What would people find different about you irl?

[SyrupDeGem]

It occurs to me from the superlatives thread that we all garner information from online personas and imagine personalities irl which may/may not be true to the individual. While some are obviously acting/playing a role/trolling... others are just very very different.

It is difficult to tell things like intention and intonation in text and I have found from the few people I have met first online and then irl I have always found differences which I had not anticipated.

Due to the superlatives thread I realise that some people may misconceive the way I am irl or just not be aware (and others ofc are just not interested). But it does strike me that the one person who has met me irl did say something which i believe to be integral to who I am as a person. The protest comment by mr.invisibruJimFoxCat.

So anyway I would like to hear peoples opinions on how they believe they are perceived comparative to how they are irl... I think some people here believe me to be more of a prude for example than I actually am. I mean I can be prudish but am a lot more lax and open minded that the sexually repressed English hipster toff that may be assumed from reading my posts and text interaction.

So yah, go for it.....

[anndelise]

Offtopic: just read your sigline.

[Reficulris]

I never log in when i'm in a bad mood. I don't think any of you, including the people who i've met have experienced my cutting sarcasm/cynicism.
I'm also a bit more mature irl (i think) more businesslike too. More direct. Maybe more forcefull.
I come across as arrogant and disrespectful according to frequent feedback.
my Ne bouncing is magnified here.
I'm really low energy, that is, I actually have periods where i just sleep 24 hours, obviously that side does not show on the forum.
I might argue more irl than on the forum.

[Lotus]

that i'm very introverted?

i don't actually know how you guys view me, but from the superlatives thread i'm labeled most as "adventurous, sultry, edgy, hedonistic, eloquent, badass, creative, young in spirit" which is pretty awesome. thank you.

i think from my stories and life experiences i've shared with you guys i may sound more extroverted than i actually am. with all of the reckless behavior and people i am around, i am really very shy. i just tend to throw myself into situations full force to feel alive. i dwell in my head. i overthink normal social interactions and sometimes i feel paralyzed if i'm not ready to get to know you.

i am very hedonistic though. to the extent that i get into serious trouble if i don't watch it.

[Aquagraph]

I'm polite, less edgy. Agarina used to complain how many of you people don't understand how I am actually very playful. I have a positive and humorous outlook on things. Not to say it doens't come with a twist.

The people I've hanged around in tinychat probably have a fuller picture of me and just today cpig said that I'm introverted. There are basically two to for me to be social: intellectual or silly conversations or I've brought my shallower cocktail party version of myself to the game. Alcohol and other drugs help a lot in bringing out the former. I don't want to brag but imagine Oscar Wilde in a party.

Often when I'm in a group, I tend to drift away in my head and not be that present. Many in the forum probably think I'd try to hog the spotlight. In reality, I listen a lot. Some even call me mysterious, unpredictable or hard-to-read, or just think of me as being arrogant and that I'd think that I'm "too good for their company".

I think people here think I'm promiscuous. Some even think that I'm manipulative to that end. Maybe I am since I do put a lot of effort when I feel like impressing people. But many of my past partners have said it out loud how honest and sincere I'm about my motivations. If I'd ever try to get to your pants but there's still a romantic notion that might imply something else, I will tell you that I don't want to lead you on. I haven't always been doing that though.

I'm not sure how I come off in the forum but I'm carefree as fuck.

Oh, I'm tall. 190cm (6'3").

[Mega]

I'm the same, fak.

[Satan]

i think i come across as darker more often than i am in real life. i can be kind of dark. but i'm not normally. but when i am some people don't really feel comfortable being around me.

also i probably appear more "hyper" on here than i am in real life. i can be "hyper" but i can also be still, responsive, attentive, receptive etc.

oh i can also be kind of shy in real life too, and kind of indirect. i think i somehow manage to seem mysterious in real life, but i don't know if i want to be that hah.

oh i suppose the other thing is that in real life i like to not talk sometimes, and it's annoying when people want conversations and shit, i can be pretty short with people, or just not talk.

