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Thread: ambivalent emotional distance

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    mercer's Avatar
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    Cool ambivalent emotional distance

    imagine a friend/lover calmly, stiffly keeping you at arm's length with one hand, while passing you affectionate notes with the other
    that should illustrate what i mean, in this case, by ambivalent emotional distance: silent affection paired with a demeanor incongruously distant and/or defensive
    relation to type? victim style romance, sp first, ntr...?

    i might add , there probably are distinctions in type between those who do this

    unconsciously
    consciously but unintentionally
    consciously and intentionally

    and distinctions between those who do this who are insecure vs confident

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    mercer's Avatar
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    BUU-UUMP

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Could be a total mismatch of Love Languages.
    http://www.5lovelanguages.com
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Pookie's Avatar
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    If it works on you, than thats the type of guy you're attracted too.
    Projection is ordinary. Person A projects at person B, hoping tovalidate something about person A by the response of person B. However, person B, not wanting to be an obejct of someone elses ego and guarding against existential terror constructs a personality which protects his ego and maintain a certain sense of a robust and real self that is different and separate from person A. Sadly, this robust and real self, cut off by defenses of character from the rest of the world, is quite vulnerable and fragile given that it is imaginary and propped up through external feed back. Person B is dimly aware of this and defends against it all the more, even desperately projecting his anxieties back onto person A, with the hope of shoring up his ego with salubrious validation. All of this happens without A or B acknowledging it, of course. Because to face up to it consciously is shocking, in that this is all anybody is doing or can do and it seems absurd when you realize how pathetic it is.

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    fka lungs ashlesha's Avatar
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    i can think of too many type-related or ntr or situational reasons for this to be able to give a helpful answer.

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    Haikus wacey's Avatar
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    What is type related is simultaneously how you feel about it and how you react to it.

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Could be a total mismatch of Love Languages.
    http://www.5lovelanguages.com
    I was looking for this. Thanks!


    Your Scores

    10 Words of Affirmation
    8 Acts of Service
    6 Quality Time
    4 Physical Touch
    2 Receiving Gifts


    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     




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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Oops, sorry, edited to spoiler it
     

    11 Acts of Service
    10 Physical Touch
    4 Quality Time
    4 Words of Affirmation
    1 Receiving Gifts

    Usually physical touch is the highest, but lately i've been stressed, so the answers changed a bit.

    @Aylen So..basically you would think me too clingy, and only using you for your body.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Haikus
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    Quote Originally Posted by mercer View Post
    imagine a friend/lover calmly, stiffly keeping you at arm's length with one hand, while passing you affectionate notes with the other
    that should illustrate what i mean, in this case, by ambivalent emotional distance: silent affection paired with a demeanor incongruously distant and/or defensive
    relation to type? victim style romance, sp first, ntr...?

    i might add , there probably are distinctions in type between those who do this

    unconsciously
    consciously but unintentionally
    consciously and intentionally

    and distinctions between those who do this who are insecure vs confident


    you're describing a bunch of mixed signals ...which Socionics-wise would correspond to Beta Victim romantic style and/or to Gamma SF (in the latter case -- just add some obvious forms of manipulative pursuing to it).

    Outside of socionics ...I would judge by the "intensity" of the defensiveness ... if it's high, then interest is certainly there, but it's all very gamey. I don't think Love languages have anything to do with this ...it looks more like a person with a dismissive romantic/attachment style (or "anxious-dismissive") who is quite sure of their own desirability, but sceptical in regards to the validity of any feelings. If body language is "affirmative" ...personally I would kind of take it as a "yes", but in many cases stuff is not that simple. If you're talking about a specific situation in your life, maybe a bit more context would be useful.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    I think this may be for several reasons none of which are type related

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    mercer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Agni View Post
    If you're talking about a specific situation in your life...
    nope

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