Results 1 to 33 of 33

Thread: ..Advice from gammas

  1. #1
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default ..Advice from gammas

    Hey. so. as most of you know...I'm in therapy as of a few weeks ago to work on my..issues.

    the thing is..I'm having a problem letting my guard down. and I feel like I'm learning somewhat that it's okay to work through my emotions and not immediately try to repress/shut them down (which leads me to eventually spewing them on to a SO at some point rather than have worked through them myself).

    but...I find that I'm really really guarded in sessions and .. she state recently she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out. .. the problem with that is that logically I feel weird telling someone my deepest/darkest side. plus it's only within a span of an hour session so when I do...towards the end I feel rushed to hurry through it.

    I'm not even sure what I'm getting at--- but how does anyone propose I actually...open up completely so that this buttload of money I'm paying for working on my inner workings actually helps and that I'm not just putting a bandaid over my issues (which is what I normally do)?

    I see from other gammas that we're a pretty guarded and distrustful of others bunch.. @lungs, @cpig, @mfckr, @sev @Scapegrace @Bardia @senza @cuddlemuffins @carrina @suedehead @Finale


    ....to go a little deeper... my therapist thinks I do not know how to relate to people. that i've no solid foundation throughout my life to build my beliefs/life on... and that my parents taught me absolutely nothing in regards to communicating/having normal relatioinships/loving myself..but basically taught me I was worthless and ignored. ....etc etc... anyways. I feel like a few of you have similar stories as well...and...yeah....how have you found to work through your issues to go on to have ..healthy communication skills and..self confidence... and...good relationships with SO?

    Feel free to PM if any of it is too personal to share via a thread.

  2. #2
    lump's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    TIM
    Fi/Te 641 sp/sx
    Posts
    12,625
    Mentioned
    634 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)

    Default

    i don't know to respond right now but my first thought is, damn, your therapist is a downer. how does she know all that if you've been really guarded anyway.

    if you felt comfortable opening up, do you know what you would even say? its just a matter of spitting it out?

  3. #3
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Jeez, I'd kick that therapists ass.

    Really from what you've said about lack of emotional attachment/relatability and sociability, it seems that you need comfort, safety and stability to allow you to center yourself and build lasting and trusting friendships to allow those things to come to the fore. Seems pretty common for the mistrusting Gammas.

    /2c

    p.s. can't say I succeed in that, too distrusting and takes me a very long time to build any emotional bond to people. Also because I choose to put my goals and aspirations before these kinds consistently and this railroads them.
    Last edited by InvisibleJim; 10-14-2014 at 04:31 PM. Reason: p.s

  4. #4
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    i don't know to respond right now but my first thought is, damn, your therapist is a downer. how does she know all that if you've been really guarded anyway.

    if you felt comfortable opening up, do you know what you would even say? its just a matter of spitting it out?

    well she wants me to come in in one of my panic modes to see it firsthand and help me work through it...but I don't know how to do that...or force it on. it's usually just happening when I'm...actually panicked..


    I've told her a lot so far but if I was truly comfortable...I'd probably just cry for a while. which wouldn't really help anything.

  5. #5
    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Several stories high
    TIM
    EIE prob 6
    Posts
    2,969
    Mentioned
    106 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Not Gamma.

    But I don't like your therapist too much.

    1. She should not be pushing you to let down your guard. It is there for a reason. And letting it down is up to you, and it's up to her to gain your trust. And so far, I wouldn't give it to her.

    2. For her to dump a whole bunch of judgy shit on you and rampantly speculate so quickly on your childhood is far from therapeutic. Good therapy will allow you to arrive, over time, at your own insights. She cannot substitute her judgments for your self-knowledge. She's supposed to be a guide, who shows YOU how to become the guide.

    Her best role is an an agent of reality, but that will require her to listen to you carefully so she can discern what is and isn't distorted. Once in a while, a therapist will need to confront a client with a truth. It's not her job to sit there and slam you with a lot of rash conclusions.

    So if it were me, based on what you said, I would not pay this therapist a fucking penny. I would look for a better therapist.

    If you like her, you can discuss with her the things you aren't sure about in her approach -- the things you posted about here. If you don't feel comfortable addressing those things with her, or she cannot take it in and respond to it, there's a problem.

    You need to feel safe with her. It's fundamental to therapy. It's not really a Gamma thing.

    /my bitchy opinion

  6. #6
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Jeez, I'd kick that therapists ass.

