SEI and Flirting to get what you want

[NotDoingWork]

My ESI gf has a bunch of SEI friends, they tend to flirt to get people to do things and to get attention. Sometimes even gives 1000 compliments just to receive 1. My SEI sister does this to the point where I feel like she is a nymphomaniac, everyone feels sexual tension in the room. I am ILI, LII friend has been around when this has happened and he said "I thought I saw losing my mind but you're right, she made everyone feel uncomfortable", pretty sure LII friend was in love and boner was about rip through his pants LOL. SEI sister did this again last night in a room filled with gammas and everyone thought she has mental issues. This has happened with different ESIs, not just my sister. Not sure if this is just how they are or if Gammas lack of being ultra friendly causes them to try to break down the barrier or maybe it's some super ego conflict. Someone needs to make sense of this.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

do you feel weird seeing your sister being all flirty?

[darya]

Damn those cock tease SEI's

Edit : there's probably some truth in it

[NotDoingWork]

do you feel weird seeing your sister being all flirty?

Weird would be an understatement. It makes me lose my mind and on top of that, she is also married. My ESI gf wants me to embarrass her in front of everyone(probably will happen next time), she does not like to be around my sister when she acts like that.

[Persephone]

I do not think that excessive flirting or teasing is type related. She is probably insecure and needs to boost her confidence that way.
Anyhow sex is one if main drives in the world and sometimes I am saying to myself that even everyday communication is based on seduction.

[xerx]

How hard is it to stop inviting her if she makes you uncomfortable? Why make this into such a big deal?

[NotDoingWork]

I do not think that excessive flirting or teasing is type related. She is probably insecure and needs to boost her confidence that way.
Anyhow sex is one if main drives in the world and sometimes I am saying to myself that even everyday communication is based on seduction.

This has happened with 4 different SEI's, I am not 100% on it being type related but it's really odd. Also haven't seen this type of behavior from any other types.

"everyday communication is based on seduction", definitely true.

[Kalinoche buenanoche]

why arent they ESEs?

[Esaman]

My ESI gf wants me to embarrass her in front of everyone(probably will happen next time), she does not like to be around my sister when she acts like that.

Don't you think that a girl that pushes her boyfriend to conflict with his sister over that sisters ways of interaction with men she herself isn't even supposed to have interest in qualifies to be called a bitch?
Oh the perspectives... Is it to wise to push yours when there is hardly an up side and a lot of risks.

[blackburry]

Don't you think that a girl that pushes her boyfriend to conflict with his sister over that sisters ways of interaction with men she herself isn't even supposed to have interest in qualifies to be called a bitch?
Oh the perspectives... Is it to wise to push yours when there is hardly an up side and a lot of risks.

true. but ESIs be bitchessss. ~~

also it doesn't sound like from what he stated and how he stated it that she was pushing her boyfriend (him) to conflict with his sister. he stated that his sister's behavior made him uncomfortable and it made others uncomfortable. sounds like a couple of people want her to tone it down. get your panties out of a bunch. his sister probably thinks most of those people are too uptight. It happens.

[Beautiful sky]

My experience is that they do flirt to get what they want...most notably to establish relations. Why do you think that is? I will ask my SEI friend this. Maybe in Si way it's easy, quick results and feels good to them or exciting in an Fe way...either way it is comfortable if they like it and do it and it's exciting in the Fe way. SEE are also very flirty...Fe demo. Don't kno!!! I'm not a wink for establishing a bond type. I say "hi I like you and want to be your friend because you're loyal and warm" @Kim I love you!

[Beautiful sky]

My ESI gf has a bunch of SEI friends, they tend to flirt to get people to do things and to get attention. Sometimes even gives 1000 compliments just to receive 1. My SEI sister does this to the point where I feel like she is a nymphomaniac, everyone feels sexual tension in the room. I am ILI, LII friend has been around when this has happened and he said "I thought I saw losing my mind but you're right, she made everyone feel uncomfortable", pretty sure LII friend was in love and boner was about rip through his pants LOL. SEI sister did this again last night in a room filled with gammas and everyone thought she has mental issues. This has happened with different ESIs, not just my sister. Not sure if this is just how they are or if Gammas lack of being ultra friendly causes them to try to break down the barrier or maybe it's some super ego conflict. Someone needs to make sense of this.