[Amber]

More reserved, standoffish, and down-to-earth than I come across online. Definitely more adaptive to personal (or professional) situation ... which means I look much less bouncy or vivacious, more polite (proper), and likely less funny when I have to (some would even say rigid). In any case the "tense" (edgy) impression is probably still there.

Irl many ppl often see me as aloof and more indifferent, unless there's smth. critical going on and it involves folks who are very close to me. In those cases I can scare ppl through my stubbornness and full-blown grit.
Arrogant with ppl I don't appreciate and don't want near me.
More observant/alert. On some level kinder and more sympathetic irl (because, well, here ppl are still strangers).

[Radio]

that i am very quiet and detached socially. that i don't like talking to (new) people.
that i am riddled with indecision and contemplation much more often than i feel "hedonistic".

[Galen]

Probably that I'm ambiverted as fuck. If we sit down together and I think you're cool then I'll get all animated and excited; but put me in a room with at least four other people and I'll immediately deflate and go do my own thing.

Supposedly I also come off as asexual to a lot of people. Kinda funny I guess.

[FDG]

I'm more engaging, less sarcastic, somewhat more "boring-normal" but also somewhat more of a partygoer than it may seem from my interest in socionics - this from a social pov. If you meet me while I'm doing a specific task I can be somewhat brusque and tactless, usually unwillingly so.

[lemontrees]

i'm often sort of bubbly, and out of it. dazed and confused.

actually i'm not sure. in real life a lot of people seem to perceive me as timid and conservative, whereas some others see me as quietly off the wall. a lot of people like me for no reason, whereas like 25% of people automatically distrust me b/c they find me "hard to read."

don't know how i come across here. maybe more self-revealing

[Suz]

I never log in when i'm in a bad mood. I don't think any of you, including the people who i've met have experienced my cutting sarcasm/cynicism.
I'm also a bit more mature irl (i think) more businesslike too. More direct. Maybe more forcefull.
I come across as arrogant and disrespectful according to frequent feedback.
my Ne bouncing is magnified here.
I'm really low energy, that is, I actually have periods where i just sleep 24 hours, obviously that side does not show on the forum.
I might argue more irl than on the forum.

that's interesting because when i'm in a bad mood this is the first place I come to, to vent.

I also argue less irl than on the forum.

Interesting...

[Pa3s]

I can't be called an *active* member of the forum for quite some time now, so some of the current regulars won't know much of me. However, I still appeared in the superlatives thread which was kinda surprising. I appreciate the positive feedback I got from there and it actually made me think about the issue addressed in the OP.

To be honest, I believe it may actually be harder to get to know me irl, as I'm probably more open in an internet forum than I'm in a face-to-face conversation with someone I see every day (who is not an actual "friend" though). I also think that online conversations lead to less (unintentional) misunderstanding.

[darya]

I'm less argumentative and more patient and polite than I probably seem here. Very warm to people I like and stand-offish to people I don't.

I can at first be quiet reserved when in group of unknown people, but quickly get bubbly when comfortable. Unusually quick transformation from shy to the life of the party, which I was never really able to justify to myself.

[Not A Communist Shill]

I tend to be as quiet as the mouse and have the heartbeat of the shrew.

[Olimpia]

I'm way more shy and closed-off, and seem pretty cold that way at times.

Similar in being reserved and bubbly at once, like @darya.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

More serious and down-to-earth. More emotionally reserved.

[Aquagraph]

Supposedly I also come off as asexual to a lot of people. Kinda funny I guess.

Come to think of it, yes, you do. (No offence meant, it's just kinda interesting.)

[Galen]

Come to think of it, yes, you do. (No offence meant, it's just kinda interesting.)

why though?!
I post enough pics of hairy dudes, so what gives?

[Words]

I don't know because I don't think I ever really get to know someone in their entirety so I imagine it's the same for others with me.

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

why though?!

I post enough pics of hairy dudes, so what gives?

Because when most guys have pictures of half naked women in their room, they high five each other about it and feel self confident (nobody accuses them of throwing anything in anybody's face)... when the average gay guy has similar erotic photos about men, they sadly tend to be overly bashful and anxious. Oh no, a str8 man won't find me cool anymore! Whatever shall I do... So many gay guys are super shy with it that it comes across as asexual.

