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Thread: What does ESTp's jealousy look like?

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    Default What does ESTp's jealousy look like?

    Is it destructive?

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    Some can be cold and dismissive. Others can get riled up and vengeful. Maybe it depends on their e-type.

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    No I should rewrite that it can be bad but depends on so many things, love, depth of love, can drive jealousy for a lot of people regardless of type not just SLE. I guess the magnatude of the response can be outwardly vocal by t so can my tantrums. I just tell people to shut up loudly lol anyway No would be the right answer. Mel Gibson's outward reactio would probably be the most extreme of this case
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 12-23-2014 at 11:15 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    I just tell people to shut up loudly lol
    that doesn't sound like Se-PoLR...


    anyway, to address the OP: I don't think SLE necessarily suffers from destructive jealousy. like, I don't think it's a type-defining characteristic. but I do believe the thought of losing control can drive them to do irrational things. I'm basing this on personal experience, but it's also consistent with what's been said about Aggressors in general:
    Aggressor
    - Sometimes is openly arrogant and aggressive and expects complete
    mental submittal from others
    - Sometimes has a very victim like look and uses indirect means to
    control the partner. In the "heart" is as aggressive and control
    oriented as the openly aggressive version. Can turn openly
    aggressive if the "victim" refuses to submit to indirect
    control.
    - Hates signs of weakness in themself
    - Has "I am in control" attitude

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    Quote Originally Posted by heavynurse View Post
    that doesn't sound like Se-PoLR...


    anyway, to address the OP: I don't think SLE necessarily suffers from destructive jealousy. like, I don't think it's a type-defining characteristic. but I do believe the thought of losing control can drive them to do irrational things. I'm basing this on personal experience, but it's also consistent with what's been said about Aggressors in general:
    I was thinking that a Fi PoLR would be less consumed but jealousy but then maybe jealousy is something not type related?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kore View Post
    I was thinking that a Fi PoLR would be less consumed but jealousy but then maybe jealousy is something not type related?
    I think I spoke before of an SLE woman I know who cut up her partners clothes and smashed up his car out of jealousy. But one thing to take into account is that with jealousy there can come a want of revenge on that person.

    But is it type related? Maybe. BTW this female SLE is sx first for sure.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kore View Post
    I was thinking that a Fi PoLR would be less consumed but jealousy
    I like this hypothesis.

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    Jealousy is far too complicated to attach to a function.

    It can be Se or Fi seeking or anything or none of these.

    I always seen jealousy as a sign something is wrong, why does the partner create it and is the person experiencing it a covetous person in general.

    Also I found once a person with jealousy was projecting their desire or action to cheat.

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    Innocent, naive, charming, and reverse phycology manipulation. They make you feel terrible and will somehow try and make you responsible for their jealous feelings. Even if unfounded.

    Why should they be jealous a person would think, didn't they just the other night flirt harmlessly themselves? Anyway, the types of jealousy SLE become isn't about flirting, SLE become jealous about who you are spending your time with and for how long. Clearly it should be with them and at all times. "Why are you spending time with them and having fun with them and not with me?" "You don't like me anymore".

    Can't you read their minds?!

    Would they ruin a person though? Only as collateral damage with the initial emotions. Luckily SLE and most betas in my opinion don't harbour grudges and like to forgive and forget as long as you don't continue the behaviour that upset them in the first place.

    When collateral damage starts a wise dual will just swim away for a time to let things cool off. SLE will notice your absence and realize life is sunnier with you around.

    Both parties realize the entire event has brought them closer.

    Repeat forever.
    Last edited by wacey; 12-24-2014 at 07:47 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Innocent, naive, charming, and reverse phycology manipulation. They make you feel terrible and will somehow try and make you responsible for their jealous feelings. Even if unfounded.

    Why should they be jealous a person would think, didn't they just the other night flirt harmlessly themselves? Anyway, the types of jealousy isn't about flirting, SLE become jealous about who you are spending your time with and for how long. Clearly it should be with them and at all times. Can't you read their minds?!

    Would they ruin a person though? Only as collateral damage with the initial emotions. Luckily SLE and most betas in my opinion, don't harbour grudges and like to forgive and forget as long as you don't continue the behaviour that upset them in the first place.
    *retypes SLE*

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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    Jealousy is far too complicated to attach to a function.

    It can be Se or Fi seeking or anything or none of these.

    I always seen jealousy as a sign something is wrong, why does the partner create it and is the person experiencing it a covetous person in general.

    Also I found once a person with jealousy was projecting their desire or action to cheat.
    Mmhmm, sometimes it is just insecurity.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Aylen View Post
    *retypes SLE*
    They go both ways.

    Insecurity is a contributing factor I agree.

