horrible.
    -------> That's awesome, dude. If she is an ESI know that they are pretty sweet people to talk about stuff and get to the heart of things. Seriously, you should ask an ESI about all the crap they know. SLI, ime, don't actively participate in those kinds of discussions, but they will sit and listen to them! Rationalizations? horrible how so? ESI are pretty good at rationalizing I reckon. Introverted feeling is an amazing IE to rationalize pretty much everything. Further, keep in mind that ESI have Ti as a role function and people are quite adept at this function, its just exhausting for long periods of time.

    6.)
    Btw, my LSI friend yesterday said something funny. He said:"In relationships sometimes we need not someone similar to us, but opposite... maybe you need a more outgoing girl." SEE? With his Ti he spotted Socionics in the archetypical universe without reading it.
    -------> This is something an Fi-base would have noticed right away, dude. Maybe this is part of the reason for your problems together, because she knows she is not the right girl for you. Could explain a lot of her behaviour and you might not be capable of vanquishing her fears cause you are pulling away and not lightening up the situation. If she gets jealous you need to make her talk about it then make her laugh about it and seem silly and foolish. If she is an ESI she can read you with her telescopic hawk eyes and can probably see that you are not that into her personality wise and that you need someone who is not her. She has seen a thousand clues you couldn't even comprehend. Ip humming and hawing isn't going to cut it here. This ain't no SEE who needs to feel jealous, vying for your attention. This is an ESI. These people respond to what you give them. So I would ask you to ask yourself, what are you giving her to make her act the way she does?
    Last edited by wacey; 02-07-2015 at 05:42 PM.
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    he's ILI

    He doesn't go out of his house lol
    I don't leave my house either. Sometimes for several weeks at a time.I might not even walk out the door, onto my lanai, or answer the phone. I have paid others to run my errands. I must be ILI. :/

    DISCLAIMER: This is not an invitation for anyone to retype me.

    Se as a suggestive (5th) function (IEI and ILI)
    The individual is often characterized by his inertia. If left to his own devices, he may choose to do relatively little to interact with the outside world. When he does interact with the outside world, he often finds his activities to be empty and unfulfilling. To this individual, life is often characterized by periods of stimulation. For him, however, true stimulation is often spontaneous, and interludes between periods of stimulation are often characterized by tedium, inertia, and apathy. He is often not very adept at finding new areas of interest, and may seek to continue to reproduce past experiences instead of moving on to new things. In order to break out of this cycle, he requires an outside stimulus of spontaneity and activity. With such a degree of spontaneity introduced into his life, the tedium and perceived meaninglessness is replaced by a constant state of activity in which he can experience new things and escape from the confines of his own mind.
    Last edited by Aylen; 02-08-2015 at 03:08 PM.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     






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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    I don't leave my house either. Sometimes for several weeks at a time.I might not even walk out the door, onto my lanai, or answer the phone. I have paid others to run my errands. I must be ILI. :/

    DISCLAIMER: This is not an invitation for anyone to retype me.
    Teach me your ways, oh great holy one. Nah, I'll figure it out latter.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alomoes View Post
    Teach me your ways, oh great holy one. Nah, I'll figure it out latter.
    I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise anyway. Experience is the best teacher.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     






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    not type related.

    I know people of many types who are jealous over little things due to having experiences with past (or they themselves have cheated).

    Gamma SFs are a bunch of crazy/neurotic fuckers. and it's hard to find cool/normal ones. I say this about all the types though, but I personally notice the crazy more quickly in ESIs and LSIs.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dionysius View Post
    I approached my girl to ask her about my type, that I was thinking INTp, and the answer was the same as always (She knows MBTI and is rather good at spotting other people's types, but MBTI is limited). She said: ENTp-Ti 7w6.

    Could she be my conflictor? I've heard it's very common these relationships, but no, come on... she is crazy! I'm clearly not a 7. As I said, I think she is projecting her ex-boyfriends in myself. I've always been reclusive and critical, my role in groups is more of an asshole who criticizes everything, than of a cool ENTp who makes everyone love him. I'm considered a negative guy. Maybe my goofy side makes her think that I'm ENTp, when there are very goofy ILIs.

    Do you guys think my observations are of an ILE rather than ILI?

    I've always had a very conflicting relationship with my mother (ESFj) and I don't get along very well with Fe types.