I feel like following you around the supermarket singing you this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEyskY0pg_g

[SyrupDeGem]

I can also be very quiet in situations especially when I am nervous about meeting new people, this can give an introverted or at least much less extroverted impression. I'm just taking in the emotional atmosphere usually and feeling out who is safe until I feel confident enough to share parts of myself with others.

[ashlesha]

more reserved. i don't talk to people i don't know. and i'm pretty formal and boring until i feel comfortable.

some people here seem to see me as soft/warm and some people see me as like Se dominatrix bitch and the former is far more accurate. i can be argumentative with people i know well but i think it comes across differently and more...idk, personable. less high-horsey.

oh, and the forum is where i let out a lot of my anxieties and neuroticisms and emo-ness. whereas in real life most people see me as a capable, mature, relatively unemotional person who has their shit together. thats actually probably the biggest difference.
if they only knew.

[suedehead]

I can be harsh, at least in my thinking, and I'm probably better at faking some sort of superficial 'confidence' when I'm just minding my own business or doing a straight-forward, exchanging information type thing. I can take the initiative, give orders/directions at work, deflect rude/hostile people, etc.

[Galen]

Because when most guys have pictures of half naked women in their room, they high five each other about it and feel self confident (nobody accuses them of throwing anything in anybody's face)... when the average gay guy has similar erotic photos about men, they sadly tend to be overly bashful and anxious. Oh no, a str8 man won't find me cool anymore! Whatever shall I do... So many gay guys are super shy with it that it comes across as asexual.

I feel like following you around the supermarket singing you this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEyskY0pg_g

1) I didn't ask why some gay guys come off as asexual, I asked why I come across as asexual.
2) Why would I give a shit if someone on here cares about what I'm into? I don't.

[Creepy-male]

I think it would be obvious due to the nature of in person face to face communication and internet communication-- people would probably find me being quiet or reserved when I'm not really into the present mood to be a little shocking likely compared to the large wall of words posts I do here and stuff. Other than that I'm actually very likeable and laid back when in the right place/mood/situation. Usually I just try to leave a situation and I'm a little aloof or reserved if I don't like the place/situation-- I'm sort of picky like that in rl for better or worse.

[mu4]

I only socialize with very few people that I know and I am generally wary of people I don't know. I'm very open, kind and forgiving with people that I allow into my life. I'm comically bad at day to day stuff, I'm really laid back person and very tolerant of this sort of things as well.

I'm paranoid with fighting with my close ones and if things starts getting hostile, I have to walk away.

[anndelise]

If I am comfortable around someone, I am warm, bubbly, jokey, and child-like.
If I'm not comfortable around them yet, I am rather quiet, reserved, cautious, and insecure.
If I am with 1-2 friends, then I am the former.
If I am with 3+ people, I am the latter. (For example, when there was a meetup in seattle a couple years ago, i was conflicted about going because even though i really wanted to meet each of the people that were going, I knew i would be closed off due to there being four other people and possibly R, too. I wanted to spend time with each of them individually, not as a group.)

I don't talk as much irl as I write in my posts.
I typically avoid arguments, unless I feel as if someone is trying to force themselves onto me. Even then it's not so much an argument but a firm No, kind of thing. Usually I try to change the subject, though.
I am more reactive irl than proactive. Writing online allows me to practice being more assertive and proactive about some things.

Online I open up my thought processes to be viewed as its happening...followed by tons of edits. Irl i can't edit, so things come out really jumbled, lots of errors, poor word choices, lots of jumping around, and I'm sure i look pretty darned stupid. I know i do, cuz it's one of the things i've been picked on for forever. So in anything really important to me, I tend to keep my mouth shut and not talk about irl. Some of you wouldn't even recognize me as being the same person.

I tend to be touchy-feely. I like hugging hello, goodbye, or to show emotional support. Maybe an arm around the shoulders, or a light touch on the arm or hand. I also tend to do tiny acts of service, like opening doors, carrying something for them, walking them home in the dark, etc.