    To the OP, one good thing about SLE jealousy is that you are going to know they are jealous really quickly. IME, they don't bottle stuff in and hide their feelings. What that means is that problems can be worked out in real time and like I said before they don't hold grudges.

    If you are wondering do SLE grip further and try to control you? I'd like to see how far they get with an IEI if that was their method.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kore View Post
    I was thinking that a Fi PoLR would be less consumed but jealousy but then maybe jealousy is something not type related?
    It works the opposite way in "socionics". If you are bad at a given function you will be more paranoid about it.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    It works the opposite way in "socionics". If you are bad at a given function you will be more paranoid about it.
    Do you imply that jealousy is more Fi?

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    It may or may not be.
    The most useless reply evah.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Kore View Post
    Do you imply that jealousy is more Fi?
    The opposite. Everything else being equal, people with "better" Fi will normally be less jealous because they can gauge the status of their relations better.
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    If you ask vague / stupid questions then you can expect vague / stupid answers. You'll need a more specific question than 'is some random type's random emotion either good or bad durr'. You got exactly the correct answer - it may or may not be.

    Is there something more specific you're wondering about? Do you have a situation or a person in mind you're trying to figure out, that you could elaborate on?
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    It works the opposite way in "socionics". If you are bad at a given function you will be more paranoid about it.
    Not in this case, no, I disagree.
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    The opposite. Everything else being equal, people with "better" Fi will normally be less jealous because they can gauge the status of their relations better.
    Again I disagree. SLE don't gauge their relationships through Fi lenses, they see them as immediate reciprocation between two people.
    "If this to end in fire, then we should all burn together. Watch the flames climb higher into the night."

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    If you ask vague / stupid questions then you can expect vague / stupid answers. You'll need a more specific question than 'is some random type's random emotion either good or bad durr'. You got exactly the correct answer - it may or may not be.

    Is there something more specific you're wondering about? Do you have a situation or a person in mind you're trying to figure out, that you could elaborate on?
    Oh William who is the champion of politeness

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    The opposite. Everything else being equal, people with "better" Fi will normally be less jealous because they can gauge the status of their relations better.
    If it's socionic related, then yes

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    Quote Originally Posted by William View Post
    No. Was just trying to move your thread forward.

    SLEs can be jealous toward status symbols imo, especially the e3s. They are often jealous for respect from others. Sometimes this can be good to motivate them to work hard - I've seen them channel the feeling of jealousy constructively. Other times it can be bad, especially when SLEs become possessive of something that's not their's yet. I've butted heads with an SLE at work before who was jealous of me, and it was really for no good reason other than her insecurities. She wanted to have the reputation of the #1 go-to person and viewed me as a threat.

    Not sure how else I can answer what you're looking for, Kore, unless you ask a more specific question. Otherwise I'm just blindly stabbing in the dark. Hope what I shared helps anyway.
    How nice, thank you

    I know SLEs are competitive in the professional field.
    I was wondering about jealousy from the romantic point of view.
    Also I have no specific questions based on real life experience.
    Basically I was asking for the dynamic of reactions, something close to what @wacey explained, for instance.

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    Quote Originally Posted by wacey View Post
    Again I disagree. SLE don't gauge their relationships through Fi lenses, they see them as immediate reciprocation between two people.
    I don't understand what this means...
    Obsequium amicos, veritas odium parit

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    They're pretty jealous in romantic relationships in general. I've seen them throw maniacal violent (at east verbally) fits. But I think that's very much related to stackings and e-type (the ones that did this seemed to be 8w7 sx ). As Aylen said, the other kind is probably also jealous, but more self-controlled, so they just cold-bloodily dismiss you and put you on ignore. I definitely think they're very sensitive in this area and don't react well to intruding on their property, so try not to piss them off

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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    I don't understand what this means...
    I think it means they don't see relationships as a continuing bond between people (a Fi perspective), rather they see the relationship as a series of interactions which are positive (a Fe perspective). This is probably true from a theoretical perspective, but I find that SLEs do, you know, form friendships. Maybe it's a Ti kind of bond? I could definitely imagine SLE judging people about whether they are on their side or not, and then after that whether they're the kind of person they'll have a good time with (a Fe thing? who knows).

    Big shout out to Gulenko

    Differentiates people by categories, building a certain relation to each: a) confronting b) indifferent c) sympathetic d) familiar and amiable.
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    Ah, allright, I get it now, thanks Clowns.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    I think I spoke before of an SLE woman I know who cut up her partners clothes and smashed up his car out of jealousy. But one thing to take into account is that with jealousy there can come a want of revenge on that person.

    But is it type related? Maybe. BTW this female SLE is sx first for sure.
    An SLE did that to me.

