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Thread: Mario Sikora's take on the instincts

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    Default Mario Sikora's take on the instincts

    Wondering what you guys think? It seems a bit different (more so with the ordering of the instincts) than what I'm used to.



    "The Primary Instinct... "is so dominant in us that
    it informs almost everything that we do; it is
    the water we swim in, and we are so immersed in
    it that we tend not to even notice it as we
    happily go about our day."

    The Second Instinct... "tends to be an area of some
    inner conflict; it drives us in certain ways, but
    it also causes us a degree of angst (in a sense,
    the secondary instinct is "adolescent territory,"
    we are drawn there but feel insecure and resistant
    at the same time)."

    The Third Instinct... "tends to be underdeveloped;
    we tend to overlook the important lessons
    found in this domain, but we also typically
    don't have much angst there."



    The Self-Preservation Instinctive Bias (Nesting and Self-Nurturing)


    All instincts, in some way, serve the interest of self-preservation, and this category is really a cluster of elliptical instinctive behaviors that resulted in sensitivity regarding matters of nesting and self-nurturing. It is not an instinctive drive to “self-preserve.” If “self-preservation” where the order, people of this instinctive bias would not binge eat, consume junk food, smoke, or do any physical activities that could lead to harm.

    Put another way, people in this category are especially sensitive to stimuli relating to safety, nesting, and self-nurturing. This sensitivity comes from the biological structure of their brain and central nervous system. This biological structure is shaped by their physical and mental experience interacting with the expression of their genes. A focus on safety, nesting, and nurturing are elliptical servants in the greater cause of self-preservation. These matters take up more of their mental energy and they are more likely to execute instinctive, automatic behaviors that serve these needs. It is not that they have instincts that others don’t; it is that they are more sensitive in these matters and more likely to demonstrate the instinct.

    For example, I have a Social instinctive bias. As I write this I am sitting in a Starbucks and there is an air vent blowing on me. I have been sitting here for over two hours and just noticed that I am cold. My wife, who has a self-preservation bias, would have noticed the draft the moment she satdown, not because she is cognitively focused on it or psychologically compelled to stay warm, but because she has biological sensitivities that push her to pay particular attention to and address temperature regulation.

    For those who think that these drives are consciously cognitive, ask yourself this: Do I think about shivering, or does it just happen? Do I will my teeth to chatter? Do I consciously cross my arms and rub my shoulders when chilled, or do I just do it? Natural selection has designed us to address our instinctive needs by mechanisms in our brain, sometimes referred to as “modules,” that function below the level of consciousness. As our initial mechanisms prove unsatisfactory, the need is pushed up the ladder of cognitive awareness. For example, the rub of the shoulders is more conscious than the chattering of our teeth, but not as conscious as getting up to adjust the thermostat. It is the movement up and down this “ladder of cognitive awareness”—mixed with our patterns of applying the strategies we discussed in the last month’s article—that provides us with the opportunity to “work” with our instinctual biases.

    Those with a self-preservation bias (SPs) tend to be, like Goldilocks in the children’s story, sensitive to physical comfort and compulsively seeking chairs, beds, clothing, temperatures, etc. that are “just right.”

    They are also highly sensitive to potential illness or threats to their health. They constantly monitor their well-being, noticing aches and pains, oncoming colds or stomach aches, and so on. This sensitivity allows them to head off threats to their health.

    SPs are generally focused on their “nest.” They want things in their home to be ordered specifically: comfortable, safe, and well-supplied. Those supplies can also include “enough” money in the bank; comforting, home-related hobbies; and memorabilia or knick-knacks with calming, sentimental associations.

    Notice, that these sensitivities or focuses of attention don’t directly “cause” self-preservation; they inspire automatic behaviors that, by acting elliptically, ensure our preservation. In a sense, stocking our nest and nurturing our physical well-being are universal behaviors that lead to increased chances of survival.