    Really from what you've said about lack of emotional attachment/relatability and sociability, it seems that you need comfort, safety and stability to allow you to center yourself and build lasting and trusting friendships to allow those things to come to the fore. Seems pretty common for the mistrusting Gammas.

    /2c

    yeah.. that seems to be fairly true. but according to everything I've read and to her I've to make and be my own comfort, safety and stability to..center myself. that's the challenging piece that I'm having hard time understand how to actually....do. its seems like everything we talk about is "emotions" but really...I want her to break it down into how I can practically do these things in day to day life. and that's where it's not..helping yet.

  7. #7
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    yeah.. that seems to be fairly true. but according to everything I've read and to her I've to make and be my own comfort, safety and stability to..center myself. that's the challenging piece that I'm having hard time understand how to actually....do. its seems like everything we talk about is "emotions" but really...I want her to break it down into how I can practically do these things in day to day life. and that's where it's not..helping yet.
    Have you told her this? I don't think I would be comfortable talking to therapist who just wants to talk about emotions without explaining the objective, outcome, consequences and without building the appropriate level of trust first.

  8. #8
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by GOLDEN View Post
    Not Gamma.

    But I don't like your therapist too much.

    1. She should not be pushing you to let down your guard. It is there for a reason. And letting it down is up to you, and it's up to her to gain your trust. And so far, I wouldn't give it to her.

    2. For her to dump a whole bunch of judgy shit on you and rampantly speculate on your childhood is far from therapeutic. Good therapy will allow you to arrive, over time, at your own insights. She cannot substitute her judgments for your self-knowledge. She's supposed to be a guide, who shows YOU how to become the guide.

    So if it were me, I would not pay this therapist a fucking penny. If you like her, you can discuss with her the things you aren't sure about in her approach -- the things you posted about here. If you don't feel comfortable addressing those things with her, or she cannot take it in and respond to it, there's a problem.

    /my bitchy opinion
    true, but at the same time her insights were pretty spot on and things that i've known all along for myself but... didn't want to place blame on anyone but myself for how i've turned out. but. yeah...everyone who knows me kind of says "your parents did you no favors with how they raised you (or lack of raising you)."

    Id honestly loveeee to find a LIE therapist. even though you know...socionics... but I think a LIE therapist would be pretty much exactly what I needed to actually help. pretty sure she is EII. However, shes better than a ESE lady I met a while ago.

  9. #9
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    Have you told her this? I don't think I would be comfortable talking to therapist who just wants to talk about emotions without explaining the objective, outcome, consequences and without building the appropriate level of trust first.
    I mentioned it to her yesterday. That's when she said that I should try to come in next time in one of my panic modes so she could show me how to work through it without shutting down emotionally.

  10. #10
    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,041
    Mentioned
    188 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I'd say trusting your therapist is part of getting your shit in order. BUT: finding a good therapist is hard, most are quacks with a diploma (jack olliver cough cough).

    I'd maybe start with telling your therapist how guarded you are, talking about that with him/her and seeing her reactions might help build trust. If you can establish that with your therapist you'll have both a model experience to use to relate to others AND a situation where you feel free to speak your mind.

    Disregard the below if you only want gamma feedback Or if you dislike personal anecdotes and or wierd NE ways of seeing therapy.

    Spoiler one
    This is not gamma exclusive, most people are scared shitless of talking about the stuff that hinders them. If it wouldn't be the case they'd probably have found help sooner. I was extremely guarded for one year throughout my treatment, framing therapy as society trying to make me into something i was not, looking critically at the expertise of the therapists and bullying them relentlessly, etc etc. Others in my group had different guarding mechanisms, but the core of it is always resisting the influence of the other on the self. There was a turnaround for me when I realized that I could actually use some of their expertise to get rid of things that actually bothered ME and so I focussed on that and in the end it turned out to be beneficial for me.


    Spoiler two
    One way of looking at it is the following; you're paying for their descretion and feedback. They are a tool you wield to help you conquer stuff in the deep caves of your mind. As such it's not about trust, it's about a service they provide and which you can either use efficiently or inefficiently. I've always two councelors (for different types of shit) on speed dial and i've made the commitment to myself to always use them over family and friends when i'm in deep shit. The thing with professionals is that they don't care about you further than the treatment room and you can spill everything without being judged (if you get a good one that is). Having a goal and using them as tools makes it less daunting to actually share shit, because it's what YOU want rather than some kind of wierd priesthood...


