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Thread: Distinguishing between sx/sp and sx/so

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    Default Distinguishing between sx/sp and sx/so

    I've always self typed as sx/sp but someone recently said they thought sx/so. My question is, how do you distinguish between these stacks?
    Last edited by female; 01-13-2015 at 07:15 AM. Reason: spelling

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    I am not a specialist in Enneagram ( disclaimer ) .
    Me , I look to see if someone is synchronic flow or contra flow when I have to decide between the two . Otherwise both are intense and sexy , aren't they ?? SX/so are extremists , outsiders , they are always on combat for something , pushing against people . They can be truly cruel to start with and they have a demonic pulse through them . Also , SX /so use sexuality for the ego or for their status much more. He uses that to bring people down some times , too . Like openly stating attraction for someone and at the same time having fun of someone else in public because they are lousy .
    SX /sp is like that brooding loyal person who just wants a couple with intense energy communication .
    My 2 cents.
    Last edited by Amber; 01-13-2015 at 02:48 PM.

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    Poster Nutbag The Exception's Avatar
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    @morningthaw How do you determine synchronic flow vs. contra flow?
    LII-Ne with strong EII tendencies, 6w7-9w1-3w4 so/sp/sx, INxP



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    The difference between some of my sx/so friends and me are:

    They tend to enjoy being in the spotlight way more. I prefer to hide in the shadows after a moment in the spotlight and they tend to sign autographs (metaphorically speaking). I had an EIE ex-bf sx/so who would constantly try to push me off the metaphorical stage to get the spotlight.
    They are not as self-conscious as I am and do not mind making a public scene now and then. If I make an emotional scene I want to crawl under a rock, for a long time.
    They are pushier than I am. I will usually ask someone if they want to do something "crazy" with me but they will just drag me along with them, even against my refusals.
    They will protest just about anything they do not agree with even if it isn't personal. It usually has to be very personal to me for me to get involved. If it is not effecting/affecting me personally I just don't feel it is worth spending my energy on it. They seem to want their opinions on just about anything to be heard and appreciated.

    I just woke up so I may have more to add later and most of the sx/so I know irl are E7 or E3. They are pretty intense people but the intensity is definitely pushed out into the world to infect anyone in visual or audial range. I think my intensity sort of stays closer to me like an aura wrapped around me and is usually felt strongest by those who I choose to focus it on. I can pull it in and hold it in much easier than they can when I don't want to be seen or heard.

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    I'm finding it hard to verbalize what exactly I'm seeing re: sx/sp vs sx/so, but a lot of it has to do with perceived psychological boundaries. The sp-second will give sx/sps a certain aloof, insular vibe to them, like they're watching something in the distance. Aquiline is the word that comes to mind. Hawk-like, fixating on a target from afar before swooping down. sx/sos by comparison are more ethereal, unroosted in a way that ungrounds them from their personal bubble. They seem much more effected by ongoings in the world around them, even if these ongoings have no direct impact on their lives in particular. Subjectively it seems like they have rather impulsive lifestyles, wandering from one experience to the next with whatever catches their fancy. They're constantly expending the energy they accumulate, and seem to have little patience for slowing down and recouping what they've spent. It's like the self exists as a vehicle to experience what is not the self. sx/sps will invariably retreat into their little hidey-hole when they've run low on mental energy. The energy is very on/off. They're either entirely focused on a point of interest or entirely removed from it, with very possibility for in between. Sx/Sos have less of a capacity for shutting themselves off, as they're much more invested in soaking in what the outside world has to offer.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    It's like the self exists as a vehicle to experience what is not the self.
    does sp feel like the self exists to experience the self?
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    does sp feel like the self exists to experience the self?
    It feels pretty tautological and dumb to say, but in a way yes. It's more like there's a certain internal awareness of their own psychological space, a sacred self-ness that's compulsively maintained at the core.
    "And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it." -Roald Dahl

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    I've actually been thinking about this for a while now. What it means to be sx/sp and how that is different from the other stackings. I'm not confident about this but I think it has a lot to do with your priorities and the stacking is where you feel the push and pull the most. Like I'm either sx/sp or a really lonely sp/sx. I went to great lengths to see quite a few people IRL. I definitely felt the push and pull between getting that RL connection with people and effort needed to make it happen. Ultimately, though, it was something I had to do. My cousin is a lot different. He thinks I'm really weird for what I've done and has said he wouldn't even drive out 3-4 hours to see a GF. I don't think that's quite fair. I would like to think even regular people would commute for 4 hours to see their SO. I digress. I'm getting a bit much into what it means to be sx first rather than the specific stacking differences.