    I live in an imagination world, just planning things and hardly getting anywhere. I think I'm ILI-Ni 6w5.
    I am an ILI. Everyone thinks we're insane. We are. If not, I will know. If you are, then that will change. Several stages of ILI.

    1. Learning.
    2. Immaturity.
    3. Extroversion.
    4. Learning everyone thinks we are insane.
    5. Melancholy introversion.

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    You just went from "I love how moral my girlfriend is. I want to marry her." to "I cant stand how moral she is. I think I'll break up with her."


    You're an idiot for many reasons:

    a) for the above.
    b) none of this is type related. she's an insecure 31 year old. it's unfortunate that she hasn't worked through her own emotional mess... as evidenced by dating a 21 year old kid and being very jealous.
    c) you don't seem very experienced in matters of logic nor do you seem to be very perceptive.... which doesn't make you idiotic. I take your age into account when I say this, but anywho my point of "c" is- stop trying to analyze behaviors with socionics. if someone is behaving crappy, they're behaving crappy. understanding "socionics" as a possible framework for how others may think...doesn't resolve neurotic behavior.

    Also- being able to have an occasional deep conversation with someone (so far it...sounds like your "deep" convos with her resolve around fighting/bickering...but you did not elaborate so ignore that statement if it is wrong) is not a good reason to be with someone. You'll have plenty of deep conversations with people throughout life. That doesn't mean be in a crappy relationship or try to fix someone. You can't fix someone. Typically people only get worse over time, not better.

    ~~g'luck.

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    I mean, I kind of think it might be type related?

    But I agree in the sense that giving socionics advice alone will probably not be a good final answer.
    It could help you get insight into some parts of the situation, but it probably won't give a neat solution to problems.
    Last edited by may; 02-08-2015 at 12:55 AM.

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    The main problems in your relationship may actually stem from the 10 years between you ...but hey, why did you push it under the carpet until now?
    It was one of the first things you should have said.

    Anyway I don't see enough "marriage material" in such a conflicted relationship. Take it as something that time can easily sweep away. She doesn't seem to think of you as embodying her future, either.

    And as I've already said, trust issues and insecurity shouldn't be read and solved through Socionics schemes here.

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    Sounds like she has major problems, maybe you should try convince her to go counseling or therapy.

    I been dating an ESI for 5 years and have dated 1 for 6 months prior to this relationship. We have been living together almost the entire time. ESI may get jealous if she thinks I am attracted to some other girl but doesn't really act on it, she usual gets jealous if I give another girl a lot of attention(doesn't really happen as I don't want to do anything to upset her). I once called my current GF a nickname that sounds very similar to her LSI girlfriend name(this LSI girl is hot, and sometimes appears flirty around me) and her expression, tone changed immediately saying "omg u like her" but she misheard me. She instantly got jealous, her feelings started leaking, u could see it on her face but she doesn't pursue it at all as it's not really a strong argument for her. She wouldn't dare accuse me of infidelity or even being interested without some concrete proof. Just like in your relationship, I can tell my ESI also can't read me well and from her attitude and her random questioning, I can tell when she thinks something is up. Whenever she shows me jealous behavior, or ask me random questions like "where have you been" or "what took so long", I ask her to explain to me why she is asking me these questions and then I purpose another perspective which cools her down.

    I also find it very odd an ESI would do this but it's also not unbelievable I guess. If you were to accuse most ESI of infidelity, they tend to lose their shit and become defensive(they usually act this way when ESI gets accused of anything in closer psychological distance and it doesn't matter whether they have done it or not. They might say things like "I don't like you accusing me of such things blah blah blah". If your gf does this, you need to use this to your advantage and tell her u won't tolerate her hypocritical behavior and remind her of all the times she didn't like to be accused of the same thing.

    My advice is not to breakup with ESI when things get tough, she might just leave you. ESI doesn't tolerate this after a couple of times. I have done this to a few girls, I would be confident in my decision making but looking back, I was too critical. I would advise you to talk out difficult problems as soon as they come up as they snowball fast. You got to remember, even though you think you understand her well, she probably doesn't understand you on the same level and explaining your motives and actions makes this relationship a lot easier and will bring you closer. I also thought I was right about a lot of her behavior that I considered to be negative and she has changed my mind about many things(I rarely win ethical arguments/debates with my ESI gf now, she has gotten much tougher and smarter throughout our relationship). Ask her a lot of questions about her thinking, it will make it easier for you to understand her and change her mind about things when she is acting a fool. My relationship is great and has been for awhile, the first few years were tough as hell due to both of us being ignorant and unexperienced(a couple months in a relationship is not solid experience).