    Spoiler three
    as fucked up as you might be, they've probably dealt with people far more dark then you. I realized that when I was in group therapy and found out my stuff was kinda...lame...compared to some others. The fact that they can deal with those types of shit means that you can probably get your caves cleaned out by them. They're kinda the garbage men of the mind, they have seen shit you and I would gag, but for them it's just normal..or..maybe plumbers..whatever float your boat. Thing is, it's really hard to shock a well trained councelor and the best of them combine that stoacism with non judgemental feedback and actually only hitting stuff in your mind that needs hit.

  11. #11
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    I mentioned it to her yesterday. That's when she said that I should try to come in next time in one of my panic modes so she could show me how to work through it without shutting down emotionally.
    The thought gives me the heebie jeebies personally; but I'm just a simpleton, not a therapist. Maybe this kind of thing is as normal to other people as going to the dentist or having an innoculation jab.

  12. #12
    Kim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    TIM
    IEE e7 783 sx so
    Posts
    6,857
    Mentioned
    380 Post(s)
    Tagged
    2 Thread(s)

    Default

    A therapist I had once wanted me to keep a daily journal for him to read before sessions. Maybe that might help?
    “Let us forget with generosity those who cannot love us”
    ― Pablo Neruda

  13. #13
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elina View Post
    you gotta deal with the emotions first. As you've said you've had a habit of shutting them down before dealing with them, so right now "focusing on the practical side" is rly just doing the same thing. It's probably time for you to sort through your skeletons <3
    ahhh... lightbulb just went off... this is true.

  14. #14
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Kim View Post
    A therapist I had once wanted me to keep a daily journal for him to read before sessions. Maybe that might help?
    Yeah, this is true. I just feel like if someone else is going to read it though..or possible find it one day..that i'll...leave out stuff that I'm really feeling out of embarrassment. I wish there was a truly private way to be completely candid without fear of anyone ever reading it. there'd be some fucked up stuff in it.

  15. #15
    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Several stories high
    TIM
    EIE prob 6
    Posts
    2,969
    Mentioned
    106 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    true, but at the same time her insights were pretty spot on and things that i've known all along for myself but... didn't want to place blame on anyone but myself for how i've turned out. but. yeah...everyone who knows me kind of says "your parents did you know favors with how they raised you (or lack of raising you)."

    Id honestly loveeee to find a LIE therapist. even though you know...socionics... but I think a LIE therapist would be pretty much exactly what I needed to actually help. pretty sure she is EII. However, shes better than a ESE lady I met a while ago.
    Okay. But apropos of your first post, you don't need to open up completely or expect that of yourself. And one thing that can help with getting into your emotions is stuff for the body, like just feeling the surface you're sitting on and "letting it support you" -- so that the tug of war between the intellect and the feelings gets bypassed. You might ask your therapist if she knows any techniques that are less "pure talk." I resist that stuff yet it helps.

    And now I return you to Gamma . . .

  16. #16
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Reficulris View Post
    I'd say trusting your therapist is part of getting your shit in order. BUT: finding a good therapist is hard, most are quacks with a diploma (jack olliver cough cough).

    I'd maybe start with telling your therapist how guarded you are, talking about that with him/her and seeing her reactions might help build trust. If you can establish that with your therapist you'll have both a model experience to use to relate to others AND a situation where you feel free to speak your mind.

    Disregard the below if you only want gamma feedback Or if you dislike personal anecdotes and or wierd NE ways of seeing therapy.

    Spoiler one
    This is not gamma exclusive, most people are scared shitless of talking about the stuff that hinders them. If it wouldn't be the case they'd probably have found help sooner. I was extremely guarded for one year throughout my treatment, framing therapy as society trying to make me into something i was not, looking critically at the expertise of the therapists and bullying them relentlessly, etc etc. Others in my group had different guarding mechanisms, but the core of it is always resisting the influence of the other on the self. There was a turnaround for me when I realized that I could actually use some of their expertise to get rid of things that actually bothered ME and so I focussed on that and in the end it turned out to be beneficial for me.


    Spoiler two
    One way of looking at it is the following; you're paying for their descretion and feedback. They are a tool you wield to help you conquer stuff in the deep caves of your mind. As such it's not about trust, it's about a service they provide and which you can either use efficiently or inefficiently. I've always two councelors (for different types of shit) on speed dial and i've made the commitment to myself to always use them over family and friends when i'm in deep shit. The thing with professionals is that they don't care about you further than the treatment room and you can spill everything without being judged (if you get a good one that is). Having a goal and using them as tools makes it less daunting to actually share shit, because it's what YOU want rather than some kind of wierd priesthood...


