Pattern of previous (bad) relationships within one quadra?

[Estel]

I just had a revelation. I realised that all of my previous serious relationships (and extended flirtations) have been with guys from Gamma; for example, an LEI, an ILI, and an ISE (longest - almost a year) . Weird. None of these relationships were successful, since none of these guys seemed to care for my freespirited joy of life and such. lol.
Anyway... since getting into socionics, I've begun to wonder if I've been looking in the wrong quadra, so to speak. I am an IEI, and Im thinking maybe I need to look for relationships in Beta (SLEs...).

But the wierd part is that I've so far in my life I've been attracted to Gamma (and hit a dead end). Any expirience with a similar phenomenon anyone? Or explanation?

[Persephone]

I just had a revelation. I realised that all of my previous serious relationships (and extended flirtations) have been with guys from Gamma; for example, an LEI, an ILI, and an ISE (longest - almost a year) . Weird. None of these relationships were successful, since none of these guys seemed to care for my freespirited joy of life and such. lol.
Anyway... since getting into socionics, I've begun to wonder if I've been looking in the wrong quadra, so to speak. I am an IEI, and Im thinking maybe I need to look for relationships in Beta (SLEs...).

But the wierd part is that I've so far in my life I've been attracted to Gamma (and hit a dead end). Any expirience with a similar phenomenon anyone? Or explanation?

I opened a similar thread some time ago, in a bit different approach.

I always say when you seek too much, you do not find.
When you expect desperately, you get frustrated.
Luckily I discovered socionics late, otherwise I would have messed my life searching for patterns.

Sooooo have fun, build your communication with others, try to see the light regardless their socionics type.
And it's also cool to be single. It's actually a lot more complicated to stay single for a long time

[xerx]

augusta herself was married (miserably) to an LSE. and iirc, she and others have written about strong initial attraction between conflictors and supervisers/ees, which can sometimes seem like duals or are attractive b/c of social conditioning.

[EDIT: in the case of supervisers/ees, a shared ego function can present an attractive mutual likeness; the supervisee's demonstrative can masquerade as a dual's base; etc.]

but duals can be annoying for reasons that have nothing to do with socionics (including your social conditioning, their looks / being overly-assertive / whatever else), and i wouldn't jump to conclusion about these guys' types if you're new to the theory.

[Amber]

why do IEIs' faces look so otherworldy

[Persephone]

why do IEIs' faces look so otherworldy

Because they are aliens.

[The Martrix]

Because they are aliens.

I was going to say aliens, but...

[The Martrix]

@Estel. I've never been in a relationship with my dual. It's weird. I don't even think there's been an attraction. I seem to go for other IEIs.

Maybe I'm SLE

[darya]

why do IEIs' faces look so otherworldy

as @LostInDreams said, Estel is like Lily Cole's little sister

Oh, and I've never been in a relationship with a Beta guy.

[suedehead]

I can't think of any patterns on an individual level, besides not getting much from Fe-environments.

[Persephone]

as @LostInDreams said, Estel is like Lily Cole's little sister

Oh, and I've never been in a relationship with a Beta guy.

Both girls look all sweetness and delight

Me neither for Beta dating (goes back to cutting her wrists)

[Satan]

maybe you just like pain

[lemontrees]

way long ago I supposedly liked charming nf types, melancholic INTx, and the occasional really well-groomed sli

there were these ile guys that supposedly actually were getting laid quite often and I remember seeing them and thinking "god he's so rude/loud/abrasive/gauche etc" i still occasionally associate that sociotype with men whom (*if* i'm attracted to them) I'm attracted to on a visceral, not aesthetic, level (but tinged with greater feelings of warmth).

i'll switch you a beta for a gamma. i have some sle men here, gimme a see one...

[some chair]

But the wierd part is that I've so far in my life I've been attracted to Gamma (and hit a dead end). Any expirience with a similar phenomenon anyone? Or explanation?

My name is Holon, and I'm an Alphaholic.

