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Thread: Vulnerable Criticism

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    Default Vulnerable Criticism

    Has anyone got any stories of being criticised on their vulnerable function?
    Last edited by Annihilation; 09-15-2014 at 02:45 PM.
    "You use a lot of Ti. I think you should consider LII."

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    suedehead's Avatar
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    I don't think I've been directly criticized. It's more like this nagging feeling, like I'm being interrogated about things that I don't normally think about or see a reason to.

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    Haikus Beautiful sky's Avatar
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    Yeah...my brother used to tell me "you're anorexic. You're too skinny. You never eat." Instead he could do what Si does which is "I take protein powder 40 grams of protein in the morning. ..they sell it at the health food store." Which is *hint, hint* you are too skinny get some supplements.

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    Landlord of the Dog and Duck Subteigh's Avatar
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    My lifelong problem with a PoLR has been a lack of Determination...from others, I do encounter it as a criticism but as time has gone on (as I've accepted my ways or at least have some path, and as others have accepted them), this is not so frequent.

    I think from a young age I always saw that I would never know what I was to do...even when I was 8 or so I had a fear that my choices so early on would devastate whatever my purpose was! I've always seen many things I would like to do and how I might do them, but never knowing which to do. This meant I've been more guided by some dream where I live many lives and do many great things. In Reality...I became very zapped of energy and eternally feeling enslaved to whatever I was intently focussed on doing at that point (this has led to the criticism from others on occasion that I was too unwilling to drop everything even momentarily and Be Happy, using the excuse that I had not completed some Ambition or other or even just basic stuff I felt I needed to do to feel In Control).
    Last edited by Subteigh; 09-18-2014 at 12:50 AM.

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    Maybe things like this...

    "You're at war with the physical world."

    "You've got poor court sense!"

    (Physical therapist): "The muscles in your back have so many knots they're like ropes. I've never seen anything like this."

    "I know you don't like going to the doctor, but will you please go for my sake?"

    "You know, all the other freelancers actually like to send in invoices, because it means they'll get paid."

    "Relax."

    "Relax."

    "Relax."

    "Relax."

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    It's generally variations of "Is there anything you know how to do?", "why don't you know how to do such simple things?", "Are you telling me you don't know how/what/where ___", etc. From others, it can manifest as disbelief, concern or irritation about my lack of practical knowledge or skills and them wondering what's wrong with me. Also being insistent that I should know how to do these things myself. Mother saying "how are you going to be able to take care of yourself if I'm not around" and me responding that I'll adapt if that time comes. Mother testing me occasionally when we have to do something related and saying "I want to see if you'll be able to do this yourself" and then her giving me a childish praise if I'm able to. I also get criticized by my mother at times regarding purchases, her telling me that I like expensive things and that I spend senselessly. Recently and repeatedly she told me I could have gotten a job earlier and payed this recent credit card bill but noooo, I had to go on vacation to visit my friends, lol. is only her role though, lmao. My reaction towards criticism regarding this is usually irritation or insecurity but with family mainly, I tell them they are annoying me. That or I smile/laugh it off, stop listening or leave (leaving more so when they go get someone else to ridicule me for not seeming to know some basic thing that I should know).

    A couple situations from the top of my head:

    Before school started this semester, my aunt wanted to send me money for my brothers for school clothes and was irritated that I wasn't sure if I'd be able to take out the money in cash right away or something through my paypal (I think). She mentions she has sent me money before and I just say "Well if it worked last time, I imagine it should work now."
    She says I should stop relying on my younger SLE sister to do these things for me. My mom defended me, telling her that I'm not the one who handles the paypal card even if it's in my name.

    Our car wouldn't turn on a little less than two months ago and some guy came to help. He wanted to show me what I'd have to do if this ever happens again and stuff and my family automatically showed their reluctance. I could feel it, lol. My mother then told him it would probably be better if he showed my SLE sister how to do it- showing their lack of faith in me regarding practical knowledge. Sister agreed, too. The guy then looks at me and laughs, telling me that I'm supposed to be the man of the house.


    Another is how I used my credit card to pay like half a grand on some bike two years ago. So many people make fun of me for it. Mother and sister keep bringing it up, talking about how I could have got a car. Old best friend came over and they told him the story and they were all laughing at me in the car.