    Contradictions

    We see contradictory behavior in each of the instinctive biases. For example, the SPs often exhibit some form of binging, whether it is binging on food, shopping for clothes, buying decorations for the house, etc. These binges occur due to “modular dissonance.” “Modules” are the groupings of neurons and synapses that link together and govern specific functions and responses to a given stimulus. Modules don’t always coordinate with each other and sometimes create competing needs or desires. Thus our SP might have a drive to be financially conservative competing with a drive to splurge on, say, artwork for the house or enough blankets to survive the next ice age. Both of these superficially conflicting drives are based on instincts that elliptically support “self-preservation”—conserving resources and “feathering the nest.”

    We tend to become frustrated with ourselves over such conflicting urges because we see them as a lack of will power or some sort of moral failing. This is the “language of the fall” that I wrote about in Part I of this series. If we understand these conflicts for what they are—very natural modular dissonance rooted in evolutionary drives—we stand a greater chance of resolving them and changing behavior.


    The Social Instinctive Bias (Orienting to the Group)

    In Enneagram circles, this instinct bias is often viewed as a desire to be part of a group, surrounded by people, or even a drive to adapt to the group. That is only a part of the story.

    Humans are social animals. Our survival depends on complex interactions with a high number of our fellow species members. This may be due to the fact that humans have few natural defensive tools—we are not very strong or fast compared to our traditional predators, and we do not have sharp teeth or claws with which to defend ourselves. Being part of the pack heightened our chances of survival (it’s the lone antelope that gets eaten by the lion).

    So, yes, part of the social instinctive bias is a blind drive to move toward the group. But, our high sociability enabled another survival advantage to our hunter-gatherer ancestors: a focus on reciprocity.

    Here is an example of the value of reciprocity: When I have a good hunt and end up with more food than I can eat, I will share it with you in the expectation that when I come home empty-handed you will share a meal with me. But I must have mechanisms to ensure reciprocity, some guarantee that you will hold up your end of the bargain. I do this by keeping track of who acts reciprocally and who doesn’t. If I feed you today but you neglect to share with me later, you get crossed off my list of worthy recipients of my future largesse. Further, I am going to let the rest of the group know that youare a not to be trusted and I will compare notes with them on who else I should avoid.

    The larger the group is, the more complex the reciprocity-monitoring mechanisms must be. In a group of 100 to 150 (the size of a typical hunter-gatherer tribe) I must constantly take stock of others’ trustworthiness, build mutually beneficial relationships, and establish my own reputation as a worthy addition to the tribe who will gladly repay you on Tuesday if you share your bounty with me today.

    People with a Social instinctive bias have a heightened sensitivity to stimuli associated with social relationship, causing these stimuli to take up more of their mental energy and resulting in increased instinctive behavior in this area.
    Socials like to be around people because: they like gossip (the information by which we know who is safe to trust), they like to observe people so they can continue to improve their understanding of human nature, they desire to ensure that the group’s mores and standards are followed, they strive to manage the group’s perception of them (i.e., their reputation and status), etc.

    Modular dissonance also leads to seemingly contradictory behavior, who are often alternately sociable and private, introverted in some situations and extroverted in others. This in part relates to the image management element of the category. If one of my goals is to manage my reputation by influencing your perception of me, I will only show you what I want you to see, exposing myself in some ways and holding back in others.Once again, the so-called “social instinct” is not a specific drive to be part of the group or to adapt to the group. It is a plethora of instincts that increase our chances of survival by improving our ability to remain an accepted member of the group and monitor the behavior of others in the group so we will know who to trust and improve our chances of being trusted by others. This trust ultimately ensures safety and, thus, survival.


    The Sexual Instinctive Bias (Attracting and Mating)

    Sometimes referred to as a “one-to-one” instinct, this category is easily misunderstood. To understand it better, we must bear in mind the elliptical nature of evolution. This category is not simply an instinctive drive toward one-to-one relationships, it is a cluster of interrelated instinctive behaviors that serve the purpose of attracting attention to ourselves and improving our chances of mating (in the sense of “pairing” rather than necessarily “reproducing”).

    The “attracting-attention” element actually serves two purposes: it not only improves your chances of having sex, it helps you survive. For example, the child who draws attention to itself (by being charming, flamboyant, self-assertive, etc.) gets more attention from parents and others. More attention increase survival rates. (A perfect example of the survival benefits of the sexual instinctive bias is Scarlett O’Hara in “Gone with the Wind.” She was gifted at getting people to pay attention to her and then charming them so she could bend them to her will when she needed to.)

