Member Questionnaire 1 (closedcarriage)What is beauty? What is love?
Beauty is something appreciated for it's overall aesthetic. What are your most important values?
I've known plenty of people who've never been in love and don't believe it exists. I think of being in love as being completely obsessed with someone else. But the obsession is strange and ugly. I want them to confide the deepest things about themselves in me, and in turn I want them to desperately want to know the deepest things about me. Simplified, I would call love: Wanting to be a part of someone else. I would say that love is a biological need, but as I said I've known people who have no experience with it. My experiences have always been unpleasant as I am too shy and prefer to keep such strong feelings to myself... Then I'm wrung with jealousy when they're in a close, confiding relationship with somebody else.
Understanding. Empathy and Creativity.Do you have any sort of spiritual/religious beliefs, and why do you hold (or don't) those beliefs in the first place?
I believe that when personal beliefs affect others that they must exercise rationality. Opinion on war and militaries? What is power to you?
I can't help thinking that huge chunks of people wouldn't be good to each other and live in greed and spite without the promise of some non-personal reward. People who can't think for themselves need positive influences, people would argue that religion is a negative influence but I'd argue that existentialism would be worse for some.
People who believe in "spirits" are often a certain type of person. They seem to be able and eager to convince themselves of anything.
All that said, I love religions, symbolism and folk tale spirits in a certain metaphorical and non-serious light.
I have had a strong, deep aversion to soldiers since I was really young. The honouring of soldiers I didn't really understand and I didn't understand how anyone could be proud to be a soldier. War and national protection is obviously a lot more complicated than that, but I still despise that sense of pride in some... And there is still something faceless and unsettling about soldiers to me... I recently saw 'The Thin Red Line' and loved it. Particularly the dialogues between Private Witt and Sean Penn's character, they seemed to resonate with me. Though that isn't all that relevant to the question.What have you had long conversations about? What are your interests? Why?
Poetry, music, philosophic musings, morality, soft-core science. I have always liked writing and creative expression above all else, I find it's revealing and interesting for me. I would like to be able to write a work of fiction one day. I like video games and movies too.Interested in health/medicine as a conversation topic? Are you focused on your body?
No.What do you think of daily chores?
I can't stay focused and halfway through feel a strong urge to wander away for a little bit. This often means I leave things undone and take an hour to vacuum the house. I would prefer to avoid doing them altogether, just like anyone else.Books or films you liked? Recently read/watched or otherwise. Examples welcome.
Here are some books I recently read and liked: Leaving the Atocha station. Freedom. Beatrice and Virgil. Point Omega... Some of my favourite books are The Dream Songs by John Berryman, The Portrait of Dorian Gray, Night by Elie Wiesel, Infinite Jest and Leo Tolstoy's works. I luv books.What has made you cry? What has made you smile? Why?
Recently I've been getting into Japanese horror films, I've always adored Japanese culture and architecture and I've always had a thing for horror films... even the bad ones. I like science fiction movies, I recently saw a movie called Moon and thought it was fantastic. I like so many others think Kubrick is God of the movies. I really, really like the Three Colours Trilogy. If required I could write an essay on why I like these things, but it would require an essay.
I cried at the possibly cliché moment in 'Click' where Adam Sandler runs out of his hospital bed and manages to tell his family he loves them... And where Adam Sandler is helpless as he watches his father interact with his autopilot life that doesn't reciprocate his father's emotions and behind the glass watching, the helpless Adam Sandler flails in desperation and says he loves his father even though his father can't hear him. And then I smiled uncontrollably when Adam Sandler woke up on the bed in the retail store and it was revealed to be a dream (even though it was obvious from the start) and that Adam Sandler has a chance to make some good of his present life.Where do you feel: at one with the environment/a sense of belonging?
When I'm by myself completely I seem to be able to take things in a far more personal and mysterious light. I don't know how to explain it. Often this is when it's late at night... Music also imbues this same sense.What have people seen as your weaknesses? What do you dislike about yourself?
I'm disorganised, severely indolent, offensive, opinionated and unusual according to everyone else. They're right for the most part. I'm often told by others that I do the unexpected. I dislike that I'm often unable to operate in the present moment and become distracted...What have people seen as your strengths? What do you like about yourself?
People seem to see me as creative, funny, and goofy. I like to think of myself as perceptive and kind.In what areas of your life would you like help?
I would like to establish better relationships with more interesting people... people could help me in this endeavour by being friends with me and by being interesting. I'm not very good at establishing relationships but I am especially good at destroying them... So they'll need to be forgiving also.Ever feel stuck in a rut? If yes, describe the causes and your reaction to it.
I would also like more money.
If it's an internal or emotional rut I become reclusive but if it's an external or mildly difficult real-life problem I also become reclusive. This causes my problems to magnify.What qualities do you most like and dislike in other people? What types do you get along with?
I get along with imaginative people, people who want to explore possibilities for the sake of it. I get along with non-serious folk and as I've said I can be seen as offensive and often fight other people's opinions. I think other people see me as deliberately offensive when I do this, but challenging them to me is healthy, and arguing against another angle could potentially disprove or solidify their opinions. And conflict is dynamic and interesting anyway. I try to avoid places and people where a certain type of etiquette and appearance is required. I like people who are different. I like sincere people, intelligent people...How do you feel about romance/sex? What qualities do you want in a partner?
I dream about a highly rational girl. Someone who has a concrete sense of how things are but is secretly yearning for the most unrealistic, wholly idealised type of love. . I have a thing for ice queens. I would appreciate a distinct appearance... But to be honest I don't really know what I want...If you were to raise a child, what would be your main concerns, what measures would you take, and why?
That I truly love my partner and we can provide stability. I wouldn't even consider it until I'm absolutely sure I can financially support a child for the rest of it's life. That I'm happy and inspired enough in my career that money isn't a factor. I would also want to be at my best emotionally, I want to know for sure I can provide wisdom and help it understand the world and feel loved in it's crucial early years.A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward and outward reaction?
Depends how dear this particular belief is. Certain people have criticised music, films and books I enjoyed and this makes my stomach tighten in anger, not because they don't like what I like but they seem unable to understand it for what it is. I'm very comfortable and welcome defending my beliefs, there are moments though when I feel like I can't defend myself and that the other person is from some different world and I can't reach them. Externally I just comply but withdraw emotionally,internally I victimise myself and sit and seethe. But I'm working on this as I get older.Describe your relationship to society. How do you see people as a whole? What do you consider a prevalent social problem? Name one.
I avoid thinking or participating in society, obviously everybody has to but I prefer it when I'm not. A prevalent social problem is there isn't a place to permanently hide from society. That isn't death. I prefer small groups and conversations that are more revealing than the ones you find in normalised, grey society. I would like people to be generally more open-minded and understanding of others... even if this involves discarded some sacred conception you have of things.How do you choose your friends and how do you behave around them?
I like people who are different and provide interesting perspectives. I like kindness and people who love fun and can provide naive perspectives of things. In general I seem to hover between being pensive or completely non-serious depending on the circumstances.How do you behave around strangers?
Quiet, reserved, maybe even unfriendly. I make quips about the surroundings and try to see if they appreciate humour. I guess I try to get to know people through humour. I like to hit on things we may share an interest in, if our common interest is of particular interest to me I can become quite animated and excited, and I've been told I can come off as too intense. I like to know people's motives and why they do the things they do. If it's a stranger in a professional setting I can become quite nervous and seem even more unable to be present-minded than I usually am.