Hi! I did a questionnaire and I'm hoping you'd give your thoughts!
What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is something intrinsic to an object, an essence of an object? An objective quality.. humanity is beautiful by the very virtue of being humanity, but taste.. that's subjective and revolves around like/dislike.
Love is sacrificial and an unspoken bond, a certain level of commitment, revolving again around an invisible essence, there's a burning feeling inside, like a volcano ready to errupt, thinking about being without that person kills you, that's the important part of love - and then there is passion and chemistry and energy which varies.
What are your most important values?
Freedom, generosity, integrity, humor, truth, a sense of meaning or purpose (something to pull you along in life), impact (something you do to affect people/objects outside oneself), a respect for the value of human life, determination, strength.
Family, friends, new experiences, laughter, interesting conversations
Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
Yes, I'm Catholic, because I believe it's the most true version of Christianity. It's also beautiful and I'm attracted to the rituals and symbolism. But if I didn't believe it to be true, that wouldn't be enough.
Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I believe in the Just War doctrine - that we should promote peace where we can, but sometimes there is a time for war, but that time is after everything else has been exhausted, it's a last resort, I don't believe in pre-emptive strikes or being the world's watchdog. In the U.S., I believe the Constitution has outlined when we should go to war and boundaries there and we should follow it (but we don't). I also believe we have an unhealthy obsession with war and blind patriotism to our government and to our soldiers.
Power is lording oneself over the weak, claiming that you know better how someone else should live his/her life, thinking what you are doing is for their own good, thinking you're so grand that it's your very duty to protect everyone else at everyone else's expense.. a disrespect for life and protecting the innocent.
What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
Typology. Libertarianism, philosophy, religion, politics, the occasional new "thing" I'm learning about (such as attachment parenting.. or essential oils). I hoard knowledge though I don't tend to remember detailed info or facts. And I love new things. ..other people/analyzing them.. I love getting into people's heads, learning how they think, analyzing them, sometimes poking at them, trying to get a reaction. Photography - I like to capture that essence of things - exploring new places.. Music. I play the trumpet and guitar. I dunno, I kinda like doing things that measure strength or toughness like weight lifting or arm wrestling lol.
Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
No, not really, unless there's something currently wrong and I need to talk it out, I'm kinda hyperaware of my body because I don't normally pay attention to it? I'm aware of it, but at the same time, I push through most things, but that awareness is mostly background. I'm more aware now that I used to be because of some health problems, though. Too much caring about health and comfort at the detriment of doing something fun or exciting annoys me.. or people who try to get you to always wear shoes or put on a coat or this or that.. or complain that their feet hurt in the middle of everyone.. say.. hiking (like, well, yeah, everyone's feet hurt, get over it? lol) I'm a bit interested in alternative medicine and diseases on a more theoretical level though.. and super interested in mental health.
What do you think of daily chores?
I don't really mind them, they're nice for a distraction or to think, or even to get out of my head at times. I only do ones I deem as actually important though haha. My house is pretty clean though, I like things pretty and organized, less into whether or not they are really clean.
Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
young adult books, literary fiction, abnormal psych/addiction memoirs, nonfiction in interest areas.. books with bittersweet or twisted endings. in movies.. comedies, psychologically intense movies, quirky things. Fave books: Never Let Me Go (Kazuo Ishiguro), Tillerman Series (Cynthia Voigt), The Schopenhauer Cure (Irvim Yalom), The Stolen Child (Keith Donahue), Paper Towns (John Green), Harry Potter, Speaker for the Dead (Orsen Scott Card), A Tale of Two Cities, Godel Escher Bach, Little Women
Favorite movies: Les Miserables, Count of Monte Cristo, The Importance of Being Earnest, Blues Brothers, Our Idiot Brother, Shawshank Redemption, A Beautiful Mind, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Everything Must Go, Jeff Who Lives At Home, The Jerk, Much Ado About Nothing
What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
Frustration, being put on the spot, anger, stress make me cry, sometimes emotional manipulation which just makes me angrier.. very sensitive to those things, I think I have a very unhealthy relationship with my emotions.. I don't really understand them, I try to analyze them in a detached way, rather than do whatever it is healthy people do lol. I have a hard time just experiencing them.. it's all or nothing.
I didn't used to cry over these things, but these days a lot of beautiful things, beautiful moments, my 7 month old daughter, the moment she was placed on my chest after she was born. She makes me smile because she's really amazing, I love watching her as a mini-human haha. I smile a lot, laugh pretty easily, get hyper or silly easily.
Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
Hmm.. I don't often, not really. But I seek people who I can be me with, in an environment that's intense and bigger than me, maybe loud and exploratory like a city. I like being surrounded by a crowd, feeling the vibe, but not necessarily interacting with anyone. Sometimes in a vast field, looking up at the stars. Laughter.