    The “mating” element provides other survival benefits. Pairing with a significant other in adulthood gives us someone to care for us when we are ill, boost our spirits when we are down, share the burdens of daily existence, etc.
    The “display” element of the Sexual subtype is often overlooked in the literature, but people with this subtype have a drive to make people notice them. They may accomplish this by dressing for attention, acting seductively, being extraverted, spending more time on their appearance than others, become performers of some sort, etc.

    Yes, Sexuals often seek intense relationships, but on an instinctive level the relationship is not for its own sake, it is to improve chances of sexual reproduction or survival by pair bonding.

    One of the significant contradictions sometimes seen in Sexuals is promiscuity, serial relationship, or extra-relationship flirtation. One module pushes to bond, while another pushes to seek fresh stimulation. Thus, Sexuals often feel conflicted in relationships—much in love but feeling like there must be something more.
    People with this instinctive bias also inadvertently send what appear to be mixed messages to others: certain (often unconscious) behaviors say “come hither” while the rational mind says “I’m not actually interested.”

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    "Tell-Tale Behaviors

    The things we focus on and the things we talk about betray our subtype. When we are not consciously thinking about something specific, we are probably thinking about the needs stemming from our dominant instinct.

    Therefore, someone with a self-preservation subtype will talk about their homes, their health, and their physical and financial security. They will constantly monitor their environment and focus on shaping it in ways that will increase their physical comfort.

    The social subtype will talk about other people — who is doing what with whom and why. They will compare and contrast people, passing judgment on others behaviors and choices.

    The sexual subtype will talk about themselves—their accomplishments, their relationships, and their activities; they will also talk about sex. They will draw attention to themselves through their appearance, their charm, and their possessions."


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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    Here are some videos, too. Apparently new.

    Transmitting = Sexual, Preserving = Self-Preservation, Navigating = Social.






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    I definitely identify with sx/sp by the information in this thread but the other thread had some interesting information which seemed to be more about the darker psychological aspects of sx/sp. I will have to consider all info then decide but I am pretty confident in my self-type as of now. Te don't fail me now...

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    "Tell-Tale Behaviors

    The things we focus on and the things we talk about betray our subtype. When we are not consciously thinking about something specific, we are probably thinking about the needs stemming from our dominant instinct.

    Therefore, someone with a self-preservation subtype will talk about their homes, their health, and their physical and financial security. They will constantly monitor their environment and focus on shaping it in ways that will increase their physical comfort.

    The social subtype will talk about other people — who is doing what with whom and why. They will compare and contrast people, passing judgment on others behaviors and choices.

    The sexual subtype will talk about themselves—their accomplishments, their relationships, and their activities; they will also talk about sex. They will draw attention to themselves through their appearance, their charm, and their possessions."

    Man, I don't feel like I do any of these. I'm like "let's talk about you" because I'm usually uncomfortable giving anything (of personal value) away. Or I find it trite to talk about my house, my activities, like, who cares, you know...

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by epheme View Post
    Man, I don't feel like I do any of these. I'm like "let's talk about you" because I'm usually uncomfortable giving anything (of personal value) away. Or I find it trite to talk about my house, my activities, like, who cares, you know...
    How about when you actually do talk about something related to yourself?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    How about when you actually do talk about something related to yourself?
    Hmmm. I don't really have a problem talking about my opinions of things or my emotions. I'll talk about my opinions about films. Or things that I find beautiful. Or something that I found touching. Or some psychological or philosophical question that's been nagging at me. But talking about my relationships, or my sex life, or my finances, or my health, or what I've been doing lately and all that kind of stuff feels uncomfortable to me. It either feels too personal or not important in the least.

    Which kind of doesn't even make sense because some of that stuff is probably much less personal in actuality.

    And I typically don't ask people those things either. It doesn't tell me who they are. Those things seem circumstantial and not at the heart of who people are at all.

