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Thread: Sx blindspot: How do you (fall in) love?

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    Red face Sx blindspot: How do you (fall in) love?

    These questions go to Sp/So and So/Sp:


    1. How do you fall in love? Have you ever experienced love at first sight?

    2. How would you characterize your way of loving, what adjectives would you use?

    3. How do you show someone you love them?

    Please, do state whether you are Sp/So or So/Sp.


    And for those who are neither, but knew someone who was:
    You may share your (romantic) experiences with Sx blindspot people.

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    sx blindspot usually run away from me, screaming. It is usually the sx first or second that can handle my type of intensity, whether they be friend or foe, it is always interesting.

    If I ever catch one I will let you know. I am not looking though.

    But yeah, my experience with sx blindspot has been mostly about me trying to spark them in a way they ultimately seem incapable of being sparked, except in rare moment of





    In all fairness to them though, I can't say I have had any relationships, other than casual type friendships, with sx last so I don't really know how they would be in a long-term romantic relationship.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     




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    fka lungs ashlesha's Avatar
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    i'm really curious about this because i know that the sx-last people in my life have cared about me and have been capable of passion but its hard for me to get a picture of what the internal experience is like for them because the way they express these things is in sort of a different language. it might be sort of reassuring to have someone who relates to sx-last spell some of it out.

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    Just from what I've noticed: in sp/so it's similar to Pragma kind of love, while in So first it's like companionate love (reminds me more of Storge). They simply don't have to feel like they're gonna go mad or smth. to be "in love" (or dedicated) to someone. It's not all-or-nothing and from where I stand it looks like they have better discretion as far as the object of their attention or desire is concerned. And healthier relationships in a way, though ofc maybe more boring or dry. Not reacting so immediately to stuff like powerful chemistry, they can keep their lives a bit more clear and in order. Less turbulent anyway. Must feel pretty good.

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    as a recently minted sp/so, perhaps i can share my experience. i am certainly capable of intense feelings of love/attraction. those feelings typically have developed from some distance, and i typically dont act on them unless i have some suggestion the person might feel similarly. if not, i may probe them in subtle ways to test (again from a psychological distance). if not mutual, i'm very reasonable about it, and will make efforts to move on. how fast i'm able to move on can vary, depending on the depth/intensity of the feelings that had been reached. if fairly recent & superficial, rejection doesnt typically bother me much at all and i move on quickly.

    quirks about myself in generating love that i've learned about myself over the years-- blind dates dont work for me. i just have an aversion to the dynamic involved in meeting one on one to see if we might "like" each other. it feels very pressured, fake, and just makes me very uncomfortable. My feelings have typically happened in the course of working or studying with someone (perhaps one on one in some cases, but even then, group settings also involved), and typically have a gradual onset. So yeah, no love at first sight for me, but i do often remember in retrospect the first time the person walked into my life.

    i cant say i'm too pragmatic about love only because when i really like someone, i can start thinking of ways to adjust my life to make things work. however, unless we are in a SERIOUS relationship, or engaged, i'm not going to make major life decisions based on a guy. i dont think thats being "pragmatic about love", thats just called not being stupid.
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    Breaking stereotypes Suz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starfall View Post
    This is interesting. I wonder if sx lasts can more easily move on from relationships. My sister is sx last and seems to move on extremely quickly if her relationships don't work out, no matter how long they've lasted. I've seen her go through breakups, and during the process she doesn't seem to like to talk about it too much. It's like she'll just be sad and depressive for a few days, and then it seems like she's over it and she's back to her normal cheerful self. I've never once seen her cry over a guy. This has always amazed me about her and I'm envious at how seemingly quickly she can move on. Whenever I've going through a break up, it's like I feel this overwhelming agonizing pain and it's all I can seem to think about. I remember during my last break up I was having a panic attack from all of the drama that was going on, and she comes in the room and just says "he's nothing. There is absolutely nothing special about him. He's completely insignificant and shouldn't even be on your radar right now. Why are you thinking about it?".
    well, couple things to note here. for me, how long it takes me to move on does depend on depth of feelings reached and also to some extent closure. if no closure and feelings run deep, then it could take me years. oh it also depends on when someone else interesting to me comes along.

    another really important point here is i'm referring to feelings here, not necessarily romantic relationships that "break up". i'm sure it would take me a while to get over a relationship, but again depends on how deep it was, how much i liked the guy, why we broke up, etc. i personally cant imagine being in a relationship with someone i'm just "meh" about. i know some ppl can and do.