    Spoiler three
    as fucked up as you might be, they've probably dealt with people far more dark then you. I realized that when I was in group therapy and found out my stuff was kinda...lame...compared to some others. The fact that they can deal with those types of shit means that you can probably get your caves cleaned out by them. They're kinda the garbage men of the mind, they have seen shit you and I would gag, but for them it's just normal..or..maybe plumbers..whatever float your boat. Thing is, it's really hard to shock a well trained councelor and the best of them combine that stoacism with non judgemental feedback and actually only hitting stuff in your mind that needs hit.

    good insight, thank you. the goal I want is to have the tools to not feel as worthless anymore and have healthy relationships with people where I'm not doing the push/pull with SOs and basically forcing them to leave me or causing unnecessary turmoil.

  17. #17
    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,041
    Mentioned
    188 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by InvisibleJim View Post
    The thought gives me the heebie jeebies personally; but I'm just a simpleton, not a therapist. Maybe this kind of thing is as normal to other people as going to the dentist or having an innoculation jab.
    @blackburry

    I agree with jim, while it can be beneficial to HAVE a panic attack DURING session, i would advice no-one to come in with one, lol. There's too much stuff outside that can just push you over the edge. If she's worth her shit she can elicit it in you if you agree to do a session like that, for instance the rapid eye moment therapy helps usually to dissociate from panic inducing stimuli and is a rather safe (but uncomfortable) way of gettng through shit like that.

    In general though, trust is given, never earned. It's kinda the first barrier that needs to go. Think about this, is there really anything she can do to make you trust her or do you just distrust her on principle? If the former, you can talk with her about it. If the latter you have to see if this is something with this particular lady (if so get another) or in general. If in general ask yourself if it's helpfull to you or if it's something you'd like to get rid of. If it's something you'd like to get rid of, take the plunge consciously.

  18. #18
    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,041
    Mentioned
    188 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    good insight, thank you. the goal I want is to have the tools to not feel as worthless anymore and have healthy relationships with people where I'm not doing the push/pull with SOs and basically forcing them to leave me or causing unnecessary turmoil.
    Those are extremely sensible and reachable goals. They are something a therapist definately should be able to help you with. It's all either learned behaviour or self appraisal which are both subjects that have been studied upon to such a high degree that I'm almost certain you'll be able to reach your goal. Knowing what you want from therapy should help guide you, if she suggests something you're not willing to do it might be because it's not congruent with your goals. Alternatively, you might realise that it is something you DO want to do because it is congruent with your goal! I wish you good luck and a great councelor because they can make the difference. (not sure if the current one is, but you can judge that with your goal in mind!)

  19. #19
    Moderator Reficulris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    2,041
    Mentioned
    188 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elina View Post
    Yes it would. It would be a release and you'd prbly cry over sharing something really personal with another human being, which is something you probably don't do often. That would be a great release to be able to tell someone something like that and just cry, and have them just be there and listen.
    Just wanted to +1 this.

    I actually pay people just so i can sit there crying. It's one of the things that you just can't expect from family and friends, they'll only stomach so much crying before they lose interest. One of my councelors i call when i'm profoundly sad, the other only if i'm tying my thoughts up into something that's keeping me stuck. They have different roles but perform them admirably.

    But then, i cry extremely easy nowadays. It used to take extreme prodding by peers (other patients) to get a single tear out of my stone heart. It's different for everyone, but yes, crying is healthy and should be done as much as necessary preferably with laughing intermezzo's about the absurdity of everything.

  20. #20
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Reading your op again, I think your therapist is suffering from seeing the world as an expert.

    When people operate in this mode they are standing at the top of a ladder and declaring how everyone should be on top of the ladder.

    But, they haven't explained how to take the first step onto the first rung of the ladder to allow you to get comfortable with the stability of the ladder, the idea that there is a view over the wall and indeed the concept of climbing to reach it.

    It would be useful if she could break it down into clearer and more manageable steps to ensure that whatever happens you understand the route that was taken in its entirety and to give you control over the process and its speed.

  21. #21
    InvisibleJim's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    Si vis pacem
    TIM
    para bellum
    Posts
    4,832
    Mentioned
    202 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Elina View Post
    When you pick a therapist, blackburry, you're supposed to commit to the process or else you're wasting your money.
    Woaaah! Careful!

