Member Questionnaire 1 (TTD187)
What is beauty? What is love? They are abstract concepts that can only be defined or experienced in a subjective and individualistic way. There is no one definition for either because humans don't work that way. Although they're not exactly the same, I feel they are not without each other. What I love is what I find beautiful and what I find beautiful is what I love. If there isn't one, there isn't the other.
What are your most important values? Values seem so hard to define. I almost never truly understand what my thoughts are on a subject, so spend an extremely long time trying to find a direction until I seem to have found myself on both sides. What I have kept with me is the idea of vegetarianism. I hate that humanity must kill thoughtlessly to "survive" without ever realising that our bodies are extremely capable of survival without harming anyone or anything. This of course extends to war within our own species. We treat animals and humans in a very similar way. The only difference is that humans aren't eaten in the mainstream. Humans kill other humans and animals, try to wipe them out and make false justifications to hide that they actually are filled with guilt, yet somehow lack empathy.
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place? I don't really know. I have many ideas on the universe outside of our understanding but find it extremely hard to form my own beliefs. I'm not religious and the best word to use would probably be agnostic, however, I put more faith into the idea that life doesn't end in death. I hope that once we've died, we transcend to a higher plain, in which we can continue to find what it is we most desire.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you? War is what happens when two children have a little scuffle in the playground which lasts until either the smaller one is overpowered or one of the kids gives in. It just happens on a much larger scale where the people killed are the individual jabs. War is a load of bollocks. It's simply one big guy bullying a smaller guy or a load of smaller guys having enough of the big guy being where he is. War is manipulation on those around the one's fighting and always has one end goal - The be the one with the bigger pecks.
Personally, I feel power is about who gives themselves power. Rank means nothing. If you can't handle those of a lower rank then you, then you don't have the power.
I don't wish to have power, as it suggests I'm the only one who's allowed to think. I wish to see others at eye level.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why? Long conversations seem to be affected both by what they're about and who they're with. My conversations have been about various things, but when both of us are contributing, there is a theme of philosophy and creativity. I've had enjoyable conversations related to existentialism in both creative ways and serious ways. Politics of the world has been another one and morality is something I've enjoyed speaking about, but usually, when I have long conversations, they tend to be with one person and we often find ourselves being creative and creating massive ideas about small things.
When I have long conversations with other people, it tends to not be a conversation, but more a rant while I listen.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body? I have very little knowledge on the subject due to very little interest. My focus on my body is also very limited, unfortunately. Because of this, I don't eat as much as I should, nor do I exercise or do many other body related tasks. I don't believe myself to be very physically self-aware.
What do you think of daily chores? Absolutely tedious! Aside from washing and brushing my teeth each day, most things are things I can store for another day to do. Similarly, I am always late for work and anything that I'd have to do daily would probably take me a whole day to accomplish.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome. My favourite book is Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. I read the trilogy of four as a whole book, but haven't read any others. I felt it was a great book! I'm currently reading A Study In Scarlet, however, there's a little struggle to get into it, although not because it's a bad book. My favourite genre in books is fantasy and adventure, usually mixed with comedy, but it's not necessary. As for films, it's hard to state my favourite film because coming to watch them again tends to be less exciting than reading a book again. My favourite genre with films is probably horror, although fantasy is welcome if done right and I like comedy too.
I also play video games from time to time and found that Bioshock Infinite had an amazing story to it.
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why? Certain films make me cry, I have a tendency to be overwhelmed with happiness to the point of crying in the romantic endings when everything becomes so perfect, so they're making me smile and cry at the same time.
Other than watching films, crying is incredibly hard for me. I feel sad and have a strong urge to cry, but it never really happens, instead, I sink into a feeling of apathy, however, when I do cry, it's because I feel stuck on a small rowing boat with nothing to row it with in the middle of a vast and quiet ocean, completely alone. Often, it comes more from the feeling that there's no one around to help.
Smiling is also very hard for me, however, being around or in communication with certain people has been able to greatly lift up my mood to the point where I can't force the smile away.
