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Thread: Forgiving yourself

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    Idiot Iris's Avatar
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    Default Forgiving yourself

    I don't know if any of you struggle with this problem.

    I heard this song on the radio and it really touched me in a powerful way because I have such a hard time dealing with my mistakes and offences against others. I just can't forgive myself and move on. I guess some of this reaction could contribute to a useful personal humility, but there is a point at which it is destructive and crippling.

    "Yesterday’s a closing door
    And you don’t live there anymore
    So say goodbye to where you’ve been
    And tell your heart to beat again"
    Obviously, my approach to this is faith-based, which may not be of value to you who are not so inclined. But I still feel that anyone can take this approach, and base it on their own value system. Blessings to you all

    You seek a great fortune, you three who are now in chains. You will find a fortune, though it will not be the one you seek.
    But first you must travel a long and difficult road, a road fraught with peril.
    You shall see things, wonderful to tell. You shall see a... cow... on the roof of a cotton house. And, oh, so many startlements.
    I cannot tell you how long this road shall be, but fear not the ob-stacles in your path, for fate has vouchsafed your reward.
    Though the road may wind, yea, your hearts grow weary, still shall ye follow them, even unto your salvation
    .


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pukq_XJmM-k

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    killer wolf lemontrees's Avatar
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    you seem like one of the least offensive people ever. you seem to always be trying to see others' points of view

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    i personally look at some mistakes from as a matter of acceptance for the fact that some scars never heal and i need to just accept the pain and then i move on and seek a lesson to not make the mistake again and sometimes the opportunity to make the mistake or apply what youve learned will come up again which is also an opportunity to somewhat redeem yourself and this may lessen the pain

    i will never forgive myself for some of the things i have done and the pain certainly keeps me from doing those things again it builds character so to speak

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    Edit: Sudden discomfort with revealing so much. I will pm you.

    and

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    The Soul Happy-er JWC3's Avatar
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    Penance helps me.
    Easy Day

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    Psychopaths always forgive themselves, so you probably wouldn't want to lean too strongly in that direction either.
    You can do anything with a bayonet except sit on it.

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    Queen of the Damned Aylen's Avatar
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    ^

    You stumped me on that one for a sec. Once I thought about it... do they even have feelings of regret/guilt to begin with? I often say I have no regrets but that is a half truth if I am being totally honest. I do regret things for a moment and they may cause me to feel sick to think about but I know I would do it all over again in the same situation. Perhaps in a future situation I will take from the previous experience and not repeat the cycle or mistake. I tend to drive myself crazy when I try to factor in other people's preferences for me and how my behavior might effect them before I act so I tend to trust intuition first. Oy...it is a balancing act.

    It is better to act decisively and apologize for it later than to seek approval to act and risk delay, objections, etc.

    "When I ought to be thinking of heaven he will nail me to earth"

     







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    Haikus Persephone's Avatar
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    If you can forgive yourself, you can forgive anything.

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    the flying pig Capitalist Pig's Avatar
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    The hardest thing for me isn't forgiving myself, hell I give myself excuses all the time. The real problem is forgiving others.

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    Landlord of the Dog and Duck Subteigh's Avatar
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    I find there are a few unspeakable acts that I have committed in my life that constantly prey on my mind. In the ones that relate to specific instances, they are so minor that they would seem ridiculously trivial to someone who knew me well (if they did not know me well, the incidents together and with nothing else could paint a very odd picture). When I think of them the incidents feel unresolved…I wish to meet the person concerned and tell them “That shit I did wasn’t right”. I think of one case though where I apologized most profusely within fifteen minutes of the incident and yet I still think of it fifteen or so years later…an absolutely trivial incident but one where I showed an idiotic and impetuous disregard. There’s another incident where I met the person many years later and actually did apologize and I don’t think so much about it anymore (it still showed a nasty side of my character that was unnecessarily displayed).

    In cases that relate to a certain failing over a period of time, they seem far graver to me because they were specifically against people I knew better. I know to some extent how my actions or words affected them, and these came from a person that knew them well, and so had a far greater negative effect. I think in such instances, I could probably never forgive myself in any sense unless the person was irreversibly happy, which is impossible. But despite these graver acts, the less serious crimes can still produce a greater anxiety, especially if they are related to my reputation or enduring memory.

    When someone else knows of such maldeeds, it can help the process of forgiving yourself although the process can be easily overturned and it is extremely difficult to even begin to speak of such things…and yet I’m sure I could confess a long list at a drop of the hat if the right opportunity arose.

    Acts committed against myself are particularly peculiar…they only really go away when I’m accepted by other people

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    Minimizing my own feelings has helped me towards becoming, what i consider, a better person; Fostering humility, compassion, and a sense of connectedness with others.

    I think that same path of focusing less on one's own feelings helps you forgive yourself, if only for the fact that when your feelings matter less, the negative feelings subside with it.
    I would say that ethically you are still supposed to act as if you have unilateral responsibility; but simultaneously you have to be able to see the other as a fully autonomous, free, aware person.

    Medicalizing social problems has the additional benefit of rendering society not responsible for those social ills. If it’s a disease, it’s nobody’s fault. Yay empiricism.

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