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    You guys are talking about ABUSIVE behaviour. It is not necessarily how ALL SLE's act. My best friend who claims to love me, does not even get jealous he just says that he "wants for me to be happy". SLEs do not HAVE to be abusive, please remember that IEIs and anyone else in a relationship with them and don't think that they are all the same

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    My SLE says he doesn't get jealous, he calls it being "protective". He gets "protective" (lol) over little things, which I find funny.

    I get the impression that in past relationships when he would get truly jealous he would cut the girl off. So like @Aylen said, cold and dismissive.

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    One SLE I knew was in a love triangle with a girl and her boyfriend -- when he found out about this he became so jealous that he harassed the girl at parties and challenged the boyfriend to fight. He didn't fight the guy out of respect to the girl. Instead he slept with girl's best friend to make her jealous. This is young immature SLE logic.

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    Quote Originally Posted by epheme View Post
    My SLE says he doesn't get jealous, he calls it being "protective". He gets "protective" (lol) over little things, which I find funny.
    What things for example and why does he call it protectiveness? I don't understand?


    I get the impression that in past relationships when he would get truly jealous he would cut the girl off. So like @Aylen said, cold and dismissive.
    I relate to the cold/dismissive kind of SLE, yeah

    If it's not about entire cutting off (yet) then I can do destructive things though. I don't really think much in that sort of anger, just some minimal logic is kept. Sometimes it's a colder kind of anger that's more logical and calculating and so are the resulting actions. It depends...

    I do go by something tangible though that sets me off, I don't assume by default that my partner would be unfaithful so I don't see myself as a very jealous type of person.
    Last edited by Myst; 01-02-2015 at 06:09 AM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    What things for example and why does he call it protectiveness? I don't understand?
    The protectiveness/jealous thing usually happens over little things. For instance, the other day I was going to get my car serviced and he followed me to the shop in his car so that I wouldn't have to wait there all day. I pulled up and then a minute later he pulled up with an expression on his face like an irritated grizzly bear.

    ME: Why are you grumpy?
    HIM: I'm not grumpy.
    ME: Okay. (gives him a kiss)
    HIM: Those guys were looking at you and then when they saw me pull up they looked away.
    ME: What guys? I didn't notice there were guys.


    To me this behavior looks a little jealous but in his words, “That's not jealous, that's me protecting my girl.” It's not an off putting jealousy. It's cute and sometimes a little amusing, if anything. Typically, I'll just start nibbling on his ear or something until he gets over it (which takes about a second).


    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    I relate to the cold/dismissive kind of SLE, yeah

    If it's not about entire cutting off (yet) then I can do destructive things though. I don't really think much in that sort of anger, just some minimal logic is kept. Sometimes it's a colder kind of anger that's more logical and calculating and so are the resulting actions. It depends...
    Fortunately, I've never experienced his cold and dismissive side, so I can't really elaborate on it further. I don't know if it becomes destructive.

    Quote Originally Posted by Myst View Post
    I do go by something tangible though that sets me off, I don't assume by default that my partner would be unfaithful so I don't see myself as a very jealous type of person.
    He doesn't think of himself as jealous, either. And he's not really, not in any way that negatively affects our relationship. Just in those silly little ways.

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    Quote Originally Posted by epheme View Post
    To me this behavior looks a little jealous but in his words, “That's not jealous, that's me protecting my girl.” It's not an off putting jealousy. It's cute and sometimes a little amusing, if anything. Typically, I'll just start nibbling on his ear or something until he gets over it (which takes about a second).
    loool @ ear nibbling

    OK, I don't relate to these things but maybe it's a male thing.


    Fortunately, I've never experienced his cold and dismissive side, so I can't really elaborate on it further. I don't know if it becomes destructive.
    The destructive version isn't as fully cold, not in the dismissive way.


    He doesn't think of himself as jealous, either. And he's not really, not in any way that negatively affects our relationship. Just in those silly little ways.
    Lol cool then

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    Not so sure about SLE, but I know an EIE's jealousy can be destructive.

    Also, I think some Beta relationships may possibly come off as intense and crazy to people of other quadras, whereas it feels like it's more or less just part of life to the Beta.
    Quote Originally Posted by jxrtes View Post
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    I’m not sure I would call it “jealousy” if we’re talking about territory reactions, I’d rather call it protection.
    I have a couple of SLE friends and direct experience.
    We read on profiles that SLEs do not withdraw from using aggression when they want things their way and that’s pretty much what they do. I never saw any of them become right out violent, but rather aggressive (verbally and emotionally).
    SLE jealousy looks like a tornado, it’s an iron fist against unruly behavior.




    How to calm it down… honesty and transparency, take the heart in the hand and show him/her it belongs to them.

    Anyway, no, I wouldn't call it destructive, bu I'm probably not objective since I tend to view them as kids who’ve been stolen their lollipop when they’re angry








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