  22. #22
    Idiot Iris's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    TIM
    EIE-Ni
    Posts
    1,001
    Mentioned
    56 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    Hey. so. as most of you know...I'm in therapy as of a few weeks ago to work on my..issues.

    the thing is..I'm having a problem letting my guard down. and I feel like I'm learning somewhat that it's okay to work through my emotions and not immediately try to repress/shut them down (which leads me to eventually spewing them on to a SO at some point rather than have worked through them myself).

    but...I find that I'm really really guarded in sessions and .. she state recently she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out. .. the problem with that is that logically I feel weird telling someone my deepest/darkest side. plus it's only within a span of an hour session so when I do...towards the end I feel rushed to hurry through it.

    I'm not even sure what I'm getting at--- but how does anyone propose I actually...open up completely so that this buttload of money I'm paying for working on my inner workings actually helps and that I'm not just putting a bandaid over my issues (which is what I normally do)?

    I see from other gammas that we're a pretty guarded and distrustful of others bunch.. @lungs, @cpig, @mfckr, @sev @Scapegrace @Bardia @senza @cuddlemuffins @carrina @suedehead @Finale


    ....to go a little deeper... my therapist thinks I do not know how to relate to people. that i've no solid foundation throughout my life to build my beliefs/life on... and that my parents taught me absolutely nothing in regards to communicating/having normal relatioinships/loving myself..but basically taught me I was worthless and ignored. ....etc etc... anyways. I feel like a few of you have similar stories as well...and...yeah....how have you found to work through your issues to go on to have ..healthy communication skills and..self confidence... and...good relationships with SO?

    Feel free to PM if any of it is too personal to share via a thread.
    I have a friend who goes to a therapist who is very gentle and understanding. I went with her one time, and noticed that she told her woes to the therapist on kind of a superficial level. She felt slightly better after her session. But she is not really letting the therapist address some huge issues like addiction and narcissism. So all this time she has been going to the therapist, she has gained about 50 lbs and completely destroyed her relationship with her sister and alienated some other friends.

    I think it could be pretty scary to let your guard down. Like walking into the woods naked. And I am very guarded, so who am I to talk? Would it be good to have a glass of wine before you go, to help you loosen up? Please excuse me if that is terrible advice!

    But it could be really effective to have this therapist to interact with. With my friend that I mentioned above, she feels insulted if her friends point out things to her that she should be doing differently. So I don't speak up, because I don't want the conflict and I don't want to hurt her feelings. And I am not really qualified to help her anyway. A therapist can talk about things with you on a level like nobody else in your life.
    Last edited by Iris; 10-15-2014 at 05:34 AM.
    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

  23. #23
    ENJoymENT's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    TIM
    ENTj (3w4 sx/sp)
    Posts
    75
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    If it was me I would set aside a weekend night and get drunk &write a paper with various headings ie. Family, Friendships, LTRs, Sexual Intimacy, Job Stress etc & cover for each of those issues: 1) things in the past that happened 2) how you reacted, &why you believed that was necessary for you at the time, &3) the positives as well as the negatives of how those patterns are affecting your life now. Then you can remove yourself emotionally at least a little bit &maintain some sense of dignity, while u divulge all of that which needs to come out if you are ever going to deal with it.

    Then after she reads it, you can discuss a plan on which issues to begin working on first...little by little &in manageable chunks, as opposed to one big dramatic breakdown performance for her entertainment. The hardest part is throwing the shit out there...working on it will only be atoning for &mending what remains destructive from your past. That will be empowering &productive. You've already mustered up the courage to begin the process, just push through this hard part &allow yourself the option of stopping/taking a break should it become unbearable. My hunch is that it will get easier <3

  24. #24
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ENJoymENT View Post
    If it was me I would set aside a weekend night and get drunk &write a paper with various headings ie. Family, Friendships, LTRs, Sexual Intimacy, Job Stress etc & cover for each of those issues: 1) things in the past that happened 2) how you reacted, &why you believed that was necessary for you at the time, &3) the positives as well as the negatives of how those patterns are affecting your life now. Then you can remove yourself emotionally at least a little bit &maintain some sense of dignity, while u divulge all of that which needs to come out if you are ever going to deal with it.