    Most recent one was this Monday. My credit card bill was due which has been maxed for a while (I think they said the last time it was caught up was like over a year ago). I have to pay like $200 to be within the $1000 range, lol. We had no cash but I have a job now so mom suggested doing a pay day loan. I disliked the idea of doing all this but went with it eventually and I have a job now so it could work. I couldn't find my checkbook though which I apparently need so I asked my mother what it's supposed to look like. She was then like "Are you telling me you don't know what a checkbook looks like!? Even Zach (my youngest brother) knows what a checkbook looks like." I often show my irritation towards her irritation/criticism towards my and tell her she's annoying me or that I feel like cursing her out (I don't though) and, in my defense, I had an idea of what it looked like but wanted to make sure lol. But since I didn't have it, she thought it was such a good idea to open a new account because they'd give me a checkbook. Since my credit is somewhat low from the credit card, they gave me a limited one where I can only withdraw money from atms, not deposit it among other limitations. I'm almost 22, by the way. Anyways, I was somewhat bummed about the whole idea. Wasn't even able to get the full amount for the bill and hated that I had another debit card to keep track of. I tell my mother that I would rather have nothing- like no phone or whatever- than to keep up with all this bill paying, banking stuff and payments and that I may even like to pay these things off well in advance just so I wouldn't have to constantly deal with it.


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    My friend and businesspartner commented yesterday "how do I get you on autopilot, i feel like i've got to check up on everything you're supposed to do".

    I hurts cuz it's true.

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    i can't think of anything. maybe i'm perfect.

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    Just today in the middle of work, I was called to the office for a meeting regarding how many there are worried about my productivity and wondering what they can do to help me. He said I took fours hour to do a two hour job. Been working there for like a month so I'm still fairly new but soon I'll be held accountable and can get terminated. One boss guy showed me some tips that he assumed others didn't teach me (they did, I just forgot) so I should be better today. He also let me know what I'm there to do again. May be nervous during work today.
    Last edited by Olly From Wally World; 09-21-2014 at 06:20 PM.

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    The worst thing someone can say to me is, "don't be an idiot (stupid)". This used to infuriate me more than anything else. My ILI step-dad used to say it to my sister (EII) and me out of frustration, but more to me, when he was trying to teach us something. She tends to follow the rules more than I do. As I grew up he did admit that sometimes my way may have been better and I had access to some to types of knowledge that he didn't. That was better than hearing a rare, "I love you" from him. I always knew he <3-ed me without him saying a word. I always wanted him to acknowledge my intelligence because I was unsure of how he measured it. He used to say that we threw the word "love" around too much in my family so it lost some meaning. That bothered my sister but not me. I am pretty sure she felt it was a criticism on her ability to love.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    Just today in the middle of work, I was called to the office for a meeting regarding how many there are worried about my productivity and wondering what they can do to help me. Been working there for like a month so I'm still fairly new but soon I'll be held accountable and can get terminated. One boss guy showed me some tips that he assumed others didn't teach me (they did, I just forgot) so I should be better today. He also let me know what I'm there to do again. May be nervous during work today.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    I had someone once put me on the spot to try and get a reaction out of me; they didn't and went on to say that I must have no emotions. I don't know why I didn't think about it as significant at the time and the other person was most likely an ESE or SLE type, but it bothered me because I hide my emotions when I'm emotionally conflicted and only let them out when I feel someone isn't going to find fault or use them against me. So naturally, I'm actually very emotionally sensitive, but can't really show them unless I think the other person can accept that when I show emotion it is generally awkward and immature. My SEE brother doesn't seem to mind this though and actually seems to think it's funny, so maybe it's just Fe-valuers that have a problem with it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Subteigh View Post
    My lifelong problem with a PoLR has been a lack of Determination...from others, I do encounter it as a criticism but as time has gone on (as I've accepted my ways or at least have some path, and as others have accepted them), this is not so frequent.

    I think from a young age I always saw that I would never know what I was to do...even when I was 8 or so I had a fear that my choices so early on would devastate whatever my purpose was! I've always seen many things I would like to do and how I might do them, but never knowing which to do. This meant I've been more guided by some dream where I live many lives and do many great things. In Reality...I became very zapped of energy and eternally feeling enslaved to whatever I was intently focussed on doing at that point (this has led to the criticism from others on occasion that I was too unwilling to drop everything even momentarily and Be Happy, using the excuse that I had not completed some Ambition or other or even just basic stuff I felt I needed to do to feel In Control).
    I wonder if this is an E9 problem.





