Member Questionnaire 1 (CandleGirl)
What is beauty? What is love? Beauty is the ultimate in subjective experience.
Love is a state of being. It is a creative, neutral state of harmony from which springs altruistic deeds.
What are your most important values? Non-judgementalism, if it can be called a "value," is at the top of my list. Though, it is a neutral stance. And values tend to have a "charge;" positive or negative, good or bad. In a sense, I'm almost anti-values. I "value" harmony, but unrest and animosity can be very useful. I value honesty, but sometimes an excess of honesty is simply unnecessary. I value respect. I guess, there's one. You can yell at me, hate me, etc., but I still want to find some evidence that I am respected in there. And I try very hard to always show people respect, even if a majority would agree a person doesn't "deserve" said respect. I get the best out of people when I treat them with respect whether they "deserve" it or not. So, there. After some rambling, I spit out a value. I value respect.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place? I think human beings have a faith instinct. Spirituality, to me, is synonymous with mental-emotional health/well-being.
I grew up in a fundamentalist group. I was a "true believer." Then, over the course of a 7 year period, due to life events, my cognitive dissonance started to come to the surface, and I started asking tough questions of my faith. After doing a lot of research and reading and soul searching, I now rest closer to atheism than belief. But I recognize I simply don't have enough information at my disposal to come to a definitive conclusion about the matter.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you? Funny enough, I just watched the movie Fury. I liked a quote from it. Brad Pitt's character said, "Ideals are peaceful, history is violent." It is my current position that war is an unfortunate flip-side of altruism. The in-group mentality that leads people to develop strong moral/ethical systems and to treat one another altruistically, was born of the darker side of humanity.
There are all different kinds of power. I am most drawn to the power of human connection, and the power of knowledge.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why? Most of my long conversations are about various types of psychology and philosophy.
My interests include exercise (weight lifting, cardio, and yoga), nutrition, laymen physics, I have a new found interest in political philosophies and economics, I love to read (I read and read and read - mostly non fiction right now, but also suspense and horror novels), travel, food.
I need to feed my mind. My mind is ravenous and restless. I need to devour mentally stimulating information that requires assimilation to keep my mind occupied so that I don't get depressed.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body? I like this topic. I used to be obsessed with the topic, information-wise. I've gone through several different "phases" - from obsession with holistic health knowledge and habits to where I am now, which I think is a more balanced approach. I try to eat a balanced diet and to get a reasonable amount of exercise. If my life were different, I would probably get into martial arts or serious body building. But I am unable to prioritize for it at this time. I am trying to keep my body youthful and keep up my energy level up. I fear aging and I am getting to a point where I want to really invest in my older self. I am still reasonably young, but I see some aging in my skin and I don't like it. It's only going to go downhill from here.
What do you think of daily chores? *cries*
They make me feel trapped in an endless cycle. The individual functions can be enjoyable, but the repetitiveness and the knowledge that it will never end makes me hyperventilate.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome. My favorite movies are Ghibli Studios films. When I am in the mood to read fiction, my favorite authors are Koontz, King and Crichton.
I have recently read and enjoyed Flow, I'm OK You're OK, Games People Play, The Art of Strategy, ADHD According to Zoe, The Fabric of the Cosmos, The Selfish Gene, Survival of the Nicest, The Faith Instinct, and a bunch more.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why? Hmm. It is almost not an exaggeration to say that everything makes me laugh and everything makes me cry. I mostly cry when I feel that I'm being questioned, or dismissed, because feeling questioned or dismissed make me feel powerless. But, kind of paradoxically, the thing that makes me smile the most is being poked fun at. I can laugh at myself.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? I feel this way at the movie theater. I feel like I'm a part of a group, but I can remain anonymous at the same time.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? I cry very easily. I am extremely sensitive to the emotions of others and to my own internal reactions to things. This is a double edged sword. But I do so wish I could be more "unflappable."
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? As I mentioned in the previous window, my sensitivity is a double edged sword. My sensitivity is a
strength and something that I cherish as well, despite hating it about myself in many contexts. People feel very heard and valued by me. They really appreciate my ability to understand them. I like to make people feel that way, and it is my sensitivity that I have to thank.
In what areas of your life would you like help? I can understand complex human expressions, and I can speak with artfulness and clarity on these subjects. But I don't do well under pressure or when I'm put on the spot. I am in awe of people who speak with clarity and precision in the moment. I need help thinking quickly and precisely about certain factual, objective realities.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it. I feel stuck in a rut when I have no social functions to look forward to, or no human related "projects" to work on. I get overwhelmed easily with too much social interaction as well, but I need it to survive. When I don't know when I will have a fun, fresh, creative social engagement again, I get very, very restless and I pace and feel stuck and hopeless. I totally overreact.
Acceptance, intuition, insight, intelligence, mental hunger/curiosity - these things inspire me. I am drawn to them.
Judgementalism, rigidity, rule-mongering, over-seriousness (though I am sometimes guilty of it) - these things repel me.
I get along best with free-spirits, creative types, moody people, dark people, exciting/excitable, enthusiastic people who are open to new things and like adventures, be they literal or internal.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner? I find romance fake, and I love the topic of sex though I usually find the reality of it lackluster unless it's very intense.
In a sex partner I need excitement and mystery, and aggressiveness.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why? I am raising children. My main concerns are that they understand how human systems work so that they are capable of conforming when conforming will bring them the greatest benefit and capable of rebelling when the situation calls for it. I'm not sure what the question is asking for about what measures would I take. I try to communicate to my children as effectively as possible about how our brains work and our emotions and the reasons for socialization. I try to be firm with them, but make sure that they understand that I'm on their side. I try to be a good spokesperson for them in the school environment because, if not me, then who?
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction? Internally I feel as though I've been physically struck.
Outwardly I show empathy and try to draw them out, get a feeling for whether they can handle hearing my counter view.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one. I feel like a person on the fringes. I am capable of blending in, but ultimately, I feel alone and isolated from society at large. I see people as a whole as fragmented little groups that are pitted against one another, not realizing how much we all actually have in common. I think the greatest social problem is ignorance.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them? There are two kinds of friends: Fun, exciting, insightful, creative ones that make me feel alive, and those who are very "available." I choose friends based on these two main criteria. It's rare that one person is both things at once.
I am a bit of a social chameleon. It depends on the person, what they need, and the environment. Some people think I'm very reserved and mysterious. Some people accuse me of being an extrovert because I talk so much when I'm with them.
How do you behave around strangers? Courteous, friendly, reserved.
Member Questionnaire (CandleGirl)
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