    one more thing is that often i find myself saying things like what ur sister says, even when its not truly how iim feeling. part of it is that i might be embarrassed, part of it might be me telling myself i should quit wasting time on whatever loser it was and find someone who actually deserves me. but that doesnt necessarily mean i dont feel upset about it. i also give similar advice to my friends if they are "wallowing". doesnt mean i dont wallow though...havent u guys seen me chatting here wallowing in my love problems? i know it's been a while.....
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    I've never been in love. I feel attraction often, and I sometimes feel more sexual in some superficial way compared to a lot of people but even then, my attractions are kind of...harsh, like I'm barely acknowledging the other person. I rarely have lighthearted, or sort of tender/playful feelings towards people that I'm attracted to, or noone's gotten me to that point. I feel lust, intrigue, a desire to break them down, to drag them down to where I am, wherever that is. I get disillusioned easily, and objectively I just seem aloof, or hesitant is more accurate. I wonder what it would look like if I were more genuinely confident or brazen.
    Last edited by suedehead; 11-10-2014 at 09:19 PM.

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    sp/sx vibes above --
    "a desire to break them down, drag them where I am"
    "barely acknowledges the other person" (some say that's what So last looks like -- from the other's pov lol)

    ... all mixed with an Aggressor romantic attitude, ofc

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agni View Post
    sp/sx vibes above --
    "a desire to break them down, drag them where I am"
    "barely acknowledges the other person" (some say that's what So last looks like -- from the other's pov lol)

    ... all mixed with an Aggressor romantic attitude, ofc
    What I meant by the second quote..I'll initially be drawn to somebody based on physical attraction or the energy they give off, and then I'll talk to them and realize that I'm not that interested, that they're not my type, etc. and I'll just drop it. Whereas I imagine someone with Sx being less rigid about it and instead prod them, enjoy the interaction, be persistent, get to know them anyway, try to get laid, make a new acquaintance, etc. I could do it, but I get impatient faking interest in somebody that I'm bored by or don't get anything out of talking to.
    Last edited by suedehead; 11-11-2014 at 03:53 AM.

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    "Whereas I imagine someone with Sx being less rigid about it and instead prod them, enjoy the interaction, try to get laid, etc."

    As Sx first, I'm not very often drawn to folks that I may not actually be interested in. It's as if lots of info about them is processed energetically, in an "all at once" manner. However I experienced situations in which I thought I was simply responding to someone in terms of mere affinities (personality-wise) to discover later that there was much more to this drive. But the main "reaction" is always there from the beginning.

    It's hard for me to believe only people with Sx in their stack try to get laid.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Agni View Post
    "Whereas I imagine someone with Sx being less rigid about it and instead prod them, enjoy the interaction, try to get laid, etc."

    As Sx first, I'm not very often drawn to folks that I may not actually be interested in. It's as if lots of info about them is processed energetically, in an "all at once" manner. However I experienced situations in which I thought I was simply responding to someone in terms of mere affinities (personality-wise) to discover later that there was much more to this drive. But the main "reaction" is always there from the beginning.

    It's hard for me to believe only people with Sx in their stack try to get laid.
    This is interesting.

    Another quirk to my attraction dynamic that might be relevant to the sx-last stacking is that i dont approach love/"feelings"/attraction from a sexual origin. Sexual thoughts, "hot" appearance, etc -- those are quite secondary for me (distantly so). If i'm feeling attracted to someone, my thoughts may not even get to that point before it's time for me to move on (for whatever reason -- I lost interest, it's not mutual, what have you). It's also kind of a turn off for me if the other party starts talking sexual things, when my own thoughts are not there yet. I see sex as an expression of intense love, so wanting to "get laid" is such a remote, foreign concept to me, but idk if that's type related at all.
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    I have seen sx-lasts be "hopelessly in love" so I believe their feelings can run deep. However to me it does look like a different language.
    I seriously wish we had more sx-lasts.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    1. How do you fall in love? Have you ever experienced love at first sight?
    Slowly. Sort of; sometimes I'll see an adorable baby and can't help but love them. But I don't think that's what you mean.

    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    2. How would you characterize your way of loving, what adjectives would you use?
    Steady, unexcited, happy, honest, awkward.

    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    3. How do you show someone you love them?
    Do things for them, not avoid them, greet them at odd times, maybe even touch them.