What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
Indecisiveness is a big one. I don’t like when I go overboard, which is easy for me too do.. I get too excited or too intense or take humor too far, and I wish that other people liked that I suppose, but I hate when it happens. I kind of also like that part of myself though too. I HATE that I freeze on the spot, it's really bad, I have a whole history of messing up really important moments, opportunities because of what amounts to horrid stage fright. ugh.
What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
Intelligent, quick, clever, funny, strong understanding of situations, easily see others’ points of view. I like my sense of humor/quickness, perceptiveness, insightfulness.
In what areas of your life would you like help?
I would like to be pushed more.. pulled out of my head, brought along on adventures. Actually, just picking and doing something, I have lots of things I want and things to do and I always look for something that can make them all fit together perfectly and the timing to all be perfect and in reality I probably just need to pick something and go. I need a person who can literally grab me, in the moment, and pull me along to make something happen. Maybe help me find purpose. I need and want to be challenged.
I also need help with emotions, maybe passion. I seek passion. Dealing with them, needing comfort from others I think, only with emotional things though. Comfort when I'm info seeking is extremely annoying!
Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
Yeah, all the time. I always feel like I’m seeking some kind of purpose that never comes. And I’m always in some kind of over-analyzing loop. I still don’t know what I want with my life/out of life, and even when I do know, I don’t know how to get there, or I don’t have the motivation to do it. It depresses me, I'll binge eat or binge watch tv to put that out of my mind. It doesn't work. lol
What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I’m extremely attracted to charismatic, funny, intense people who don’t know how loved and worshipped they really are, haha.. people who put themselves out there, who aren’t afraid to look “stupid”.. and also mysterious, internally intense people. maybe a little bit of narcissism, cockiness. Intelligence. I think I need both types - the latter, the mysterious quietly intense person - is comfortable and allows me to be me, and the former - I need that person to challenge me, allow me to be a better me.
I don’t like whininess, poor sports/people who refuse to give in to some positive, fun peer pressure, too much individualism or quirkiness/ weirdness? (I dunno, there’s a level, but I like quite a bit though on an individual level, maybe less in a group?) I don't like weakness in men.
How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
Above things haha. I’m married to the quiet, internally intense person. I want a best friend, good conversations, lots of sillyness. He’s pretty right for me, but I have to be the one who pulls us out, who motivates us, and I can sometimes do it, but that’s hard. We suck at emotions and I crave something here he isn't able to give. But we're dorky together and I like that.
Oh, romance/sex. I dunno, I don’t think I’m super romantic in a traditional flowers/dinner/stroll on the beach sort of way, I don't like cliches and cheesiness. I’m romantic, just in a different way. I’m not sure how I feel about sex, intimacy is more important to me than sex (but sex isn’t unimportant), and I see intimacy and sex sort of separately.
If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
I want her to be curious and have a beautiful life, be honest, love God, respect humanity, be determined. I want to be a mother who she’ll feel like she can always come to about anything, to try to understand anything, hmm.. I don’t care much about discipline..
A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
Probably tense internally, but I get kind of excited.. I try to give some of my own perspective without making it sound like I’m trampling on theirs. I like when I can make them think on what they've said.
Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I’ve always felt like I was a part of society but near the outside, but not on the outside, normal enough to be a part of everyone else, but one of the less superficial, more unique ones of the “normals”.. I see people as interesting, beautiful, crazy, all the same and all different, needing to be loved and cared for, and sometimes as uninformed and easily led. The biggest problem is society is government that oversteps it's narrow bounds, and perhaps as an extension police.. People who don’t help each other but want their government to do it, and a government so corrupt (but i think all governments intrinsically lead to corruption) it steals, murders.. we have the resources, we have a lot of passionate, inventive, and loving people.. let them..
How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I don’t choose them.. well I used to choose them, I’d pick those who I thought were most interesting and sometimes just casually “float away” from the boring friends I already had. I always wanted to be around the "cool kids" (not the mean popular sort, but the naturally, effortlessly cool people) I guess now they come to me more, and I attract stubborn, slightly boring, but passionately opinionated introverts, haha. I’d "choose" the very opposite though. Around those I’m most comfortable, I’m loud, hyper, bantering/teasing, trying to get a rise/emotion/something out of people.. tongue-in-cheek, sometimes dry/deadpan. A lot of interacting through humor. I guess sometimes I show off, do random things.. this weekend I started a nerf gun battle randomly when when my husband, myself and a friend were just casually sitting around..
How do you behave around strangers?
Shy, quiet, one word answers, try to be friendly but I’m probably not. I try really hard to be less shy. I think I’m naturally someone who’d be good at bantering with strangers if I could get over the anxiety part.