    Then after she reads it, you can discuss a plan on which issues to begin working on first...little by little &in manageable chunks, as opposed to one big dramatic breakdown performance for her entertainment. The hardest part is throwing the shit out there...working on it will only be atoning for &mending what remains destructive from your past. That will be empowering &productive. You've already mustered up the courage to begin the process, just push through this hard part &allow yourself the option of stopping/taking a break should it become unbearable. My hunch is that it will get easier <3
    this is helpful too.


    thank you everyone for your input/advice

  25. #25

    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Belgium
    TIM
    9w1
    Posts
    2,775
    Mentioned
    153 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    l'enfer.............. c'est .................................................. ..................................les autres. ... ....
    unholy water sanguine addiction

  26. #26
    carrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    wv
    TIM
    SEE sx sp (8)46
    Posts
    347
    Mentioned
    12 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default gy the hell are supervision relations considering thier advice adequate? please don't take advice from supervisors!

    in therapy as of a few weeks ago to work on rmy..issues.

    the thing is..I'm having a problem letting my guard down. and I feel like I'm learning somewhat that it's okay to work through my emotions and not immediately try to repress/shut them down (which leads me to eventually spewing them on to a SO at some point rather than have worked through them myself).
    ok what helped me through this was allot of long discussion with a semidual. Over a long period of time. Other things. Take it day by day. Do share share how you feel as much as you can, as respectfully as u u can, if they won't listen then they don't care. Set personal boundaries and guard them strongly. Always give respect to others around you but also make yourself always state what u want.
    but...I find that I'm really really guarded in sessions and .. she state recently she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out. .. the problem with that is that logically I feel weird telling someone my deepest/darkest side. plus it's only within a span of an hour session so when I do...towards the end I feel rushed to hurry through it.

    I'm not even sure what I'm getting at--- but how does anyone propose I actually...open up her advice may have reached its limits. Take what she has taught you and find more suitable ears completely so that this buttload of money I'm paying for working on my inner workings acI]find a therapist who gives a damn.[/I]

    I see from other gammas that we're a pretty guarded and distrustful of others bunch.. @lungs, @cpig, @mfckr, @sev @Scapegrace @Bardia @senza @cuddlemuffins @carrina @suedehead @Finale


    ....to go a little deeper... my therapist thinks I do not know how to relate to people. that i've no solid foundation throughout my life to build my beliefs/life on... and that my parents taught me absolutely nothing in regards to communicating/having normal relatioinships/loving myself..but basically taught me I was worthless and ignored. ....etc etc... anyways. I feel like a few of you have similar stories as well...and...yeah....how have you found to work through your issues to go on to have ..healthy communication skills and..self confidence... and...good relationships with SO?

    Feel free to PM if any of it is too personal to share via a thread.[/QUOTE]

  27. #27
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by carrina View Post
    in therapy as of a few weeks ago to work on rmy..issues.

    the thing is..I'm having a problem letting my guard down. and I feel like I'm learning somewhat that it's okay to work through my emotions and not immediately try to repress/shut them down (which leads me to eventually spewing them on to a SO at some point rather than have worked through them myself).
    ok what helped me through this was allot of long discussion with a semidual. Over a long period of time. Other things. Take it day by day. Do share share how you feel as much as you can, as respectfully as u u can, if they won't listen then they don't care. Set personal boundaries and guard them strongly. Always give respect to others around you but also make yourself always state what u want.
    but...I find that I'm really really guarded in sessions and .. she state recently she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out. .. the problem with that is that logically I feel weird telling someone my deepest/darkest side. plus it's only within a span of an hour session so when I do...towards the end I feel rushed to hurry through it.

    I'm not even sure what I'm getting at--- but how does anyone propose I actually...open up her advice may have reached its limits. Take what she has taught you and find more suitable ears completely so that this buttload of money I'm paying for working on my inner workings acI]find a therapist who gives a damn.[/I]

    I see from other gammas that we're a pretty guarded and distrustful of others bunch.. @lungs, @cpig, @mfckr, @sev @Scapegrace @Bardia @senza @cuddlemuffins @carrina @suedehead @Finale


    ....to go a little deeper... my therapist thinks I do not know how to relate to people. that i've no solid foundation throughout my life to build my beliefs/life on... and that my parents taught me absolutely nothing in regards to communicating/having normal relatioinships/loving myself..but basically taught me I was worthless and ignored. ....etc etc... anyways. I feel like a few of you have similar stories as well...and...yeah....how have you found to work through your issues to go on to have ..healthy communication skills and..self confidence... and...good relationships with SO?

    Feel free to PM if any of it is too personal to share via a thread.
    [/QUOTE]


    ...hmm..I'm slightly confused why your reply was only my quote...


    ah.. in the title you wrote, "gy the hell are supervision relations considering thier advice adequate? please don't take advice from supervisors!"