    There's this difference between me and other people in the animal rescue scene that I think can be an example of how those two stackings are different. There was this really small stray cat I fell for whom I took rather extreme measures to take off the streets and socialize. Buying up a ton of cat pet stuff, contacting people to see who has a cat trap on loan, moving to a completely new place and being prepared to live there for some months. My entire living arrangement was turned upside down. My sp instinct was signaling mayday, mayday! Red alert! But I did have some small safety nets, and I would be able to go back to business as usual when this was all done so I went for it. Sx/Sp. Much later, however, I discovered a whole tribe of cats in my aunts backyard and there was just no way. There was even this teeny tiny kitten with the biggest ears but I just couldn't do it. If I helped one I'd have to help them all, and my capabilities to help cats were even worse than when I had just the one. Sp had drawn the line. The other people in rescue I knew... they had no such line.

    Their places smell strongly of cat and cat byproducts. Bathrooms have been converted to cat condos, and if that isn't enough they have cages around elsewhere for temp housing. Cycling cats in their care all the time. I would like to think I'd keep even the cat location well ventilated and segregated from the rest of my place so that it smells not much different from a typical cat household. These are my concerns. Not so much theirs. What they have that I don't, however, is a whole network of people they can call on and who they can count on for aid. I would also guess having 'So' in their stacking also helps them spread their energy outward letting them take in a lot more cats.

    Let's give a hypothetical dude, this time, say, a dude who is super into Super Smash Bros. Dude goes to local tournaments and wins weekly events every so often. Dude is concerned though that the people in his personal and professional life may think of him as kinda childish for being so into Super Smash Bros so Dude goes to great lengths to keep his passion isolated from his other life. No one must know . Not saying someone who doesn't have So in their stacking can't be guarded. I'm like the most guarded person ever. But I think the reason why being guarded is key. From this not so hypothetical Dude it is deteriorating his network of people relations. Them thinking Dude is childish.

    Everyone has concerns in all of these areas. Where people are different and what I think may determine the stackings is how your priorities stack up with each other. I see a lot of other good posts before me talking about vibes and energies and such. I like them cause they seem to be better at covering the large scope of people that these stackings would fit under. Still, I thought it might be worth to try to give more concrete examples of how their instincts may translate to behavior and action. Concrete ways of how I try to visualize the differences between the stackings. Which might be helpful to other people in recognizing their distinctions. Also I don't think I can add whole lot to the energies and boundaries talk. Maybe something I need to give more thought.

    lol I guess I have a few people on my FB I think may be sx/so or perhaps so/sx and the vibe or energy I get from their selfies is like "hey! Look at me at this beautiful place/doing a show for Disney Land/enjoying life. I'm so full of life and already chasing the next big thing." Much selfies. Such spotlight. Energy rippling outwards from one point of interest to the next like the waves a stone makes when it skips across the water.
    Last edited by uniden; 01-17-2015 at 09:15 AM. Reason: dude

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    Quote Originally Posted by Uniden View Post
    Everyone has concerns in all of these areas. Where people are different and what I think may determine the stackings is how your priorities stack up with each other. I see a lot of other good posts before me talking about vibes and energies and such. I like them cause they seem to be better at covering the large scope of people that these stackings would fit under. Still, I thought it might be worth to try to give more concrete examples of how their instincts may translate to behavior and action. Concrete ways of how I try to visualize the differences between the stackings. Which might be helpful to other people in recognizing their distinctions. Also I don't think I can add whole lot to the energies and boundaries talk. Maybe something I need to give more thought.
    Good plan.

    Some years ago I had a friend I went to music school with. I originally thought he was Sx/Sp, but after living with him for about a year So-second and Sp-last makes a ton more sense. He would regularly express similar sentiments to mine about being totally engaged in something like an on/off switch, and for a while I kinda took them for granted. One night he and his old roommates threw a party at their place (before we roomed together), and it got pretty noisy and hectic. I started tuning it all out, because I can't concentrate on anything in those sorts of environments when people are just drinking and shooting the shit. He, however, was very engaged in the happenings of a bunch of people, actively engaging himself in their activities and being all jovial-like. I ended up saying that I just don't do well in crowds of people like that where energy is being thrown left and right without focus. He showed some kind of sympathy to my plight, saying "yeah I'm kind of not a group person either ... but I dunno, there's something about this atmosphere I really dig." And it felt like such a disconnect to me at the time, where someone can be kind of internal and introverted (he's Si-SLI) but still thrive in an environment with that sort of constant stimulation from all sides.