    Quote Originally Posted by SisOfNight View Post
    Please, do state whether you are Sp/So or So/Sp.
    sp/so

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ritella View Post
    Over here, we'll put up with (almost) all of your crap. You just have to use the secret phrase: "I don't value it. It's related to <insert random element here>, which is not in my quadra."
    Quote Originally Posted by Aquagraph View Post
    Abbie is so boring and rigid it's awesome instead of boring and rigid. She seems so practical and down-to-the-ground.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Elina View Post
    Idk, I dont resonate with the list in that OP at all (other than the love @ first sight point).
    Enneagram: 9w1 6w5 2w3 so/sx

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    Quote Originally Posted by Suz View Post
    Idk, I dont resonate with the list in that OP at all (other than the love @ first sight point).
    What's the matter Suz ..... are you NOT FITTING THE SYSTEM .....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Director Abbie View Post
    Slowly. Sort of; sometimes I'll see an adorable baby and can't help but love them. But I don't think that's what you mean.


    Steady, unexcited, happy, honest, awkward.


    Do things for them, not avoid them, greet them at odd times, maybe even touch them.


    sp/so
    Yay! so you joined the sp/so ranks now too, Abs?
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    Quote Originally Posted by Words View Post
    What's the matter Suz ..... are you NOT FITTING THE SYSTEM .....
    well, would the OP in that thread really be a system? i think there might be some non-stacking-related influences in that user's list.
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    Sorry to necro, just became interested all of the sudden after finding this thread off of a google search. I am So/Sp. I see alot of hate for So firsts and Sx last. It seems like the thought is Sos with sx blind are incapable of having deep and close relations. I would like to say that I am capable of close relations, but it does take quiet a bit longer for me. And this isn't for lack of trying, it's just I don't really know the route to getting close with someone so fast like an Sx first So last. In a group setting I am more driven to make an impression on people so they like me, but I have a hard time really sharing delicate details with anyone person, but when someone does pull me out of my little charade it is powerful.

    With all that said, I do fall in love , and when I do I usually become obssessed with the person, constantly thinking about them and idealizing them in my head , and I would love to meet more Sx firsts and maybe even Sx/Sps, because that Sx focus on the object of their affection is truly intoxicating and addicting, and I dream of the days where I don't have to out on a damn charade to be liked and find that deep unfiltered sx like intimacy with someone, I just don't know how to get it my self I usually need help in that department.

    Honestly I think it's much easier for me to fall in love with Sx firsts because their tendency to break the social norms and choose you out of a group disregarding others, that is just soooo refreshing and powerful to me, to be chosen out of the crowd like that is so reassuring also, it's very hard to doubt how someone feels about you when they do that, and that exclusive selection is much much much appreciated from an Sx last like me. I remember I met a woman who I suspect was Sx/Sp and she would say things like "I only cared if you showed up to this party." I felt so deeply loved and appreciated by her and when we would see each other it's like we would have these moments alone with each other even though we were in the midst of a crowd of people, I can't stress how much I love being brought out of my So world and into the Sx world, it's so personal and intimate, it's the best way to make someone like me feel loved. And when people would slander this woman for her crazy antics I would just want to fight them lol, I guess they could see I was biased towards her lol.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Sorry to necro, just became interested all of the sudden after finding this thread off of a google search. I am So/Sp. I see alot of hate for So firsts and Sx last. It seems like the thought is Sos with sx blind are incapable of having deep and close relations. I would like to say that I am capable of close relations, but it does take quiet a bit longer for me. And this isn't for lack of trying, it's just I don't really know the route to getting close with someone so fast like an Sx first So last. In a group setting I am more driven to make an impression on people so they like me, but I have a hard time really sharing delicate details with anyone person, but when someone does pull me out of my little charade it is powerful.

