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Thread: I got 99 problemz and Ignoring Fi is 1

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Default I got 99 problemz and Ignoring Fi is 1

    Hahahaha.. so...

    I've been thinking about this for awhile and wondering if this is something other EIE and ESE experience? I would describe my experience as such:

    I'm very, very personable in most informal situations and do well with altering mood, cracking jokes, lightening the emotional atmosphere..
    But when it comes to creating real bonds, I feel like I can't do it very well... to the point where I sometimes feel like I have no idea of how someone really feels towards me unless they express it on the outside all the time. This has caused me to even believe I had Fi PoLR.

    Also in terms of networking/professional settings - I find it EXTREMELY uncomfortable and I don't know how to go about it. I recently went to a professional conference with a lot of healthcare workers, etc.. My roommate (unknown type but likely Gamma/Delta quadra) was excited, loved the prospect of networking while I was terrified. I don't know how to act and always want to make jokes and be "silly"...

    It's like kind of not knowing how to behave appropriately in different social contexts.. I want to always be a certain way, but different settings call for different kinds of behaviour - like ie: I would be the one to laugh at a funeral.. actually

    Is this an Fi ignoring or even function related thing?


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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ScarlettLux View Post
    Hahahaha.. so...

    I've been thinking about this for awhile and wondering if this is something other EIE and ESE experience? I would describe my experience as such:

    I'm very, very personable in most informal situations and do well with altering mood, cracking jokes, lightening the emotional atmosphere..
    But when it comes to creating real bonds, I feel like I can't do it very well... to the point where I sometimes feel like I have no idea of how someone really feels towards me unless they express it on the outside all the time. This has caused me to even believe I had Fi PoLR.

    Also in terms of networking/professional settings - I find it EXTREMELY uncomfortable and I don't know how to go about it. I recently went to a professional conference with a lot of healthcare workers, etc.. My roommate (unknown type but likely Gamma/Delta quadra) was excited, loved the prospect of networking while I was terrified. I don't know how to act and always want to make jokes and be "silly"...

    It's like kind of not knowing how to behave appropriately in different social contexts.. I want to always be a certain way, but different settings call for different kinds of behaviour - like ie: I would be the one to laugh at a funeral.. actually

    Is this an Fi ignoring or even function related thing?

    I think everyone wants to just be able to be themselves in all situations. I think that's rather universal, not type related. What's type related is in what manner people are 'being themselves.'

    Like you, I'm not so good at creating personal bonds and sometimes I have trouble knowing for sure how someone really feels about me. I have made wrong guesses now and then. I do have weak Fi and it's also unvalued. Really, I'm more interested in having a good positive emotional atmosphere when with people I'm currently interacting with moreso than creating and deep bond with them in the long run.

    I also have weak Fe, so I'm not so good at altering mood or lightning the atmosphere but its my suggestive function and I love it when people do that for me. When I do it, it's rather awkward and strange.
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    The title! You put the song in my head...

    I must listen... I am not EIE but I can sort of relate to what you are saying. I feel Fe bonds more in the moment and not with everyone. Maybe some bonds are not as long lasting. I think EIE are more selective, on some level, when using Fi. Not sure how to explain it.

    I have laughed at funerals. It was not on purpose. My sister and I both looked at my grandmother in her coffin and burst out in hysterical laughing, with tears streaming down our faces. It was shock. I think. No one thought anything of it and we were young.

    I have also laughed at funerals because the others there were celebrating the person and not mourning them. I cried at my ex boyfriend's funeral. I think I was the only one who did which made me kind of sad. He came from a stoic family and that is the face they put on at his funeral. I tried to be stoic too but I could not hold back the tears and it echoed in the church. It was a spiritual experience for me.
    I never felt that much loss before, even though my best friend died a month earlier. Her funeral was more uplifting and was held in the black community even though she was white. The preacher had us all put our hands up in the air and" lift her to heaven". It was inspiring and I am not religious or comfortable in churches. Overall very good vibes there. This was her funeral song. I intuitively knew she would want. I cried like a baby but I celebrated with those who wanted to remember her as she was.





    I think I have learned from experience how to act in social situations. I think I naturally empathize but I also actively try to lift people up but only if I get the vibe that they want to be cheered or lifted up. It is a delicate balancing act and I don't always get it right either. If you have strong intuition pay attention to it and let it guide you.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    You evil, guuuuurl.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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    The sleeping beauty Velvet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    The title! You put the song in my head...

    I must listen... I am not EIE but I can sort of relate to what you are saying. I feel Fe bonds more in the moment and not with everyone. Maybe some bonds are not as long lasting. I think EIE are more selective, on some level, when using Fi. Not sure how to explain it.

    I have laughed at funerals. It was not on purpose. My sister and I both looked at my grandmother in her coffin and burst out in hysterical laughing, with tears streaming down our faces. It was shock. I think. No one thought anything of it and we were young.

    I have also laughed at funerals because the others there were celebrating the person and not mourning them. I cried at my ex boyfriend's funeral. I think I was the only one who did which made me kind of sad. He came from a stoic family and that is the face they put on at his funeral. I tried to be stoic too but I could not hold back the tears and it echoed in the church. It was a spiritual experience for me.
    I never felt that much loss before, even though my best friend died a month earlier. Her funeral was more uplifting and was held in the black community even though she was white. The preacher had us all put our hands up in the air and" lift her to heaven". It was inspiring and I am not religious or comfortable in churches. Overall very good vibes there. This was her funeral song. I intuitively knew she would want. I cried like a baby but I celebrated with those who wanted to remember her as she was.





    I think I have learned from experience how to act in social situations. I think I naturally empathize but I also actively try to lift people up but only if I get the vibe that they want to be cheered or lifted up. It is a delicate balancing act and I don't always get it right either. If you have strong intuition pay attention to it and let it guide you.
    Made me cry.

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    I act like a spazzy social cripple to everyone I meet and I deliberately offend them and spew awkward bullshit like an Fi-PoLR, then I bleed out my man pussy when everyone else has innocent fun or if they insult me like an Fi-dom.





    zomg kindred spirit


    and shit

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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    to McBain:
    That's a good description. I was wondering if that was a bit psychotic tbh (the fluctuating feelings about people, liking and disliking them from moment to moment depending on the situation) because I do that too and I have had misunderstandings with my SEE boyfriend over my changeable emotions

    ... I can't say I "hate" someone and then "love" them.. I'm not sure you meant that extreme either, maybe more to illustrate a point. But yeah, I don't do grudges at all if the person changes their affect towards me, whereas I find Fi valuing types generally take MUCH longer to change their opinion about someone. It kind of frustrates me because I feel like people deserve many chances..

    But I *do* have static feeling towards others of course - like I love my close friends, boyfriend, etc.. I just change outward surface feelings about them quicker. Agh it's hard to explain. I'm also just more fluctuating in general..

    Are Fi valuing types more likely to stay in one emotion for a longer period of time? My SEE gets annoyed when I seem to jump from angry to happy/normal again.. he tends to stay in negative emotion and requires longer time to "cool off" .. I actually noticed another likely ILE/SLE (dumb one, sadly) that changes outwardly like this too, without regard for the fact that people might not truly like him as a person because of many many things he has done..


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    from toronto with love ScarlettLux's Avatar
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    Lol Ok Cubo.. Sorry I can't properly articulate what I mean and I don't mean to be stereotypical. I genuinely want to know if these are Fi related issues. Perhaps I am simplifying things.. that's why I made the thread.


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    Johari
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    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
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    I don't relate a ton to this--it's not like it's totally off the map, but I have formed some enduring bonds in my life so far, and it wasn't hard to do as I found the right people. My moods will fluctuate, my tolerance for a person will fluctuate, but overall I hold a clear picture of who I find them to be, and how I feel about them isn't easy to change.

    What's more likely to fluctuate than my feelings toward a person is my ability to attend to the relationship owing to practicalities.

    As for networking, it became pretty doable once I found something career-wise I was passionate about. Networking was at that time an outgrowth of my job. Doing it for its own sake isn't all that inspiring because it feels grimly artificial. In those situations I seek out the one or two people in the room / at the event whom I can have a really meaningful connection to. I do that all the time, though.

    I have a sense this isn't necessarily about Fi.

    I shape the atmosphere because it's like a default responsibility or something, I guess. But it's more like by keeping order, I'm somehow better at figuring out who might matter to me. People seem to sort themselves better.

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    Well intimacy is created by honesty. Yeah you can try to make a bunch of objective fake friends by talking about some movie everybody saw. But your real friends are the ones as cheesy as it sounds 'get your heart.'

    You only get somebody to accept the real you by taking risks and being open about what emotionally bothers you, not making witty quips about pop songs. Don't get me wrong I love stuff like that too. I have found close friends often share a lot of the same struggles and personal vulnerabilities, they are sort of 'weak against' and 'strong against' similar elements. And they feel a close bond.

    But really they are just loving themselves, cuz all love comes from within and all love is narcissistic in a way. We really do love people who are like ourselves, and get our vulnerabilities. But ironically these are also the same type of people that know how to easily cut us when pissed off or going through something themselves. So that's why we all run and hide, and make jokes etc.

    It takes a lot of bravery to be who you are. Katy Perry makes it sound easy but in truth, you know that it's also going to cause you pain. That's the ultimate question of humanity I think, is pain worth the trouble of love? Cuz another deep wisdom is that pain and love are so deeply integrated.

    Anyway it's a step by step process. You don't just become vulnerable all at once. Maybe instead next time try complaining about something that irritates u, even if that is perceived by most people as playing the victim. Let's say you get punched in the throat by it by... 50 people. Okay that just means on THAT particular topic, you couldn't trust your heart with that person on that one itty bitty thing. But we just never know until it happens! And people can still surprise us, who we thought had our back actually didn't and the person who we didn't expect it showed us pure empathy in that moment. And you can use all this stuff, to better gauge your boundaries so you keep feeling vulnerable in the good way naturally over the time and not the creepy bad way.

    I also think it's a gender thing. Women by nature need to be self-protective and mysterious and not give it all away. They can't be showy like men cuz it goes against nature from a scientific standpoint. My grandma always said men are like flamboyant peacocks. Women (perhaps primarily heterosexual women?) tend to be really reserved, and guarded. Even the extroverted ones. They don't really share any deep pain shit.

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