Thats all i can think of for now.

[Aquagraph]

why though?!
I post enough pics of hairy dudes, so what gives?

I don't know! I just feel like that if anyone would make a pass or something, they'd get a haughty disinterested answer. If I'd ever wanted to charm you, plan A would be to find a common interest, try to engage in conversation about it for a fairly long time, then move on to other subjects, hopefully a bit more personal. Once we'd be friends, I could test the ice with a long stick. You're somehow intimidating in that sense.

I think you complained about the lack of suitable culture for your sexual orientation. Maybe those cultures give us ways to display sexuality discreetly and you lack those signs. This theory is probably complete BS though.

[Galen]

I don't know! I just feel like that if anyone would make a pass or something, they'd get a haughty disinterested answer. If I'd ever wanted to charm you, plan A would be to find a common interest, try to engage in conversation about it for a fairly long time, then move on to other subjects, hopefully a bit more personal. Once we'd be friends, I could test the ice with a long stick. You're somehow intimidating in that sense.

Interesting. Historically it's been pretty tough to find guys I'm at all attracted to in the first place, so a lot of times when people approach me I feel nothing towards them and see no need to further initiate interaction. Even the thought of being "charmed" feels weird to me, like one side having to try harder than the other to initiate and maintain connection; it feels unfair to the other party. I don't really know how to explain it further...

I think you complained about the lack of suitable culture for your sexual orientation. Maybe those cultures give us ways to display sexuality discreetly and you lack those signs. This theory is probably complete BS though.

Eh, I mostly assume anybody I'm attracted to is straight until proven otherwise. It's weird though, if I get an inkling that someone might be homosexual from how they present themselves, any potential attraction gets immediately nullified. Everyone I've ever been seriously interested in has never pinged my gaydar. Then when I discover their sexuality I go ape-shit internally and feel utterly compelled to express my affection.

Maybe I'm just bigoted and judgmental and awful.

[Aquagraph]

Interesting. Historically it's been pretty tough to find guys I'm at all attracted to in the first place, so a lot of times when people approach me I feel nothing towards them and see no need to further initiate interaction. Even the thought of being "charmed" feels weird to me, like one side having to try harder than the other to initiate and maintain connection; it feels unfair to the other party. I don't really know how to explain it further...

It makes sense. I kinda want to say something about Fe/Fi but meh.

Eh, I mostly assume anybody I'm attracted to is straight until proven otherwise. It's weird though, if I get an inkling that someone might be homosexual from how they present themselves, any potential attraction gets immediately nullified. Everyone I've ever been seriously interested in has never pinged my gaydar.

Well, some homosexual people don't like 'gays' and being 'gay' is usually the only thing that sets off the gaydar. Even many straight people hate gayness but have no problems with androfilia/homosexuals. Are you familiar with Jack Donovan? You might not like a lot of his stuff but it's no reason to disregard the good stuff.

Maybe I'm just bigoted and judgmental and awful.

As a rule of thumb, no person who thinks like this is like they worry they might be.

[Galen]

It makes sense. I kinda want to say something about Fe/Fi but meh.

That's probably a part of it too, smelly beta mongrel

Well, some homosexual people don't like 'gays' and being 'gay' is usually the only thing that sets off the gaydar. Even many straight people hate gayness but have no problems with androfilia/homosexuals. Are you familiar with Jack Donovan? You might not like a lot of his stuff but it's no reason to disregard the good stuff.

@Radio's talked about him a bit. His perspectives on masculinity and homosexuality are probably a dozen steps too far removed from what I feel applicable to a rational and healthy world view. I get what he's after in regards to the mass culture of spineless consumer dorks without any sense of internal propulsion, drifting though life as slaves to consequence. But surely those qualities aren't inherently tied to one gender over another, no? Cutting off half of his audience seems like a waste of space; strength and courage are qualities that surely all people should possess, irrespective of your genitalia. It's as if his concept of 'masculine' and 'feminine' in a vacuum really have no bearing on sex at all. His critiques on gay culture seem equally as applicable to the rest of Western consumerism, in that it's shallow image-centered bullshit that anybody with a strong sense of self would naturally avoid anyway.