Yes I agree that SEI do this but so do ESE and SEE and sometimes IEE

[Aylen]

Don't you think that a girl that pushes her boyfriend to conflict with his sister over that sisters ways of interaction with men she herself isn't even supposed to have interest in qualifies to be called a bitch?
Oh the perspectives... Is it to wise to push yours when there is hardly an up side and a lot of risks.

Good point... if a partner tried to get me to embarrass my sister in front of everybody, he might find himself being embarrassed. I don't care how harshly I can judge my sister, and she does the same to me, I would never humiliate her. I wouldn't try to get in between siblings either because they are gonna fight and usually make up and when you open your mouth to bad mouth the sibling that is going to stick in both their minds.

[blackburry]

I took it as a tongue in cheek remark about embarrassing her and the OP seemed amused by it... Am I way off OP?


Either way sounds like if people think she is mental that she is embarrassing herself enough. Tell her to expand her social circle. Tell her to go clubbin- you're in NYC.




(Also there is, in my opinion, a difference between embarrassing and humiliating someone. Embarrassing would be something like catcalling and mentioning to keep it in her pants kind of jokingly, kind of seriously. Sibling stuff. Humiliating would be more along the lines of drawing a penis on her face along with her #. You get the drift). Obviously both being bit excessive.

[Beautiful sky]

Ok I asked an SEI she said she rarely flirts and when she does she realizes she didn't realize her boundaries as she concentrates on keeping interactions smooth. She said this while drinking a strawberry shake which she says makes her happy. Happiness from a shake....can you believe that? MY Te seeking is telling me to capitalize on that and go bottle it. Anyone want to get in on a collaberative project with me?

[NotDoingWork]

Good point... if a partner tried to get me to embarrass my sister in front of everybody, he might find himself being embarrassed. I don't care how harshly I can judge my sister, and she does the same to me, I would never humiliate her. I wouldn't try to get in between siblings either because they are gonna fight and usually make up and when you open your mouth to bad mouth the sibling that is going to stick in both their minds.

I am not too concerned with being embarrassed by calling her out, I am sure I won't be embarrassed and even if it does happen, i'll get over it quickly. I talked to her a few times about this and she says she will cool it but it doesn't last long. I take it as a big deal when one person is making all my other guest uncomfortable on multiple occasions. I rarely hang out and I don't like to deal with bullshit like this.

Also told another SEI a year ago to cut it out with the weird flirting and the touching of my gf and I. She got very upset and the relationship ended shortly after because she felt like we were being jerks when we just wanted our boundaries respected. Slowly she began to argue about silly things like motive via text message, asserting we were constantly criticizing her or something that wasn't happening, sounds like a negative anchor manifested after that event.

Unless within good reason, I don't want to be uncomfortable in my house especially after I pointed out the issue many times. I don't want to over generalize but the most people I meet here in NYC end up ruining friendships due to some weird issues like this. Even had a weird event where an LSE told my gf that he is sexually attracted to me, he doesn't tell me but my GF, what the fuck is going on. ESI flipped her shit of course.

For the people saying ESE instead of SEI, I have seen a few ESE's due really odd things when drunk, getting naked and running into a dresser, peeing on herself, leaving a bar and getting lost and calling our group crying when they are actually right across the street. Nothing weird when they are sober and they are usually much more receptive to making people uncomfortable due to their action and are more than often helpful. Haven't had any serious issues with ESE other than my mother being ESE .

[Reficulris]

We ILE's need that exessive flirting to finally understand SEI's want us!!