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    escaping anndelise's Avatar
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    Wow. I constantly struggle with the enneagram, but this guy's stuff on the instincts makes a lot of sense to me. I'll be looking up what he has to say on the 9 types. Maybe i can finally get a fuller grasp on the enneagram, yay. Also, it helps that I find his voice and demeanor calming and soothing.
    Last edited by anndelise; 09-04-2014 at 10:13 PM.
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    A lot of the Sp-instinct description sounds Si, but it makes sense.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    "One of the significant contradictions sometimes seen in Sexuals is promiscuity, serial relationship, or extra-relationship flirtation. One module pushes to bond, while another pushes to seek fresh stimulation. Thus, Sexuals often feel conflicted in relationships—much in love but feeling like there must be something more.
    People with this instinctive bias also inadvertently send what appear to be mixed messages to others: certain (often unconscious) behaviors say “come hither” while the rational mind says “I’m not actually interested.”
    Eh, I can imagine Sx-firsts being on either ends of this extreme. One half as the above mentioned hyper-sexualized wanderlusty flirt, but then another half that actively rejects that side altogether. "I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't totally do it for me," as opposed to trying every sample platter at the buffet. Probably a Sx/So vs Sx/Sp divide.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    Eh, I can imagine Sx-firsts being on either ends of this extreme. One half as the above mentioned hyper-sexualized wanderlusty flirt, but then another half that actively rejects that side altogether. "I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't totally do it for me," as opposed to trying every sample platter at the buffet. Probably a Sx/So vs Sx/Sp divide.
    Could part of that be perhaps an sx combined with 5 withdrawal?
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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anndelise View Post
    Could part of that be perhaps an sx combined with 5 withdrawal?
    Possible. Withdrawn triad influence in general will strengthen the outward appearance of one's Sp.

    I kinda like to think of the secondary instinct as representative of one's affect. Sp-seconds will wear a characteristic sort of flattened reserve in their expressiveness that mutes their inner intentions; So-seconds will actively present themselves as socially ingratiating regardless of what their real motivations may be; Sx-seconds will sometimes flip on their "holy shit I'm super interested in what you're saying" mode for a while before reverting back to their primary mode of understanding. @silke's made similar observations before, about second instincts being used as tools for interacting with the outside world, similar to how creative functions in Socionics work.

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    darya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    Wondering what you guys think? It seems a bit different (more so with the ordering of the instincts) than what I'm used to.
    Was just wondering Olly, what do you find different from other descriptons in this text? I like it and it's easy to understand, but isn't it how it's always explained ? It makes perfect sense too.

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    Olly From Wally World's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Was just wondering Olly, what do you find different from other descriptons in this text? I like it and it's easy to understand, but isn't it how it's always explained ? It makes perfect sense too.
    I think it was basically what @Galen just said- the role of the instincts according to the ordering. Like here the secondary is angsty and there's inner conflict whereas I was more used to the idea that the secondary is where there's less conflict so it may be used as a tool for the primary. Besides that, seems pretty similar.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Spider View Post
    So would Galen's example, bolded above, be more indicative of sx-second?

    ETA: both "halves" Galen described sound like me
    Both examples in that line were about Sx-primaries, the latter perhaps more geared towards Sx/Sp than Sx/So.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    I think it was basically what @Galen just said- the role of the instincts according to the ordering. Like here the secondary is angsty and there's inner conflict whereas I was more used to the idea that the secondary is where there's less conflict so it may be used as a tool for the primary. Besides that, seems pretty similar.
    I don't really see the secondary instinct as being particularly angsty or conflicted. Perhaps resentment is closer to home. "I really want to take care of my primary instinct, but I can't really get that done until this trivial thing is out of the way, so I'd better tend to that instead. *sigh*"

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ollyx2OxenFree View Post
    I think it was basically what @Galen just said- the role of the instincts according to the ordering. Like here the secondary is angsty and there's inner conflict whereas I was more used to the idea that the secondary is where there's less conflict so it may be used as a tool for the primary. Besides that, seems pretty similar.
    Yeah, the second one is used to satisfy (to get to the) the first. The first is the one that is always "running", it shapes/rules all our behaviour. And the third one we don't pay attention to and it doesn't worry us (more or less, depends how strong of a blind spot it is).