I haven't read any of his work in great detail, just a couple speeches and interviews. Dude seems Sx 3 as fuck though.

To be fair though, I hate "gay" as a term for homosexual. I rarely ever use it, and never when referring to myself. Connotes too much of the aforementioned vapid pride parade atmosphere. Homosexual is a term of class and dignity that I will gladly accept. Haven't thought to use "androphile" before, I'll have to give it a test spin.

[Aquagraph]

That's probably a part of it too, smelly beta mongrel

Okay, I'll take beta then.

@Radio's talked about him a bit. His perspectives on masculinity and homosexuality are probably a dozen steps too far removed from what I feel applicable to a rational and healthy world view. I get what he's after in regards to the mass culture of spineless consumer dorks without any sense of internal propulsion, drifting though life as slaves to consequence. But surely those qualities aren't inherently tied to one gender over another, no? Cutting off half of his audience seems like a waste of space; strength and courage are qualities that surely all people should possess, irrespective of your genitalia. It's as if his concept of 'masculine' and 'feminine' in a vacuum really have no bearing on sex at all. His critiques on gay culture seem equally as applicable to the rest of Western consumerism, in that it's shallow image-centered bullshit that anybody with a strong sense of self would naturally avoid anyway.

I haven't read any of his work in great detail, just a couple speeches and interviews. Dude seems Sx 3 as fuck though.

Yeah, I showed it to him. I could probably point out similar criticism about his work. Usually when separate individuals come up with a good idea, it's the most extreme expression of it that gets repeated and remembered. I guess I could read the "Way of Men" and then just separate the good stuff.

[Galen]

On that note, I recommend Larry Kramer's "******s" as a good read on this topic.

ugh okay the book starts with an F and rhymes with maggots

[Galen]

Okay, I'll take beta then.

~~~~~

Yeah, I showed it to him. I could probably point out similar criticism about his work. Usually when separate individuals come up with a good idea, it's the most extreme expression of it that gets repeated and remembered. I guess I could read the "Way of Men" and then just separate the good stuff.

He certainly has some great points about gender identity and character. But he's also not the first person to wax nostaglic about a fantasy time when "men were men" and chivalry and all that, a time I'm not sure ever really existed.

[Hays]

People say that they are surprised by how calm my voice is.

[Creepy-male]

I'm polite, less edgy. Agarina used to complain how many of you people don't understand how I am actually very playful. I have a positive and humorous outlook on things. Not to say it doens't come with a twist.

The people I've hanged around in tinychat probably have a fuller picture of me and just today cpig said that I'm introverted. There are basically two to for me to be social: intellectual or silly conversations or I've brought my shallower cocktail party version of myself to the game. Alcohol and other drugs help a lot in bringing out the former. I don't want to brag but imagine Oscar Wilde in a party.

Often when I'm in a group, I tend to drift away in my head and not be that present. Many in the forum probably think I'd try to hog the spotlight. In reality, I listen a lot. Some even call me mysterious, unpredictable or hard-to-read, or just think of me as being arrogant and that I'd think that I'm "too good for their company".

I think people here think I'm promiscuous. Some even think that I'm manipulative to that end. Maybe I am since I do put a lot of effort when I feel like impressing people. But many of my past partners have said it out loud how honest and sincere I'm about my motivations. If I'd ever try to get to your pants but there's still a romantic notion that might imply something else, I will tell you that I don't want to lead you on. I haven't always been doing that though.

I'm not sure how I come off in the forum but I'm carefree as fuck.

Oh, I'm tall. 190cm (6'3").

Who are you calling "you people" you fucking racist!?!

[Aquagraph]

Who are you calling "you people" you fucking racist!?!

Relax, I only meant those people. You know.. them.

[Aleksei]

It really depends more on the people I'm around than online/IRL. Family members and others in my life tend to see me as much more quiet, meeker, and possibly less prickly, than I really am.