In all, I think it's the same thing to make me smile and cry and that's either the abundance or lack of love I feel.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging? I don't have a positive relationship with the environment; I'm almost never aware of what's happening around me, but a sense of belonging is also not felt. I can't say I feel anywhere right now. I don't feel at home any more. There had been someone to make me feel these places, but recently, I've been noticing myself drift back away to the loneliness of the ocean I had been barely floated on last year. It feels that if there is a place of belonging, it might be the melancholic apathy I'd been suffering before I found the help of this person.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself? I lack assertiveness and fail to finish anything I start, especially if finishing it will have a positive impact on my life. I think my biggest weakness might be a fear of positive progression. I wait until it's too late which somehow then gives me a sense of accomplishment that I managed to hit myself in the future.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself? I believe I'm creative. Not everyone sees it, but most people don't know who I am. When I can express my creativity, I'm at my happiest, so I believe that to be my strongest trait.
In what areas of your life would you like help? All of them. I simply feel too weak to do anything so give up. Maybe it's just support that I need.
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it. These questions seem to lead me to the same answer...
I almost always feel stuck in a rut, there's always something I feel that I should be aiming for, but I lack the courage to jump out and swim to my target. My reaction is to completely stop moving. Just sit down, accepting myself as a failure to justify not moving forward.
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with? I hate authoritative people! Anyone who feels the need to tell others what to do because they won't do it themselves. Anyone who bases their relationships on themselves being in charge turning it from a relationship into a dominance over submission. I tend to try to avoid them, but sometimes, they happen and I don't seem to try to get out.
Qualities I do value are calmness and creativity. I like individuality and freedom within people. Those who can feel peace with themselves and can create peace around them. They're the types I wish I could surround myself with.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner? I love romance, however, it is something I've never seemed to quite grasp in my life. The qualities I want in someone seem so far from describing that I think that maybe I don't know. For me to feel romantic attraction to someone, it doesn't come from them having any specific traits; it comes from a connection I feel with the person.
I do feel that there are certain traits which are more preferable, but that's in general something I value within people as a whole.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why? My main concerns would be my capability of raising the child. I'd fear being a bad parent. If the child were to anger me, I'd fear ruining the child's ability to live a happy life. I think my focus would be too much on myself that I'd forget the child and give it a terrible life causing it to become everything I feared it would become.
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction? It depends on how strongly my beliefs are. Usually, I'd like to keep an open mind, but if it's something I do strongly believe in, then I will let it be known how I think they are wrong, whether or not what I'm saying sounds rational at all. Often times, I can work through the difference, but if it's extreme enough, I will, without any feeling of sorrow afterwards choose to stop being their friend.
On something I'm feeling less strongly about, I may try to rationalise a debate, or simply listen, as I'd like to hear more about their thoughts.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one. Society lacks compassion and empathy. People don't care about anyone else. All they do care about is being better than everyone else. Make sure to have the newest iPhone and the clothes from the most expensive high street retailer. If you don't have those, what you own must be cheap.
Society is about mass consumption of everything so everybody fits in by buying the exact same products. If they don't, then they're seen to be sub-standard.
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them? I don't 'choose' friends. That sounds so objective. I think instead, people tend to approach me and we may become closer, however, some people, despite liking them, I won't ever become their friend.
What I value in people is the ability to understand what they want in life and to also hold their own values. I tend to find myself drawing much closer to these people than I do those who follow the beliefs and trends of overall society. I value creativity among my friends and the ability to understand without necessarily having every detail presented to them.
The way I behave largely depends on how many people there are in the group. I'm generally a quiet person, so when there's more than me and one other person, I'll tend to only join in if it's welcomed, however, most of the time I don't feel welcomed, so I tend to stay quiet. Any larger group will make me feel drained.
My interactions with friends tend to be most genuine when it's just the two of us when we can talk together quietly and calmly. I tend to act in a relaxed mood and in a not very energetic way.
How do you behave around strangers? This is similar to how I'd act in a group of people, I'll only speak when I'm welcomed to, but often in this case, it'll only be once they've said something. I'm much quieter and reserved than with people I know, and possibly also more blunt. It's harder for strangers to make conversation with me, I think.
Member Questionnaire (TTD187)
Reply With Quote