    I think all of them can cause you angst in one way or the other at certain times. It's just a different sort of angst. I think the first and the last one are the ones that can go into extremes (extreme behaviours to one side or the other when you try to cope with them, but for different reasons). I agree with Galen's observations.

    I think these descriptions are great and it should be relatively easy to figure your stackings from them. Eh, I'm tired of this topic already

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    Quote Originally Posted by Spider View Post
    So would Galen's example, bolded above, be more indicative of sx-second?

    ETA: both "halves" Galen described sound like me
    Quote Originally Posted by Galen View Post
    Both examples in that line were about Sx-primaries, the latter perhaps more geared towards Sx/Sp than Sx/So.
    Isn't it usually :

    Sx/So->more "predatory", hyper-sexualized wanderlusty flirt, trying every sample at the buffet (to use Galen's words) - very into a particular person atm (intense pursuing, but can quickly change mind if someone else gets the interest), has a wandering eye - grass is always greener.

    Sx/sp -> rejects sx side more often and retreats more, more push-pull, hide and seek, Sp is holding the Sx back, more of a mysterious, holding back quality, not so "out there".

    I think both can be very push-pull and picky. The "I'd rather be alone than with someone who doesn't totally do it for me" is imo very typical for Sx firsts.

    The sx lasts are the one who have much more stable, rational energy about them and are more pragmatic when it comes to love/mating.


    I don't really see the secondary instinct as being particularly angsty or conflicted. Perhaps resentment is closer to home. "I really want to take care of my primary instinct, but I can't really get that done until this trivial thing is out of the way, so I'd better tend to that instead. *sigh*"
    I wouldn't describe it as angsty either. It just seems like an annoying obstacle to get to the one you really want, the one that is like air to you. I think the first instinct causes you more angst in forms of obssessions (because it's top priority) in the long term.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Sx/So->more "predatory", hyper-sexualized wanderlusty flirt, trying every sample at the buffet (to use Galen's words) - very into a particular person atm (intense pursuing, but can quickly change mind if someone else gets the interest), has a wandering eye - grass is always greener.
    Sounds about right. Wandering eye feels a little derogatory though. I'd rather say that they're very often influenced by and reactive towards their environment, being Sp-last. Lacking a strong "me vs not-me" psychological barrier present in Sp-types, there's a certain sort of aggressively external, chameleonic quality that causes Sx/Sos and So/Sxs to lose themselves in their environments without realizing it. I often see Sx/Sos picking up a pet social justice issue and obsessing over it endlessly, even if they have no direct personal stake in its resolution.

    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Sx/sp -> rejects sx side more often and retreats more, more push-pull, hide and seek, Sp is holding the Sx back, more of a mysterious, holding back quality, not so "out there".
    I wouldn't say sx/sps really reject their sx side like that. Rejection would implicate outright denial of their primary modus operandi, which I don't often see happen in any primary instinct. If anything you can have a very repressed Sx/Sp who externally presents himself as aloof and disinterested in connecting with others, but only because he hasn't found an appropriate target to latch onto. Sitting in the corner and scanning across the room for "are you interesting enough to engage with?"
    Last edited by Galen; 09-05-2014 at 11:32 PM.

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    2 EVIL I golden's Avatar
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    I don't think I have any of the instinct stackings, based on the info on this forum and elsewhere. Nor do most of the ppl I know. That is all.

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    Quote Originally Posted by darya View Post
    Sx/So->more "predatory", hyper-sexualized wanderlusty flirt, trying every sample at the buffet (to use Galen's words)[COLOR=#333333][FONT=Tahoma] - very into a particular person atm (intense pursuing, but can quickly change mind if someone else gets the interest), has a wandering eye - grass is always greener.
    this is kinda creepy-perfect fit for friend i thought was sx/so LSI.

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    I did more reading on this guy's descriptions and though i still cant be completely sure which one fits more, I now see how they totally fit in my life. Like the boxes and piles of notes and books i have lining my walls is part of the conserving thing, hoarding resources and information that could help me in other preserving areas of my life. And all the researching i did regarding helping my daughter is part of his sp ideas.