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dionysius View Post
    Yeah there were some nice advises, for example the "keep her for sex". I'll definitely do that, but the long ENTj post was really helpful. I kinda reacted very similar to his suggestion (before and after reading it), and it worked. Mirrors aren't so different. I think with women you can't act desperately or dramatic, cause this attitude will only make her act more emotionally, i.e stupid (Women are emotional). I acted like a man, trying to be cool and collected, and she returned to normal. I'm starting to see that being a victim doesn't work with women, even when you ARE clearly the victim. You need to be confident, somewhat careless, even when women do stupid things. If you show your suffering, they'll think you're a pussy.

    I wish I was more careless, like if she doesn't ask my phone calls, I didn't care. But I'm not like this. I care a lot... In first place I demand respect from my woman, and not answering the phone is a lack of respect. But I'll try to exercise more coldness in myself, and doesn't miss her so much when she creates a wall between us. Am I really ILI? I'm too attuned to her. It's very intense, but I explained why... I don't like anyone, I hate people. So my feelings (libido?) are 100% directed towards her. I just like HER. Maybe because she gives me everything that I want, unlike other people.

    I might be ILI because: my childhood friends are LSI and SLI (they're very similar to me, but I'm way more abstract). My best friend is EII. Another great friends are LIE and SLE. LIE for intellectual exchange, SLE for competitiveness. Basically I prefer Fi valuing people, which probably makes me Gamma or Delta. But to be honest, I don't like my friends very much, only the EII, a little bit. I have problems creating bonds with people... I can't love them, but I also don't hate them. I've heard it's Fi polr, but my SLI friend is exactly like this. He doesn't like anyone. Fi hidden agenda seems to be a Desire for love, "To Love", but it's hard to achieve... Maybe that's why I'm so obsessed about this woman. Cause I finally loved someone, and it seems to be a crucial aspect in my psyche.

    My thought process also seems to be more related to Extroverted Logic, as I read a lot, and I tend to have highly useful sources. People often look up to me for good sources of knowledge, also sources of music, of practical information. I easily pick up where I can find something intellectually useful (Te) or useless. But I also consider my Ti to be strong, as I know the best systems (Ti), which one fits more with reality, which one is more developed and logical. My ideas are somewhat complex, I have a lot of images and I have difficulty to express in a clear way (typical of Ni dominant according to Jung) but they're well structured. I like to see the world in a logical way, as if everything makes sense and all the pieces fit in together. I can't even imagine living life without understanding how the world's engines work. I actually analyze life much more than I experience it. Maybe I'm IEI, I don't know... I'm emotional sometimes. I consider the possibility that because of my mother (ESFj) and my father (ESTp) I kinda developed some of my Fe polr. I don't like Ti Egos very much... I prefer Fi Egos by far. I consider Ti Egos too cold, maybe cause I need Fi and they don't have it.
    This is not an INTp. Correct quadra though. You'll be right at home here.

    that is what my gut tells me. My gut is based on years of social data gathered. Idea is that no.

    That is an example of dualism. My dual is interesting. You could find her on the inteRnet mistyped as an INFJ. Reason is because of INFJ stereotypes. I love it. Not fixing my spelling or anything. In frantic mood. Achieved ambiversion from dual.
    Last edited by Alomoes; 02-08-2015 at 08:38 PM. Reason: I don't need one.

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    I've had one "crazy" and one "non crazy" ESI girlfriend. The crazy one was a bit like the one you describe, however she came from a fairly abusive family, so I think that was the issue. The non-crazy one was (is, actually) eh, basically a non-crazy version. Okay, 10% less likely to agree about something whimsical, but everyday life is just 10000% better. In her case, her mother is LIE so I guess she has put a Te bullet in her head since she was young.

    I don't know, your situation would be too much for me, it just sounds as if you are 100% the calm and reasonable one in the couple and that's not a good position to be in because you're going to waste a lot of time keeping things "calm" instead of moving forward as a couple. What is your plan for your future with her? Can you envision being together given her current behavior?
    fatti non foste a viver come bruti ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alomoes View Post
    This is not an INTp. Correct quadra though. You'll be right at home here.

    that is what my gut tells me. My gut is based on years of social data gathered. Idea is that no.