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    i think jumping to conclusions and acting rashly can be an Ne polr thing? or maybe its just my trust issues. my boyfriend and i got into an argument last weekend and yesterday he never responded to my text messages all day so by like 8 pm i decided he must have been passively breaking things off by just ignoring me. so i left him angry bitchy messages calling him a coward. and it turned out he just lost his phone....

    silence is the hardest thing for me to deal with because so many things can be inferred from it and theres not enough information. so i can be really careless about mentally resolving the ambiguity so i can have closure or to take action and move forward.

    i'm an idiot

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    For those of you who have been criticized on your productivity from employers, I woulnd´t ever trust their criticism, I´ve seen every kind of shit happening in private companies, I would only trust that criticism if I were shown a table with the average time required for every action which made it clear how I was lagging behind.

    In terms of vulnerable criticism about myself, sometimes I move forward without having covered all the bases and checked every detail, this is something I´ve been told multiple times but I feel that if I actually try to check every step I lose all the advantage that my "speed" can give me. I can also just do too much, overfill my days and get physically exhausted and thus underperform at everything, I try to keep this in check because I can´t start my week on Monday completely exhausted.
    I can also be extremely non-compliant and stubborn when dealing with authoritarian people, so I have to be careful not to work with people who are, otherwise it will quickly end in disaster (this trait can be very surprising to people who don´t know me well).
    Last edited by FDG; 09-23-2014 at 09:28 PM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by lungs View Post
    i think jumping to conclusions and acting rashly can be an Ne polr thing? or maybe its just my trust issues. my boyfriend and i got into an argument last weekend and yesterday he never responded to my text messages all day so by like 8 pm i decided he must have been passively breaking things off by just ignoring me. so i left him angry bitchy messages calling him a coward. and it turned out he just lost his phone....

    silence is the hardest thing for me to deal with because so many things can be inferred from it and theres not enough information. so i can be really careless about mentally resolving the ambiguity so i can have closure or to take action and move forward.

    i'm an idiot
    I don't that's Ne-PoLR i've done that too... once I was scared of a fallout b/t me and a friend, i gchatted her and she didn't respond, I started crying at my computer (...), it turned out that she was actually out buying a block of cheese. she also somehow guessed exactly what my reaction was.

    but anyway i'm glad that things b/t you and your bf are okay!

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    For those of you who have been criticized on your productivity from employers, I woulnd´t ever trust their criticism, I´ve seen every kind of shit happening in private companies, I would only trust that criticism if I were shown a table with the average time required for every action which made it clear how I was lagging behind.
    Thanks. For Walmart, you go to some small machine, scan your walmart Id and it'll give your your tasks and it tells you how long it should take. Like last time it said '2 hrs and 15 mins' for stocking the basics, 45 mins for stocking picks and like 2 hours or something to zone. I typically think it's just a general time and not important but dude told me how i took double the time the other day, haha. So they may take that into account when terminating people. I'm moving a bit faster now, finished my work an hour early the other day but still technically not within the parameters but it's a start and I'm improving.

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    Someone recently told me to look up dualistic thinking because I think too often in terms of black and white when I get into panic/I've been rejected mode.

    I'm rash/jump to conclusions. Esp when I feel unhealthy.

    When Ive clear head I'm much more open-minded.. Just hard to do when I'm upset...

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    Quote Originally Posted by Maritsa View Post
    Yeah...my brother used to tell me "you're anorexic. You're too skinny. You never eat." Instead he could do what Si does which is "I take protein powder 40 grams of protein in the morning. ..they sell it at the health food store." Which is *hint, hint* you are too skinny get some supplements.
    Better off eating fat.

    More calories.





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    - Stellaris

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    Quote Originally Posted by StridingStrider View Post
    Better off eating fat.

    More calories.
    oh strider

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    Quote Originally Posted by StridingStrider View Post
    I wonder if this is an E9 problem.
    seems like it could be, with E9 being a sort of passive, withdrawn type.

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