Actually, don't put her down, is she constantly shooting you down for being a uncurable "realist" (pessimist) and or "wet blanket"? IF yes, go ahead, you guys have issues. IF no; understand that she operates on different principles. If she's making the room uncomfortable, fuck the room

As EP i honestly never see it being justified to put someone down or judge in the way you're doing. I mean, why on earth do you care about being "uncomfortable" or the "uncomfortableness of a room" which is the result of some other persons behaviour? It makes no fucking sense to me... #hatinggammajudgmentals

((if she's really SEI she'd be good or at least proficient at judging the mood of the room, much better than you actually. I've not met many males who hated being flirted at so I just think it's in your perception and that of you ESI gf (who doesn't sound to awesome from alpha perspective...).


Edit: Gamma's and alpha's don't mix well... why not just skip the judging and accept that as a fact of life? Don't invite her when you feel sensitive. problem solved. There's a lot wrong with gamma's in general when seen from alpha perspective, we're not always rubbing that in your face either are we? (i'm not, usually, although i do mention that you guys terrify me quite often..hmmm)

[NotDoingWork]

We ILE's need that exessive flirting to finally understand SEI's want us!!


Actually, don't put her down, is she constantly shooting you down for being a uncurable "realist" (pessimist) and or "wet blanket"? IF yes, go ahead, you guys have issues. IF no; understand that she operates on different principles. If she's making the room uncomfortable, fuck the room

As EP i honestly never see it being justified to put someone down or judge in the way you're doing. I mean, why on earth do you care about being "uncomfortable" or the "uncomfortableness of a room" which is the result of some other persons behaviour? It makes no fucking sense to me... #hatinggammajudgmentals

((if she's really SEI she'd be good or at least proficient at judging the mood of the room, much better than you actually. I've not met many males who hated being flirted at so I just think it's in your perception and that of you ESI gf (who doesn't sound to awesome from alpha perspective...).


Edit: Gamma's and alpha's don't mix well... why not just skip the judging and accept that as a fact of life? Don't invite her when you feel sensitive. problem solved. There's a lot wrong with gamma's in general when seen from alpha perspective, we're not always rubbing that in your face either are we? (i'm not, usually, although i do mention that you guys terrify me quite often..hmmm)

I care because everyone is telling me this is some weird stuff going on and since I am present aand can verify there's some truth to this, I would like to avoid it.

If someone told me that I am making them uncomfortable, I would try to fix the issue. I lived in a house filled only with alphas and they didn't appreciate my lack of absenses from family events or my cold sarcasm. I tried to change all that and still try to make things better even after moving out.

Am I asking too much?

[Esaman]

I am not too concerned with being embarrassed by calling her out.

What some strangers are concerned about and are talking about is not you embarrassing yourself but you hurting your sister and your relationship with her by succeeding to publicly embarrass her.

Also told another SEI a year ago to cut it out with the weird flirting and the touching of my gf and I. She got very upset and the relationship ended shortly after because she felt like we were being jerks when we just wanted our boundaries respected. Slowly she began to argue about silly things like motive via text message, asserting we were constantly criticizing her or something that wasn't happening, sounds like a negative anchor manifested after that event.
I don't want to over generalize but the most people I meet here in NYC end up ruining friendships due to some weird issues like this.

So informed by that knowledge and experience you decide to start offensive over that with your sister, a relationship to whom you are unlikely to want to or get to just forget.

[Reficulris]

I care because everyone is telling me this is some weird stuff going on and since I am present aand can verify there's some truth to this, I would like to avoid it.

If someone told me that I am making them uncomfortable, I would try to fix the issue. I lived in a house filled only with alphas and they didn't appreciate my lack of absenses from family events or my cold sarcasm. I tried to change all that and still try to make things better even after moving out.

Am I asking too much?

Well...

The thing i've found is that it's impossible to make the "opposing quadra" happy. In the sense, that the things that my gamma family tries to do to make me "happy" are actually counter productive.

I think the idea of "you can't change her behaviour, but you can change your reaction to it" is what I think is most approperiate. If it really bugs you just don't invite her. Things like this are hard, I avoid certain people if i feel like they would annoy me and go to them when i'm in strength. Same is probably a good advice for you as well; it's probably not worth it to shun her completely, but avoid her when you're with people who you don't want to make uncomfortable and invite her when it's not that much of a problem. Because honestly, chances are she'll be like that even after all your attempts to change her so you'd better learn to tolerate it to some extend....

To answer more constructively to your question: yes, there is probably truth to it; from gamma pov alpha behaviour including their type of flirting can be extremely wierd/annoying/uncomfortable.

[NotDoingWork]

Well...

The thing i've found is that it's impossible to make the "opposing quadra" happy. In the sense, that the things that my gamma family tries to do to make me "happy" are actually counter productive.

I think the idea of "you can't change her behaviour, but you can change your reaction to it" is what I think is most approperiate. If it really bugs you just don't invite her. Things like this are hard, I avoid certain people if i feel like they would annoy me and go to them when i'm in strength. Same is probably a good advice for you as well; it's probably not worth it to shun her completely, but avoid her when you're with people who you don't want to make uncomfortable and invite her when it's not that much of a problem. Because honestly, chances are she'll be like that even after all your attempts to change her so you'd better learn to tolerate it to some extend....

To answer more constructively to your question: yes, there is probably truth to it; from gamma pov alpha behaviour including their type of flirting can be extremely wierd/annoying/uncomfortable.

I think we can find a good ground where both are happy but it won't be rainbows and butterflys. I hang with ILE and LII more than anyone else except for ESI(who I live with), even if i am at their home with their Alpha family members, its fine. I try to be polite, i compliment ESE's cooking which makes them really happy. Environment seems much more calm and warm than a typical gamma hangout, gammas are trolls especially SEE.

I am not trying to change SEI behavior long term or anything, just when in company with my friends, I prefer she cool it down a little. She has mentioned that she feels like people seem down but she is not realizing that is not the reality of whats going on and then overdoes it to the point where no one is comfortable talking and distancing themselves(moving to another couch or sitting in a chair).

About embarrassing her, this will only happen if she goes nuts like the last time we hanged out. She started touching people legs and such and i could tell my friend was like wtf is she doing LOL. It's hard to sit idle when these situations happen over and over again. No one mentions anything to her because its my sister and generally if I am the one to say something, it's not so bad. Also, most of my friends and ESI depend on me in situations when things can't be smoothed over, like complaining at restaurants, dealing with rude people, etc.. she also knows i have talked to my sister twice before and she doesn't want people to stop coming to our place and upset SEI by telling her not to come over because she will know that we are hanging out and SEI also lives 2 minutes away and is bored 99% of the time. SEI is having problems with finding a job and we are her go-to buddies that provide a place to hang and help her with almost anything. The problem is this is leading towards a similar situation which has happened with another SEI which i mentioned above and an SLE, where i have to stop them while they are in motion and point this shit out to get them to stop. It's not a evil plan by ESI or gamma bullshit to make her look like an idiot, more like a difficult situation that keeps happening over and over again and its reaching a breaking point.

[NotDoingWork]

What some strangers are concerned about and are talking about is not you embarrassing yourself but you hurting your sister and your relationship with her by succeeding to publicly embarrass her.


So informed by that knowledge and experience you decide to start offensive over that with your sister, a relationship to whom you are unlikely to want to or get to just forget.

I didn't do it yet and so haven't any of my friends because she is my sister. And being realistic here, it won't ruin her life, or our relationship and I think it's called for if it continues. It's not like I am going in the street and screaming at her in front of a crowd, embarrassing her via social media, making newspaper ads, and renting a blimp with a sign "my sister is an asssssshole". It's more like when it she acts weird, i will point it out and hopefully it doesn't escalate. I do understand SEI won't like this if people are around but i am sure people who are bothered by my sister will appreciate it.

SEI in the other situation wasn't family and being stupid about the situation. She could have just understood what we were saying and respected our space but she took it the wrong way. After sometime, she contacted ESI and ESI ignored her because she didn't expect her friend to start all this drama.

[Persephone]

Sounds like a lot of drama...
You need to figure out your priorities and act accordingly.
Besides, just my personal opinion that engages to nothing, I wouldn't have appreciated if my partner was breaking into my relationship with my brother.

[blackburry]

We ILE's need that exessive flirting to finally understand SEI's want us!!


Actually, don't put her down, is she constantly shooting you down for being a uncurable "realist" (pessimist) and or "wet blanket"? IF yes, go ahead, you guys have issues. IF no; understand that she operates on different principles. If she's making the room uncomfortable, fuck the room

As EP i honestly never see it being justified to put someone down or judge in the way you're doing. I mean, why on earth do you care about being "uncomfortable" or the "uncomfortableness of a room" which is the result of some other persons behaviour? It makes no fucking sense to me... #hatinggammajudgmentals

((if she's really SEI she'd be good or at least proficient at judging the mood of the room, much better than you actually. I've not met many males who hated being flirted at so I just think it's in your perception and that of you ESI gf (who doesn't sound to awesome from alpha perspective...).


Edit: Gamma's and alpha's don't mix well... why not just skip the judging and accept that as a fact of life? Don't invite her when you feel sensitive. problem solved. There's a lot wrong with gamma's in general when seen from alpha perspective, we're not always rubbing that in your face either are we? (i'm not, usually, although i do mention that you guys terrify me quite often..hmmm)

erm. but you don't know that. he said people said they were uncomfortable. that she was making people uncomfortable.

whatevs dude. chillllllllllll. iz ok.

[Reficulris]

I think we can find a good ground where both are happy but it won't be rainbows and butterflys. I hang with ILE and LII more than anyone else except for ESI(who I live with), even if i am at their home with their Alpha family members, its fine. I try to be polite, i compliment ESE's cooking which makes them really happy. Environment seems much more calm and warm than a typical gamma hangout, gammas are trolls especially SEE.

I am not trying to change SEI behavior long term or anything, just when in company with my friends, I prefer she cool it down a little. She has mentioned that she feels like people seem down but she is not realizing that is not the reality of whats going on and then overdoes it to the point where no one is comfortable talking and distancing themselves(moving to another couch or sitting in a chair).

About embarrassing her, this will only happen if she goes nuts like the last time we hanged out. She started touching people legs and such and i could tell my friend was like wtf is she doing LOL. It's hard to sit idle when these situations happen over and over again. No one mentions anything to her because its my sister and generally if I am the one to say something, it's not so bad. Also, most of my friends and ESI depend on me in situations when things can't be smoothed over, like complaining at restaurants, dealing with rude people, etc.. she also knows i have talked to my sister twice before and she doesn't want people to stop coming to our place and upset SEI by telling her not to come over because she will know that we are hanging out and SEI also lives 2 minutes away and is bored 99% of the time. SEI is having problems with finding a job and we are her go-to buddies that provide a place to hang and help her with almost anything. The problem is this is leading towards a similar situation which has happened with another SEI which i mentioned above and an SLE, where i have to stop them while they are in motion and point this shit out to get them to stop. It's not a evil plan by ESI or gamma bullshit to make her look like an idiot, more like a difficult situation that keeps happening over and over again and its reaching a breaking point.

sounds good.

I've found that not all quadra members clash as hard as others. I mean, LIE and SEE are actually very easy for me to hang with. ESI I can handle in short bursts and I actually have quite a few I like (as in feel attracted too). But working together is a nono. ILI's are always annoyed at me and so they tend to make me annoyed too.

I think maybe you could explain socionics to her and agree with her that you have a signal when she's alphizing your gamma's. But I agree that probably a good modus operandi is more realistic than perfect fit.

Wait, I have a sollution, package your SEI sister and ship her to my house! I still need to get one for my collection of duals! (btw, don't ship her husband with, that might pose problems...).

erm. but you don't know that. he said people said they were uncomfortable. that she was making people uncomfortable.

whatevs dude. chillllllllllll. iz ok.

yesh.. i just mirrored his "SEI's are wierd" style to go after Gamma. Just mucking around ^^

[blackburry]

ILIs are generally annoyed with everyone and everything
(Looking@you,cpig) &sg.

Partypoopers.









For the record I am also a partypooper: I poop at parties.


[vid]http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gjwofYhUJEM[/vid]

[consentingadult]

...pretty sure LII friend was in love and boner was about rip through his pants...

LIIs with boners? Amazing, I learned something new today!

[lemontrees]

well regardless of type randomly touching people's legs on repeated occasions sounds a little weird and definitely boundary stepping. maybe she has emotional needs that are not being met... it's good that you've talked to her nicely about it- I guess if it keeps continuing despite these firm convos *and* you don't want to cut her off from you guys since you're her primary company during this period of time I guess you can cross your fingers and wait for things to maybe get better later? hopefully she'll start getting better when she has a job and feels like her life is more in order lol

sorry that's like not helpful at all. I think if you do feel personally put upon by the behavior it's okay to set boundaries with people- even family.

not sure about your general problems with SEI's, SLE's etc

[Reficulris]

well regardless of type randomly touching people's legs on repeated occasions sounds a little weird and definitely boundary stepping. maybe she has emotional needs that are not being met... it's good that you've talked to her nicely about it- I guess if it keeps continuing despite these firm convos *and* you don't want to cut her off from you guys since you're her primary company during this period of time I guess you can cross your fingers and wait for things to maybe get better later? hopefully she'll start getting better when she has a job and feels like her life is more in order lol

sorry that's like not helpful at all. I think if you do feel personally put upon by the behavior it's okay to set boundaries with people- even family.

not sure about your general problems with SEI's, SLE's etc

"emotional needs" *snickers* maybe her husband is doing something wrong?

[lemontrees]

"emotional needs" *snickers* maybe her husband is doing something wrong?

lol i didn't even realize she had a husband

[Persephone]

Makes me think of one of my former colleagues who is not SEI (probably ESI)..
She was often on business trips to promote the company and it gave her the possibility to tremendously flirt with every male customer on her way... and she fucked a lot of them as a result. The funniest thing was when she dumped one on Thursday to publicly rub another one on Friday. Such a heartbreaker.
She was living through a divorce and tried to boost her attractivenes that way. Her reputation was legendary among our customers
Some people need external confirmation of them being desired and it goes through an oversexualized attitude.

[Whoobie77]

Environment seems much more calm and warm than a typical gamma hangout, gammas are trolls especially SEE.

I swear to Christ, it's like my ESE mother's frequency is set to "Singing in the Rain" and mine is on Sonic Youth. I love her to death but...I don't get them at all.

My SEE best friend came over today and told me about how he's gunning for his boss' job and how he's going to rule the world. y o y did I ever mistake myself for alpha

[Whoobie77]

ILIs are generally annoyed with everyone and everything.

Attachment 3806

the dream job of ILIs everywar

[Reuben]

y o y did I ever mistake myself for alpha

Because Alphas are number one and that seems to be your quadra's ambition

[Whoobie77]

Because Alphas are number one and that seems to be your quadra's ambition

well played sir

[Skepsis]

LIIs with boners? Amazing, I learned something new today!

Where's my book? WHERE'S MY BOOK?!!!

Maybe I'll just sit here and no one will notice.

"Hey, are you coming with us?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a moment"

[lemontrees]

Where's my book? WHERE'S MY BOOK?!!!

Maybe I'll just sit here and no one will notice.

"Hey, are you coming with us?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a moment"

my true life experience tells me that such a scenario sounds highly plausible

[Reficulris]

Where's my book? WHERE'S MY BOOK?!!!

Maybe I'll just sit here and no one will notice.

"Hey, are you coming with us?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in a moment"

i can come up with multiple explanations for this lii's behavior;
1. The book is very boring and so will kill the boner
2. The book is hiding the boner badly (lii's have infrequent but huge boners)
3. The lii sqaushes his boner rrepeatedly between the pages of the book because he misunderstood the concept of "stimulation" to mean more is better.
4. He hopes that the book will attract an airheaded ese to him to violate with his macropenis

ne-out!

[Amber]

LIIs with boners? Amazing, I learned something new today!

One I know always categorizes people according to them very neatly: random boner, sapiosexual boner, involuntary boner in the club, dream boner, heart boner usw.

[lemontrees]

sapiosexual boner sounds awful

the mind and body shouldn't mix.

in fact: let's get rid of the body altogether.