    ...erm. I'll take good advice from anyone... regardless of their type. (which makes me think it silly I put Gamma in the title in the first place). These people (on the forum) give good advice.
    Last edited by blackburry; 10-15-2014 at 04:55 PM.

  28. #28
    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    Several stories high
    TIM
    EIE prob 6
    Posts
    2,969
    Mentioned
    106 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    (which makes me think it silly I put Gamma in the title in the first place). These people (on the forum) give good advice.
    It's not silly imo to have thought that maybe Gammas are more reluctant than other people to open up. Maybe they are? Don't know for sure.

    But I think the issue of opening up in therapy is more universal than personality-typing stuff. I could seem very open, for example, but that doesn't mean I'm not holding a tremendous amount of myself in reserve. (I am.)

    And in part I posted above because I wanted to say that it's normal, and even good, not to automatically open up to a therapist.

  29. #29
    davez's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    TIM
    LiL-Tee
    Posts
    74
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post

    the thing is..I'm having a problem letting my guard down. and I feel like I'm learning somewhat that it's okay to work through my emotions and not immediately try to repress/shut them down (which leads me to eventually spewing them on to a SO at some point rather than have worked through them myself).
    It is hard to be certain if such mechanism is really an issue when it's without context. Actually most of SF gammas I know do the same thing, for some its more troublesome, for some less.

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post

    but...I find that I'm really really guarded in sessions and .. she state recently she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out. .. the problem with that is that logically I feel weird telling someone my deepest/darkest side. plus it's only within a span of an hour session so when I do...towards the end I feel rushed to hurry through it.
    That's understandable if you feel really guarded. If therapist doesn't make you feel safe, and asks you to logically name your problems its at least funny. It's her job to :
    1) Gradually gain your trust through talking and making sure you feel safe
    2) Getting to know you. Also she needs to find pieces, in conversation, that seem significant* to your possible problems.

    From what you wrote it seems like therapist has no clue, or at least doesn't try hard enough. "she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out" ... really, is that a contest?

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post

    I'm not even sure what I'm getting at--- but how does anyone propose I actually...open up completely so that this buttload of money I'm paying for working on my inner workings actually helps and that I'm not just putting a bandaid over my issues (which is what I normally do)?
    Therapist should be a help, not someone you consider wasting your money. The whole working thing is on your side. It is impossible to understand self without other person. That's why good therapist will serve as an mirror, which occasionally adds a thing or two and makes sure your direction is good.
    Psychology is kinda tricky cause we can't really measure it like science. Try writing a note in a diary everyday about how you feel etc, so after x visits/y time you can read and see the progress. It will raise your self-awareness and most likely feeling of contentedness.

    Imperfection seems to be part of 'life' itself anyway. I consider it to be a dynamic process, which you have to work on whole life. But it sounds more rough than it really is. If you think of issues as cons, don't forget to bring up pros.

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post

    ....to go a little deeper... my therapist thinks I do not know how to relate to people. that i've no solid foundation throughout my life to build my beliefs/life on... and that my parents taught me absolutely nothing in regards to communicating/having normal relatioinships/loving myself..but basically taught me I was worthless and ignored. ....etc etc... anyways. I feel like a few of you have similar stories as well...and...yeah....how have you found to work through your issues to go on to have ..healthy communication skills and..self confidence... and...good relationships with SO?

    Feel free to PM if any of it is too personal to share via a thread.
    Lack of solid foundations and inability to relate to people is quite a diagnosis. If she named it as directly and rough in front of you it makes me wanna question her again. Area where your parents didnt teach you/subconsciously taught few things sounds like first sensible thing coming from her. It's kinda impossible to have it all and usually there will always be a issue or two with parents.

    * - I like to bring Aristotle's words when mentioning psychotherapy : "Through knowing details, you can arrive at understanding entirety"

    .Judging from what you wrote about your therapist:
    - Makes you think it's a waste of money
    - Makes you feel hurried with your issues
    - Tries to open you with a toolbox instead of pleasant talk
    + Her nickname in games, where she secretly releases stress after work, is probably diligent_issues_slayer824

    Also it's worth asking, which school of psychotherapy is your therapist claiming to use?

  30. #30
    ._. Aiss's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    TIM
    IEI
    Posts
    2,015
    Mentioned
    19 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    OK, so it's kind of an old thread by now, but whatever...

