The thing though is I do tend to move from exploring one thing to exploring another, like...constantly!! Never finishing, grass is always greener, the idealisticness of a new project only to be inevitably disappointed and move on to another one. Fear of Missing Out. Anticipating the next BIG thing. THIS time it'll be awesome, I can't wait to tell R about it, or Kim. I'm so excited, THIS is what I want to do when I grow up. Yeah! Oh, hmmmm, that looks interesting too. Oh, I could do this other thing and that would be just fantastic!! My what ifs are way more optimistic, and about new potentials. I could combine this with that, throw in a little of another and yes! Recipe for goodness! It's a never ending cycle of this for me. It drives R nuts, but after 8 years he finally accepted that that was just a natural part of me that just ain't gonna change, no matter how much I try. And I'm happiest, and more fun to be with, when I don't try changing this part of me. I'm freer, more responsive, more outgoing, much less anxious, much less irritable, etc.
Basically I am at my happiest and most natural when I'm more 7ish. And...I'm much more sx those times, too.
It's like I cycle back and forth, round and round between 7sx and 6sp. Possibly due to being bipolar/bpd. I want to pursuie a new project, get involved with something interesting and positively stimulating, and I will...but then the sp stuff starts to kick in, house needs cleaning, stuff needs to be cleared out, maintenance needs to be done, it distracts me, pulls me away from the project I'm doing. So then I stop that pursuit and start clearing and cleaning, and then the anxieties start kicking in, and the irritableness, and I just really Really want to drop the sp stuff and get involved with something new and exciting again, feel that uplift in spirit, forget the cares of the world and the mundane. But I know if I do, I won't get the house and such taken care of. So I hold off, try to get more done, get more irritable, depressed, and anxious. And then I allow myself just a taste. Surely I can balance the two, other people do it. I let myself peek into a book, or briefly explore something new. Before I know it the day is gone, and I'm hooked again, jumping from one idea to another to another. And so the cycle continues. Grrrr.