What is beauty? What is love?Beauty, an inherently subjective quality, is the feeling of unison of ones aesthetic tastes with whatever stimuli provoked the feeling. For example: I tend to think of dark lyrics in songs as beautiful; i.e. it resonates with my aesthetic tastes. Beauty needn't be restricted to aesthetics, however. It can be some abstract quality that likewise resonates with ones ideals.
Love is seeing beauty in something in an even deeper, visceral level. It isn't as ephermeal, and it may not even conform to ideals. Love is an abstraction that can be coupled with a wide range of emotions. It's hard to describe because it means so much to different people, and even amongst those individuals, its definition may vary quite a bit on mood.
What are your most important values?
I don't know if I have rigid values; they seem to be a bit fluid and depending on the situation and people involved in said situation. For example, I believe a certain level of stoicism is needed to achieve goals when adversity is high. However, that same stoicism would be innapropriate for dealing with people and their emotions.
Without meandering: hard-work, ambitousness, and politeness. Moreover, the ability to mix any of those three when needed is paramount.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I'm an agnostic theist. I believe that relgions are overly governmental; in fact, they tend to be a form of government, not purely with only governmental facets. I believe that there is a creator or creators, but I also have made peace (mostly) with the idea that upon my death, I will return to a state of non-existence, as just I were prior to my birth. If, however the former is the case, I belive any type of praise and appreciation is taken by the deitie(s) as well-intended. As a result, I tend to be open to practicing facets of different religions or creeds, so long as it's positive overall. I don't see a need for exclusive beliefs.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
War rarely gets to the core issues; it silences them until the opposing (losing) side can resurge. Most of what was accomplished by wars was not a conversion of belief--but rather a submission to stop pain of a people.
That said, military prowess can be nessecary to stop potential wars. This is pretty simple; if a bully in a schoolyard sees a target surrounded by 5 or so others that are bigger than him, he is likely not to even attempt a scuffle. Much of life is this way, and so I agree with militaristic strength. It also provides a means for people to adapt to strict, orderly, disciplined lives with confidence. As such, I believe everyone should be a part of the military in some form in their early adult lives, although I admit to never having this.
Power is the ability to affect change with minimal fallout, as again, that usually leads to brooding (Gaza Strip comes to mind).
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
My conversation interest tends to conform to whomever is in my company. I've feigned interests in things simple because the other person seems very interested in it. I'm not always looking for content but rather how the person relates to the interest or idea and why. For example, a best friend of mine was interested in cars, to an almost absurd amount. I had near zero interest in them, but I coaxed some interest out of myself to be at least somewhat conversant.
My interests vary. Basically, anything that makes me think or feel something new to my human experience is an interest. Interests belonging to me (that I will pursue alone) are: literature, language, math and science, singing/music, and anything that can help me in the future in some way (which is why I tend to like to discuss things outside of my intersts).
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
I have a wierd relationship with health and medicine. I tend to simultaneously ignore my body and have fears of it "malfunctioning." Perhaps this is because I have bipolar disorder, but that may not account for all of it. I tend to think that some illness, facial disproportionality, or poor physical health is impending. I can sometimes catch myself chastizing myself for not exercising while I at the same time feel disgusting for having what most would call minor fat deposits. It's not an obsession but if I look in the mirror at my body or teeth, I can become minorly obsessed with the imperfections.
I can think myself into panic attacks in which I think my heart will stop, causing it to race . It's kind of funny actually.
Other times, I don't think of my body at all.
What do you think of daily chores? I can ignore them but only to a certain degree. Until they are done, the fact that they aren't done keeps replaying in my head. I still may not do anything for awhile, but on the 2nd of third day of ignoring them, the replaying gets to me and I do them. When I am living alone, I do them more immediately.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcomeb
Black Swan; I enjoyed the descent into madness and the visceral acting.