    And, i can finally see how the navigating instinct might fit. Not in the hierarchal sense, but in the observational and information sharing sense.

    If only his 9 types were as clean. Though seeing them as "striving to feel....(6=secure, 7=excited, etc)" has helped me narrow down a possible reason why I have such a hard time settling on an etype for me.
    But, i cant find his descriptions that include both the etype and instinct bias. (Like preserving 7, navigating 6, etc.)

    So while I still have confusions and disagreements with enneagram, so far I prefer this guy's instinctual biases.
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    I really like Mario's descriptions and overall agenda to connect the instincts again with what they actually are – primal.

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    For those interested, Mario leans towards using Jaak Panksepp's theory on emotion systems as explanations of the 3 Attention Centers (aka the heart, mind, gut), which involves Distress, Anxiety, and Anger. This paper describes the functions of these emotions, and how relates to the Enneagram: http://enneagramassociation.org/imag...ELS.ARTHUR.pdf

    I feel like I am starting to get closer to an enneagram related system that I can actually understand and see in myself and others.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    The more I read about so, the more I'm sure it's my blind spot.
    It was in the reign of George III that the aforesaid personages lived and quarrelled; good or bad, handsome or ugly, rich or poor, they are all equal now.

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    If anyone would like to help me as to where I fit into the system, that'd be awesome. Here's a bunch of info. Lets see if I can get the spoiler tags to work this time to keep thread uncluttered.

    Quote Originally Posted by Galen
    "I really want to take care of my primary instinct, but I can't really get that done until this trivial thing is out of the way, so I'd better tend to that instead. *sigh*"
    That's how I feel about sp stuff generally. It's just things I have to do. It's not difficult, and it doesn't cause me stress, it's all just day-to-day minor details that have to be dealt with as a matter of course. Sometimes I really enjoy making a nice meal, or having everything clean and organized and it feels good, but it's not something that I want to have to think about. Being in a relationship with someone who overly focuses on these things has been an influence in wanting to end the relationship before. If someone is more interested in being fed and comfortable than in spending more time with me, it annoys me. It doesn't annoy me in friends, unless it's something like someone being super picky about their food and needing specific things, or making us have to move from place to place until they find their perfect comfort level. I find over-delicacy and focus on creature comforts annoying, sometimes to the point of disgust with the individual for being all Goldilocks like and not just being ok with how things are. Doesn't bother me in strangers or aquaintances, can even be funny, so I guess it only bothers me when it affects me directly. But, I manage money well, have excellent credit, and take care of my basic needs, and don't find any of those things difficult or stressful. I'd rather not schedule dentist appointments and stuff like that, but it's just one of those things that has to be done, so I do it.

    As for SO stuff. I hate gossip and it makes me really uncomfortable being in a group of people who are gossiping about someone else. BUT, I'll share things with a close friend, and hear what they have to tell me about other people and that kind of thing that's just between the two of us is different. It doesn't feel like gossip, even though I guess it technically is. I tend to not trust people who share too much about other people with me or others. And even in close friendships you don't betray your other friends imo. I do like the feeling of being a part of something, such as being on a team for sports or some other project where I feel like I'm an important part of the team, but not as much if I'm by myself in that team - as in, if I'm with a bunch of people and don't feel connected to any of them personally, it's really not the same, even if I am playing a key role. I like feeling accepted and included, but it's lonely if there's nobody that takes a direct interest in me. Kind of on a related note, going to a sports game, and being part of the crowd cheering and everything can be fun, and I remember being caught up in the energy of it all and liking that energy. One time I went to a game alone, ran into some casual aquaintances, had fun, got involved in the cheering and everything, but left feeling excessively lonely. There were 10,000 people there and I felt completely isolated and alone, even though I had been in that crowd with all those other people cheering for the same team. Another time I went with just a friend to a game where there was an intense rivalry between the teams, and we ended up somehow sitting in a section of the rival team. So the two of us were cheering for our team by ourselves, and all the other people around us were cheering for the other team, and that was so much a better experience, even being surrounded by hostility my friend was there with me and we had a great time. All I needed was one person with me. I'm told that I seem friendly and that people like me, but I don't feel liked unless someone takes a personal interest in me.

