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Thread: IEE (ENFp) and SEI (ISFp) Semi-dual relations

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    Default IEE (ENFp) and SEI (ISFp) Semi-dual relations

    I am an IEE male. I have recently entered into the early relationship stages (dating, kissing on the face, texting) with someone who I suspect is SEI, Female. At the same time a SEI Female who I was emotionally intimate with previously but was burned by has jumped to center stage in my life over night. Obviously, having had the previous expierence of being burned, I am apprehensive about the building, or rebuilding in the latter case, of both of these relationships. I was hoping to gain insight from other IEE's about how their relationships with SEI's, whether it be friendship or more, developed and played out. I would also like to hear from any EII's who have found themselves in semi dual relations. I feel like they are always better at qualifying their emotions than I am. If this thread gains any momentum I will share my own insights and beliefs.

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Lol. IEE's are super attractive and often nice but there's too much ethics in this relationship.

    So many misunderstandings.
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    Lol. IEE's are super attractive and often nice but there's too much ethics in this relationship.

    So many misunderstandings.
    too much ethics, like how?
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    too much ethics, like how?
    like i often find their charming attempts sleezy or oppressive

    EDIT: i feel bad about saying this now. it's how it appears to me, not how I actually think it is...
    Last edited by lemontrees; 12-05-2014 at 07:22 AM.
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    like i often find their charming attempts sleezy or oppressive
    would you describe an example of this kind of behavior? (if comfortable for you...)
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    would you describe an example of this kind of behavior? (if comfortable for you...)
    Over time I feel like they are obfuscating information, sometimes too charming and affectionate, sometimes too distant (they use their Fi to keep the appropriate distance). But it's not obfuscation, it's just different cognition style and values. I think we both crave someone more logical and steady.
    There was no place that destruction did not touch...At best it made everything feel flooded, urgent, while pushing towards decay and exposing the imminent failure of managing to maintain a form at all. Inside this was the kernel of wholeness. She could be broken down into a small, granular piece, a bit of debris jostling against other bits of debris, and in that friction there was some sense of having a boundary or a presence, and that thing-ness of the self, reduced to a basic instinctive sensation, was an almost-nothing feeling that, in its small hard knot of a numb halo, made it clear to her that you were here, you were now.

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    I've been with R (SEI) for 10 years now. Previously my longest relationship was 9 months, and that was ages before R.
    We first became aware of each other's existence over a people-meeting-peope type forum. He posted mainly in the political subforum, me in the psychology subforum. Once in a while I would see a post of his, read it, laugh, look up his profile, but his picture was kinda scary looking, and I didn't meet what he was looking for, or he didn't describe what I was looking for, so I never messaged him. He did pretty much the same thing. Basically, on paper we didn't seem compatible with each other.

    There were local meetings for something similar to that group. I went two times, and on the third time...he was there for his first time. I was so excited to have recognized a new face, that before I knew it, I had run over there and started talking to him, verifying he was the same guy, he said he recognized me too, we made a couple of jokes, and then I gave him my chat id. As I turned away, I realized then that I had totally interrupted a conver another woman had been trying to have with him. She was NOT happy!! He jokes that I went in with elbows flying, lol. They weren't. :|

    We started talking on the chat program. And my birthday was coming up, and I said I wouldn't invite him to the party if he didn't call me. He absolutely hates the phone, but he called me, said hi..i asked him, he said ok, we hung up. Lol...he is NOT a talkative guy at all. I was seeing two other people, he knew, they were at the party, he totally accepted the situation. After that, he would come over after he got off work, to hang out with me when i wasn't seeing either of the other two. But I was sooo into him that I broke up one relationship...and then a week later broke off the other relationship. I was feeling guilty telling him he couldn't come over because someone else was. It felt like I was kicking him out of his home. He just...belonged...with me. We've been together ever since, and have only spent a total of 2 nights apart since.

    I feel like he's a gift to me, to make up for all the crap I went through earlier in life. I have ptsd and bpd, and he doesn't trigger them. With him I feel I can relax, be comfortable, and not have to watch myself all the time...which means less anxiety, and more positive feelings associated with being around him. He doesn't make fun of me when I cry at a movie, often he's tearing up himself, too. We both sympathize with other people's pain, chuckle over cute animal videos, laugh at his jokes, etc, and basically feel free to share our emotions without worrying about it. But, we don't talk much. We have different interests, and spend our down time in different ways. Most times it's like two ships in the night that pass each other and hug/kiss/makeout, but then continue on their way. We are both homebodies, so that helps. And we prefer to be together when we leave the house.

    Oh, and we've had a total of 3 arguments in our entire relationship, and those were at the very beginning. Two over political differences...so we stopped talking about politics. And one regarding my daughter, where we established that *I* was to be her disciplinarian, and he was to be mostly neutral, and her friend if possible. (This was very important to me. I didn't want her to feel ganged up on, nor that she had to do whatever other people told her to do.)

    Socionically speaking, the important part of dual seeking is covered (Ne/Si), and that REALLY helps.
    It also is a bonus that one's demonstrative is the other's creative (Fi/Fe). This lets us connect very well on an emotional level.
    It's pretty easy to ignore our role and ignoring functions (Se/Ni). But when needed, we can cover it ourselves or for the other person.
    There is some slight hidden agenda tension (Ti him vs Te me), but we cover it ourselves without expecting the other to do so.

    Enneagram speaking, he doesn't understand my constant anxieties, but being an e9 he isn't too affected by them. Being e9 also helps him not trigger my issues. And it means I have more say in how I want our home and relationship to be (gotta avoid the triggers) without enducing as much anxiety in me. He also does plenty of caregiving things that reduces my stressors and helps me be more relaxed. The more relaxed i am, the more positive and interested i feel, the more mmhmhm he gets.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    So many wonderful SLI and you're going to go for an SEI? This is not ideal but whatever....what's going to bug you is the Fe and lack of Te. Also duals have COMPATIBLE SEX DRIVE....get a load of how amazing that is

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Also duals have COMPATIBLE SEX DRIVE....get a load of how amazing that is
    Wheres the evidence for this? Has there been studies conducted? Wouldn't sex drive be influenced by hormones/physical health rather than being based solely on personality type?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink View Post
    Wheres the evidence for this? Has there been studies conducted? Wouldn't sex drive be influenced by hormones/physical health rather than being based solely on personality type?
    I'm with my dual and I've known several dual couples (consider that they are very rare) that feel the same way as I do. Why don't you compile a study then talk to me about how incredibly hard it is to do such a thing. In the meanwhile I have experience with relationships coming close to 10years Socionically that is. There's no point of demanding realist type of info at this point in the Socionics .
    Last edited by Beautiful sky; 12-04-2014 at 10:55 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontrees View Post
    Lol. IEE's are super attractive and often nice but there's too much ethics in this relationship.

    So many misunderstandings.
    Hahah I understand that sentiment. There are soo many feels.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    So many wonderful SLI and you're going to go for an SEI? This is not ideal but whatever....what's going to bug you is the Fe and lack of Te. Also duals have COMPATIBLE SEX DRIVE....get a load of how amazing that is
    You can't always find one. And not every dual is compatible.

    Besides, life has its own plan.