Taxi (Robert De Niro). Similar. I like Psychological Thrillers
22 Jump Street - Campy LOLs
Gravity - Good acting; I like Sci-fi
The Fault in Our Stars
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
I sometimes cry thinking of the things I've done that were mean, ill-spirited, or rude. I used to be somewhat of an asshole when I was younger. I also cry when I hear of pained stories because I can't even envision going through the same. Is smile when I accomplish something, to make people feel more at ease, or to cover up what I'm truly feeling. Why? I don't know.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? I don't often, even amonsgt family and friends. You wouldn't know this by looking at me. I'm quite the loner, even though others percieve me as extroverted, warm, funny, and expressive (something I had to learn over YEARS to be without feeling odd). I ultimately feel a sense of belonging alone, with my own thoughts and while pursuing my aspirations.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?.
I can sometimes let my curiosity get ahead of me and start asking people rapid-fire questions. It isn't that I want to know the specifics as much as I'm trying to assimilate a full picture of the person. I can also spend endless hours researching something until I either can't or don't get it in time. I tend fo have low self-esteem. I don't like a lot about myself. I don't think this is type related, however. It has its roots in experiences in my past.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? To my surprise, people have found me to be a good listener and "therapist". In fact, some have even labeled me as such, even though I have a strong preference for hard sciences and math. I seem to be good at getting people to talk and open up, even if I am sick, tired, or don't truly give a fuck in actuality.
I like that I can adapt myself to my surroundings, problems, and situations, even though I may not think I can at the time.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
Trusting other people is hard. Wanting to be around them for too long is hard. I'd like to be more sucessful career wise, but I am working on that. Most work has to do with bettering myself, which I can then in turn use to help others.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it. Yes, I had to leave grad school due to a Bipolar episode. I had to fight to get back in, but I am at least returning this upcoming Spring.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?I hate the "I'm better than you" attitude some people have, even if it is able to be substantiated. Other than that, I'm open. I get along with lots of different types of people, although I find people that just go out their way to be rude or cruel insufferable.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner? Meh. I've put this on the backburner until my career sets off. I don't like to be a taker in relationships. Some people are okay with this--being taken care of, but to me that sounds nightmarish and unpredictable. When the career is in order, I tend to go for the pensive, quiet types.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
Getting them as much life breath as possible. I'd not restrict this to academics and sports. I'd want him/her to travel as well and at least HEAR different languages and opinions. I don't get why some of society is okay with raising a child with a myopic view of the world; it can be disastrouds later in their adult lives.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
Inward: "(#*W*$(&*$(&$&*$** ASSHOLE *(#@&$(#@##*#*"
Outward: It depends. Is this a person that will bend a bit once they hear that they've crossed a line with me? If not, I may just smile and nod and make a mental note of either not speaking with this person again or ways to avoid the issue, which would ultimately depend on how close they were to me. If it's repeated, even with mild hints, I may just go full-on asshole for a bit with little respect to the consequences. Again, this would take repeated infractions.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one. Ambivalent. However, I know it's psychologically damaging to isolate myself, so I never intend on becoming a full-fledged hermit for too long. I see people individually. I try not to let their race, color, and all that jazz influence me (although it may be in the backseat if I can't construct an adequate view of them as an individual.
A prevalent social problem is that we let ourselves dictate how others feel and think. I'm guilty of this as well, but some people seem to be okay with taking one quote or action from a person and running with it , ignoring the 80-90% other information on the person.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
They normally choose me. I seldom go out my way to make friends with people, even though I appear as though I might. I've had people give me their numbers, and it's sad that I have no real intention of calling them to hang out. I behave in a way that does not completely disregard my opinions while simultaneously morphing myself into a palatable version of myself. As time goes on, I may act more and more like my actual, introverted self. This takes time, and out of 4 or so "best friends" maybe 2 will see that side. It isn't a big deal to me. I engage different people for different reasons and qualities.
How do you behave around strangers?
Politely. It can come off as contrived at times because, depending on my energy level, it may just be.