What went wrong with these Gammas? What does "Gamma" mean to you in terms of initial attractiveness? What was your part to play in the dissolution of your relationships?

[Hot Scalding Gayser]

lol I'm with merky on this one. women love a challenge, that's why psychopaths fascinate them. They tend to be attracted to being trolled, guys giving them a hard time and sadism because its interesting. You probably (on a subconscious level) find other betas too easy going, comfortable and gay that's why it doesn't really feel like a relationship more like your friends.

But the wierd part is that I've so far in my life I've been attracted to Gamma (and hit a dead end).

It isn't that weird. People are turned on by what degrades them. I think the only cure for this is to look at the bigger picture, what would make you happy as opposed to just what will turn u on but I admit it isn't easy. Being attracted to something just isn't the same as being encouraged, supported and uplifted by something right? The latter is better for us even though it never really feels that way... ideally yes 'you want both' so I hope you find it.

[Estel]

Maybe I'm SLE

Not necesarily. I have an IEI friend who says she's not attracted to most SLEs. Personally, I don't understand this. But maybe it has something to do with where you are in the development of your functions... There was an IEI I was extremely attracted to a few years back (but now I feel like this sort of relationship would only send me into deep spirals with things I already struggle with lol). Judging from your picture, I would say you are indeed an IEI.

[Estel]

women love a challenge, that's why psychopaths fascinate them. They tend to be attracted to being trolled, guys giving them a hard time and sadism because its interesting. It isn't that weird. People are turned on by what degrades them. The latter is better for us even though it never really feels that way... ideally yes 'you want both' so I hope you find it.

Thank you for your well wishes... I think I may have, almost, soon, perhaps...

But yes! This is totally it. I don't know about women in general - but I know at least IEIs tend to love to be tormented, and treated like shit by guys just for the thrill of it! Or else we put up with it, while sort of convincing ourselves that it's some sort of sacrifice and we are martyrs or some shit. IEIs have a desire to be completely consumed, and it doesn't always play outin the most rational way...

SO: I have been doing a lot of thinking about this attraction to another specific quadra thing, and as I was lying half asleep today, this is what came to me:

For an IEI, Gamma is the only other quadra (besides Beta) that shares Ni and Se (an IEIs dominate and inferior functions). And, the dominate and inferior functions are linked extremely closely, as the inferior often unlocks the door to the subconcious and feeds the dominate function. So my theory is that a person who shares these two functions (dominate and inferior) will on a superficial level be extremely interesting to you, because of the subconcious connection combined with the unfamiliarity and danger of the two opposing functions. But, in the long run, these relationships will not work, as there will be a constant tention between the functions that both have in common and can understand, and the functions that drain eachother and cannot be understood.

For example, an ISTp would have this sort of attraction/tension with Alpha. And an INTj would have it with Beta, and so forth...

Does anyone have any expiriences that would support my most lovely theory??!

Thus

[Estel]

augusta herself was married (miserably) to an LSE. and iirc, she and others have written about strong initial attraction between conflictors and supervisers/ees, which can sometimes seem like duals or are attractive b/c of social conditioning.

[EDIT: in the case of supervisers/ees, a shared ego function can present an attractive mutual likeness; the supervisee's demonstrative can masquerade as a dual's base; etc.]

Interesting... What is a superviser/ee relationship? Please descibe.

[Estel]

My name is Holon, and I'm an Alphaholic.

What went wrong with these Gammas? What does "Gamma" mean to you in terms of initial attractiveness? What was your part to play in the dissolution of your relationships?

Hi Holon! Welcome (and you may have the Alphas, with my blessing, lol they are probably the least attractive of the quadras to me...)

WELL, everything went wrong, haha. The thing in common that went wrong was I guess a feeling on my side that these guys didnt respect and hold as important the things that I held as important. And also they all got boring. Lol And they wanted me to be boring. And after trying to compromise for a while, I realised I just love danger too much to settle down and be "realistic about life."!