    SX stuff: Ideally, I'd like a best friend, or a very close relationship where I know someone very intimately with a special connection that nobody else can breach. Maybe that's something everyone wants? I've sometimes been so persistant in wanting to know everything about someone I was interested in that I've overstepped their boundaries quite a bit. I might talk online here anonymously in vague general details about sex or past experiences, but it's not something I do much of, and absolutely never irl. It's too personal, and for me a sexual relationship with someone is almost. . . sacred I guess. It's between me and the person I'm in, or was in a relationship with, and not for anyone else. I don't dress provocatively, I'm not flirty, and I don't think I really advertise my sexuality that much. I don't find casanovas appealing in the least, and actually avoid men who I find a little too smooth. I'm perfectly happy not being in a relationship, and sometimes prefer it because it allows me to deeply focus on things that interest me, giving me time to master skills or immerse myself in a project. I have no fear of being alone. That's not to say I don't get lonely, or wish that I had someone experiencing something with me, but it certainly doesn't drive my every waking moment or cause me a lot of distress. I've had some extremely painful separations from people to the point where I was taking painkillers to try to dull it, but I've also walked away from relationships with very little distress.


    Edit: Ok, re-reading what I wrote, I think sx/sp, but it doesn't fit what this Mario guy says imo.
    Last edited by squark; 12-05-2014 at 03:12 PM.

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    when you see the booty Galen's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    Edit: Ok, re-reading what I wrote, I think sx/sp, but it doesn't fit what this Mario guy says imo.
    From what I remember of that video his Sx description is really shitty. Peacocking, preoccupation with mating, self-destructive tendencies; none of that shit works for diagnosing Sx. I think he self-types So/Sp fwiw, and I'm inclined to agree.

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    His sx is about transmitting. It's about attracting the attention of those who would be attracted to you.
    Talking about your interests attracts people who have similar/compatible interests.
    Talking about your beliefs attracts people who have similar/compatible beliefs.
    Talking about your sexual proclivities attracts similar/compatible.
    Displaying your sexual wares attracts people who would be interested in them.
    Painting an art piece attracts people who would be drawn to such pieces.
    Creating a musical piece...
    Building an elaborate house attracts someone who wants an elaborate house.
    Writing up a complex theory..
    Etc etc.

    It's about putting parts of yourself 'out there'.
    It's also about being drawn to something. Being a Receiver. Seeking out someone who is attractive to you, that you are drawn to, that displays a part of themselves that you find appealing.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    @squark

    Sp isn't that literal. I wouldn't literally prioritize being confortable over spending time with somebody I like, unless it's something really obvious where it'd be kind of stupid not to, but who knows.
    Last edited by suedehead; 12-06-2014 at 10:04 AM.

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    Mario says that not every instinct type is going to display every aspect of the instinct, and that each has some direct conflicts within each other. For example, in sp, hoarding vs minimalism are both aspects of sp, but they obviously are in direct conflict with each other. So you can have an sp who keeps to himself, is primarily a homebody, who invests his money and keeps track of how it's spent, etc, but isn't interested in fluffing up his nest. And then you can have an sp that spends time decorating and making their home comfortable, but isn't so great with tracking the finances, etc. And then you can have an sp that is constantly monitoring their physical sensations, trying to get comfortable, or calm down an overactive sympathetic system, etc...but who sux at financials and isn't focused on decorating their nest with concrete object, colors, etc.

    Imo, there are three categories of sp...the head sp, the heart sp, the gut sp.
    The gut sp is more likely to be the one that actively obtains sp related items or does the typical sp related things...like changing their environment to better suit their sp wants, or changing themselves (putting on a coat when cold) to suit their sp wants.
    The heart sp is more likely to be the one that feathers their nest, uses sp related things to help build/maintain relationships, etc.
    The mind sp is more likely to have anxieties about sp related things, and less likely to actually DO anything about the anxieties...as that action part would be more gut related.
    IEE 649 sx/sp cp

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    Quote Originally Posted by squark View Post
    If anyone would like to help me as to where I fit into the system, that'd be awesome. Here's a bunch of info. Lets see if I can get the spoiler tags to work this time to keep thread uncluttered.