    As we reach for the stars, we must put away childish things; gods, spirits and other phantasms of the brain. Reality is cruel and unforgiving, yet we must steel ourselves and secure the survival of our race through the unflinching pursuit of science and technology.
    - Stellaris

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink View Post
    Wouldn't sex drive be influenced by hormones/physical health rather than being based solely on personality type?
    You are making this statement under the impression that hormones have no effect on which personality profile you manifest as. Theoretically wouldn't base hormone levels have a large effect on which personality profile you manifest as to begin with? Your question is fairly narrowsighted.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    So many wonderful SLI and you're going to go for an SEI?
    Please tell me where to find SLI's and I will gladly alter my course of action.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdamGrylls92 View Post
    Please tell me where to find SLI's and I will gladly alter my course of action.
    HERE! lol

    Are you male or female?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Are you male or female?
    This reminds me of that dumb popup from the Pirate Bay where the old dude asks if you're a boy or a girl. I'm a dude. Lol

    I kinda meant like what do SLI's do and where do they hang out? But continue with your train of thought.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdamGrylls92 View Post
    You are making this statement under the impression that hormones have no effect on which personality profile you manifest as. Theoretically wouldn't base hormone levels have a large effect on which personality profile you manifest as to begin with? Your question is fairly narrowsighted.
    Do you believe women change their socionics type depending on which part of their menstrual cycle they are on?
    Do people change which information they process when they eat different things?
    What about when they take different medications?
    Or when they have liver disease? Diabetes? Heart disease? Cancer? Thyroid problems?
    Should we have two different types of "duals" on hand, one dual for the type we change to when we are stressed? And a different dual for when we are relaxed?

    All of those and more influence one's sex drive. Which types are allowed to have which hormonal influence before their type is changed and they need a more compatible sex partner? (And what happened to love and loyalty? In sickness and in health?)


    I'm not suggesting that there aren't base physiological factors which in certain combinations may lead to processing certain types of information. But the idea in question was "compatible sex drives"...not complimentary information processing.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdamGrylls92 View Post
    This reminds me of that dumb popup from the Pirate Bay where the old dude asks if you're a boy or a girl. I'm a dude. Lol

    I kinda meant like what do SLI's do and where do they hang out? But continue with your train of thought.
    Exercise and art. The women are usually hard workers but occasionally they enjoy taking art in a solitude setting. Something like what I do (where activity partners are likely to meet); go back to school take art classes I mean drawing and painting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdamGrylls92 View Post
    You are making this statement under the impression that hormones have no effect on which personality profile you manifest as. Theoretically wouldn't base hormone levels have a large effect on which personality profile you manifest as to begin with? Your question is fairly narrowsighted.
    I LOVE YOU.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AdamGrylls92 View Post
    You are making this statement under the impression that hormones have no effect on which personality profile you manifest as. Theoretically wouldn't base hormone levels have a large effect on which personality profile you manifest as to begin with? Your question is fairly narrowsighted.
    It is noted that type begins to manifest when you are a young child. Using this type of logic, you are implying that a 3 year old female SLI's type will morph into ESE as she hits puberty when her body starts to produce different hormones. I understand your viewpoint. Of course our makeup has a great influence on our type. There's the notion that your type stays the same and does not change. When people age, their hormone levels will also change. Are you implying that their socionics type will be changed based solely on something such as the fluctuations of hormones?

    Hell, humans experience fluctuations in hormones daily. For example, a female's menstrual cycle will alter hormone levels, so with this logic, one hour she must be ESE, then the other, IEE. It's not that simple. Also, physical activity influences hormone levels as well. A guy can walk into the gym as a SEI and walk out a SLI. I don't think so.

    I don't believe this question is anything close to being narrow sighted. Viewing slight hormonal fluctuations = socionics type is fairly narrow sighted, if you ask me.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Fuck socionics, bone the fuck out of her unless she doesn't want that in which case don't

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    exactly






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    mmm sorry.

    This kind of threads are slowly, but surely driving me off this otherwise decent forum.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    So many wonderful SLI and you're going to go for an SEI? This is not ideal but whatever....what's going to bug you is the Fe and lack of Te. Also duals have COMPATIBLE SEX DRIVE....get a load of how amazing that is
    What @anndelise 's post brought to my attention is that irrational semi-duals have it better by having both base elements and romantic styles match.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Esaman View Post
    What @anndelise 's post brought to my attention is that irrational semi-duals have it better by having both base elements and romantic styles match.
    Oh, that's a good point, about matched romantic styles.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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