In terms of intitial attractiveness "Gamma" appears oh so serious and masculine and dark (I find that gammas often have a deep darkness in their eyes). I guess they kind of appear dangerous and serious at first, but then, when you get to know them, they're not so much...


My part to play was generally a "I've had enough of this disrespect." And moving on. Is that what you meant, or before...?

[Estel]

maybe you just like pain

Give it to me.

[Estel]

I opened a similar thread some time ago, in a bit different approach.

I always say when you seek too much, you do not find.
When you expect desperately, you get frustrated.
Luckily I discovered socionics late, otherwise I would have messed my life searching for patterns.

Sooooo have fun, build your communication with others, try to see the light regardless their socionics type.
And it's also cool to be single. It's actually a lot more complicated to stay single for a long time

I hardly call searching for patterns messing up your life.

I agree its complicated to stay single for long.

[xerx]

Interesting... What is a superviser/ee relationship? Please descibe.

I meant supervisor and supervisee.

[The Martrix]

Not necesarily. I have an IEI friend who says she's not attracted to most SLEs. Personally, I don't understand this. But maybe it has something to do with where you are in the development of your functions... There was an IEI I was extremely attracted to a few years back (but now I feel like this sort of relationship would only send me into deep spirals with things I already struggle with lol). Judging from your picture, I would say you are indeed an IEI.

You are one of only 2 people to confirm my VI as IEI others think I look LII. Previous relationships with other IEIs have been rather tragic affairs. Maybe SLE is the way to go.

[alklonth]

You are one of only 2 people to confirm my VI as IEI others think I look LII. Previous relationships with other IEIs have been rather tragic affairs. Maybe SLE is the way to go.

You do not look like LII to me. First I thought about EIE. However, all in all you look more like intro. So introbeta.


And I've never really been attracted to beta. I tried (or they rather) to make a relationship but either it was boring (LSI) or there were too many misunderstandings (EIE) on Fe ground. My best picks so far: LSE and ESI.

[Estel]

You are one of only 2 people to confirm my VI as IEI others think I look LII. Previous relationships with other IEIs have been rather tragic affairs. Maybe SLE is the way to go.

Well, I can't VI you for real with only one pic. I'd be happy to look at more for you! ...esp. as I knew an LII pretty well - almost dated one.


I'm sorry about your rather tragic affairs... don't we all have them? lol (I will not protest, like Jane Eyre, that "I have no tale of woe, sir.") I know for myself Im gonna give SLEs a damn good try. But let me know how it goes for you! ...I've also been wondering whether being a male vs. female IEI makes a difference in tastes for partners.

[bolong]

augusta herself was married (miserably) to an LSE. and iirc, she and others have written about strong initial attraction between conflictors and supervisers/ees, which can sometimes seem like duals or are attractive b/c of social conditioning.

[EDIT: in the case of supervisers/ees, a shared ego function can present an attractive mutual likeness; the supervisee's demonstrative can masquerade as a dual's base; etc.]

but duals can be annoying for reasons that have nothing to do with socionics (including your social conditioning, their looks / being overly-assertive / whatever else), and i wouldn't jump to conclusion about these guys' types if you're new to the theory.

What happens next, after the initial attraction of supervisor/ee pairs?

[xerx]

What happens next, after the initial attraction of supervisor/ee pairs?

The normal dynamics are always there in any relationship. They tend to solidify when the novelty wears off.

The supervisor sees his supervisee as an interesting and admirable person while thinking of him as lacking a crucial element ( the polr ). The supervisee is paranoid of being judged while seeing the supervisor as noteworthy.


The supervisor may get bored or annoyed by the supervisee's one dimensional view of reality. His conclusions may seem trite and reductive, or they may seem novel and provocative.

The supervisee's failure of personal autonomy can create a desire to escape, or it can lead to remaining subordinate due to feeling a lack of crucial skills.


*

The PoLR is part of the Mental ring ( Base, Creative, Role and PoLR ). these functions require a deliberate effort to be used; you initiate and are in control at every step of the process. The base is strong enough that you don't feel the sting of mistakes and, in any case, probably understand the alternative conclusions. A PoLR hit reflects directly on your lack of agency and may be accompanied by a fear of being exposed.


The DS, Mobilizing, Ignoring and Demonstrative functions are part of the Vital ring. These functions sit and wait; their form is triggered by contextual input from the environment and are associated with less deliberate agency overall.

[Satan]

Hi Holon! Welcome (and you may have the Alphas, with my blessing, lol they are probably the least attractive of the quadras to me...)

WELL, everything went wrong, haha. The thing in common that went wrong was I guess a feeling on my side that these guys didnt respect and hold as important the things that I held as important. And also they all got boring. Lol And they wanted me to be boring. And after trying to compromise for a while, I realised I just love danger too much to settle down and be "realistic about life."!


In terms of intitial attractiveness "Gamma" appears oh so serious and masculine and dark (I find that gammas often have a deep darkness in their eyes). I guess they kind of appear dangerous and serious at first, but then, when you get to know them, they're not so much...


My part to play was generally a "I've had enough of this disrespect." And moving on. Is that what you meant, or before...?

maybe age is wrong? people tend to get more serious as they get older, for better or for worse.

[bolong]

The normal dynamics are always there in any relationship. They tend to solidify when the novelty wears off.

The supervisor sees his supervisee as an interesting and admirable person while thinking of him as lacking a crucial element ( the polr ). The supervisee is paranoid of being judged while seeing the supervisor as noteworthy.


The supervisor may get bored or annoyed by the supervisee's one dimensional view of reality. His conclusions may seem trite and reductive, or they may seem novel and provocative.

The supervisee's failure of personal autonomy can create a desire to escape, or it can lead to remaining subordinate due to feeling a lack of crucial skills.


*

The PoLR is part of the Mental ring ( Base, Creative, Role and PoLR ). these functions require a deliberate effort to be used; you initiate and are in control at every step of the process. The base is strong enough that you don't feel the sting of mistakes and, in any case, probably understand the alternative conclusions. A PoLR hit reflects directly on your lack of agency and may be accompanied by a fear of being exposed.


The DS, Mobilizing, Ignoring and Demonstrative functions are part of the Vital ring. These functions sit and wait; their form is triggered by contextual input from the environment and are associated with less deliberate agency overall.

Thanks, you cleared up the underlying theory.

I asked this because I know a male SLE + female LII couple, keep wondering when they'll bust open, but they're somehow still together after countless break-ups, having done unforgivable things to each other, moving in together and then deciding to live separately because it's better for their relationship.

Whenever I see them I wonder if some people actually seek out asymmetrical relationships because the psychological upper hand is preferable to boredom in the relationship?

[sta]

"Whenever I see them I wonder if some people actually seek out asymmetrical relationships because the psychological upper hand is preferable to boredom in the relationship?"

It's probably females who are usually the supervisee in such cases. From what I got - if the supervisor appears as a "strong" person to the supervisee, and has the psychological upper hand as you say, then I expect that most such couples would be composed of a female supervisee and a male supervisor, as females seem prone to look for a person who is "better than them" and who appears as a strong mate.

[sta]

"but they're somehow still together after countless break-ups"

Is one of them exceptionally hot? Or both? Are they both desperate and have no other options? Are they stupid? Two way co-dependancy? I still have some common sense left before I get suckered into yet another psychological theory. I should get the fuck out of this place, I can tell, but it's too interesting of a theory.

[FDG]

I generally have a fairly negative relationship with ESxx types, especially ESTx types.

[Amber]

Because every IEI's reincarnated soul contains a little bit of Jesus himself.

I came across a pic of yours in the "unofficial" thread, female jesus indeed. Estel looks very innocent and a bit like Jim Morrison's Pam btw.

[Xenith]

Gammas seem the most "cool" to me.