    That's how I feel about sp stuff generally. It's just things I have to do. It's not difficult, and it doesn't cause me stress, it's all just day-to-day minor details that have to be dealt with as a matter of course. Sometimes I really enjoy making a nice meal, or having everything clean and organized and it feels good, but it's not something that I want to have to think about. Being in a relationship with someone who overly focuses on these things has been an influence in wanting to end the relationship before. If someone is more interested in being fed and comfortable than in spending more time with me, it annoys me. It doesn't annoy me in friends, unless it's something like someone being super picky about their food and needing specific things, or making us have to move from place to place until they find their perfect comfort level. I find over-delicacy and focus on creature comforts annoying, sometimes to the point of disgust with the individual for being all Goldilocks like and not just being ok with how things are. Doesn't bother me in strangers or aquaintances, can even be funny, so I guess it only bothers me when it affects me directly. But, I manage money well, have excellent credit, and take care of my basic needs, and don't find any of those things difficult or stressful. I'd rather not schedule dentist appointments and stuff like that, but it's just one of those things that has to be done, so I do it.

    As for SO stuff. I hate gossip and it makes me really uncomfortable being in a group of people who are gossiping about someone else. BUT, I'll share things with a close friend, and hear what they have to tell me about other people and that kind of thing that's just between the two of us is different. It doesn't feel like gossip, even though I guess it technically is. I tend to not trust people who share too much about other people with me or others. And even in close friendships you don't betray your other friends imo. I do like the feeling of being a part of something, such as being on a team for sports or some other project where I feel like I'm an important part of the team, but not as much if I'm by myself in that team - as in, if I'm with a bunch of people and don't feel connected to any of them personally, it's really not the same, even if I am playing a key role. I like feeling accepted and included, but it's lonely if there's nobody that takes a direct interest in me. Kind of on a related note, going to a sports game, and being part of the crowd cheering and everything can be fun, and I remember being caught up in the energy of it all and liking that energy. One time I went to a game alone, ran into some casual aquaintances, had fun, got involved in the cheering and everything, but left feeling excessively lonely. There were 10,000 people there and I felt completely isolated and alone, even though I had been in that crowd with all those other people cheering for the same team. Another time I went with just a friend to a game where there was an intense rivalry between the teams, and we ended up somehow sitting in a section of the rival team. So the two of us were cheering for our team by ourselves, and all the other people around us were cheering for the other team, and that was so much a better experience, even being surrounded by hostility my friend was there with me and we had a great time. All I needed was one person with me. I'm told that I seem friendly and that people like me, but I don't feel liked unless someone takes a personal interest in me.

    SX stuff: Ideally, I'd like a best friend, or a very close relationship where I know someone very intimately with a special connection that nobody else can breach. Maybe that's something everyone wants? I've sometimes been so persistant in wanting to know everything about someone I was interested in that I've overstepped their boundaries quite a bit. I might talk online here anonymously in vague general details about sex or past experiences, but it's not something I do much of, and absolutely never irl. It's too personal, and for me a sexual relationship with someone is almost. . . sacred I guess. It's between me and the person I'm in, or was in a relationship with, and not for anyone else. I don't dress provocatively, I'm not flirty, and I don't think I really advertise my sexuality that much. I don't find casanovas appealing in the least, and actually avoid men who I find a little too smooth. I'm perfectly happy not being in a relationship, and sometimes prefer it because it allows me to deeply focus on things that interest me, giving me time to master skills or immerse myself in a project. I have no fear of being alone. That's not to say I don't get lonely, or wish that I had someone experiencing something with me, but it certainly doesn't drive my every waking moment or cause me a lot of distress. I've had some extremely painful separations from people to the point where I was taking painkillers to try to dull it, but I've also walked away from relationships with very little distress.


    Edit: Ok, re-reading what I wrote, I think sx/sp, but it doesn't fit what this Mario guy says imo.

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