    Living with him for a while also revealed to me how vastly different his lifestyle was to mine. I have my own hobbies and personal interests, and most of these involve me doing shit in my own solitude. He would constantly surround himself with people and friends, and seemed to be incapable of staying in a room by himself without self-medication. Almost every night he'd stay out in bars with his friends doing whatever the hell drunk people do, and I'll just be at home tending to my own interests in my own time. He had issues with alcohol abuse (hopefully doesn't anymore), so that will impact how his sp-lastness is externalized, but the basic idea is there I think. Sometimes he would invite his friends over at 2 in the morning when I'm dead asleep and just start yelling shit. On more than four occasions I've had to yell at him and his girlfriend to shut the fuck up and let me get some rest.

    I remember he mentioned to me at one point in our stay together that when we moved in, he expected me to sort of slow him down by proxy of my sheer presence. And I had hoped his more active social outgoingness would prompt me to follow suit in a more natural way. It all just ended up conflicting with each other due to irreparable lifestyle discrepancies. I guess to them I was too much of a homebody, and to me they were childish party animals. Neither of us really knew how to respect each other's ways of living, so we ended up drifting apart after a number of months.
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    When they both lean heavily towards the Sx-side, Sx/So feels more like this reactive, savvy, middle-finger-to-everything sort of person that wants to test people's boundaries and illusions, whereas sx/sp feels more like this brooding, modest-seeming person (from up-close) who has a lot of heart or something. Like all they're after is that relationship or experience and they're not really trying to fuck with people unless they're provoked or have a good reason to.

    Some of what I described for Sx/So spills into Sp/Sx also.
    Last edited by suedehead; 01-19-2015 at 10:06 PM.

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    sx/so is completely immersed, whereas sx/sp is brooding in contained flux. in general it's the former who will fall into the 'center' of an interaction, whereas the latter, despite sometimes intensively involving themselves, will always maintain an implicit emotional distance, which ties back to the syn-flow need to harmonize things.

    an example that makes me think sx/so for myself is how at the first restaurant I worked I would always command the currents. basically every shift I would go back and sneak vodka into my drink; the sx/sp bartender would entertain my antics to a degree, but always caution against a certain recklessness, and was existentially receptive but also somewhat closed off to my attempts to give him opiates. the other bartender, who was sp/sx, was similar. I didn't get the sense that I grated on her as much as I did the first one, but she still maintained a kind of distant, contained energy.

    sx/sp tends to turn against the environment to establish optimal intensity in the short run. where sx/so will just throw themselves in to drugs with a kind of ontological disregard, sx/sp will more strictly self-medicate. sx/so doesn't seek to maintain any harmony... it's not like they're purely about dissonance, just that they constantly need something more to counteract the anxiety that pulls at them. the environment takes a back seat to experience.

    an example of an sx/sp was an Fe-IEI 4w3 guy I knew in williamsburg. he basically lived in what we called a vagina, a little shack with pink walls, and had a bunch of musical gear and whatnot. he saved up a bunch of money to move to maryland, even had a job lined up, but at the last minute stayed and just bought a shitload of new equipment.

    sx/sp needs to recalibrate, the piece missing is a significant person or experience that will make the magical less distant. sx/so is just implicitly 'missing' or in need.


    overall you've always struck me as sx/sp. you have a steadiness, inner harmony that complements a somewhat controlled intensity, and a seeming existential loyalty that I can only see making sense with syn-flow and so-last. sx/so SEEs tend to be a little more... explosive and not giving much of a fuck (i.e. johnny knoxville). I could see you entertaining an sx/so but never getting carried away, if anything just sitting back and laughing at their antics, or doing a few lines and then retiring to solitude for a brief period.
    Last edited by strrrng; 01-20-2015 at 10:41 PM.
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    Yeah, I like sx/sp for you, dolphin.

    In my personal view & as others have pointed out, sx/so seems a little more reckless, in the moment and outwardly in your face. sx/sp people seem to come off as more steady, yet at the same time burning. They give off that lone ranger vibe.

    In music I think sx/so stuff comes off as more sexual and alive, where sx/sp stuff comes off as deeper with intense emotional content. This is basically how I distinguish sx/so & sx/sp people in person as well
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