By now, you are familiar with the theory of socionics, and, like so many others, you were intially drawn to the mystical relationship of duality. You read the description repeatedly to ensure that you did not miss a vital point and that all words and concepts were driven into your thoughts. The idealistic concept of 'true love', a 'perfect partner', or a 'perfect fit', something that so many people long for without finding, something that so many people aspire to attain in their short lives. Is this the key to finding true happiness within a romantic relationship? That is the promise socionics professes but sadly does not guarantee.
They acknowledge that duality is actually more rare than any other relationship but why is 'the most psychological compatible relationship' such a rarity? They answer thus: dual partners must interact with one another and be attracted to one another. They must want the same things, and so on and so forth. Is that not simplistic? Are dual partners not capable of compromising their desires? Are not dual partners capable of looking past shallow appearances? I will cease to entertain these questions any further and instead narrow my focus.
Here is a moment of clarity I wish to share with you: socionics is a psychological theory of personality and not a theory on healthy and loving relationships. They have researched, observed, collected data, analyzed, and developed a theory on psychological types and from that derived a theorhetical model of socionic types. Their conclusion is that duality is the preferrential relationship amongst all sixteen relationships. That much is true and I personally agree with that nugget of knowledge. However, what does that really amount to? So dual partnerships will naturally work itself out without effort? Socionics have tried to explain why dual partners do not succeed in their relationships as if to do so goes against nature. There are seven stages of duality, etc. Is that the real reason? I ask: is it wise to heed romantic advise from socionics when socionics and romance are completely different!? Socionics prescribes how duality 'should' work but they do not have the authority to prescribe how a romantic relationship works! That is the truth.
So then from here I will examine how two individuals who are dual partners can and can not experience duality utterly separate from socionics. Here I will refer to the psychologist John Gottman. He has been studying successful and failed marriages for four decades. His entire expertise is to offer an explanation as to why some couples have long lasting marriages and other couples divorce only after a short time. He divised a classification system between two main categories: masters and disasters. I will not regurgitate his research word for word but instead put this into context for socionics.
If you meet your dual and you find them attractive and you pursue a relationship with them, then the success of the relationship does not depend upon socionics but upon the emotional nurturance of the partners. That is to say John Gottman's explanation of a master and disaster are entirely based upon how a person nurtures within a relationship. This has nothing to do with their biological predisposition nor their personality type. So an ESFJ type that has a healthy disposition will act in accordance with the description of a master. That is someone who is considerate, honest, kind, giving, etc. As such they are most favourable for a relationship independent of the other persons type. They will be a master in their relationship wheather they are paired with an INTJ, ESFJ, ENTP, etc. Since they are a master in their relationship, they are more likely to have a healthy and happy relationship. The same is true of the disaster.
If you have ever met your dual partner only to discover that they are extremely difficult to handle and you can not get along with them then that has nothing to do with socionics nor duality. If you or your dual partner are a disaster in a relationship then that will be the source of destruction within the relationship. A dual partner can be abusive, critical, mean, predatory, dominating, selfish, etc. Such traits diminish emotional trust and intimacy. So to clarify once more. If an individual is a master in their relationships then that will be a more vital factor in the health and happiness regardless of their socionic relationships.
What can we conclude from this? Only what we already know, socionics is not everything. It can make a difference in relationships but it is not the sole determinate cause for the success or failure especially of a romantic relationship. So be weary of your thoughts and do not get entangled into believing that a relationship did not work out because dualization did not fully occur. I'd suggest to keep an open mind with regards to other relationships. Sure identify a person by their socionic type but look deeper into their disposition and attitude in life. To use John Gottman's terminology, is that dual partner a master or a disaster in their relationships? I'd even suggest to seek an individual who has a pleasant personality rather than try make a dual relationship work with somone who is a disaster.