    @blackburry, I've been in therapy for two years and it helped me a lot. I can't be sure how similar or dissimilar our issues are/were, but one thing seems clear from my perspective: holding yourself back and avoiding talking about some things, trying not to feel and not to cry, mistrusting your therapist(s) and expecting to be helped through a rational/unemotional communication are dealbreakers. You can come to session after session and I don't see how you'd make any progress this way. I've withdrawn at times and it definitely stopped any progress.

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    good insight, thank you. the goal I want is to have the tools to not feel as worthless anymore and have healthy relationships with people where I'm not doing the push/pull with SOs and basically forcing them to leave me or causing unnecessary turmoil.
    Regarding this, I may be operating under mistaken assumptions, but it seems that a big part of the reason you're holding back may be exactly because you fear you're worthless, and you don't want people to find out and reinforce that by rejecting or judging you. This may or may not be the case, and if it is, you may or may not realize this on a rational level. Either way, a huge part of how therapy helps with feeling worthless is by showing yourself, being vulnerable, and having the other person accept you. This can of course be done in real life, and in fact that's what people do, but if you're having issues, then the therapist is a person that a) you don't risk much by revealing yourself to, b) is trained not to fuck it up by being judgmental or making fun of your issues, which is always a potential risk with ignorant I've-always-been-mentally-healthy-why-can't-you-be-get-over-yourself people, and which can be simply devastating.

    I realize it may be far from obvious to anyone who hasn't experienced it that acceptance from someone who is actually paid for dealing with your issues can be meaningful, but yes, it is. It is because it's another human being's reaction, and no one's reaction can be perfectly fake, and you realize they've seen that many times, and they've seen far worse, and that it's really just in your head that these issues seem so huge and overwhelming. Anyway, you won't know until you try.

    I don't know if your therapist was being sufficiently careful/sensitive/professional in relating her opinion, or if she's the right therapist for you, but I'm fairly certain she's correct and doing her job in requiring you to open up emotionally.

  31. #31
    Alomoes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    TIM
    INTp ILI
    Posts
    372
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    I know how to communicate with people. You don't. The idea is that people are dumb. Take my brother. Has a victim complex. When ever I communicate with him, he goes yelling to my parents screaming bloody murder. As such, the answer is no answer, except when there is nobody to scream bloody murder to.

    Now, this does not apply to all people, but there is a parallel in socionics. http://www.socionics.com/rel/cnt.htm

  32. #32
    Alomoes's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    TIM
    INTp ILI
    Posts
    372
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by blackburry View Post
    Hey. so. as most of you know...I'm in therapy as of a few weeks ago to work on my..issues.

    the thing is..I'm having a problem letting my guard down. and I feel like I'm learning somewhat that it's okay to work through my emotions and not immediately try to repress/shut them down (which leads me to eventually spewing them on to a SO at some point rather than have worked through them myself).

    but...I find that I'm really really guarded in sessions and .. she state recently she wants me to bring all of my issues there to be worked out. .. the problem with that is that logically I feel weird telling someone my deepest/darkest side. plus it's only within a span of an hour session so when I do...towards the end I feel rushed to hurry through it.

    I'm not even sure what I'm getting at--- but how does anyone propose I actually...open up completely so that this buttload of money I'm paying for working on my inner workings actually helps and that I'm not just putting a bandaid over my issues (which is what I normally do)?

    I see from other gammas that we're a pretty guarded and distrustful of others bunch.. @lungs, @cpig, @mfckr, @sev @Scapegrace @Bardia @senza @cuddlemuffins @carrina @suedehead @Finale


    ....to go a little deeper... my therapist thinks I do not know how to relate to people. that i've no solid foundation throughout my life to build my beliefs/life on... and that my parents taught me absolutely nothing in regards to communicating/having normal relatioinships/loving myself..but basically taught me I was worthless and ignored. ....etc etc... anyways. I feel like a few of you have similar stories as well...and...yeah....how have you found to work through your issues to go on to have ..healthy communication skills and..self confidence... and...good relationships with SO?

    Feel free to PM if any of it is too personal to share via a thread.
    Hrrm. I don't know. My answer is to just do it. The therapist sounds like he wants to help. You can either suck it up and do it, or not do it. You sound like you are going to do the latter. As a note, I would not kick the therapists ass. That would land you in jail.

    I believe you are gamma. I don't have any evidence, but what you are saying sounds like it is the truth. Thank you for trusting me. I apologize from venting in this thread.

  33. #33
    boom boom boom blackburry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    TIM
    ESI-Se 6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,269
    Mentioned
    142 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Default

    Wellp the last two posts in this thread were entirely pointless.

    Thnx everbody else tho. Forgot about this thread.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •