Last edited by theticalanti; 03-06-2016 at 03:20 AM.
I have come to the understanding recently that the negative aspect of supervision have been hugely exaggerated and wildly overblown. There is an element of playfulness from both parties, especially if the supervisor is well adjusted.
(generally always wondered why is the polr always associated with a "HIT" - why a negative hit all the time? Why can't it be equally positive?)
I kind of agree w @wacey, because supervision can be a really helpful relationship imo. But if it happens to be a conflicted relationship, then I think yes, that thing ppl call informally "reverse supervision" can happen, and I think you're right that it can come as criticism / unmet expectations re. the role.
But I haven't experienced it as a "hit" on a real weak spot, it's more exasperating than wounding. Maybe bc where role is concerned, there is a feeling of "my leading function can cover that arena, so who cares." With polr, there's more a sense of defenselessness.
I am going to be really honest here and it will make me sound so horrible but here goes-
I definitely have done what you have mentioned above in regards to the supervisor expressing that they don't value this information coming at them.
On the whole I have managed to get on fairly well with this particular person who I have encountered this communication with but once a pattern started forming I just no longer desire this person in my life...I don't like them, don't like anything about them, I have no time for this in my life and if I could I would never have them near me ever again.
Are you sure it's supervision? Aren't I meant to find them an interesting person who is capable? Rather I have come to see the individual as quite nasty, not humble, not open to admitting faults or giving an apology and possessing an interior that I have no desire to be near if the choice was mine. In fact I think they are horribly dumb and just don't get things that are important to the situation and it's future. They use no logic in their thinking and cannot handle it when I have had to point it out. They instead just look away avoiding eye contact and any more engaging on the subject or can attempt to justify themselves - insubstantiality, they get angry & stay angry and display emotions that I just don't want to be around. I don't need their anger and negativity in my life.
From myself to them I say things like ' I don't care about your stupid 'integrity' or ' if you really want me to get angry then carry on that path declaring things about your so called integrity and standing and I'll get started on what I really think about you' or ' you have got to be kidding me - you really want to go down this path?' and so on....sometimes I just think these things in my mind...but I admit that I have said them out loud also when taken to the limit.
Writing it like this and reading what you have written above @William makes me think that I may be supervising EXFp if you are saying that they are using their creative function on my third function. That is if integrity would be classed as Fi?
Last edited by LeShay; 01-21-2015 at 04:16 AM.
Mby the Supervisee can make it a little ' painful ' for the other person when he / she is the Extroverted type . The extrovert won't introspect and analyse self that much , instead he tries to make the other person change mind and attitude . Double ' vulnerability ' given by introversion and being the supervised one is a little more strange and makes the relationship 'by the book ' without many exceptions like Role hit' and others .
well feeling guilt & empathy for what you say is just kind of normal human behavior. If I say something cutting, bitchy and sociopathic, it might hurt the both of us but only about 70% of the population is empathetic, 30% are sociopaths naturally and wouldn't necessarily back down. but sociopath + sadist are different of course, and well if you are both then ur just the biggest bad-ass that ever bad assed right @zap?
Psychological deconstruction, coldly distanceing yourself emotionally from the target while analyzing them accurately while you stay there completely unphased is just what the Dark Ones always do. A person with a conscience would feel the recoil of this but again, only 70% of us. Basically, they get everything right but the love.
Once we get out of each others faces and calm down, we can hug and make up but she is more likely to hold a grudge than I am and I expect her to bring up the issue or whatever at an inappropriate time. Sometimes she does it in front of others and my pride gets in the way. Then I have to defend myself logically or I will make fun of the situation, which I feel bad about later because people usually end up thinking she is being unreasonable with her expectations. It is awful because I hate doing it to her. Help me William!!! Give me some sage-like advice, please?
I have had working relationships with EIE's on projects and as acquaintances before. I find them easy to understand and predict, likely because we have the same cognitive style and the common ground use of Ni. That being said I don't like the way EIE's use Ni. They use predictive ability as a tool for social posturing. I am aware that this is their creative function and so it makes sense but it makes me uncomfortable. EIE's seem to truly believe in their own messiahood due to their vision of things and this manipulation makes me uncomfortable, as if I am facing an opponent.
I also feel like I can't correct them or dispute their claims unless we are alone because they can swarm a room of people against me by pretending to be hurt or wounded. Even if I am objectively right it can be hard because ultimately the room may turn against me anyway, so it prompts me to be silent when EIE's have their group huddled around them. I think these are the situations are when EIE's most often fit the "supervisor" moniker as their role function will likely be protected here.
That being said, when I can get a punch in on them (hard because they are usually careful about keeping their yes men around) I know it has an effect. Punching them in the role is unsettling for them too, it scares them a little bit how their base function is completely disregarded. Ultimately I think what really gets to them is my failure to acknowledge their great importance and vision. Oddly enough it seems to prompt them to try harder (at least for a short time) to get me to acknowledge them. I think this makes things worse for both of us.
I apologize for the negative tone in this post, I simply haven't had many positive experiences in this intertype relation. Ultimately, I do believe that the relation is uncomfortable for EIE's too. Imagine having someone straight ignore your base function, punch you in the role, and not accept your creative because theirs is "better".
I think if you ever changed your current self-type I would not believe it and the world would fall apart. *adds drama*
A couple of additioal thoughts:
I agree about the Messiah thing where I think very passionately that I know the right way to solve a problem and I try to use my persuasive powers to convince others. I have mentioned in other threads that I am fairly good at reading people, and I use that knowledge to present a message that will a better chance of being accepted. Living with mostly Gammas and Deltas has probably caused me to tone myself down a lot.
I noticed that you said "pretending" to be hurt. I can't speak for all EIEs, but I am either hurt or not hurt. There is no pretending about that. Pretending to be hurt would be like lying. That is a bit of a sore spot for me, because my father used to tell me that I was faking it when I was upset or crying about something.
Can you give an example of an EIE role punch?
You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation.
She is very good at spreading positive energy and cheering people up and is a ray of sunshine most of the time. She just needs to learn to let some stuff go or at least have some control over her emotions so she doesn't bring up our issues because someone said something in an unrelated conversation that reminded her that she even had an issue. :/
Thanks for your advice. It was sweet and I will try to keep my silliness in check next time. I was not being completely serious when asking for a solution, Sorry.
She is ESE (and the sweetest kindest person I know) ftr. I talk about the EII more so wanted to clarify for those who don't know.
I have seen supervisors hurting their supervisees but not that I have seen specifically related to functions, just that people can hurt people in general given the particular circumstances.
What I have seen is supervisors being receptive to the information given by a supervisee, but information whether words or actions intended to hurt will hurt, if it's intended as good advice but touches a nerve then it is something a person is aware of an uncomfortable about whichever type does it.
It is a short response but if you are looking for a longer one I did not provide
Last edited by n0ki; 02-10-2015 at 06:03 PM.