    With all that said, I do fall in love , and when I do I usually become obssessed with the person, constantly thinking about them and idealizing them in my head , and I would love to meet more Sx firsts and maybe even Sx/Sps, because that Sx focus on the object of their affection is truly intoxicating and addicting, and I dream of the days where I don't have to out on a damn charade to be liked and find that deep unfiltered sx like intimacy with someone, I just don't know how to get it my self I usually need help in that department.
    Sounds familiar. I remember @aster posting up Saoirse Ronan for typing and I found this interview she had with Ellen which was incredibly sx-last within a soc first setting - https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=QVoleJYgdM8 - despite her putting herself out there, she says she doesn't know how to date or even talk about it, which is similar to what you're saying about not realizing how to get there. Usually I see so/sp's kind of nonchalantly traveling along their social contacts to see if they find somebody that they like. When and if they do, the issue isn't really a lack of passion but making things come together.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Honestly I think it's much easier for me to fall in love with Sx firsts because their tendency to break the social norms and choose you out of a group disregarding others, that is just soooo refreshing and powerful to me, to be chosen out of the crowd like that is so reassuring also, it's very hard to doubt how someone feels about you when they do that, and that exclusive selection is much much much appreciated from an Sx last like me. I remember I met a woman who I suspect was Sx/Sp and she would say things like "I only cared if you showed up to this party." I felt so deeply loved and appreciated by her and when we would see each other it's like we would have these moments alone with each other even though we were in the midst of a crowd of people, I can't stress how much I love being brought out of my So world and into the Sx world, it's so personal and intimate, it's the best way to make someone like me feel loved. And when people would slander this woman for her crazy antics I would just want to fight them lol, I guess they could see I was biased towards her lol.
    This happens between sx/so women and so/sp men from what I've seen. They are a lot more explicit about their feelings and willing to go against the grain, and I think that's reassuring to the so/sp to find that kind of strong sx-beacon next to them. With so/sp and sx/sp's the interests are usually too divergent to sustain anything long-term.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lord Pixel View Post
    Sorry to necro, just became interested all of the sudden after finding this thread off of a google search. I am So/Sp. I see alot of hate for So firsts and Sx last. It seems like the thought is Sos with sx blind are incapable of having deep and close relations. I would like to say that I am capable of close relations, but it does take quiet a bit longer for me. And this isn't for lack of trying, it's just I don't really know the route to getting close with someone so fast like an Sx first So last. In a group setting I am more driven to make an impression on people so they like me, but I have a hard time really sharing delicate details with anyone person, but when someone does pull me out of my little charade it is powerful.

    With all that said, I do fall in love , and when I do I usually become obssessed with the person, constantly thinking about them and idealizing them in my head , and I would love to meet more Sx firsts and maybe even Sx/Sps, because that Sx focus on the object of their affection is truly intoxicating and addicting, and I dream of the days where I don't have to out on a damn charade to be liked and find that deep unfiltered sx like intimacy with someone, I just don't know how to get it my self I usually need help in that department.

    Honestly I think it's much easier for me to fall in love with Sx firsts because their tendency to break the social norms and choose you out of a group disregarding others, that is just soooo refreshing and powerful to me, to be chosen out of the crowd like that is so reassuring also, it's very hard to doubt how someone feels about you when they do that, and that exclusive selection is much much much appreciated from an Sx last like me. I remember I met a woman who I suspect was Sx/Sp and she would say things like "I only cared if you showed up to this party." I felt so deeply loved and appreciated by her and when we would see each other it's like we would have these moments alone with each other even though we were in the midst of a crowd of people, I can't stress how much I love being brought out of my So world and into the Sx world, it's so personal and intimate, it's the best way to make someone like me feel loved. And when people would slander this woman for her crazy antics I would just want to fight them lol, I guess they could see I was biased towards her lol.
    I can't believe how much I relate to this. In the past I would think I was sx-first because they were supposed to be the ones that were passionate and obsessive in love, while sx-lasts were supposed to be the ones that never care whether they were in or out of a relationship. It feels so affirming to know that so/sp-s do feel and behave this way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by silke View Post
    Sounds familiar. I remember @aster posting up Saoirse Ronan for typing and I found this interview she had with Ellen which was incredibly sx-last within a soc first setting - https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...&v=QVoleJYgdM8 - despite her putting herself out there, she says she doesn't know how to date or even talk about it, which is similar to what you're saying about not realizing how to get there. Usually I see so/sp's kind of nonchalantly traveling along their social contacts to see if they find somebody that they like. When and if they do, the issue isn't really a lack of passion but making things come together.


    This happens between sx/so women and so/sp men from what I've seen. They are a lot more explicit about their feelings and willing to go against the grain, and I think that's reassuring to the so/sp to find that kind of strong sx-beacon next to them. With so/sp and sx/sp's the interests are usually too divergent to sustain anything long-term.
    I'm not quite sure about the sx/so connection. Only because being So first, I feel like another So first or second would compete with me in the So-sphere of things. And with So second and that detached use and more control over it they would come off way more smooth than me and I would always compare myselves to them. I dated an ILI Sx/Sp, and the dynamic was soooooooo goooooood. She often feels like she can't make friends and she has alot of guy friends that secretly want to date her and I complain that I can't get a deep bond with people but just have a bunch of friends that just invite me to stuff. She gets to get a group of friends that don't always want to date her lol and I get to get a deep bond with someone, it worked well. We broke up because I'm EII with certain values and she's ILI that didn't share my values. sx/sp is for me.

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