    That is an example of dualism. My dual is interesting. You could find her on the inteRnet mistyped as an INFJ. Reason is because of INFJ stereotypes. I love it. Not fixing my spelling or anything. In frantic mood. Achieved ambiversion from dual.
    Mistake ISFj for me? Idk about that. The differences are very obvious. My ISFj cousin is way stricter and crazy lol she is rigid and eh whatever. I'm way more infantile like, carefree, nonchalant in my dress and demeanor, I'm a lot more relaxed and calm, she's always doing things. And, when it comes to finance and balancing the household budget I'm not risk taking, more prudent, practical, and conserving than she is. She likes to look nice as with all aestates do.

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    She's got you on a trip that's for sure.

    Personally I'm not in the camp that people should be perfectly healthy human beings in order to share their life with someone. I was pretty messed up as well from growing up in foster care and several bad relationships and family abuse and breaking some laws and my significant other at the time basically allowed me to heal with them. I threw so much stuff at em. But he stuck with me. This ain't no alpha or delta quadra, a bit of crazy is acceptable in gamma.

    If thats what you want to do for her, try until it really doesn't work anymore? There are no hard and fast rules.

    Age is such a huge factor here between you two. The difference between 21 and 31 is astronomical. Says that you both are at the same place in some ways, and in different places in others.

    Tip though? Don't try to be what you think women need you to be.
    Last edited by wacey; 04-04-2015 at 06:11 PM. Reason: I threw so much stuff at him : emotionally, not actually!!!!
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    Nobody besides myself and Enjoy and BB and May and Sienna and a little bit of FDG have really given all that good advice. Everyone has just said, hey look she's crazy insecure, lets not find out what can be done, just dump the chick and be rid of it. Apparently none of you were young people once actually having relationships that were messy and imperfect. How did you ever find out what you DID want, if you never lived through what you DID NOT?

    Your perfect human being awards will be arriving in the mail. There will be an award ceremony where your adoring fans will congratulate you on becoming masters of the universe.


    He's banging an older women, regardless of wether or not she's got issues, that fact alone makes his situation more interesting and obviously he's putting in the time and effort to figure it out. Who know's? Maybe he will break up with her, but at least he learned a bit about himself in the process. And he remained loyal to a person he says he loves. Is that a fault?

    I don't really care what sociotype you are Dionysius, I like you. You've got some life to you and something interesting to say besides all the carbon copied socionics canon I've read a hundred times before.
    Last edited by wacey; 02-09-2015 at 12:04 AM.
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    She's 21 t w e n t y O n e…

    my program function (Fi) is all over that and making all kinds of judgements like you wouldn't believe…you're lucky I haven't started lol @wacey

    first I'll put this as softly as possible lol Don't you think that's too young for you? Duck tapes my mouth
    Correction: HE IS 21.
    Last edited by wacey; 02-09-2015 at 05:33 AM.
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    Well, beyond socionics, I wonder, who are you trying to convince about your girlfriend, us, or yourself?

    (honestly? you kind of jibe like an xNxx more then anything. But, I could be wrong its been known to happen ),
    "An enlightened man had but one duty - to seek the way to himself, to reach inner certainty, to grope his way forward, no matter where it led."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dionysius View Post
    FDG


    I'm decided to have a longlasting relationship with her. I know she is crazy, but in my opinion everyone has a mental problem. Some people are too idealistic; others are too negative; others too closed off; others are psycopaths.

    What I mean is that I accept her with all her problems.
    That's good, and I think it's completely fine, for me at the time the point was that I was starting to have troubles in other areas of life (school, work, hobbies, etc.) because I had to devote so much time to "calming her down" and such. Not to mention that it was making me a passive little bitch and that didn't fit my natural lifestyle. So I had to decide to end it because it was going to be a big hindrance to my life overall - and she didn't even have that much interest in a specific future together.
    I didn't notice the age difference thing tho - that's something that was not there in my previous relationship.
    fatti non foste a viver come bruti ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza

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    Good luck with whatever you choose. I live in a glass house (been on both sides of it) so I can't throw stones but as long as you are aware of some of the issues you two will face then enjoy it while it lasts.


    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     






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    Perhaps you now don't care because you are madly infatuated but giving up every other facet of your life for someone is going to make you resent her on the long run.
    fatti non foste a viver come bruti ma per seguir virtute e canoscenza

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